Why is Parenting Important?
Second Formal Essay
Sara Ayaz
Seminar 126G
Teddy Chocos
Date: 03/30/13
Parenting is important to shape child’s emotional, social and intellectual development.
There are some aspects that can change a child’s behavior. If parenting is joyful then the
outcome will be a successful parent. We learn parenting style from our parents. They treated us
the way their parents thought them and in return they want to see us in the same form. Parenting
should be autonomous meaning children should be given less freedom so that they remain under
control. In contrary, if parents are of serious type then children may experience tough love and
hard time. Tough love can result into bad consequences; there could be lack of misunderstanding
between a child and a parent. For positive parenting, parents should be open to the children so
that they can communicate without any hesitation.
There are some parents who want their children to be like the same as them, while some
parents want their children to be as best as they can. Parents want their children to live a life,
which they could never live based on their past. If childcare is done with control and dominance
then there will be a nice behavioral pattern because the child sees their parents relationship and
learn from them. Lewis P. Johnson, an Indian, was raised in Harbor Springs. He grew up as an
American citizen. In his excerpt, “For My Indian Daughter”, he centers the topic on realization;
and care for his daughter. He finds his true identity when he thinks of her daughter to live a life
that she wants to live. Johnson contrasts about the dominance of Indians under White with what
he experienced in southern Indiana. He saw whites dressed as Indians; Johnson was embarrassed
to see others following their culture because he was transformed into a White. This is where he
realizes to provide some guidance to his daughter. He forgot his true identity of being an Indian,
which he doesn’t want to see in his children. Johnson writes while thinking of her daughter, “I
would like to prepare her for what’s to come, take her each step of the way saying, there’s a
place to avoid, here’s what I know about this, but much of what’s before her she must go through
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alone” (Pg. 34) He wants his daughter to make discovery by herself rather than a parent telling
her what to do. She can determine her own life path. Just like Johnson, there are parents who
want their children to stand up for themselves. Every story is different but parental heart is still
the same. Parents try to teach their children how to accept reality and fight for a better life.
In America, parenting is different. It’s too open and a lot of freedom is given to the
children. America is a country of freedom. That is why by the time children’s mature they think
of freedom all the time. They don’t care for their parents any more. For them freedom is
important. In this case, parents need to acquire their attention; if their child dreams about too
much freedom then it can give a negative effect on them. For example, in a family there is only a
single child with a mom and dad. Dad goes to work to earn a living for his little family and
mother also earned a certain degree and she goes to work to handle the office work. Question is
who is raising the child? Mostly, in America parents hire nanny’s to take care of their child. Now
if parents are out of home and nanny takes care of the child, the real mother is the nanny, not the
biological mother who spends her day in office and goes home only to sleep with her child. A
child during this growing age will probably think of her nanny as her real mother. The outcome
will be no understanding of a mother or a father with the child. Nanny will be the one who would
be the real supporting parent. This should not be the case; to be a better parent consistency is
important. Consistency between what parents say and what they do is crucial because a child
always learn as they grow. And a child should definitely learn from his parents to better
understand.
Some parents don’t have control over their children that can turn a child into a devil. In a
scholastic journal, “Tough Love and Parenting” by Catherine Murombedzi, Catherine shares an
opinion about how parents should handle their children. She makes a point about children that if
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parents fulfill each wish of children then they might get spoil. Every parent wishes to provide
their kids the best they can which they weren’t able to have. Catherine saw a mother with her
daughter and she was crying because she wanted to buy everything on her way back. Catherine
told her mother that if her children did this she would treat them with a belt, not really just to
scare the child so that they could remain in control. Buying things do make a child happy but
originally they don’t care and they end up demanding while growing. The writer states, “parents
appear unable to exert any sort of control on the youngster” (Africa News Service) some parents
can’t see their children’s tear and they end up fulfill each wish of them which is why the children
who are spoiled now are because of their own outcome. Children learn to talk with, which is the
worst thing they could do. A parent influence on child is very important and they should mostly
focus on their educational needs. A parent should discipline their children instead of fulfilling
their demands.
Most often we see parents who want their child to do what they want. They want to
control over the children. This is disturbing because every person is unique and they have their
own dreams and hopes to live a life. Doing what their parents say will misguide them from the
correct path. Amy Tan, an American writer, in her essay, “Two Kinds” describes the motherdaughter relationship in depth. In this essay she talks about a mother and her relationship with
the daughter. Jing-Mei’s mother lost everything back in China. To give life a new change she
came to the US and tries to achieve everything that she once lost. She wanted Jing-Mei to be a
pianist. The only reason Jing-Mei’s mother wanted her to try was because she trusted her, she
wanted her to try, Tan mentions, “she never looked back with regret” (77) her mother was really
a strong women. After loosing her family, she didn’t end her life instead she stood up. Jing-Mei
was never interested in playing piano. Jing-Mei wanted to live life in her own way instead of
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following her mother’s style. She gets frustrated when her mother asks her to try, “why don’t you
like me the way I’m? I’m not a genius! I can’t play the piano” her mom reply was, “Only ask
you to be your best. For your sake” (80) it is understood that her mom was motivating Jing-Mei
to try it instead of being perfect. If it was me, I would try not to act the same way because I
respect my parent’s opinion. Whatever they say is definitely good for our future and us. If I
wanted to do something else then I could have done that as well. There is a culture difference in
Tan’s story, she was born in America so she wanted to be self-independent and her mother
wanted her to be something she desires. At the end of the essay, when Tan’s mother died, she
looked at the music notes when she practiced playing and this time she got the tuning because
those notes were the two halves of the same song. She missed her mother when she things of
how her mother use to put too much expectation on her but at the same time she missed her
mother’s love. Some families need to adjust in the environment. For parents, it is important that
they should be aware of how they impact their self-esteem and the behavior of their children
because parents are the first caretakers of their children. Children’s good life depends on
successful parenting and understanding.
In another essay, “Notes from a Son To His Father” by Russell C. Leong, who is an
academic editor, professor and a writer, illustrates what a father wanted his son to be. Leong’s
father was a cook and he use to cook all day, because this was his job. His father always covers
up his emotions inside. His son get a sense by looking at his father’s face that how tired he is by
working whole day but he never shows to his son. Leong’s essay shows that children need to
respect their parents. Parents are not going to hold the hands till the end. They need someone to
take care of them too. So just like Tan realized late, people shouldn’t settle for less. They must
try and act right away as Leong says, “a son must realize his peculiar tendency to be i.e. manly
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and so he searches” (41) Parents and children are the best bond. Family is all about love and it
happens when one agrees and acts upon their elders. Children are the process of learning new
things. Leong and his father never had a perfect bonding time with each other and so they hardly
understand each other, which is why Leong struggles in the father-son relationship.
It is important to remember that parents raise children after struggling whole day and
night. They work for their children, they cook, and they do every possible thing to make their
children happy. In return, children should treat them the same way. It’s like a recompense to
them. No matter how much Jeing-mei’s mother tried to force her to learn piano lessons she still
ended up understanding motherly love. Children need attention, which in Leong’s case he
couldn’t get but he realizes what his father did, was for his betterment. There should be a
balanced relationship between parents and children. Parents should enjoy their relationship with
children so that they can be comfortable and do the same in return. To be a successful parent,
parents should give their children a little attention and communication through which they can
learn how parents treated them and they will pass this onto their children and further generations.
Tough love can only mislead the children in pressure and stress throughout their life.
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Bibliography
Johnson, Lewis P. "For My Indian Daughter." Newsweek. 5 Sept. 1983.
Leong, Russell C. "Notes from a Son to His Father."
Tan, Amy. "Two Kinds." The Joy Luck Club. 1989.
“Tough Love and Parenting [opinion]." Africa News Service. 11 Mar. 2013. General Reference
Center GOLD. Web. 12 Mar. 2013.
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