Childhood Experience Affect Attitude of Kinship
Yu Huang
Seminar 126G
Prof. Teddy Chocos Dimitrakopoulos
Essay 2
November, 13, 2014
2
Some parents think giving the best material life for their child can satisfy their
children which is wrong, because they did not do research about what their child
really want. Without asking for child’s opinion, parents usually make the decision for
them is kind of disrespectful to child, and it causes misunderstanding. Especially for
those adults who have a hard childhood, it is important to communicate no matter the
age as a parent or a child. Therefor, communication is understanding each other’s
position of being a parent and a child, because child is not a doll who was bound to be
manipulate.
A good parent should consider his or her childhood experience, and give some
advises to their child in order to guide their child not to repeat the same hard
childhood again. A great example from Lewis P. Johnson, who worked on a study of
the Indian approaches to interpretive dreams, wrote a letter named “For My Indian
Daughter”. He mentioned a event that happened in his childhood when white people
plundered Indian’s properties. He was told by his mother that not to be noticed and
punished. He did not listen to his mother, and he got his “comeuppance” after he
joined into the U.S. Army. Base on the lesson he took, he understood that brave
sometimes can be bad for his own benefit. That was why when a fat white men who
interrupted their fun on the beach, he choose to avoid the possibility of fighting, and
protect his family from injury.
Johnson want to use these two stories that happened to him to educate her
daughter that she should be proud of her identity as an Indian, and learn how to
protect herself. After all, Johnson believed that “She must pass through pain and joy
3
and solitude and community to discover her own inner self that is unlike any other
and come through that passage to the place where she sees all people are one, and in
so seeing may live her life in a brighter future(Johnson, P26). It is not easy for a girl
to understand who she is, and protect herself. Johnson understood that, thus he took
the advantages of two stories to impress her daughter. He gave reasons why he
suggested her daughter to protect herself, and what would happened if she did not
listen to him as he did in his own childhood. Johnson is a great example that thought
in her daughter’s perspective, found a way to communicate with his children, and
gave her daughter a reason to understand the importance of protect herself.
Conversely, if there is no communication between those two generations, child
has choice to fight against his or her parents, and accomplished his or her willingness.
Amy Tan, a famous writer who grown as the identity of Chinese American, wrote
“Two Kinds”. Jing-mei Woo, the main character in the story, has the closed
personality and childhood background as Amy Tan. “Two Kinds” states the struggle
relationship between two generations which is Jing-mei Woo and her mother.
Jing-mei Woo’s mother believed that everyone can be successful in the United States,
and she focused Jing-mei played piano without asking for Jing-mei opinion about
becoming a prodigy. In the article, Jing-mei’s mother yelled at her “Only two kinds of
Daughters,” she shouted in Chinese. “Those who are obedient and those who follow
their own mind! Only one kind of daughter can live in this house. Obedient
daughter!”(P83) Jing-mei’s mother has constancy of purpose, and in the position of
being a dominator, she has the power to force her daughter to accomplish her goal
4
which was becoming a prodigy. Because she wanted Jing-mei to fulfill her goal of
success by playing piano, she was willing to cleaning others’ apartment as for return.
However, Jing-mei did not notice the efforts her mother did for her, for instance,
bought piano, clean other’s house in return of teaching her to play piano. The only
thing Jing-mei knew about was that her mother was so desired to let her have success
without a reason. As a parent for Jing-mei’s mother, she did not think as her
daughter’s position that how hard it will be for her daughter without a motivation to
try to play piano.
The unpleasantness was created by no communication between Jing-mei Woo and
her mother. During the time, Jing-mei learned how to play piano, she took the
advantage of her deaf teacher, and played piano with irregular rhythm. However, her
mother never notice this jugglery. Her mother neither took time to examine how
Jing-mei behaved when Jing-mei was studying play piano, nor listen to Jing-mei’s
aspirations that “I’m not going to play anymore,” I said nonchalantly. “Why should I?
I’m not a genius”(P84). Jing-mei’s mother was so quiet and said nothing, but using
her violent action to prove her insistence of letting her daughter become prodigy.
Jing-mei’s mother never paid attention to what her daughter felt like to be a doll who
only can keep silent and be manipulate by the dominator. However, in this kind of
circumstance, the most effective way to persuade her daughter is taking a sit and
talking to her daughter deeply about why she forces Jing-mei to playing piano, and
the benefit of being successful in order to give Jing-mei a motive to be a prodigy.
Another example of the relationship between dominator and submissive, is when
5
child is in a inferior position that has no power to against parents. Russell C. Leong, a
famous poetry and fiction writer expressed his feeling in“Notes From A Son To His
Father” about the cold relationship between his father and him. “My father’s hands
were always busy preparing food and papers...Yet I do not know the real strength of
my father’s arm. I have never been lifted on his hand, brought up to see any life
outside of my own”(P 95). This behavior gave Leong a thought that he was the doll
which his father did not like anymore, the matter thing was job. The thought was
caused by lacking of communication. In the perspective of Leong, he believed that his
father was capable of every work with his father’s strength arm but lift him. He was
desired to get attention and have physical contact with his father, however, his father
only care about his job. Because of lacking of communication, he could not feel the
blood relationship with his father and him.
With the hard time childhood with Leong’s father, he created a point of view that
what you learn from your childhood affects the way you treat your parents and
children. When Leong was in the middle age of having father and son, Leong thought
that “at a later age, when one is a little older, one begins to strike back against his
father with a vengeance, with a force akin to hatred or love, with the urge utterly to
destroy all images of men or seek all images of them wherever and whenever
possible”(P96). He was old enough to analyze his father’s behavior of treating him
coolly, and came to a possible verdict that his father might just love him so much that
worked hard for his grow environment. During the cool war with his father “I am just
standing there, cringing”(P95), Leong claim. He was so weak and powerless compare
6
to his father. He cannot strict back, and rebel, but the brave thing for him to do is stay
calm. As a submissive, Leong was in a poor situation.
Without communication with parents and son, for achieving the understanding of
kinship could take a long and complicated process. From extremely hatred of being a
son,that “There is nothing good about being a son”(P94), Leong became “Now I am
in the middle of it, sunk into it. With love to the father and to the son”(P96). As a
result of understanding father’s behaviors, he used his love as return to his father; and
also based on his childhood, he understood that a child’s life was not building at a
material life, but the emotional communication experiences.
Parents need to consider more about their child’s interests and feeling in order to
educate their children. In “Two Kinds”, and “Notes From A Son To His father”, the
authors described the struggle relationship between parents and child. As a adult to
Amy Tan and Russell C. Leong, they used their perspective of how their parents acted
when they were young. After they grown up, they finally obtained a conclusion that
they understood why Amy’s mother wanted her success, and Leong’s father treated
coolly. On the contrary, the article “For My Indian Daughter”, presented a different
style of treating child which is communicate with one another, and think in different
perspective. Because in different period of age and position in a family, it is hard to
understand others’ behavior, and for letting children understand you, is not to enforce
children, but communicate with them.
7
Works Cited
Johnson, Lewis P. “From My Indian Daughter”
Leong, Russell C. Notes From A Son To His Father. Web.Leong.
Tan, Amy. "Two Kinds." Web.Tan.