Jiwon Ryu
Seminar126G/ Professor T. Chocos
November 3, 2009
Regardless of race and periods, human is a social animal that needs
organizations and society, which they can feel themselves as free and safe. Family is a
cell unit to constitute all society, where also people are able to relieve their stress and
obtain sincere advises that makes individuals to be strong. With the all advises and
comfortable feeling will boost up people by getting a confidence and hope thus, a stable
family guide people to have a success life in the future and it is really important to build
one’s solid future for both mentally and emotionally.
Especially, for children, family is the first organization where children have to
learn a lot of social education and supports from their parents with parent’s
unconditional love and concern toward offspring because environment and influences
of family is the one of the most important conditions that matters the growth of their
lives. Depending on what type of family environment that children had, the conception
of self- consciousness could be totally different; depending on how strong their family is
connected and trust, the psychological spirit of children will be well developed in
positive ways. However, because of all human are different than others, the way that
expressing a love for children is various; although all parents love their children, they
have their own way to teach social educations and show their love toward their
children, which could lead to have a conflict between parent and children due to the
differences of thought and aspects between parent and children, thus, sometimes
children don’t understand how parents act to them due to the misunderstanding
between parents and children. Ami Tan, author of the book, “Two Kinds”, described the
parent’s endless affection and aspiration toward children that doesn’t effects good way
to a daughter thus eventually, the relationship between parent and children as a
daughter is became complicated. Similarly, Russell C. Leong also illustrates a complex
relationship between father and son in his book, called “Notes from a son to his father”,
as a result of misunderstanding between parent and children. More badly, the situation
is getting deeper after his father throws a knife to son. As two authors shows that,
having a weak relationship between parents will causes ample problem of instability
and confusion in children’s mental spirit and dysfunction to find self-confidence since
children will observe everything in a passive view. Moreover, having an erasable
memory on family will mystify children to live social life because they have been
exposed to a bad influence of family; children will be a distrustful people, which hamper
to have social activities with other people.
Like the main character’s mother in the “Two Kinds”, some parents put their
dreams on their children when their dreams and desire is no longer exist, which bring
an internal conflict between mother and daughter because daughter couldn’t handle the
high aspiration about her from her mother; daughter feel it like a burden. In Tan’s
reading, a daughter’s despairing feeling by suffering from her mother’s obsession is
described as “Before going to bed that night, I looked in the mirror above the bathroom
sink and when I saw only my face staring back- and that it would always be this
ordinary face- I began to cry. Such a sad, ugly girl! I made high-pitched noises like a
crazed animal, tying to scratch out the face in the mirror” (Tan, 79). Dealing with too
much expectation of her mother’s makes Jing-Mei, the main character in the article,
have a passive feeling that she didn’t like herself as a normal, which means her mother’s
obsessive desire works as negative way in daughter.
Actually, not only Jing-Mei’s mother has a high aspiration on her daughter, but
also those of people who are parents put their high expectation to the children and
always think about what is the best for their children thus, they strive to build their
children’s bright future. However, usually, daughters don’t realize the love and efforts
rather, they show nervousness toward their parents and disobey the parents because
they think parents are trying to control their lives and also believe that parents can’t
understand their situations. In fact, it is shown in the Tan’s reading, described as “I
won’t let her change me, I promised myself I won’t be what I’m not” (Tan, 79). By having
several sense of anger and losing her self-pride, because of her mother’s ambition on
her, Jing-mei realized that imitating and obeying mother’s orders without any
discontents is unfair and devilish; she feel that her life is trespassed by her mother and
she thought she is like a slave of her mother. This is an expression of taking a defiant
attitude against her mother, which means the relationship between her mother and her
is getting far away thus, a possibility to understand each other was become difficultly.
Not only, Jing-mei struggles with the complex relationship in her family, but also, Leong
didn’t have a good recollections of his father since, his father wasn’t provides wonderful
influences for his son. Although, Leong’s father is excellent cook, he probably didn’t
fulfill ardently as a father. “My father’s hands were always busy preparing food and
papers, writing and touching inanimate and ultimately useful things such as pencils and
knives”(Leong, 95). This quote describes his father was always busy with his job so
probably didn’t have a lot of time to spend with his son. Therefore, a relationship
between him and his father wasn’t good enough to having a close connection. Yet,
emotional conflicts and hatred in the relationship was not serious until Leong’s father
throws a knife into him. Even though, the happening is occurred by accident, to Leong,
it is really difficult to erase the horrible event especially, when children got a shock from
it. In this point, the horrible situation began; Leong increases a bitter feeling toward his
father and start to misunderstand and bear a grudge the father. With Leong’s all feeling
of revenges, he try to take an opposite way against his father.
“At a later age, when one is a little older, one begins to strike back against his
father with a vengeance” (Leong, 41). Usually, people who are like Leong, the hatred
against father shown in aggressive behavior or vengeances that makes the relationship
between father and son become more widen and widen so, it causes an alienation
family, which can’t even recover. However, ironically, the alienation family allows
individuals to be aware of the importance of family in later and regret their behavior
toward their family. “Now I am in the middle of it, sunk into it. With love to the father
and to the son”(Leong, 96). Even though Leong took actions against father with
vengeances and how badly his father commit mistakes, he realized later that he regrets
how he acted and also he wishes to know a true relationship between father and son by
having a good relationship between his father and son; Leong realized that having a true
relationship is important; his desire for good connection between father and son. In
addition, Amy Tan also describes the Jing-mei’s regret of misunderstanding her mother
as a result of lack of conversation saying that “I never found a way to ask her why she
had hoped for something so large that failure was inevitable… and even worse, I never
asked her what frightened me the most, why had she given up hope?”(Tan, 85). When
Jing-mei was young, she didn’t realize why mother tried to put high dream on her life.
But meantime, she didn’t ask even one question because she believes that her mother
just want to control her life. Later, she understands her mother’s purpose but it was too
late to fix since one is not longer anymore. In fact, many people might have same
situation as Jing-mei; people didn’t care about or think carefully about parent’s efforts
when they are young. However later, eventually they understand the love of parents. By
understanding the idea or purpose of parent love, people feel sorry for parents to being
a bad because they realizes all annoying scolding actually helps them to grow
successfully.
Then, what is the main problem that the both authors couldn’t have a strong
relationship between their parents? The answer is a misunderstanding between parents
and children as a result of lack of communication. Robert Hayden, author of “Those
Winter Sundays”, shows the problem of lacking communication by implying an internal
conflict between parent (father) and son. In the poem, although the father is trying to show
his love toward family, it is shown different way than what his son is expecting from his
father. Hence, son doesn’t realize his fathers’ love toward the family. There should be more
specific reasons that children are getting alienated with their parents but usually, this comes
from a lack of conversation, and not having enough time with parents.
Lack of communication usually acts as an obstruction, which hampers to connect
and have a mutual understanding between parents and children. Therefore, it is hard to
comprehend and respect their positions as parents or children. Having a full
understanding of different situation by thinking in other people’s views is the perfect
method to establish a firm family relationship. However, unfortunately in reality,
having an enough communication in family have been vanished due to the busy-going
society. Since people are so engaged with their works in the tireless society, people are
getting lose their emotions and connection with other people; nowadays, people are
becoming colder and individually. Therefore, naturally, full understanding in family
members, which is come from a close connection and communication, is merely seen in
present. Hence, family should have more time to spend with their members and make
them fully understand each other so that they don’t have to deal with internal conflict in
the family.
Bibliography
Hayden, Robert, Those Winter Sundays, 1962
Leong, Russell C., Notes From a Son To His Father
Tan, Amy, Two Kinds, excerpt from The Joy Luck Club, Atlantic, February 1989.