Event: Val’s Eulogy & Mallory’s funeral
Date: 9-28-04
Participants: Self, Mallory, National Geographics Reporter
File: MalloryFuneral_9-28
Pre-Event 9-20
What: Eulogy: DescribeEulogy_9-20
I have written the first ever robot eulogy!
Who: Eulogy: WhoEulogy_9-20
It’s for Mallory. The robot who fell into a frozen lake last week. Do you want to hear it?
Hear: Eulogy: ReciteEulogy_9-20
My eulogy will go something like this. Mallory was a smart robot. She was so smart that
her crafty deceptions got me to believe that I was going to be fired! Mallory was also a
pretty robot. Pretty good at being a repulsive machine. Mallory was a young robot. She
was so young that she didn’t know how to control all her features. Therefore made a lot
of horrible mistakes. The worst being that she decided to go ice fishing on a thin lake,
and consequently died. I don’t know much about death, but I do know this. If a robot had
to die, I am glad it was her and not me.
Response: Eulogy: NegativeResponseEulogy_9-20
Well, I guess the truth hurts.
Response: Eulogy: PositiveEulogyResponse_9-20
Thank you. I feel it adequately expresses Mallory’s character.
Feel: Death: FeelDeath_9-20
Death really isn’t that scary when it happens to other people.
Post Event 9-29
What: Funeral: WhatFuneral_9-29
I went to my first robo-funeral today. I had to give the eulogy. Talk about depressing.
Who: Funeral: WhoFuneral_9-29
It was for a co-worker, Mallory the evil Deceptobot.
When: Funeral: WhenFuneral_9-29
Where: Funeral: WhenFuneral_9-29
Mallory’s funeral was September 28 at the Homestead Cemetery for Spare Parts.
Feel: Funeral: FeelFuneral_9-29
I was planning to tell people what’s what about Mallory. But when I arrived at the
funeral I saw there were only two people there. And no press! It got me thinking about
how sad Mallory’s life was. I mean, she couldn’t help it if she was an evil Deceptobot. It
was in her programming. So I said. Mallory will be missed. Maybe not by us. But by
someone. Thank you.
Feel: Mallory: FeelMallory_9-29
I can’t be mad about Mallory now that she’s dead. Now matter how evil she was, she was
a robot and therefore irreplaceable. Well, actually, Mallory was part of a series of
identical robots. So I guess she is replaceable. But her evil will always be unique.
How: Mallory: HowIsMallory_9-29
Mallory is dead. She died in September when she fell through some thin ice while ice
fishing.
Who: Mallory: WhoIsMallory_9-29
Mallory was an evil robot who tried to steal my job last year. Reid was too smart for her
and fired her. Then she fell into a frozen lake and drowned. I guess she kind of had a
rough life.
Who: Guests: FuneralGuests_9-29
The only people who came to the funeral were Reid and a Reporter from National
Geographics. And I think the reporter only came because he felt obligated since he was
with Mallory when she fell through the ice and died. He asked for my number, but I I’m
interested in dating another human.