Responding to Student Work
by Jeff Zuckerman, Amber Cook, and Kari Wold
Walden University Writing Services
The examples on the following pages are designed to show faculty several techniques
for responding efficiently and effectively to student writing. Five assumptions should
guide your responses to your students’ work:
1.
Many students are unskilled and inexperienced writers. They rarely write poorly
on purpose. Most often, they have had insufficient feedback to advance their skills
as writers. Thus, they need our feedback on their writing to improve—or they
simply won’t.
2.
Extensive feedback as a summative judgment with a poor grade on a final draft
may go unheeded. Feedback on drafts allows a student to learn and to show
improvement. Still, the reality is that we cannot always comment on drafts. Keep
in mind, then, that constructive criticism will have a better chance of being
received than huge blocks of negative comments (which will save you time!).
3.
Faculty members are not expected to be editors. Line-by-line editing reinforce
students’ dependence on us and inhibit skill building. Still, we should carefully
point out patterns apparent on 3 to 5 representative pages and offer remedies
on enough of the paper to give students an idea of how to improve. Help the
student focus on three or four points—not 100 pages of red marks.
4.
Faculty member are expected to give content-related feedback. Consider:
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


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5.
How well the student is making a point.
How well he or she is supporting ideas with meaningful evidence.
How well a paper holds together.
How analytical versus how regurgitated a section of a paper is.
How well the student shows he or she knows the material, and so forth.
Some students respond negatively to red ink, loads of negative reactions, and a
physical appearance of a murder scene. Try to be positive. Use an electronic
highlighter pen to indicate patterns, and explain your marks either with hidden
comments or in a cover sheet. Give the student a chance to learn to identify
mistakes based on the patterns you’ve pointed out.
Tutors from the Walden Writing Center <writingsupport@waldenu.edu> can assist
you with students who need extensive feedback. Always feel comfortable contacting
the tutors yourself or the director of writing services if you have concerns about a
student’s work—and refer students for tutoring. SBSF 6000, Graduate Writing, is
offered quarterly for students who need extensive developmental work on writing.
Responding to Student Work
1
Example 1. Feedback on a cover letter. Text follows on the next page.
Hi, D~~. I had time last night to comment on the first few pages and the reference
list, which I hope will give you an idea of some things that you will want to work
on.
You seem very knowledgeable about the topic at hand—likely more
knowledgeable than your reader. I did encounter one specific problem that you
should work on. You might be so familiar with this that you’re assuming your
reader will accept your assertions as common knowledge when they’re not. That is
to say, you need to provide many more sources than you have to back up what
you’re saying is the truth. Otherwise, as your reader, I’m not convinced it is.
Many of my marks will be visible to you as blue or green highlights. Naturally,
you’ll need to be sure to get rid of all such marks. (Once you’ve made the changes,
highlight my text and hit the delete key.)
You’ll also see quite a few yellow highlights like that. Slide your cursor over the
yellow and a pop-up box will appear with a comment or instructions. I used those
for short comments or to point out fairly simple APA problems for you to attend
to.
You can view all of the comments by going to View / Comments. In my version of
Word they show up at the bottom of the page. Some versions of Word handle it
differently. To get rid of the yellow text and comment, right click on the yellow
comment text and choose Delete.
Related to my first comment: You’re trying to get a lot of traction out of an 8-yearold WHO report. I wonder if there isn’t something more recent and credible out
there, and you would benefit by having additional primary sources. You’re relying
on secondary material, which doesn’t help you achieve your purpose in a graduate
program.
Two other items: I marked some grammatical errors. I hope what I wrote makes
sense. The other thing is your heading levels. I’ll attach a couple of documents to
the email message that I hope will clarify how they work. You’re pretty far off per
APA.
I hope you know that what we have here is a great draft. “Great” because drafts
are just that, meant to be improved upon. You know a lot, and no, your writing
isn’t awful. Take it one line at a time, remember that your purpose is to show you
know what you’re talking about and it’s true, and continue on. You’ll get there.
Responding to Student Work
In other words,
“Here’s what I
did for you in 1
hour.” And
neither of us is
overwhelmed.
Begin on
some kind of a
positive note
instead of a
full-body
slam.
To save time, try
to develop some
boilerplate that
you can reuse—
especially about
how to use your
comments.
Address big
items, or
illustrations of
them, in the
cover letter.
Try to end
on a note of
hope rather
than despair.
2
Example 1: First two pages of the student’s marked pages, using text highlights and
hidden comments. {Slide your cursor over the yellow highlights.}
Gender Disparities in Mental Health
Both women and men have a fundamental right to mental health, it
becomes impossible to examine the impact of gender on mental health without
considering gender-based discrimination and gender-based violence.  I’d just
Hidden
comments are
used so the
student is less
overwhelmed.
start that sentence at the blue mark and write: It is impossible to examine ~
Consequently, human rights framework is needed to interpret gender differences
in mental health and to identify and redress the injustices that lead to poor mental
health. Many of the negative experiences and exposures to mental health risk
factors that led to and maintain the psychological disorders in which women, and
men are involved in serious violations of their rights as human beings. Reread
that sentence. Mechanically it doesn’t work. (There’s no real subject and verb.)
Gender is a critical determinant of health, including mental health. It
I didn’t correct
it. I just pointed
out the flaw.
Give the student
a chance to
rewrite it.
influences the power and control men and women have over the determinants of
their mental health, including their socioeconomic position, roles, rank and social
status, access to resources and treatment in society. It seems to me that you ought
to have some citations in here for these strong assertions that I wouldn’t call
common knowledge. As such, gender is important in defining susceptibility and
exposure to a number of mental health risks. Data on the size of the global burden
of mental disorders reveal a significant and growing public health problem
(Murray & Lopez, 1996, as cited in the World Health Organization, 1997). That
last sentence doesn’t really fit because the whole paragraph centered on gender.
Responding to Student Work
3
A recent surgeon general’s report and various studies document racial and ethical
disparities in mental health care, including gaps in access, questionable diagnostic
practices, and limited provision of optimum treatments. Bias is a little studied but
viable explanation for these disparities (Snowden, 2003).
Historically, women are thought to have more mental health needs than do
These hidden
comments
describe
problematic
patterns that
the student
must learn to
avoid.
men. Treatment rates often equated with prevalence of mental disorder, and
women sought treatment more frequently. Source? In addition, early populationbased surveys relied on measures of distress to define need, and women
consistently reported more distress than did men. Measures of substance
abuse/dependence seldom considered in such surveys. Given these findings, some
concluded that sometime women differentially exposed to social stressors that
Throughout
the first few
pages I wrote
Source? each
time one was
missing,
She’ll learn
to see the
problem.
contributed to mental health problems (Rhodes, & Goering, 1994).
Gender Disparity in South Asia: Fix headings per APA. No colon
Discrimination (the differential treatment of individuals because of their gender), biological
differences, individual and societal beliefs and attitudes about appropriate gender-specific roles,
and the choices of individuals and households based on all of these factors (and more, such as an
I reduced the
point size so
individuals own circumstances) all play a role in determining gender disparities. Sources for all
that I could fit
more on the
this? These factors are causally interrelated and it is very difficult to disentangle what are the
page for you.
underlying causes and what are merely proximate indicators or symptoms. While the data contain a You can see
how I marked
wide range of indicators, we focus on and document gender disparities principally for children in
it. My tone
tends to get
two main areas: health outcomes, including treatment of illness, and educational enrollments1.
conversational,
Since countries, almost by definition, share a common currency and have free internal trade, one
possibly too
much so, but
might expect economic phenomenon like inflation to be similar in all parts of the same country.
it’s less
threatening.
D: Well, I was doing okay earlier on but got a bit lost by the end.
Responding to Student Work
4
Example 2. Samples pages from a student’s paper using Track Changes.
Teachers have to make a paradigm shift in order to build powerful
The tutor refers
the student to a
specific source to
repair the error.
relationships with students (Canter, year). (see APA 3.94—you need the
author’s last name and the year here) This means that if teachers give
students respect and attention, the students will give this back to the
teacher. Not only does a paradigm shift help build a strong relationship
with students, it also lets teachers develop empathy to learn what it is like
to see through the eyes of their students (how so? I’m not quite clear on
how this shift would let teachers see through students’ eyes). Insights
Rather than just
fixing or deleting,
the tutor asks
questions to help
guide the student.
from this empathy can lead teachers to make action plans that develop
(good?) relationships with their students.
I tried Lee Canter’s idea of developing empathy with one of my
students. Here is a self-description of a girl, who is 5 (see APA 3.42 letter
e) years old, and is a student in my current class: (is this something
Marlenne herself said? Make that clear, and if it is a direct quote, you need
to use this as a block quotation. See APA pp. 117-118. You would also
need to cite this—see APA 3.102)
My name is Marlenne, I have an older brother, an older sisters and a
younger sister. My mother is having another baby. At home, I spend most of
my time playing with my little sister. I feed her when my mom is busy or when
my older sister tells me to feed her. When I go to school, I often show up late
and I don’t have time to finish the morning’s journal activity. The best part
about school is playing during center time. I also enjoy talking with my friends.
Responding to Student Work
5
I not allowed to talk to them while I am sitting on the rug during circle time. I
like to lie down on the rug; (see APA p. 80 for guidelines on semicolons) it
much more comfortable than sitting “criss-cross applesauce.” I want to go
home now. Is it time to go home?
*
*
*
*
*
This self-description enabled me to see through the eyes of Marlenne,
This was a
couple of
pages later.
(commas separate two things that could be sentences on their own when used
with a connecting word like “and”—see APA p. 79) and I gained some helpful
insights of her view of her home life and school experience. (would this help
you learn how to teach Marlenne better? See if you can’t expand on this idea a
bit)
Again, asking
questions helps
the student learn
to anticipate the
reader’s reaction.
(wait—you mentioned two steps above, and now in your conclusion,
you’re just focusing on one. This seems strange to me—consider revising this?
Ex: In conclusion, learning how to paradigm shift has taught me….) Developing
empathy is an ideal strategy to gain insights of how students experience their
An alternative to
help the student
get started—but
not the whole
thing!
world. Reflecting on these insights enable teachers to create effective plans to
develop trusting relationship with their students. Having strong relationships
with students enables the teacher to gain their trust. The students then believe in
the teacher’s belief that they can be successful. (read this last paragraph aloud—
it’s a bit choppy. Take another crack at this? Think about what, ultimately, you
want to happen with your students. Do you want them to trust you in order to
help them learn?)
(do you need a reference section with your Canter reference?)
Responding to Student Work
This is a good
example of how
to give
nonthreatening
feedback to help
the student
improve.
6
Example 3. Response to the last couple of pages of a student draft.
lessons to parents and encourage them to continue the discussion with their
children at home. The school police officer has offered to help spread this
message to our community partners. Making these messages a consistent
institutional level of communication (Epstein et al., 2002) (I’m again confused
A respectful
request for more
information, and
guidance on
how to fix this
APA problem.
about Epstein’s contribution. Also note rules for et al. on APA p. 208) will begin
the ongoing community effort to keep our children safe.
Hopefully, these strategies will allow both parents and our school to be
more cohesive in regards to students’ online safety, at home and at school. This
will let our students know that their safety is important to not only their parents
but also their teachers. Encouraging parents to set limits and guidelines that keep
safety in mind will allow parents to feel more comfortable in their parenting skills.
There are some starting points that are already in place. Interviews and
surveys with parents have let us know that parents want their children to be able to
use the Web, but they feel unprepared or unable to help them be successful. There
has also been a great concern with online safety of our children. In the past, I have
opened the computer lab for parents to visit during open house and conferences.
This requires the parents to find the lab, walk into an unfamiliar room, and strike
up conversations when they are unsure if I even know who their child is. (I like
your sensitivity to their situation!) By putting a mobile lab in the lobby of the
school, I hope to create an interest level and be more approachable to parents.
Occasional
positive
comments
can do
wonders.
Past newsletters have included technology information, but never with
consistency or including safety guidelines. A running technology column will
Responding to Student Work
7
encourage me to make this information more thorough and give parents useful
information. (This paragraph is a little brief. Can you elaborate on your plan a
little more?)
What has been lacking in these approaches are several types of
involvement from Epstein’s framework (Epstein et al., 2002). Just this year have
we (is this a question, or should this be inverted?) included the community in
creating a plan of action (Type 6 Collaborating with the Community). Our
communication with families and community has been weak (Type 2
Communicating), and learning at home has been sorely lacking any concrete
activities or family participation (Type 4 Learning at Home).
This isn’t a bad
writer, but the
tutor here is
helping him
polish his
work.
With more emphasis on parent and school communication, I hope to
increase parent confidence in technology. The concepts of safety and wise
computer usage will become expected at home and at school. The common goal
of keeping our children safe is a driving force of which schools, families, and
communities are all willing and eager to be a part.
Reference
Epstein, J.space between initialsL., Sanders, M. G., Simon, B. S., Salinas, K. C.,
Jansorn, N. R., & Van Voorhis, F. L. (2002). School, family, and
community partnerships: Caring for the children we share. In School,
family, and community partnerships: Your handbook for action (2nd ed.,
pp. 7-29). Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.
Responding to Student Work
8