1 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Literacy Plus unit My character In this unit, pupils compose their own personal web page* and invent and describe a character for a comic book or an animated film or TV series. In doing so they build their sentence writing skills. There are many opportunities planned into the lessons – particularly in plenary sessions – for pupils to learn through talk and to practise their speaking and listening skills. *Essential to see teachers’ notes on personal web pages. The teachers’ notes follow the lesson plans. Literacy Plus W1 My character Improving writing: sentences Relevant to: Functional English level 1 Writing L1.3 Write documents to communicate information, ideas and opinions using formats and styles suitable for their audience and purpose Writing assessment focuses AF1, AF2, AF5 Framework strands Unit objectives 7.2 Using and adapting the conventions and forms of texts on paper and on screen 8.2 Varying sentences and punctuation for clarity and effect 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 draw on the conventions of written forms to plan writing and develop ideas to fit a specific task use punctuation accurately to clarify meaning and create effects in clauses, sentences and when writing speech vary sentence length and structure in order to provide appropriate detail, make clear the relationship between ideas, and create effects according to task, purpose and reader Possible pupil targets 1. Plan and organise my writing so that my reader will be able to follow it easily from beginning to end 1. Join my ideas in sentences using other connectives as well as and, but, then, so 2. Add detail and interest to my sentences by the words I use 3. Use complex sentences in my writing with a wider range of connectives 4. Use adjectives and adverbial words and phrases to add detail, interest and variety to my writing 5. Vary my sentences in length and structure 6. Use commas correctly in long sentences © Crown copyright 2009 2 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Overview of lessons Lesson 1 Introduce the theme of the unit and its objectives 2 Types of sentences Simple sentences Identify conventions of web page writing Compound sentences Collecting ideas for My page Activities on connectives and complex sentences Starter activity on connectives Target setting Drafting My page Activities on varying sentences Redrafting web page applying sentence variation Starter activity on varying sentences Introduce work on My character Activity on sentence variation Collecting ideas for My character writing Drafting My character 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Activity on use of commas Applying new knowledge (commas, sentence variation) to redraft of writing Starter activity: varying sentences and commas Complete My character writing task – final draft Share, publish, reflect, assess 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 3 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Lesson 1 My character Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes Engage pupils’ interest in the unit topic Ensure pupils understand unit learning objectives What’s a sentence? Use resource W1.1 or slide W1.1 for this activity. Ask pupils, working in pairs, to decide which are sentences and which are not. They must discover three features that are required for a group of words to be a sentence. Lead a brief discussion of pupils’ ideas then list: starts with capital letter, ends with full stop or equivalent, makes sense on its own. Main 40 minutes Introduction Explain that this unit will teach pupils some important skills of sentence writing and that they will use these skills to produce two things: a personal web page and a cartoon character for a comic book story or animated film. Show examples of personal web page (use slide W1.2 or own example) and comic book/animated film character (use slides W1.3, 1.4 or own examples). Allow paired discussion, then questions. Introduce and explain the unit objectives, explaining while they are producing their own work they will be learning to improve their sentence writing. Better sentences will make their work more interesting. Using resource W1.2, ask pupils to note down what they already know about personal web pages and about aspects of sentences. Development Independent Independent workers complete W1.2. Guided With teaching assistant (TA), work on the same task with groups of pupils who require more support. Individual support Probably not required this lesson. Plenary 10 minutes Hear some feedback from individual pupils based on W1.2. Invite reflections on what sentences are. Ask pupils to discuss in pairs how sentences could make a difference to their work in the unit and let some pupils share their ideas on this. Resources: Interactive whiteboard (IWB)/flipchart; resources W1.1, W1.2, slides W1.1, W1.2, W1.3, W1.4. Suggested focus words: capital letter, equivalent, cartoon, animated film; personal 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 4 of 21 Lesson 2 Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes Main 40 minutes The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Unit title: My character To revise the distinguishing features of a sentence To understand how punctuation affects meaning To identify the main types of sentences – questions, statements and commands – and to learn how to punctuate them correctly To understand the concept of simple sentences Remind pupils of the sentences and non-sentences used in the previous lesson. Ask pupils to identify the three common features that apply to sentences. Write sentence It’s not there on the board or use slide W1.5. Show pupils how by changing intonation the sentence can be a statement, an exclamation or a question. In pairs pupils work out their own example of a similar sentence and a few perform them for the class. Explain how, in writing, punctuation marks have to signal the intonation. Introduction 1. Talk briefly about the different purpose of statements, questions and exclamations and ensure the class knows the punctuation marks that should be used at the end of each. Independent activity 1. 2. Using slide 1.1B or by writing on whiteboard, show pupils a number of simple sentences and explain briefly what simple sentences are. (See teachers’ notes on simple sentences if required.) Independent activity 2. Development Independent Activity 1. Ask pupils in pairs to look at resource W1.3 or slides 1.6A/B. Allow five minutes for them to decide which of the sentences are questions, commands or statements and make up one example of each sentence type themselves. Plenary 10 minutes Activity 2. Ask pupils to write three simple sentences they could use to introduce themselves on their web page. Guided TA supports one group of the least able writers to ensure understanding and completion of the two tasks. Individual support Probably not required this lesson. Ask pupils to look at the examples of writing using simple sentences on resource W1.4 or slides W1.7A–D. Ask pupils to talk in pairs about good features of simple sentences and less good features. After a few minutes widen the discussion. Record the outcomes of the discussion which should include: positive clarity of simple sentences (easy to read/understand) high impact (emphasis, suspense) negative too many simple sentences can make writing dull and repetitive. Resources: IWB/flipchart; resources W1.3, W1.4, slides W1.1B, W1.5, W1.6A/B, W1.7A–D. Suggested focus words: Punctuate, intonation, statement, exclamation, question Simple sentence, command 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 5 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Lesson 3 Unit title: My character Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes To identify the conventions of writing a personal web page To understand how simple sentences can be joined using and, but, or Ask pupils to work in pairs. In five minutes they must write three facts about themselves using three simple sentences. Next they swap with their partner, read the sentences and check whether they are correct, simple sentences. Main 40 minutes Part 1 15 minutes Part 2 25 minutes Lead a brief class discussion of outcomes. Introduction 1. Explain and demonstrate (e.g. slide W1.8) how simple sentences can be joined using and, but, or to make compound sentences (see teachers’ notes if required). Ask pupils to use these words to join the sentences they wrote about themselves in the starter. Independent activity 1. 2. Using resource W1.5, slide W1.9 or similar, discuss with the class the features of writing on personal web pages. Demonstrate how to annotate features (slides W1.10A/B). Record the key points for future reference. (Refer to teachers’ notes re features if required.) Independent activity 2. Development Independent Activity 1 Pupils use and, but, or to join their personal fact sentences. Activity 2 Pupils read resources W1.6, slides W1.11A–C or similar. In pairs, they annotate the sheets highlighting features of the writing. Guided The TA works with target groups of pupils to ensure effective completion of Activities 1 and 2. Individual support If required, TA can work with one or two individuals who need support with reading the material independently. Plenary 10 minutes Select pupils to share the outcomes of their independent work. One or two can read out their personal facts sentences that they have joined and say what difference it has made. One or two can share how they have annotated the web pages to show the features. Resources: IWB/flipchart; resources W1.5, W1.6, slides W1.8, W1.9, W1.10A/B, W1.11A–C. Suggested focus words: Simple sentence, compound sentence, annotate, feature 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 6 of 21 Lesson 4 Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes Main 40 minutes Part 1 20 minutes Part 2 20 minutes The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Unit title: My character To collect ideas for personal web pages To understand the process of using connectives to make complex sentences Use resource W1.7 or slide W1.12. In pairs, one pupil takes simple sentences with even numbers and one with odd. Taking it in turns to start they must join their sentences using the three connectives at the top of the sheet. Invite some pupils to say their sentences to the class. Draw out that they have made compound sentences. Introduction 1. Explain and demonstrate (e.g. slide W1.13) how complex sentences can be made using conjunctions such as because, although, when, before, after, that (see teachers’ notes if required). Ask pupils to do Independent activity 1 using resource W1.8. 2. Using resource W1.9 or similar, pupils collect ideas for their own web pages. Development Independent Activity 1 Pupils write their sentences and check with a partner that they are complex sentences. In pairs they highlight the clauses using one colour for main clause and one for subordinate clause. Activity 2 Pupils collect ideas for their personal web pages. Use resource W1.9 or similar. Guided The TA works with target groups of pupils to ensure effective completion of Activities 1 and 2. Individual support If required, TA can work with one or two individuals who need support with generating ideas for their web page. Plenary 10 minutes Give pupils in their pairs a few minutes to reflect on what they have learned about complex sentences. Ask for contributions. Use questions such as: How are complex sentences different from simple sentences? Why would you write complex sentences instead of simple sentences? Resources: IWB/flipchart; resources W1.7, W1.8, W1.9, slides W1.12, W1.13. Suggested focus words: Connective, conjunction 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 7 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Lesson 5 Unit title: My character Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes To set writing targets To draft a personal web page using a range of sentences Use slide W1.14 to show pupils the first few lines of ‘This is the house that Jack built’ or use resource W1.10. Explain the clause structure. In pairs, ask pupils to continue the alphabet sequence version of the poem as shown on resource W1.10. After a short while, share the outcomes. Introduction Tell pupils that they are going to draft their personal web page in this lesson using the ideas they have collected. Explain that as they are working you and the TA are going to come around and set them individual targets related to how they use sentences. Choose the targets from this unit (see above) that are most appropriate for each pupil. Main 40 minutes Development Independent Ask pupils to work on their web pages using the ideas they put on to the worksheet last lesson (W1.9). Guided Individual support With TA, set targets with individual pupils. Plenary 10 minutes Select pupils to read out their web page draft and comment on their sentences, or, if possible, ask some pupils to show their work on screen and encourage other pupils to comment on the sentences. Resources: IWB/flipchart; resources W1.9, W1.10, slide W1.14. Suggested focus words: Alphabet, clause, structure, draft, target 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 8 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Lesson 6 Unit title: My character Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes To understand how sentences can be varied To complete personal web pages Use resource W1.11 or slide W1.15. Demonstrate the ‘Build a brother’ game, and ask pupils to work in pairs to complete it. In a mini plenary, reflect on the sentences in the answers identifying the conjunctions, main clauses and subordinate clauses. Introduction Use slide W1.16 or similar to demonstrate how sentences can be varied by changing the order of the clauses or by embedding a subordinate clause. See teachers’ notes if required. Main 40 minutes Development Independent Activity 1 Using resource W1.12, ask pupils to work in pairs to liven up the writing by changing the order of the clauses in some of the sentences. Activity 2 Pupils complete their personal web pages, possibly redrafting some sentences by changing the order of the clauses. Guided The TA works with target groups of pupils to ensure effective completion of Activities 1 and 2. Individual support If required, TA can work with one or two individuals who need support with completion of their writing. Plenary 10 minutes In pairs, encourage pupils to reflect on their web pages and review together whether they have met their targets. After five minutes, ask several pairs to share their reflections with the class. Resources: IWB/flipchart; resources W1.11, W1.12, slides W1.15, W1.16. Suggested focus words: Main clause, subordinate clause, embed 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 9 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Lesson 7 Unit title: My character Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes To introduce the My character writing task To embed the idea of sentence variation Play the human sentence game. Give a group of pupils some clauses written on large sheets of paper together with some punctuation marks. See resource W1.13 for ideas. They stand at the front of the class holding their sheets up and other pupils instruct them to stand in a given order. When they have made a sentence they are asked to move to make the sentence in another way. Ask the class to reflect on the difference in the sentences and how the impact they might have could change. Introduction Introduce to the pupils the idea that they are going to invent a character for either a comic book or an animated film. In order to get a publisher or film producer interested in the idea they will have to write a description of the character (and they can draw it too if they wish). Use a video clip from, for example The Simpsons to model how you might justify why you like a character because of things they say and do. Ask pupils to talk in pairs in the same way about their favourite characters from animation or comic books for a few minutes and take feedback. Make sure the discussion leads to the conclusion that these characters have an appearance and other characteristics (e.g. super heroes with special powers) that define them so a description will not just be about what they look like. Development Independent Activity 1 Ask pupils to use resource W1.14 or similar to make notes on the appearance and other characteristics of their own favourite character from comics or animation. Main 40 minutes Part 1 25 minutes Part 2 15 minutes Activity 2 Encourage pupils share their work with a partner, helping each other by suggesting additional details. Guided The TA works with target groups of pupils to ensure effective completion of Activities 1 and 2. Individual support If required, TA can work with one or two individuals who need support with using resource W1.14. Plenary 10 minutes Give pupils a few minutes to reflect on what makes characters in comics and animations different from real people. Ask several pupils to talk about the characters they have written about. Resources: Interactive whiteboard (IWB)/flipchart; resources W1.13, W1.14. Suggested focus words: Vary, impact, publisher, film producer, character, characteristic 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 10 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Lesson 8 Unit title: My character Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes To gather ideas for the My character writing task To practice varying sentences Ask pupils in pairs to rewrite a sentence in two different ways. For example: I do my homework when I get in from school so that I can watch TV later. Becomes: When I get in from school, I do my homework so that I can watch TV later. So that I can watch TV later, I do my homework when I get in from school. Lead a brief discussion on the difference it makes. Introduction Using resource W1.15 or similar, model for pupils how you would make improvements to the passage by changing the sentences. Model the first paragraph, do the second as a shared writing exercise, ask pupils to do the third paragraph independently as in Activity 1 below. Main 40 minutes Revisit resource W1.14 from the previous lesson. Ask pupils to use another copy of the same resource to gather ideas for their own comic book or animated character (Activity 2). Development Independent Activity 1 Pupils use resource W1.15 and rewrite the last paragraph by varying the sentences. Activity 2 Pupils gather their ideas for writing using sheet W1.14 or similar. Guided The TA works with target groups of pupils to ensure effective completion of Activities 1 and 2. Individual support If required, TA can work with one or two individuals who need support with using resource W1.14. Plenary 10 minutes Give pupils five minutes to discuss in pairs the importance of varying sentences and make a note of the key points they have learned. Pairs of pupils share ideas with full group and discuss. Resources: Interactive whiteboard (IWB)/flipchart; resources W1.14, W1.15. Suggested focus words: Sentence variation, vary 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 11 of 21 Lesson 9 Lesson objectives The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Unit title: My character To write first draft of My character To model conscious use of sentence variation Starter No starter in this lesson Main 50 minutes Introduction Using slides W1.17A/B and resource W1.16 or similar material of your own, model how you would begin to write about your character. Start using simple repetitive sentences as in (a). With luck the pupils will point out your error. Redraft as in (b) engaging the pupils in shared writing as you proceed. Ask pupils to begin a first draft of their writing. Development Independent Pupils work independently on writing about their characters. Guided The TA works for 20 minutes with a target group of pupils who find it difficult to start a piece of writing. Individual support Following the guided work, the TA works with an individual pupil who is struggling. Plenary 10 minutes Select one or two pupils to talk about the writing they have done so far. Ask them to comment on how they have thought about sentences. Resources: IWB/flipchart; resource W1.16, slides W1.17A/B. Suggested focus words: Repetitive, first draft, redraft 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 12 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Lesson 10 Unit title: My character Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes To learn about the use of commas in complex sentences Pupils to apply this knowledge to their own writing Ask pupils to look at this sentence. After they left Peter John and Matt ran on their backs bent became still at top speed the leaders of the race and went on to win. Ask them to work in pairs to make the sentence easier to understand by putting in commas. For example: After they left Peter, John and Matt ran on, their backs bent, became, still at top speed, the leaders of the race, and went on to win. Complete the session with the reflection that commas in longer sentences help make the meaning clear to the reader. Introduction Using resource W1.17, slide W1.18A/B or similar, explain to pupils the use of commas in long sentences. Next, use resource W1.18 to model adding commas into a passage of writing (paragraph 1), use paragraph 2 for pupils to try in a shared writing context and paragraph 3 for pupils to do independently. See teachers’ notes if required. Development Independent Activity 1 Pupils place commas in paragraph 3 of the passage from resource W1.18. Main 40 minutes Activity 2 Pupils work in pairs to ensure correct placement of commas in their own first draft of My character writing. Guided The TA works for 20 minutes with a target group of pupils who find it difficult to start a piece of writing. Individual support Following the guided work, the TA works with an individual pupil who is struggling. Plenary 10 minutes Select one or two pupils to talk about the writing they have done so far. Ask them to comment on how they have thought about sentences. Resources: IWB/flipchart; resources W1.17, W1.18, slides W1.18A/B. Suggested focus words: Comma, placement, 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 13 of 21 Lesson 11 Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes Main 40 minutes The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Unit title: My character Apply new skills in writing final draft of My character Using resource W1.19, pupils work in pairs to match examples to the rules for use of commas. Introduction Encourage pupils to complete final drafts of their writing about the comic book or animated film character. Development Independent Activity 1 Final draft writing. Activity 2 In pairs, pupils read and assess each other’s work. They look particularly for the achievement of curricular targets and the learning objectives for this unit. Guided During Activity 2, the TA supports one group of pupils who find it hard to work cooperatively with the peer-assessment task. Individual support During Activity 1, the TA works with two individual pupils who are struggling to complete their writing. Plenary 10 minutes During the lesson, circulate to gather information on the outcomes of the work. In the plenary, lead a whole-class discussion in which pupils are led to reflect on successful outcomes and what they have learned along the way. Resources: IWB/flipchart; resource W1.19. Suggested focus words: Assessment, punctuation rules 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 14 of 21 Lesson 12 Lesson objectives Starter 10 minutes Main 40 minutes The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Unit title: My character To share, publish, reflect on and assess writing and progress to targets No starter in this lesson. Introduction Explain to pupils that you want to spend about half the lesson giving time for some pupils to finish their work while others work on displaying their finished writing. In the second half the time will be spent with all the pupils sharing work and celebrating successful outcomes. Development Independent Activity 1 Completion of written work. Activity 2 Preparing work for display. Reading the work of other pupils. Activity 3 Pupils share and celebrate their work. Guided Individual support TA supports individuals with display of work. Plenary 10 minutes Activity to reflect on the unit targets and objectives and the extent to which they have been met. Resources: Suggested focus words: Display, celebrate 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 15 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus My character unit Teachers’ notes These notes are designed as background for the teacher. They are not designed for direct use with pupils. Personal web pages Many of your pupils will already have personal websites; Bebo is the site that is probably most popular with younger people. There are, however, risks associated with the use of these sites and this is why it is unlikely that your school network will allow access to them. The purpose of this unit is not to encourage pupils to set up their own personal web pages, but to build their writing skills. It is essential that you warn pupils that if they do set up a web page they should set it up so that they control who has access. What is a sentence? A sentence could be defined as: a group of words that tell you something a grammatical structure that begins with a capital letter and ends with a full stop a grammatical structure that must contain a main verb a group of words that stands on its own and makes sense a statement, question or a command. Major and minor sentences There are two forms of sentence: the major sentence and the minor sentence. The major sentence is by far the most common. Major sentences are what have been traditionally considered to be complete sentences and are found in many written texts, particularly formal ones. For example: I eat chips with my dinner. The central defender passed the ball back to the goalkeeper. These sentences contain elements that form common patterns of language. 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 16 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Minor sentences do not have a finite verb but are, nevertheless, deemed sentences. They make sense by themselves, but may be more context dependent than major sentences. For example: For sale. Bikes for hire! No hawkers. Foot and mouth! Overhead cables. ‘No!’ ‘Bye.’ ‘Going out?’ Such sentences are usually found on signs, as headings or in conversations or narratives. Sentence types There are four types of sentence. Statements or declarative sentences Most sentences are declarative which means their subject comes before the verb. They generally end with a full stop, but the punctuation can vary according to how they are used. For example: I am going shopping. You’re really going shopping this time? I can’t believe that you’re going shopping at this time of night! Interrogative sentences (questions) These seek information and look for answers. They usually end with a question mark. They can be classified into two types. 1.So-called ‘wh-’ questions which begin with an interrogative word like what, who, why or where. For example: Why does the tide ebb and flow? Where are the scissors? 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 17 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus Who is on duty? 2 Questions which usually seek a yes or no answer. These do not use an interrogative word, but show the subject coming after the first verb, which is an auxiliary, for example: It is raining. (statement) Is it raining? (question) If there is no auxiliary in the statement, then the dummy auxiliary do is introduced to form the question, for example: He likes cake. Does he like cake? Alternative interrogatives are like yes or no questions, but they contain alternative answers linked by or. For example: Was it a boy or a girl? Do you want tea or coffee? We sometimes ask questions by adding a small interrogative structure to the end of a declarative or imperative one. These are known as tag questions, for example: She is coming to the party, isn’t she? She lives next door, doesn’t she? Be careful, won’t you? Tag questions allow us to make very subtle contrasts in meaning by varying the choice between positive and negative and varying the intonation. Your name is Jack, isn’t it? Your name is Jack, is it? Be quiet, will you? Sit down, won’t you? Although phrased as questions, the last two may well carry the force of a command. . Exclamations or exclamatory sentences These start with what or how and express strong feelings, sometimes shock, horror or surprise. They generally end with an exclamation mark, for example: 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 18 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus What a terrible mess you’ve made of that! How I long to see her again! Commands or imperative sentences These generally convey instructions, for example: Go to your room, instantly! Strain the sauce carefully. Don’t do that! Please don’t do that. Simple, compound and complex sentences Defining sentences is tricky but for the purpose of teaching Literacy Plus target pupils these definitions will suffice: Simple sentence A sentence with one main clause only. In traditional grammar, a clause always has a verb. For example: I ran all the way to work. Compound sentence A sentence with two or more clauses linked by and, but, or. In compound sentences each clause could stand alone as a simple sentence. For example: I ran all the way to work and I ran all the way home. Complex sentence A sentence with two or more clauses. It has a main clause and one or more clauses (subordinate clauses) that are dependent on it and cannot stand alone. For example: I ran all the way to work because I wanted to get fit. Although I was tired, I ran all the way to work. In the examples the subordinate clause is highlighted. Conjunctions Conjunctions are a subset of connectives. 1. Conjunctions may link, for example, two nouns or adjectives: I ate fish and chips. The flag is red and green. 2. A conjunction may link clauses or parts of clauses within a sentence. 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 19 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus There are two ways in which this can be done: through coordination or subordination. Common coordinating conjunctions are and, but, or. These join (and are placed between) clauses of equal weight. For example: It was raining, but it wasn’t cold. They took a taxi and went to the station. Subordinating conjunctions such as when, while, before, after, since, until, if, because, although and that are placed at the beginning of a subordinate clause. Personal web page features Notes for resource W1.5 Typical text features About me My name is Voltz! Yes, that is my real name in case you were wondering. I come from Swindon. I’ve lived there all my life and, say what you like, I think it’s a great place. I still want to go travelling though because I want to see the world – particularly China because there are some really cool places there like the Great Wall. People say I’m lazy but hyperactive, clever but mad, fit but fat, happy but sad, and I say – Hey what do they know? I do school for a living but that can’t last forever can it? I like anything with wheels: cars, bikes, tractors, skateboards, roller blades. OK, I draw the line at lawnmowers, but you could 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 Simple sentences make a strong impact. Informal style – like speech. Use of contractions such as I’ve. Short paragraphs for different aspects. Complex sentence to add interest. List of adjectives or other words is common in web pages like this. Another list. Informal vocabulary such as OK. © Crown copyright 2009 20 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus take the engine out and then… I’ve got quite a few friends. Most of them go to my school and you can see a few photos of them further down. Horror show! But they are all great really. Attempts at humour. Model for redrafting story start Notes for resource W1.15 Note: The suggested commentary to use as you write is in italic script. The actual words to write are in normal font. The complete text is at the end, so you can see it as a whole. I am going to leave the first sentence as it is, as I want to be clear about the time, i.e. when the moon went down, so the reader knows I am talking about a particular time very late at night, almost at dawn. That makes it sound more scary because nobody would be around at that time. I need to keep the comma separating the subordinate clause from the main clause. When the moon went down, the garage door creaked open. I stood still, listening carefully. Something rustled in the darkness. I decided to begin with a main clause and then changed the subordinate clause with a conjunction to one without, to maintain pace and interest. I then used a simple sentence because I wanted the sound to stand alone: it makes it scary; the reader wants to know what it is. I now want to change when to a different conjunction because I’ve used it once. I think I’ll use as because I want to give the impression that I am seeing nothing at the same time as I am staring. I’ll leave the rest, as I am happy with it. As I stared, I could see nothing beyond the vague shapes of old boxes and cartons piled high. I haven’t used although before, so I’ll leave the next sentence as it is. I need to remember my comma again after the subordinate clause. Although it was warm in the doorway, there was a musty smell. Complete text When the moon went down, the garage door creaked open. 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009 21 of 21 The National Strategies Secondary Key Stage 3 Literacy Plus I stood still, listening carefully. Something rustled in the darkness. As I stared, I could see nothing beyond the vague shapes of old boxes and cartons piled high. Although it was warm in the doorway, there was a musty smell. Use of commas Notes for lesson 10 As soon as he was given the bone, (subclause comes first, so comma required to separate from main clause) Patch buried it. He always did this because he was frightened that next door’s dog, who’s a bit of a bruiser, (additional information which can be removed without affecting meaning) would steal it. However much we tried to stop him, (as first example) he always buried bones in the flowerbed. We tried to persuade him to use the bit of ground behind the compost heap, (comma to separate items in a list) the bare patch by the shed or the edge of the path, (comma before but) but he would have none of it. For some reason Patch also liked silver paper, (list: discuss what happens if a comma is placed between silver and paper and paper and bags) paper bags and bits of string. However, (comma to separate however from the rest of the sentence, as it is a connective operating between sentences. This is different to the use of however above, where it is used within the one sentence) he didn’t bury these, (comma before but as above) but preferred to pile them up in his bed. When Mum removed them, (comma to separate subclause from main clause) he sulked for days. He was never put off, (commas round connective that links across the sentence and round something that can be removed from the sentence) though. He just went round the house and garden looking for more. When our neighbour’s dog, called Charlie, (additional information in the sentence which can be taken out) came into our house, (to separate subclause from main clause) he lay down on our dog’s bed and ate a paper (discuss why a comma would be inappropriate here) bag and two bits of string. Our dog went mad, (list) growled at his enemy, barked loudly, (before but) but the neighbour’s dog just growled back. Mum chased Charlie out of the house, in the end, (additional information) with the sweeping brush. 00076-2009EPD-EN-01 © Crown copyright 2009