Love and Logic Conference 2/12/09 – 2/14/09
I.
Essential Strategies
A. Effective teachers spend most of their time on prevention and relationships
B. Rarely have to access their consequences
II.
Genetic Predisposition
A. Kids that “run” their home environment try the same at school
1. Threats and rewards (bribes) show that it is really important to
the adult to win.
2. It is equally important to this child not to cave.
III.
Threats and Warnings
A. Why they don’t work.
1. students can prepare themselves
2. it’s challenge to them personally (Threat Cycle)
a. Threats lead to loss of control.
b. Passive Aggressive behavior
c. Passive resistive behavior
d. Overt aggression
e. Malicious compliance “I will do it, but not your way”
f. Frustration to another threat
3. loopholes
4. home vs. school arguments are orchestrated
5. you have shown that you have lost control
6. creates fight or flight response
IV.
What are children looking for at school?
A. Basic interaction needs
1. Inclusion
2. Control
3. Affection
4. Competency
B. Kids are trying to protect their sense of self
1. When this is threatened they either act out or withdraw
2. Major drop out risks
C. Kids are trying to make sense of their world
1. Empathy for issues
V.
What are many teachers looking for?
A. Compliance
1. What you get when you enforce (punish)
a. Rules
b. Punishment (names on board, card systems, detention, call
parent). Would you do this to a teacher?? (card example)
Love and Logic Conference 2/12/09 – 2/14/09
c. Inconsistency
d. Complaints
e. Disharmony
2. What you get when you enable (reward)
a. Rules
b. Rewards (candy, stickers, free time, extra recess, free
homework, class money system, parties) When we reward
good kids do bad kids shape up??
c. Inconsistency
d. Complaints
e. Disharmony
3. Why change then?
a. Enforcement = change out of fear
b. Enabling = change because of the allure
c. Must get back to joy of learning and achievement
VI.
Teach the behaviors you want to see.
A. Model and build relationships
B. Empowering
1. Hand student the control
2. Relationship is key
3. Be consistent
4. Fewer complaints
5. Harmony
a. If we could change 50% of the teachers 20% of the time,
major change would happen in a couple of years!!!
b. Change is gradual, but powerful
VII.
Handling arguments
A. Go brain dead
1. Get the chip off your shoulder and discover the humor of
working with kids
2. One liners
3. One’s power comes from controlling oneself
4. Do not defend, negotiate, or reason with in this emotional state
VIII.
Short-term recovery (instead of in-school suspensions/counselor/etc.)
A. Another spot in your room
1. Not doing work or being counseled.
2. Basically ignored and left to deal
3. Get in touch with their “inner child”
B. Another room
1. Not doing work or being counseled.
2. Basically ignored and left to deal
3. Get in touch with their “inner child”
Love and Logic Conference 2/12/09 – 2/14/09
C. Area at school (principal’s chair or staffed room not in her office)
1. Not doing work or being counseled.
2. Basically ignored and left to deal
3. Get in touch with their “inner child”
D. At home
1. Only when they are not ready to learn
2. Must go through the other steps first
** “It’s time” – Remove the audience (line, office runner, neighboring teacher)
** Learn by doing or learn by “soaking it up”?
** We can’t control what kids will or will not do, we can change the relationship and
behavior on our end that may make the child want to change the behavior for you.
IX.
Delayed Consequences
Approaches to School Discipline
I.
Principles-Based Program
A. Establish a set of core principles for the school
1. Teachers can think and handle issues with a way that works best
for them as long as they adhere to the core principles.
B. Expectations are established (PBS)
C. Staff members are expected to enforce within the core principles.
D. The principal must enforce this school wide (evaluation)
** This can be tough at first because principles are vague. This approach forces all staff
members to think and, develop relationships, and taking the responsibility of how to
respond to students.
II.
Developing Core Beliefs or Principles
A. Love and Logic Core (basic) Principles
1. Maintain dignity of both teacher and student
2. Share control
3. Share the thinking
4. Empathy/Consequence formula when consequence is
necessary.
B. See pg. 26 of manual for exercise
C. Ways to Develop Core Beliefs
1. Staff meeting (random groups)
2. Hand out before finish at staff meeting
3. Start with generic core beliefs
4. Face to face
5. Write the beliefs three ways
a. For parents
i. In this school we will treat your student with
dignity at all times.
Love and Logic Conference 2/12/09 – 2/14/09
ii. See parent letter that explains the process
pg. 34
b. For teachers
i. In this classroom I will treat you with
dignity at all times.
c. For students
i. In this school I will treat others with dignity
at all times.
** You up the odds of parental support when you operate out of a set of Core
Beliefs.
D. Enforcing the core belief system
1. Professional Standards Incident Record (pg. 32)
a. Core Beliefs
b. Supervisor’s description of incident
i. Teacher can write their account separately
c. Explanation of how actions align with core beliefs
d. Staff writes what can be expected of themselves in
the future
e. If changes in performance require additional
training, what support do you expect from admin
f. Sign and date
III.
Hiring Staff
A. Use the core beliefs worksheet as a pre-screen activity
1. Questions about responses
2. Ask candidates to support with examples with 3 examples
of techniques they use to make those items happen
IV.
Discipline Plan
A. Spells out district policy
B. Spells out school expectations that support core beliefs
C. Indicates appropriate consequences for causing a problem
D. Has a section on due process
Love and Logic Tips:
1. Don’t give an overview to teachers. Share one technique and encourage
experimentation.
2. Require teachers to be present when you meet with the students for discipline
3. Don’t mandate anything.
4. Any interested employee should be trained.
5. When they say it’s not working, ask what skill was taught and how they did it?
6. Use sticky note for reminders on how to handle delayed consequences.
7. Help those not “on board” feel uncomfortable.
8. You give your best people your professional and emotional energy. You give the
others only your professional energy.
9. It all falls back to the core beliefs.
Love and Logic Conference 2/12/09 – 2/14/09
10. Expect 3-5 years for building wide implementation. Start with your best teachers
and let it evolve.
11. Use the letter format on pg. 34
12. Train playground staff to use delayed consequences. “Come walk with me”
strategies. No standing around or talking to other teachers or staff. All about
kids!
13. Give a symbol (flick the lights) when the cafeteria gets too loud. This is a sign to
start over not that anyone is in trouble. Rising volume in these situations is
normal.
14. Let kids into the building when they arrive instead of making them wait outside.
15. Use Essential Skill #9 with the very young and SPED.
16. Zero tolerance doesn’t work for those with a brain.
17. Do a great job yourself and let people become curious.
18. Have a parent training for kindergarten parents.
19. Size of campus makes no difference
20. People do not have to buy in, they only have to work under the core beliefs.
21. Negative teachers only need to explain how their actions are consistent with core
beliefs.
22. Remember that delivering instruction is only one part of the job.
23. Tardy Remedies
a. Do something important in the first five minutes that kids are being held
accountable for
b. No make-ups
c. Greet in the morning at the door every morning
24. Keep in mind the “dip of change”. It gets worse before better.
25. Treat kids (all kids) as being capable, until they prove they are not.
26. Have children with multiple versions of an incident write it down (or record it)
and come up with one story before you listen. Always wait until the kids are
calm.
27. District level infractions are the only ones that should have prescribed procedures.
28. There is no need for a student to admit wrongdoing when evidence is strong. (I
know you did ___________, so I will have to do something about it.)
29. When children explode or are disruptive in the classroom and refuse to work.
a. Ask the teacher what they did to get them to explode like that.
b. When dealing with the very young (Pre-K, K, 1st), get the behavior
and life in order before focusing on assignments.
c. Large groups of kids out of control, divide and conquer. Change location
and techniques (hallway example). If it continues move to recovery.
30. When removing a child that is refusing to leave,
31. Homework assistance
a. How did the teacher tell you to do it?
i. I don’t remember / I don’t know / He or She didn’t say!
1. How sad…I bet you’ll listen better tomorrow
2. Walk away….no help.
ii. If the student can tell you but still doesn’t know
1. Would you like to see how some people do it?
Love and Logic Conference 2/12/09 – 2/14/09
2. Walk away and let student work through once they get
going.
32. Hope for Underachieving Kids by Jim and Charles Fay
a. Point out something that is right twice a day and have them tell you how
they got there. If it doesn’t work, call Jim and he will give you $100
worth of merchandise out of his catalog.
b. Instead of having students correct wrong answers, have them tell you how
they did the ones they got correct. Have parents do this with work sent
home as well.
33. If it violates the law, it is NOT a school issue.
34. SPED kids still experience the consequences of their act. (Core beliefs)
35. Angry confrontational parent (always lead with empathy) then:
a. “Tell me more.” -- collect info. without judgment. “Is there anything I’ve
missed?”
b. “Let’s see if I’ve got it.” – repeat back word for word as best you can. Do
not paraphrase. “Is there anything I’ve missed?”
c. “Would you like to hear my thoughts?” – If no…go to step 1. If yes…step
4.
d. Problem solving. “Would you like to hear what other’s have tried?”
36. Send a registered letter that says “ We will be making decisions. We hope you
can be part of it.” To parents who will not come in for a conference.
37. Ask yourself the following questions when a parent refuses to be a part of the
child’s discipline:
a. Why should they?
b. Are they capable of it?
c. Will we be involved in the home discipline?
** Begin a parent call with, “I’ve got this situation, and I don’t want it to become a
problem for you.” See pg. 53 for pass it on interventions.
38. “There are some decisions that we just can’t delegate to parents”, when
emotionally unstable parent refuses to get to a resolution.
Basic Truths
1. Until the day we die, we will on a regular basis create problems
for ourselves and others.
2. Until the day we die others will, on a regular basis, throw their
problems at us.
3. Until the day we die, life will occasionally throw problems at us
and we will have little or no control over accepting them.
** You (and kids) need a sense of self to be able to handle these situations.
3 Components for Effectively Dealing With Bullying
1. Help bystanders make bullying “uncool”. How to report and not get sucked in.
Love and Logic Conference 2/12/09 – 2/14/09
2. Talk to “victims” about how to help themselves. Give themselves psychological
armor. Give them the skills to cope with it when it happens (because it will).
3. Work with the bully.