Emily W. Lee
SLS 614
Assignment 5: Revision
April 27, 2006
Revision Training Module developed by Emily Lee for the English Language Institute, University of Hawaii at Manoa
(also in fulfillment of Assignment 5 for SLS 614, Spring 2006)
Context:
Beginning college-level writing class for advanced proficiency multilingual learners. Activities are designed for a class that meets for 75 minutes each time, twice a week. Materials must be evaluated and adapted to specific student and teacher needs.
Prerequisites:
Students should have a good understanding of what freewriting means, why it is useful, as well as preliminary experience with doing freewrites in or outside of class.
Learning goals:
This module is intended to show students one possible process they can go through to create a piece of writing, with specific emphasis on content and structural revision throughout the process.
Upon finishing this module, students are not expected to have “perfected” the practice of revising and rewriting, but they should have a good understanding that revision at all levels is part of the writing process, and that becoming a “good writer” does not mean being able to type a complete essay requiring no changes—all in one sitting.
Background for the module (My Reflection):
This project was sparked by an article by Hu (2005), which emphasized the importance of the peer review process. Along with describing his success in training students to give feedback on one another’s work, Hu recommended further exploration of revision training. The activities in this module reflect my own exploration of this subject.
A common theme found by researchers on revision is that while less experienced writers tend to make surface-level changes, more experienced writers understand that revision at the discourse level is just as important, if not more so, to the overall improvement of text (Berg,
1999). Porte (1996) points out that the dominance of surface-level changes in beginning-level revisions may be due to instructional emphasis on accuracy (p. 114). Focus on accuracy is pervasive in ESL and EFL, both in oral and in written instruction, and from my own experience, students’ persistent requests for grammar correction are a direct result of this type of instruction.

Emily W. Lee
SLS 614
Assignment 5: Revision
April 27, 2006
To counter overemphasis purely on grammar in writing instruction, and to promote a more encompassing view of what revision means, this module seeks to show students the importance of higher level revisions.
On-line (Gilford, 1996; Writing Center, 2006) and print manuals (Spack, 1998; Maimon,
2003) about writing provide useful reference information on revision, ranging from specific questions students can ask themselves while revising, to general “strategies” such as knowing that revision involves adding, cutting, replacing, and moving material around (Writing Center,
2006). While these sources describe the process of revision, they do not demonstrate how to revise. In ELI 100, I often emphasize to my students the importance of showing versus telling; I have sought to show rather than tell students how they should think about revision in developing this module. This has not been an easy task because of the previously noted absence of such material.
Studies on revision have also pointed to lack of instruction about how to “do” revision
(Porte, 1997, p. 72). This could be due partially to the complex nature of revision. As noted by
Dr. Ortega in class, she often wonders whether specific, isolated instruction on summarizing, paraphrasing, and quoting really shows students the real process of experienced writers doing research. In the same way, revision is so engrained in the writing process that it is difficult to reduce it to elementary steps. And if we did, would it be truly representative of the cyclical nature of writing, rewriting, and revising?
An underlying belief for this module is that students will not be able to know how to revise until they do it; no amount of description could replace actual experience with the process.
The following activities are designed to force students to revise, and to reward them for the revision they do. It is important to keep in mind how we as teachers respond to a piece of writing

Emily W. Lee
SLS 614
Assignment 5: Revision
April 27, 2006 when higher level revision is to be valued, because for many the automatic reaction is to correct grammar, from our own years of training as students. As one teacher rightly notes, “If, when I assign multiple drafts of an essay, I really want them to focus on their ideas and their organizational patterns rather than on spelling, then I need to comment on their ideas and their organizational patterns rather than on their spelling, and I need to reward them when they respond with revision strategies that I deem appropriate” (Thompson, 1994, p. 8).
While the four activities designed to take place over four consecutive class periods encourage students to add, cut, replace, and move material around (), this module does not address one key issue in revision: objectivity in analyzing and changing one’s own writing. This is where peer review becomes useful, and the present module should be contextualized in a writing curriculum that emphasizes both peer review and revision. Perhaps the most challenging piece in revision is teaching students to step away from their own writing and to look at their writing more objectively. Beginning writers and revisers often vacillate between moments where everything they write makes sense, and where nothing they write makes sense, without being able to identify specific sections that would be confusing to another set of eyes.
When we teach peer review and revision as two sides of the same coin, we are also hoping for the ideal situation where every student will have continual access to peer reviewers for their writing. During my own undergraduate studies, my roommates and I were lucky enough to have two in-house editors for every paper, an agreement we upheld even for the most stringent deadlines. However, not every student will have this opportunity, and the reality for many students is more likely individual revision. Writers need to be able to revise their own work, and peer revision is necessary to complement this module, in order to begin instilling an understanding of how to look at one’s own writing objectively.

Emily W. Lee
SLS 614
Assignment 5: Revision
April 27, 2006
On emotional well being we often say that we need to understand ourselves in order to understand others. For revision, it is through looking at others’ writing that we can better understand how to look at our own writing.
References:
Berg, E. C. (1999). The Effects of Trained Peer Response on ESL Students’ Revision Types and Writing Quality.
Jounal of Second Language Writing , 8(3) , 215-241.
Gilford, C. (1996). Revising your writing . Retrieved January 26, 2006, from http://www.powa.org/revise/index.html
.
Hu, G. (2005). Using peer review with Chinese ESL student writers. Language Teaching Research, 9 , 321-342.
Maimon, E.P. & Peritz, J.H. (2003). A Writer's Resource: A Handbook for Writing and Research . Boston: McGraw-
Hill.
Porte, G. (1996). When Writing Fails: How Academic Context and Past Learning Experiences Shape Revision.
System, 24(1) , 107-116.
Porte, G. (1997). The etiology of poor second language writing: The influence of perceived teacher preferences on second language revision strategies. Journal of Second Language Writing, 6(1) , 61-78.
Spack, R. (1998). Guidelines: A cross-cultural reading/writing text . (2nd ed.). New York: Cambridge University
Press.
Thompson, T. (1994). Giving Them What They Want: Student Views of Revision. Paper presented at the Annual
Meeting of the Conference on College Composition and Communication (45 th , Nashville, TN, March 16-19,
1994).
Writing Center. (2006).
Drafting and revising.
Retrieved January 26, 2006, from http://www3.ashland.edu/centers/writing/draftres.html
.

Emily W. Lee
SLS 614
Assignment 5: Revision
April 27, 2006
Week One
Activity 1: Pre-writing for Literacy Autobiography, Gauging Understanding of Revision
Goals :
Planting a seed for students to think about their experiences as writers
Finding out how much students know about revision
Promoting discussion on writing practices
Time :

10 minutes for students to fill out the survey individually

10 minutes for 3-person group discussion on questions 3 through 5, in section B

5 minutes for class discussion on their definitions
Instructor should collect surveys at the end of class for an initial idea of students’ writing experiences.

Emily W. Lee
SLS 614
Assignment 5: Revision
April 27, 2006
Section A: What kinds of writing do you do? Please circle and indicate the language you write in.
I write e-mails to my friends/family: less than once a month | once a month | once every two weeks | once a week | twice a week or more
I write e-mails to my professors: less than once a month | once a month | once every two weeks | once a week | twice a week or more
I write letters (yes, snail mail

): less than once a month | once a month | once every two weeks | once a week | twice a week or more
I write in a personal journal: less than once a month | once a month | once every two weeks | once a week | twice a week or more
I write stories: less than once a month | once a month | once every two weeks | once a week | twice a week or more
I write papers for school: less than once a month | once a month | once every two weeks | once a week | twice a week or more
I write poetry: less than once a month | once a month | once every two weeks | once a week | twice a week or more
What kind of writing do you do the most (schoolwork, personal writing, communication, writing at work, etc.)?
Please describe.
Section B: What is your experience in and view of writing?
1.
Do you like to write? Why or why not?
2.
Do you think having a good command of writing in English is important? Why or why not?
3.
What do you find most difficult about writing?
4.
What do you find to be most enjoyable in writing?
5.
Think of a piece of writing you are most proud of. Tell your classmates how you wrote it and what made you proud of the writing.
Section C: Please define, in your own words, the following terms: writing:- rewriting:- revision:- editing:- proofreading:- rough draft:- final draft:-

Emily W. Lee
SLS 614
Assignment 5: Revision
April 27, 2006
Week One
Activity 2: Literacy Autobiography Freewrite
Goals :
Giving students time to write the words they will work with—creating the material for revision
Creating an environment for writing in the classroom
Time : 75 minutes
Prompt : Please write about your experience as a writer, describing the situations where you write the most at the present time, significant events that have influenced your ideas and feelings about writing, and the type of writer you would like to become. Try to write as much as possible in the time given, without stopping, and using the freewriting techniques when necessary. Please do this freewrite for yourself, as a story to describe where you have been as a writer and where you would like to go.
Page requirement : Minimum 3 pages handwritten, single spaced.
Instructor should collect freewrites at the end of class so that students can “walk away” from their writing in order to revise more objectively the next week. This also gives the instructor a chance to learn more about students’ writing experiences.

Emily W. Lee
SLS 614
Assignment 5: Revision
April 27, 2006
Week Two
Activity 3: Trying Out Revision – Turning a Freewrite into an Essay
Goals :
Requiring students to “add, cut, replace, and move material around.”
Introducing/reviewing the idea of audience.
Time :

15 minutes for 1) looking at handout and 2) introduction of topic

60 minutes for in-class revision
Page requirement : Maximum 2 pages handwritten, single spaced.
Introduction of topic: mini-lecture can be done on board or on overhead projector
What do people do when they revise? – “Strategies” from http://www3.ashland.edu/centers/writing/draftres.html

ADD. Insert needed words, sentences, and paragraphs. If your additions require new content, return to the idea-gathering techniques.

CUT. Get rid of whatever goes off the topic or repeats what has already been said.

REPLACE. As needed, substitute new words, sentences, and paragraphs for what you have cut.

MOVE MATERIAL AROUND. Change the sequence of paragraphs if the material is not presented in logical order. Move sentences.

Emily W. Lee
SLS 614
Assignment 5: Revision
April 27, 2006
Writing does not involve simply putting words down on paper or typing them up on the computer, and then never glancing at them again. The writing process is cyclical, and it includes revising the writing you do. What does revision mean? Many inexperienced writers think that revision means to proofread and then edit their papers, only changing a couple of words or sentences here and there. This is a very common mistake, so don’t worry if it sounds familiar!
For this assignment, you will practice revision in the definition of the word: Revision actually involves “re-visioning,” or “re-seeing” ( www.powa.org/revise/index.html
). This means that with revision, you could completely change the focus and direction of your paper.
You will have a chance to practice revision with your literacy autobiography freewrite. For your freewrite, your audience was yourself and no one else; this assignment asks you to change your freewrite into an essay where the audience will be your classmates.
What you have written: Your writing after revision:
Type of writing freewrite
Audience
Page limit yourself
3 pages minimum
(handwritten, single-spaced) narrative essay your classmates
***You will read your paper to a small group. Please practice by reading aloud to yourself at home.
2 pages maximum
(typewritten, double-spaced)
***First typed draft due next class.
Revise what you have written already by en vision ing what you would like to show about your experiences. Be creative! There isn’t one “right” way!


Take a look at your freewrite. What main themes can you pick out from what you wrote?
Please list them below: o o o o o

Of the themes you have chosen, which seem the most important? Which themes seem the most related to one another? Please write about them below.
Decide on two to three themes that you’ll want to focus on in your essay, keeping in mind your audience (your classmates), and revise your writing so that it flows well and presents a central idea that you’d like your readers to understand.
You may choose from these three topics:

Describe your experiences as a writer in a way that you see fit. (More or less free topic)

What writing experience has been the most influential on your view of writing? Why was it so powerful, and how did it change you?
 A professor once told me, “The pen is powerful.” What do you think she meant by this?
Have you had an experience where this was true? Why or why not?

Emily W. Lee
SLS 614
Assignment 5: Revision
April 27, 2006
Week Two
Activity 4: Reviewing What Revision Means
Goals :
Showing students that they can “add, cut, replace, and move material around.”
Promoting a sense of ownership of text.
Time :

8 minutes for exercise on worksheet

15 minutes for sharing writing
Worksheet :
Looking at what you have revised:
Add
Cut
On your freewrite: highlight what you cut.
On your narrative essay: highlight what you added.
Replace
Move circle what you replaced. mark with an arrow what you moved. circle what you replaced.
Small Group Work:
In groups of three, have students read their short essays to one another.
Homework:
Allow students to make any further revisions at home, and collect the final drafts at the next class.