The introduction is full of choppy sentences, good ideas that aren’t articulated quite so well. The most striking example of this is the sentence, “At the Georgia Institute of Technology almost every student is very smart.” This sentence does not contain any relevant information, and doesn’t contribute much to the idea of the paper. Need to back up the claim that it is difficult to receive merit based scholarships at Georgia Tech, however, the relation to yourself was done well. Also, maybe it’s just a personal thing, but I don’t like the use of the words “high regards scholarship.” It just doesn’t sound correct. To make a claim like they are not up to scale, one must define what this “scale” should be. The phrase “ton of money” shouldn’t be used in any formal paper. The need argument is done fairly well, but that is capitalism, so either acknowledge that, or present a solution for how to avoid that. The conclusion should absolutely not start off with the words “in conclusion.” You should give a solution for how it would be possible to close the gap, either by more government spending or more private donations, or some other sources. Don’t just say what should be done, tell how it should be done.