Międzyszkolny Konkurs Recytatorski
English Recitation 2014
Aliens Have Landed!
by Kenn Nesbitt
The aliens have landed!
It’s distressing, but they’re here.
They piloted their flying saucer
through our atmosphere.
They landed like a meteor
engulfed in smoke and flame.
Then out they climbed immersed in slime
and burbled as they came.
Their hands are greasy tentacles.
Their heads are weird machines.
Their bodies look like cauliflower
and smell like dead sardines.
Their blood is liquid helium.
Their eyes are made of granite.
Their breath exudes the stench of foods
from some unearthly planet.
And if you want to see these
sickly, unattractive creatures,
you’ll find them working in your school;
they all got jobs as teachers.
Falling Asleep in Class
by Kenn Nesbitt
I fell asleep in class today,
as I was awfully bored.
I laid my head upon my desk
and closed my eyes and snored.
I woke to find a piece of paper
sticking to my face.
I’d slobbered on my textbooks,
and my hair was a disgrace.
My clothes were badly rumpled,
and my eyes were glazed and red.
My binder left a three-ring
indentation in my head.
I slept through class, and probably
I would have slept some more,
except my students woke me
as they headed out the door.
My Dog Fred
I have a dog.
His name is Fred.
He won't play fetch.
He won't play dead.
He won't shake hands
or sit or stay
or bark or beg
or run and play.
He won't roll over,
shake or crawl.
In fact, he won't
do tricks at all.
When people ask
I tell them that's
because my dog
was raised by cats.
--Kenn Nesbitt
All Things Bright and Beautiful
~Cecil Frances Alexander
All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.
Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
He made their glowing colors,
He made their tiny wings.
The purple-headed mountain,
The river running by,
The sunset, and the morning,
That brightens up the sky;
The cold wind in the winter,
The pleasant summer sun,
The ripe fruits in the garden,
He made them every one.
He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell,
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.
At the Seaside
~Robert Louis Stevenson
When I was down beside the sea
A wooden spade they gave to me
To dig the sandy shore.
My holes were empty like a cup,
In every hole the sea came up,
Till it could come no more.
My Elephant Thinks I'm Wonderful
My elephant thinks I'm wonderful.
My elephant thinks I'm cool.
My elephant hangs around with me
and follows me into school.
My elephant likes the way I look.
He thinks that I'm fun and smart.
He thinks that I'm kind and generous
and have a terrific heart.
My elephant thinks I'm brave and bold.
He's proud of my strength and guts.
But mostly he likes the way I smell.
My elephant thinks I'm nuts.
--Kenn Nesbitt
The Blind Boy
~Colley Cibber
O say, what is that thing called light,
Which I can ne'er enjoy?
What is the blessing of the sight?
O tell your poor blind boy!
You talk of wondrous things you see,
You say the sun shines bright;
I feel him warm, but how can he
Then make it day or night?
My day or night myself I make
Whene'er I sleep or play;
And could I ever keep awake
With me 'twere always day.
With heavy sighs I often hear
You mourn my hapless woe;
But sure with patience I may bear
A loss I ne'er know.
Then let not what I cannot have
My cheer of mind destroy;
Whilst thus I sing, I am a king,
Although a poor blind boy.
Caterpillar
~Christina Rossetti
Brown and furry
Caterpillar in a hurry,
Take your walk
To the shady leaf, or stalk,
Or what not,
Which may be the chosen spot.
No toad spy you,
Hovering bird of prey pass by you;
Spin and die,
To live again a butterfly.
The Cow
~Robert Louis Stevenson
The friendly cow, all red and white,
I love with all my heart:
She gives me cream with all her might,
To eat with apple tart.
She wanders lowing here and there,
And yet she cannot stray,
All in the pleasant open air,
The pleasant light of day;
And blown by all the winds that pass
And wet with all the showers,
She walks among the meadow grass
And eats the meadow flowers.
Little Things
~Julia A. Carney
Little drops of water,
Little drains of sand,
Make the mighty ocean
And the beauteous land.
And the little moments,
Humble though they be,
Make the mighty ages
Of eternity.
So our little errors
Lead the soul away,
From the paths of virtue
Into sin to stray.
Little deeds of kindness,
Little words of love,
Make our earth an Eden,
Like the heaven above.
The Wind
~Christina Rossetti
Who has seen the wind?
Neither I nor you;
But when the leaves hang trembling
The wind is passing through.
Who has seen the wind?
Neither you nor I;
But when the trees bow down their heads
The wind is passing by.
Young and Old
~Charles Kingsley
When all the world is young lad,
And all the trees are green;
And every goose a swan, lad,
And every lass a queen;
Then hey for boot and horse, lad,
And round the world away;
Young blood must have its course, lad,
And every dog his day.
When all the world is old, lad,
And all the trees are brown;
When all the sport is stale, lad,
And all the wheels run down;
Creep home, and take your place there,
The spent and maimed among:
God grant you find one face there,
You loved when all was young.
I Think My Dad is Dracula
I think my dad is Dracula.
I know that sounds insane,
but listen for a moment and
allow me to explain.
We don't live in a castle,
and we never sleep in caves.
But, still, there's something weird
about the way my dad behaves.
I never see him go out
in the daytime when it's light.
He sleeps all day till evening,
then he leaves the house at night.
He comes home in the morning
saying, "Man, I'm really dead!"
He kisses us goodnight, and then
by sunrise he's in bed.
My mom heard my suspicion
and she said, "You're not too swift.
Your father's not a vampire.
He just works the graveyard shift."
--Kenn Nesbitt
My Excellent Education
How to juggle.
How to hop.
How to make
my knuckles pop.
How to whinny.
How to cluck.
How to talk
like Donald Duck.
How to wiggle
both my ears.
How to fake
convincing tears.
How to yo-yo.
Capture flies.
Roll my tongue
and cross my eyes.
How to make a
piggy snout.
How to make
my eyes bug out.
These are things
I learned in school.
Education-Ain't it cool?
--Kenn Nesbitt
My Chicken's On the Internet
My chicken's on the Internet.
She surfs the web all day.
I've tried to stop her browsing
but, so far, there's just no way.
She jumps up on the mouse
and then she flaps around like mad
to click on every hyperlink
and every pop-up ad.
She plays all sorts of chicken games.
She messages her folks.
She watches chicken videos
and forwards chicken jokes.
She writes a blog for chickens
and she uploads chicken pics.
She visits chicken chat rooms
where she clucks about her chicks.
I wouldn't mind so much
except my keyboard's now a wreck.
She hasn't learned to type yet;
she can only hunt and peck.
--Kenn Nesbitt
My Robot Does My Homework
My robot does my homework.
He helps me every night.
The trouble is he doesn't get
too many answers right.
He'd probably do better
at homework but, you see,
I built him, so he only knows
the things he learned from me.
--Kenn Nesbitt
My Girlfriend
I got a new girlfriend, though I don't like girls.
I haven't much money, but I buy her pearls.
I'm always embarrassed, but I give her flowers,
and talk on the phone every evening for hours.
We go to the movies, and she gets to pick.
She wants to hold hands, though it makes me feel sick.
She likes when I smell good, so I take a bath.
I do what she asks me, and she does my math.
--Kenn Nesbitt
My Dad's a Secret Agent
My dad's a secret agent.
He's an undercover spy.
He's the world's best detective.
He's the perfect private eye.
He's a Pinkerton, a gumshoe,
He's a snoop and he's a sleuth.
He's unrivaled at detecting
and uncovering the truth.
He's got eyesight like an eagle.
He's got hearing like a bat.
He can out-smell any bloodhound.
He's as stealthy as a cat.
He can locate nearly anything
with elementary ease.
But no matter how he looks and looks
my dad can't find his keys!
--Kenn Nesbitt
Dreaming of Summer
I'm dreaming of warm sandy beaches.
I'm dreaming of days by the pool.
I'm dreaming of fun in the afternoon sun,
and week after week of no school.
I'm thinking of swim suits and sprinklers,
imagining lemonade stands.
I'm lost in a daydream of squirt guns and ice cream
and plenty of time on my hands.
I'm picturing baseball and hot dogs,
Envisioning games at the park,
and how it stays light until late every night,
and seems like it never gets dark.
I long to ride skateboards and scooters.
I want to wear t-shirts and shorts.
I'd go for a hike, or I'd ride on my bike,
or play lots of summertime sports.
My revery turns to a yearning
to draw on the driveway with chalk.
It's really a bummer to daydream of summer
while shoveling snow from the walk.
--Kenn Nesbitt
"Brian's Nose"
Brian's nose,
He knows, you know,
Is large and round and red.
Brian's cold,
Is bad, you know,
And keeps him stuck in bed.
Brian blows,
At times, you know,
Because it feels so blocked.
But Brian blew,
So hard, you know,
His bedroom walls just rocked!
Gareth Lancaster
"Daddy's Diet"
Daddy's on a diet,
Taking care with what he eats.
So I guess I should keep quiet,
That I saw him wolfing sweets!
Daddy's on a diet,
And for me it's turned out well!
As I've joined the secret feasting,
To ensure that I won't tell!
Gareth Lancaster
"Hugs"
Mummy wants a hug,
That's her twenty-first today!
I guess she doesn't realise,
That hugs aren't cheap these days!
I only stocked up Thursday,
And they cost a heap of cash.
For a pack of thirty Super Hugs,
My piggy bank was smashed!
So my mum will have to do,
With fewer from now on.
Or else I'll have no money left,
And my hugs will all be gone!
Gareth Lancaster
"I'm Super!"
I'm excellent, fabulous, great as can be!
Astoundingly splendid. Yes, seriously!
I'm wickedly wondrous to such a degree,
That I'm out of this world. I can see you agree!
Breathtakingly super, a sure guarantee,
There's no one as peachy or first class as me!
Phenomenal homework comes most easily,
So why is last week's marked in red with an 'E'?
Gareth Lancaster
"In My Head"
Pardon me, that was so rude,
It was not me, it was my food.
But then again it could be said,
It's the little person in my head.
Who sits up there all day long,
Burping out a silly song.
So pardon me, it's about to worsen,
Please pipe down you little person.
Gareth Lancaster
"Money"
If I had lots of money
I would just eat milk and honey
And never once would clean my teeth.
If I had lots of cash
I would throw a great big bash
And just invite my closest friends.
If I had lots of spend
All my toys I could mend
Especially the ones I like the best.
If I had lots to use
You would see me on the news
As I gave it away to everyone.
So if I had lots of money
I think it might be funny
And I would make sure everybody laughed!
Gareth Lancaster
"My Robot"
My robot must rate as my favorite toy,
A wonderful, whirring, mechanical joy.
My robot can talk, but he'd much rather sing,
Or go to the park and play on the swings!
My robot is silver and very astute.
For instance this week he was learning the flute.
My robot's adept at a number of tests,
Like doing my homework or folding my vests!
My robot tells jokes that will tickle your sides,
Or spin a good story and much more besides.
And with a small spanner I always keep handy,
I unbolt his head to store all my candy!
"Spring Garden"
Jack Frost has upped and gone away,
To his icy summer home.
He stays there whilst the sun is warm,
I'ts not safe for him to roam.
Now he's left the earth warms up,
And flowers start to grow.
Peeking through the heating soil,
Growing quickly for a show.
Crocuses and Daffodills,
Green shoots poke through the ground.
And with each day as spring returns,
They burst up all around.
When sprng arrives the garden glows,
With yellows, blues and reds.
Stretching in the sunny warmth,
Whilst Jack is safe in bed!
Gareth Lancaster
"Stars"
Look at the stars,
Way up there,
So very far away.
High in the sky,
They shine so white,
And never seem to stray.
Like little dots,
Or specks of paint,
Just floating up above.
I wonder,
What they do up there,
And what they are made of.
Are they just holes,
Poked out the sky,
By giants long ago?
Or maybe they're,
Electric lights,
Strung up to make a show!
So far up there,
I'd like to be,
To take a look first hand.
To just get close,
And have a peek,
That really would be grand!
Gareth Lancaster
"Trick Or Treat"
Haunted houses,
Curdling screams,
Freezing bats, torn at the seams!
Full white moon,
Dripping candles,
Roaming forgetful zombie vandals!
Gnarled old trees,
Tossed in the breeze.
Cold ghosts shivering, knocking their knees!
Trick and treating,
From door to door,
Not enough sweets, I must have more!!!
Gareth Lancaster
Flying Popcorn
A piece of popcorn
escaped from the pan
and flew across the kitchen
like Superman.
It ping-ponged back and forth
between the oven and the freezer.
Then it shot up to the ceiling
like a daredevil trapeezer.
I tried and tried to catch it,
but it never missed a trick.
So finally I gave up
and ate a licorice stick.
Arden Davidson
Color Me Happy!
If I were the color blue,
I'd sing sad songs for you.
If I were the color yellow,
I'd be a happy fellow.
If I were the color red
I'd look like me when I bled.
If I were the color green,
I'd grow like a big string bean.
If I were the color brown,
I'd be a chocolate town.
If I were the color pink,
I'd be a lemony drink.
If I were the color purple,
Nothing would rhyme with me.
Arden Davidson
Animal Talk
I think that I've got it all figured out...
what animal talk is all about.
"Moo" means excuse me, that's my
milk you're takin'.
"Oink" means quit lookin' at me
like I'm bacon.
"Nay" means no shoes, no shirt,
no ride.
"Baa" means, gee lately it's
colder outside.
"Arf" means my tail
is my very best feature.
"Meow" means I'm such
an exquisite creature.
"Quack" means this water
is turning quite icy.
"Hiss" means you look
so delicious and spicy.
"Roarrr" means I am
the king of the beasts.
"Honk" means I am
the queen of the geese.
"Grrrr" means I'll eat you
when you go for a walk.
Boy am I glad
I speak animal talk!
Arden Davidson
Sent To My Room
I broke a dish
and mom got mad.
She sent me to my room
because she said that I was bad.
So I'm sitting here
on my canope
with my stereo
and my color tv
and my favorite doll
and my 'lectric train
and my building blocks
and my video game,
And I'm wondering what
my mother meant
when she said my room
was a punishment.
Arden Davidson
Freckle Bath
I'll tell you what I tried to do,
If you promise you won't laugh.
I tried to wash my freckles off
while I was in my bath.
I scrubbed and rubbed and rubbed and scrubbed
with my washcloth, soap and water.
I tried it with the water cold.
I tried with it much hotter.
But my freckles wouldn't budge an inch,
although I tried my best.
So I kept the freckles where they were
and washed away the rest.
Arden Davidson
Last Night We Had
Company For Dinner
I didn't talk with my mouth full
and I sat up straight.
I kept my elbows off the table
and my fingers off my plate.
I kept my salad fork on the left
and my butter knife on the right.
And I always said "Excuse me"
to show that I'm polite.
I didn't reach across the table
or knock over any glasses.
I didn't throw my food
but I made some winning passes.
I put my napkin in my lap
to show I'm no beginner,
...but
there was so much to remember,
I forgot to eat my dinner!
Arden Davidson
Funny Face
If I could choose
a different face,
I'd start with lips
all made of lace.
I'd trade my eyes
for two blue marbles
and make my eyebrows
two big barbells.
I'd choose my ears
from ribbons and bows.
Then all I'd have left to pick
is my nose.
Arden Davidson
Something In My Eye
There's something
in my eye.
If it's dust,
I think I'll cry.
If it's mud,
I think I'll scream.
If it's a fly,
I hate this dream.
If it's a spider,
it'll tickle.
If it's dead,
I'm in a pickle.
If it's a mouse,
then I'll
yell "Scram!"
But,
If it's deaf,
I'm in a jam.
If it's a fish,
I'll bawl right now.
If it's a horse,
I'll have a cow.
If it's a bee,
I'll grab its stinger.
Silly me,
it's just my finger.
Arden Davidson
Guess What?
"Guess what?", my sister always says.
But guess what?
I don't wanna guess.
I'm tired of all her silly tales
of talking worms and flying snails.
Just now my sister said, "Guess what?"
I wanted to just kick her, but
I said she looked like Barney Rubble.
Guess what? I think I'm in big trouble.
Arden Davidson
Sweet Dreams
If I could build my dream house,
I'd make the bricks from cherries.
I'd build the walls with waffles
and the roof with chocolate berries.
I'd have candy canes for trees
and green icing for the grass;
Plus a driveway made of sugar
and a pond of sassafras.
If I could build my dream house,
I would probably never pout
because then I'd know what Home Sweet Home
is really all about.
Arden Davidson
If I Were The
King Of The World
If I were the king of the world,
I'd make homework against the law.
I'd allow kids to get into "R" rated movies.
I'd drink chicken soup through a straw.
If I were the king of the world,
There would be only one food group: sweets.
TV would show nothing but funny cartoons
and gumdrops would cover the streets.
If I were the king of the world,
my friends would bow down at my feet.
No teachers could force me to take any tests,
and my mom couldn't make me be neat.
If I were the king of the world,
everything would be calm and serene.
I'd be totally free - no restrictions on me!
(As long as there wasn't a queen).
Arden Davidson
Wheels For Feet
It would really be neat
to have wheels 'stead of feet.
I could race down my street
and no one could compete.
I would never have to wear
shoes, or even underwear;
(I'd go by too fast
for anyone to stare!)
Arden Davidson
Who Am I?
I'm really loud when I blow my nose.
I never wash between my toes.
I won't eat spinach, but I love spaghetti.
When the school bus comes, I'm never ready.
I sleep with a ragged teddy bear.
(My brand new one sleeps on my rocking chair.)
I trade my ham sandwich for P.B. and jelly,
and when I feel queasy, my mom rubs my belly.
I keep my money in my shoe.
I hate my sister (but I love her too).
Give up? Don't know? You quit? You through?
The answer is (surprise!)...
I'm you!
My Puppy Punched Me In the Eye
My puppy punched me in the eye.
My rabbit whacked my ear.
My ferret gave a frightful cry
and roundhouse kicked my rear.
My lizard flipped me upside down.
My kitten kicked my head.
My hamster slammed me to the ground
and left me nearly dead.
So my advice? Avoid regrets;
no matter what you do,
don't ever let your family pets
take lessons in kung fu.
--Kenn Nesbitt
Perfect
Today I managed something
that I've never done before.
I turned in this week's spelling quiz
and got a perfect score.
Although my score was perfect
it appears I'm not too bright.
I got a perfect zero;
not a single answer right.
--Kenn Nesbitt