GROUNDHOG DAY
Man: SOMEBODY ASKED ME TODAY
“ PHIL, IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE? ”
AND CAUSE SOME SNOW.
Going out on a limb now.
Not going to hit us here in Pittsburgh. Going to push off and hit
Altoona. LET ’STAKE A LOOK AT THE FIVE DAY.NOTHING TO
BE TOO SCARED ABOUT. BUNDLE UP WARM, OF COURSE.
AND I SAID TO HIM, “PROBABLY RIGHT HERE…” ELKO,
NEVADA – OUR NATION’S HIGH AT 79 TODAY.OUT IN
CALIFORNIA
THEY’LL HAVE WARM WEATHER TOMORROW GANG WARS
AND OVERPRICED REAL ESTATE.
UP IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST
THEY’LL HAVE SOME VERY TALL TREES.
BUT YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR GALOSHES AT HOME. I WON’T
BE HERE FOR THE 10:00. TOMORROW IS GROUNDHOG DAY.
I’M GOING TO PUNXSUTAWNEY
FOR OUR COUNTRY’S
OLDEST GROUNDHOG FESTIVAL .
SO ACCORDING TO THE LEGEND
TOMORROW, FEBRUARY 2
Clear across the Rockies and the Great Plains but look out, here
comes trouble.
（blowing forcefully）
IF THE GROUNDHOG WAKES AND SEES HIS SHADOW
WE’VE GOT SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER.
Oh, boy!
A front coming our way.
That’s going to mean to us here
one of these big blue things!
This cold, frigid Arctic air—
this big mass coming out of the north.
IT WILL MEET UP WITH THIS MOISTURE FROM THE GULF
GOING TO MIX TOGETHER AT HIGH ALTITUDES
[WOMAN] YOU MUST REALLY ENJOY IT. THIS IS YOUR
THIRD YEAR IN A ROW, ISN’T IT, PHIL?
[PHIL] FOUR, NAN. FOUR.
[PHIL] THANK, PHIL.
UP NEXT, ENTERTAINEMENT EDITOR DIANE KINGMAN
LOOKS AT SEX AND VIOLENCE IN THE MOVIES.
STAY WITH US.
（outro music）
Man: WE’RE CLEAR.
[WOMAN] HAVE FUN IN PUNXSUTAWNEY, PHIL.
[PHIL] FOR YOUR INFORMATION, HAIRDO THERE IS A
MAJOR NETWORK INTERESTED IN ME.
[LARRY] YEAH. THAT WOULD BE THE HOME SHOPPING
NETWORK.
＊＊PREDICTIONS
SHOW A STEADY LOW
YOU’RE FEELING JUST THE SAME
BUT SEASONS COME AND SEASONS GO
I’LL MAKE YOUS SMILE AGAIN
IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME
[PHIL] THANKS, LARRY. GO WAIT IN THE VAN, WILL YOU?
[LARRY] THAT WAS NICE, PHIL.
[HENNY] “BIG TREES.”
[PHIL] STOP, HENNY. CAN YOU HANDLE THE 10:00?
[HENNY] YEAH, YEAH. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO RUSH BACK
I CAN DO THE 5:00 TOMORROW.
[PHIL] OH, COME ON. I WANT TO STAY AN ENTRA SECOND
TAKE ME BY THE HAND
CAN’T YOU FEEL YOU’RE WARMING UP?
YEAH, I’M YOUR WEATHERMAN. ＊＊
[PHIL] CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET, LARRY? I’M PROBABLY
LEAVING PBH. SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME WE DO
THE GROUNDHOG TOGETHER .
[LARRY] WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE GROUNDHOG
IN PUNXSUTAWNEY?
[HENNY] RITA THINKS IT WOULD BE GREAT TO STAY
FESTIVAL?
WHEN I WORKED IN SAN DIEGO I COVERED THE
AROUND.
GET SOME INCREDIBLE FOOTAGE OF PEOPLE AND THE
FUN.
YOU HAVEN’T WORKED WITH HER YET, HAVE YOU?
SHE’S REALLY NICE. I THINK SHE’S GOING TO BE A REALLY
SWALLOWS RETURNING TO CAPISTRANO SIX YEARS IN A
ROW.
[PHIL] SOMEDAY, SOMEBODY WILL SEE ME INTERVIEWING
A GROUNDHOG AND THINK I DON’T HAVE A FUTURE.
[RITA] I THINK IT’S A NICE STORY. HE COMES OUT.
GOOD PRODUCER. YOU GUYS WILL HAVE FUN.
[PHIL] MMM-MMM. SHE’S FUN. BUT NOT MY KIND OF FUN.
I WILL BE HERE FOR THE 5:00. RITA.
（calypso-pop intro）
HE LOOKS AROUND. HE WRINKLES UP HIS LITTLE NOSE.
HE SEES HIS SHADOW , HE DOESN’T SEE HISSHADOW.
PEOPLE LIKE IT.
[PHIL] YOU ARE NEW, AREN’T YOU? YOU KNOW,PEOPLE
LIKE BLOOD SAUSAGE TOO. PEOPLE ARE MORONS.
[RITA] NICE ATTITUDE.
[PHIL] LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE WHAT YOU LOOK
LIKE DOING THAT LITTLE GROUNDHOG THING. FOR ME,
ONCE.
（sighs）
HE COMES OUT. AND THERE HE LOOKS AT HIS LITTLE
SHADOW.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BLOOD SAUSAGE? I HAVE SOME
HERE…
[RITA] I LIKE BLOOD SAUSAGE.
＊＊THEY SAY IT’S GONE
THAT DON’T MEAN A THING
AGO.
IT’S A FLEABAG. I’M NOT STAYING HERE.
[RITA] YOU’RE NOT STAYING HERE.
[PHIL] I’M NOT?
[RITA] NO. LARRY’S DROPPING ME OFF. I BOOKED YOU A
NICE BED AND BREAKFASTON CHERRY STREET.
[PHIL] GREAT. YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS IS ONE OF
‘CAUSE I’M THE ONE
THAT MOVES THE SUN
THETRAITS OF A REALLY GOOD PRODUCER. KEEP THE
TALENT HAPPY.
FOR YOU, I’LLTURN IT INTO SPRING
SO WHEN YOU’RE FEELING LONELY, TRY TO UNDERSTAND
BABY,
I CAN WARM YOU UP, ‘CAUSE I’M YOUR WEATHERMAN
JUST ASK THE WEATHERMAN
[RITA] ANYTHING I CAN DO.
[PHIL] WOULD YOU HELP ME WITH MY PELVIC TILT?
[RITA] WITHIN REASON. WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME TO
DINNER WITH LARRY AND ME?
[PHIL] NO, THANK YOU. I ‘VE SEEN LARRY EAT. YOU GET
JUST ASK THE WEATHERMAN
‘CAUSE I’M YOUR WEATHERMAN
JUST ASK THE WEATHERMAN
JUST ASK THE WEATHERMAN…＊＊
YOUR SLEEP. I’LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
[RITA] DON’T BE LATE.
[LARRY] DID HE ACTUALLY CALL HIMSELF THE TALENT?
[RADIO] Then put your little hand in mine
[PHIL] RITA, I CAN’T STAY HERE.
[LARRY] PRIMA DONNA.
[RITA] CAN IT. WHAT’S THE MATTER?
[PHIL] I HATE THIS PLACE. I STAYED HERE TWO YEARS
‘Cause there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb Babe
I got you, babe
I got you, babe…
Deejay#1: Okay, campers, rise and shine!
And don’t forget your booties, ‘cause it’s cold out there! Deejay#2:
[PHIL] MORNING.
[MAN] YOU OFF TO SEE THE GROUNDHOG?
[PHIL] YES, I AM.
[MAN] YOU THINK IT WILL BE AN EARLY SPRING?
[PHIL] I’M PREDICTING MARCH 21.
It’s cold out there every day.
You can expect hazardous travel later today with that blizzard thing.
Oh, that blizzard thing.
Oh, well, here’s the report.
The National Weather Service
is calling for a big blizzard thing.
Yes, but there’s another reason
[MAN] GOOD GUESS. I THINK THAT ACTUALLY IS THE
FIRST DAY OF SPRING.
[MRS.LANCASTER] DID YOU SLEEP WELL, MR.CONNORS?
[PHIL] I SLEPT ALONE, MRS.LANCASTER.
[MRS.LANCASTER] WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?
[PHIL] IS THERE ANY POSSIBILITY OF GETTING AN
ESPRESSO OR CAPPUCCINO?
why today is especially exciting. Especially cold.
But the big question on everybody’s lips…
[MRS.LANCASTER] OH…I REALLY DON’T KNOW, UM…
（Phil whispering:）HOW TO SPELL”ESPRESSO…” THIS LOOKS
Yeah, their chapped lips.
Right.
“Do you think Phil will come out and see his shadow?”
Punxsutawney Phil!
That’s right, woodchuck chuckers.
FINE.
[MRS.LANCASTER] I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FESTIVITIES.
[PHIL] I’M SURE I’M GOING TO.
[MRS.LANCASTER] THERE’S TALK OF A BLIZZARO.
[PHIL] THAT BLIZZARO MIGHT BLOW RIGHT BY US.
Both: It’s Groundhog Day!
Get up and chuck that hog out there!
（men snorting like hogs）
ALL OF THIS MOISTURE COMING UP OUT OF THE SOUTH
WILLPROBABLY PUSH ON TO THE EAST OF US CRYSTALIZE,
AND GIVE US SOME SNOW. PROBABLY BE SOME
ACCUMULATION.
[MAN] MORNING.
BUT HERE IN PUNXSUTAWNEY
OUR HIGH WILL GET UP TO ABOUT 30 TODAY. TEENS
TONIGHT.
CHANCE OF PRECIPITATION ABOUT 20% TODAY. 20%
TOMORROW.
“NEED LENOSE” NED. NED “THE HEAD.”
COME ON, BUDDY. CASE WESTERN HIGH.
I DID THE WHISTLING BELLYBUTTON TRICK AT THE HIGH
SCHOOL TALENT SHOW.
BING! NED RYERSON.
WERE YOU JUST MAKING CHITCHAT?
[MRS.LANCASTER] CHITCHAT.
[PHIL] SEE YOU LATER. GOOD-BYE.
[MRS.LANCASTER] WILL YOU BE CHECKING OUT TODAY,
MR.CONNORS?
[PHIL] CHANCE OF DEPARTURE TODAY, 100%.
[NED] PHIL?
GOT THE SHINGLESS REAL BAD SENIOR YEAR. ALMOST
DIDN’T GRADUATE.
BING AGAIN!
I DATED YOUR SISTER MARY PAT
TILL YOU TOLD ME NOT TO ANYMORE.
WELL?
[PHIL] NED RYERSON?
HEY, PHIL?
PHIL?
[NED] BING!
[PHIL] BING.
PHIL CONNORS?
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
HOW YOU DOING?
[PHIL] THANKS FOR WATCHING.
[NED] DON’T TELL ME YOU DON’T REMEMBER ME
SO DID YOU TURN PRO
WITH THAT BELLYBUTTON THING, NED?
[NED] NO, I SELL INSURANCE.
[PHIL] WHAT A SHOCK.
[NED] DO YOU HAVE LIFE INSURANCE?
BECAUSE I SURE AS HECK-FIRE REMEMBER YOU.
[PHIL] NOT A CHANCE.
[NED] NED!
RYERSON!
‘CAUSE YOU COULD ALWAYS USE MORE.
AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?
[PHIL] NED, I WOULD LOVE TO STAND HERE AND TALK
WITH YOU BUT I’M NOT GOING TO. SEE YOU.
[NED] THAT’S ALL RIGHT. I’LL WALK WITH YOU.
YOU KNOW, WHENEVER I SEE AN OPPORTUNITY NOW I
CHARGE IT LIKE A BULL.
NED “THE BULL,” THAT’S ME NOW.
FRIENDS OF MINE LIVE AND DIE BY THE ACTUARIAL
IT’S NOW NUMBER ONE
IT’S GOING TO ENTERTAIN YA…**
Rita: HEY, PHIL! PHIL, OVER HERE. WHERE HAVE YOU
BEEN?
[PHIL] IT WAS HORRIBLE. A GIANT LEECH GOT ME.
TABLES.
I SAY, “HEY, IT’S ALL ONE BIG CRAP SHOOT.”
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF SINGLE PREMIUM LIFE?
BECAUSE THAT COULD BE THE TICKET FOR YOU.
OH, GOD! IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. WHAT ARE YOU
DOING FOR DINNER?
[PHIL] SOMETHING ELSE.
[RITA] YOU’RE MISSING ALL THE FUN. THESE PEOPLE ARE
GREAT. SOME OF THEM HAVE BEEN PARTYING ALL
NIGHT.THEY SING TILL THEY GET COLD THEN THEY GO SIT
BY THE FIRE THEN THEY COME BACK AND SING SOME
MORE.
[PHIL] YEAH. THEY’RE HICKS, RITA. SO, YOU SLEEP OKAY
WITHOUT ME? YOU TOSSED AND TURNED, DIDN’T YOU?
IT’S BEEN GREAT SEEING YOU, NEEDLEHEAD. TAKE CARE.
（snickering）
[RITA] YOU’RE INCREDIBLE.
[PHIL] WHO TOLD YOU?
[NED] WATCH OUT FOR THAT FIRST STEP. IT’S A DOOZY.
（polka music playing）
**STRIKE UP THE MUSIC
THE BAND HAS BEGUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
( crowd cheering )
[RITA] OKAY. IT’S GROUNDHOG TIME.
[PHIL] OKAY, ON ME IN THREE…
TWO… ONE…
ONCE A YEAR, THE EYES OF THE NATION
PICK OUT YOUR PARTNER
AND JOIN IN THE FUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
IT STARTED IN SCRANTON
TURN TO THIS TINY HAMLET IN WESTERN PENNSYLVANIA
TO WATCH A MASTER AT WORK.
THE MASTER?
PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL
THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS WEATHERMAN, THE
GROUNDHOG WHO,
AS LEGEND HAS IT
CAN PREDICT THE COMING OF AN EARLY SPRING.
SO I GUESS THE QUESTION
“I DEFINITELY SEE A SHADOW.”
( moans and boos )
SORRY, FOLKS.
SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER.
( booing )
WE HAVE TO ASK OURSELVES TODAY IS:
DOES PHIL FEEL LUCKY?
Phil: IT’S THE SAME SHTICK EVERY YEAR.
THE GUY RAPS ON THE DOOR.
THEY PULL THE LITTLE RAT OUT
THEY TALK TO HIM, HE TALKS BACK.
THEN THEY TELL US WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN.
[PHIL] ON ME IN TREE…
TWO…ONE…
THIS IS ONE TIME WHERE TELEVISION
REALLY FAILS TO CAPTURE THE TURE EXCITEMENT OF A
LARGE SQUIRREL PREDICTING THE WEATHER.
I, FOR ONE, AM VERY GRATEFUL TO HAVE BEEN HERE.
FROM PUNXSUTAWNEY, THIS IS PHIL CONNORS.
[Rita] OH, ISN’T HE CUTE?
[PHIL] HEY, DO YOU LIKE YOUR GUYS WITH PROMINENT
SO LONG.
[RITA] WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN WITHOUT THE SARCASM?
UPPER TEETH?
[RITA] NO.
[Man] THIS FEBRUARY 2nd
AT 7:20 AND 30 SECONDS, PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL
THE SEER OF SEERS
[PHIL] WE GOT IT. I’M OUT OF HERE.
[LARRY] PRIMA DONNAS.
[LARRY] BOY, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
[PHIL] WHAT IS GOING ON?
[LARRY] I DON’T KNOW, PHIL.
PROGNOSTICATOR OF PROGNOSTICATORS
EMERGED, RELUCTANTLY BUT ALERTLY
IN PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA
AND STATED IN GROUNDHOG-ESE
PERHAPS IT’S THAT BLIZZARD WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO
GET.
[PHIL] THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.
( honks horn )
[LARRY] HEY, HEY! NOBODY HONKS THIS HORN BUT ME,
OKAY, PAL?
[PHIL] NO! NO!
(horn honking)
[MAN] YOU GOT TO TAKE THIS RIG OUT OF HERE.
IS IT SNOWING IN SPACE?
DON’T YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF A LINE
THAT YOU KEEP OPEN FOR EMERGENCIES
OR FOR CELEBRITIES?
I’M BOTH. I’M A CELEBRITY IN AN EMERGENCY. CAN YOU
[PHIL] HEY, COMMANDER, WHAT’S GOING ON?
[POLICE] WE’RE CLOSING THE ROAD. BIG BLIZZARD
MOVING IN.
[PHIL] WHAT BLIZZARD? IT’S A COUPLE OF FLAKES.
[POLICE] DON’T YOU LISTEN TO THE WEATHER? WE GOT A
MAJOR STORM.
[PHIL] I MAKE THE WEATHER.
PATCH ME THROUGH ON THAT LINE, PLEASE? ( thud )
COULD I HAVE ONE MORE OF THESE
WITH SOME BOOZE IN IT, PLEASE?
OOH, I LIKE IT HERE.
[RITA] PHIL, YOU GOING TO THE GROUNDHOG DINNER?
[PHIL] NO, I HAD GROUNDHOG FOR LUNCH.
WASN’T BAD. TASTES LIKE CHICKEN. YOU TWO RUN
ALL OF THIS MOISTURE COMING UP OUT OF THE GULF
WILL PUSH OFF TO THE EAST AND HIT ALTOONA.
ALONG.
WOW, LARRY, LOOKING FOXY TONIGHT, MAN.
[POLICE] PAL, YOU GOT THAT MOISTURE ON YOUR HEAD.
YOU CAN GO BACK TO PUNXSUTAWNEY OR YOU CAN
FREEZE TO DEATH. IT’S YOUR CHOICE. SO WHAT’S IT
GOING TO BE?
(horns honking, sirens wailing )
HEY, IS YOUR TROOP GOING TO BE SELLING COOKIES
AGAIN
THIS YEAR?
[LARRY] THAT’S SO FUNNY, PHIL.
[RITA] WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
[PHIL] I’M THINKING.
COME ON.
ALL THE LONG DISTANCE LINES ARE DOWN?
WHAT ABOUT THE SATELLITE?
[PHIL] UH… I THINK I’M GOING TO GO BACK TO MY ROOM
AND TAKE A HOT SHOWER AND MAYBE READ HUSTLER OR
SOMETHING.
[RITA] SUIT YOURSELF.
( yelling )
[PHIL] YO, MOM, ISN’T THERE ANY HOT WATER?
[MRS.LANCASTER] OH, NO, THERE WOULDN’T BE TODAY.
[PHIL] OF COURSE NOT. SILLY ME.
[MRS.LANCASTER] SWEET DREAMS.
…chapped lips.
Right. “Do you think Phil will come out and see his shadow?
Punxsutawney Phil!
That’s right, woodchuck chuckers.
Both: It’s Groundhog Day!
[RADIO] **Then put your little hand in mine
‘Cause there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb Babe
I got you, babe
I got you, babe…**
Deejay #1: Okay, campers, rise and shine!
And don’t forget your booties, ‘cause it’s cold out there!
Deejay #2: It’s cold out there every day.
Get up and chuck that hog out there!
（men snorting like hogs）
[PHIL] NICE GOING, BOYS.
YOU’RE PLAYING YESTERDAY’S TAPE.
[PHIL] WHAT THE HELL?
[MAN] MORNING! OFF TO SEE THE GROUNDHOG?
[PHIL] YEAH.
[MAN] THINK IT WELL BE AN EARLY SPRING?
[PHIL] DIDN’T WE DO THIS YESTERDAY?
[MAN] I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.（screams）
[PHIL] DON’T MESS WITH ME, PORK CHOP. WHAT DAY IS
Deejay #1: …with that blizzard thing.
Oh, that blizzard thing.
Oh, well, here’s the report.
The National Weather Service
is calling for a big blizzard thing.
THIS?
[MAN] IT’S FEBRUARY 2, GROUNDHOG DAY.
[PHIL] YEAH. SORRY. YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT IT WAS
YESTERDAY.
[MAN] OH.
Yes, but there’s another reason
why today is especially exciting.
Especially cold.
But the big question on everybody’s lips…CHAPPED LIPS.
(nervous laughter)
[MRS. LANCASTER] DID YOU SLEEP WELL, MR. CONNORS?
[PHIL] DID I SLEEP WELL?
[MRS. LANCASTER] WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CDFFEE?
[PHIL] YES, PLEASE. I THINK I’LL HAVE A DOUBLE.
[MRS. LANCASTER] I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FESTIVITIES.
THERE’S TALK OF A BLIZZARD.
[PHIL] DO YOU EVER HAVE DEJA VU, MRS. LANCASTER?
[MRS. LANCASTER] I DO’T THINK SO BUT I COULD CHECK
HOW’S IT GOING, OLD BUDDY?
[PHIL] TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, NEDDY I’M NOT FEELING
REAL WELL.
[NED] IT’S FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION YOUR HEALTH.
YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT I DO NOW.
WITH THE KITCHEN.
[PHIL] NO, THAT’S OKAY. THANK YOU.
[MRS. LANCASTER] WILL YOU BE CHECKING OUT TODAY,
MR. CONNORS?
[PHIL] I’D SAY THE CHANCE OF DEPARTURE IS 80%. 75, 80…
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
[PHIL] DO YOU SELL INSURANCE?
[NED] HO-HO, BING AGAIN! YOU ARE SHARP AS A TACK
TODAY. DO YOU HAVE LIFE INSURANCE? BECAUSE IF YOU
DO YOU COULD ALWAYS USE A LITTLE MORE. BUT YOU
WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING? I GOTS A FEELING…
(whistles)
YOU AIN’T GOT ANY.
WHERE’S EVERYBODY GOING?
[WOMAN] TO GOBBLER’S KNOB. IT’S GROUNDHOG DAY.
AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?
[PHIL] I GOT TO GO.
[PHIL] IT’S STILL JUST ONCE A YEAR, ISN’T IT?
[NED] HEY! PHIL?
PHIL? HEY!
PHIL CONNORS. I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
MY, OH, MY, PHIL CONNORS.
[NED] PHIL!
(snickering)
[NED] WATCH OUT FOR THAT FIRST STEP.
IT’S A DOOZY.
(laughing)
NOW DON’T YOU SAY YOU DON’T REMEMBER ME
BECAUSE I SURE AS HECK-FIRE REMEMBER YOU. WELL?
[PHIL] NED RYERSON?
[NED] BING! OH, FIRST SHOT, RIGHT OUT OF THE BOX. SO,
(polka music playing)
**STRIKE UP THE MUSIC
THE BAND HAS BEGUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
PICK OUT YOUR PARTNER
AND JOIN IN THE FUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
IT STARTED IN SCRANTON
IT’S NOW NUMBER ONE…**
I REALLY FEEL WEIRD.
[RITA] LET’S JUST DO THIS, PHIL, THEN WE’LL TALK.
[PHIL] ALL-RIGHT. ON ME IN THREE…TWO,ONE…
Well, it’s Groundhog Day… again
and that must mean
[Rita] PHIL! PHIL, OVER HERE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
[PHIL] RITA, DO ME A FAVOR? I NEED SOMEONE TO GIVE
ME A GOOD, HARD SLAP IN THE FACE.
[RITA] HOW’S THAT?
[PHIL] GOOD.
[LARRY] IF YOU NEED ANY HELP WITH THE OTHER CHEEK
I’M RIGHT HERE.
that we’re up here at Gobbler’s knob
waiting for the forecast
from the world’s most famous groundhog weatherman
Punxsutawney Phil, who’s just about to tell us how much
more winter we can expect.
(crowd chanting:) PHIL! PHIL! PHIL!
[RITA] THIS IS A RIOT. OH, ISN’T HE CUTE?
[PHIL] SOMETHING’S GOING ON. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO
DO.
[MAN] THIS FEBRUARY 2, AT 7:20 AND 30 SECONDS
PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL, THE SEER OF SEERS
[RITA] ARE YOU DRUNK?
[PHIL] DRUNK’S MORE FUN. CAN I BE SERIOUS FOR A
MINURE?
[RITA] I DON’T KNOW. CAN YOU?
[PHIL] YES, I’M BEING SERIOUS. I’M HAVING A PROBLEM.
PROGNOSTICATOR OF PROGNOSTICATORS EMERGED
RELUCTANTLY…
[RITA] PHIL!
[MAN] BUT ALERTLY IN…
(PHIL yelling)
I MAY BE HAVING A PROBLEM.
[LARRY] RITA, RITA…
[RITA] IT’S GROUNDHOG TIME.
[PHIL] SEE, I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT.
OH, MY GOSH!
YEAH, SPORT, I KNOW THERE’S A BLIZZARD.
WHEN ARE. THE LONG DISTANCE LINES GOING TO BE
REPAIRED?
WELL, WHAT IF THERE IS NO TOMORROW?
THERE WASN’T ONE TODAY.
HELLO?
(dial tone)
HELLO?!
WORK-RELATED?
[Larry] HEY…
[PHIL] IT’S A CREATIVE MEETING.
[RITA] WE’VE GOT WORK TO DO.
[PHIL] I’VE ALREADY DONE IT TWICE.
[RADIO] **Then put your little hand in mine
‘Cause there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb Babe
I got you, babe
I got you, babe…**
[MAN] MORNING! OFF TO SEE THE GROUNDHOG?
[MRS. LANCASTER] OH, DID YOU SLEEP WELL, MISTER..?
[PHIL] GOD!
WHEN YOU GET FINISHED, MEET ME IN THE DINER.
[RITA] PHIL…
[LARRY] WHAT’S THAT ALL ABOUT?
[RITA] I DON’T KNOW.
[LARRY] PRIMA DONNAS.
[WAITRESS] MORE COFFEE, HON?
[RITA] JUST A CHECK, PLEASE.
[NED] HEY!
PHIL?
THESE STICKY BUNS ARE JUST HEAVEN.
[WAITRESS] AREN’T THEY?
WELL, HEY, PHIL, DON’T SAY YOU DON’T REMEMBER ME
BECAUSE I SURE AS HECK-FIRE REMEMBER YOU.
IT’S ME, NED…RYERSON.
NEEDLENOSE NED, NED “THE HEAD.”
COME ON, BUDDY.
(loud clattering)
[Gus] REAL NICE.
JUST PUT THAT ANYWHERE, PAL, YEAH.
[Ralph] GOOD SAVE.
[RITA] OKAY, NOW TELL ME WHY YOU’RE TOO SICK TO
CASE WESTERN…HEY, LOOK…
**PICK OUT YOUR PARTNER AND JOIN IN THE FUN…**
[Rita] PHIL! OVER HERE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
[PHIL] CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT A MATTER THAT IS NOT
WORK.
[PHIL] RITA, I’M RELIVING THE SAME DAY OVER AND
OVER. GROUNDHOG DAY, TODAY.
[RITA] OKAY, I’M WAITING FOR THE PUNCH LINE.
[PHIL] NO, REALLY. THIS IS THE THIRD TIME.
IT’S LIKE YESTERDAY NEVER HAPPENED.
[RITA] I CAN’T BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHY YOU’D MAKE UP
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
[PHIL] I’M NOT MAKING IT UP. I AM ASKING YOU FOR HELP.
[RITA] PHIL, I THINK YOU NEED HELP.
THAT’S WHAT I ‘VE BEEN SAYING, RITA. I NEED HELP.
[DICTOR] WELL, NO SPOTS, NO CLOTS
NO TUMORS, NO LESIONS, NO ANEURYSMS...
AT LEAST, NONE THAT I CAN SEE.
[RITA] OKAY. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
[PHIL] I DON’T KNOW. YOU’RE A PRODUCER.
COME UP WITH SOMETHING.
[RITA] YOU SHOULD GET YOUR HEAD EXAMINED.
IF YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE A STUPID STORY LIKE
THAT, PHIL.
[MAN] PHIL? LIKE THE GROUNDHOG PHIL?
IF YOU WANT A CAT SCAN OR AN M.R.I. YOU’RE GOING TO
HAVE TO GO INTO PITTSBURGH.
[PHIL] I CAN’T GO INTO PITTSBURGH.
[DICTOR] WHY CAN’T YOU GO INTO PITTSBURGH?
[PHIL] I TOLD YOU. THERE’S A BLIZZARD.
[DICTOR] OH, RIGHT. THE BLIZZARD.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MAY NEED?
[PHIL] YEAH, LIKE THE GROUNDHOG PHIL.
[MAN] LOOK OUT. FOR YOUR SHADOW THERE, PAL.
[PHIL] A BIOPSY.
[DICTOR] A PSYCHIATRIST.
[PHIL] MORONS, YOUR BUS IS LEAVING.
[LARRY] WE BETTER GET GOING IF WE’RE GOING TO STAY
AHEAD OF THE WEATHER.
[RITA] LET’S TALK ABOUT IT BACK IN PITTSBURGH.
[PHIL] I’M NOT GOING BACK TO PITTSBURGH.
THAT’S AN UNUSUAL PROBLEM, MR. CONNORS. MOST OF
MY WORK IS WITH COUPLES, FAMILIES… I HAVE AN
ALCOHOLIC NOW.
[PHIL] YOU WENT TO COLLEGE, RIGHT?
IT WASN’T VETERINARY PSYCHOLOGY, WAS IT? DIDN’T
[Rita] WHY NOT?
[PHIL] BECAUSE OF THE BLIZZARD.
[RITA] YOU SAID THAT WAS GOING TO HIT ALTOONA.
[PHIL] I KNOW THAT’S WHAT I SAID.
YOU TAKE SOME KIND OF COURSE THAT COVERED THIS
STUFF?
[PSYCHIATRIST] YEAH, SORT OF, I GUESS, UH…
ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY.
[PHIL] SO…
WHAT DO I DO?
[PSYCHIATRIST] I THINK WE SHOULD MEET AGAIN.
HOW’S TOMORROW FOR YOU?
IS THAT NOT GOOD?
YOU GOT TO JIGGLE IT.
[GUS] COME ON UP HERE, PAL.
COME ON, GIVE ME YOUR KEYS.
GIVE ME THE KEYS.
FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS DRIVE, RIGHT?
[PHIL] I WAS IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS ONCE.
I MET A GIRL, WE ATE LOBSTER, DRANK PINA COLADAS.
AT SUNSET, WE MADE LOVE LIKE SEA OTTERS.
THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD DAY.
WHY COULDN’T I GET THAT DAY OVER AND OVER AND
OVER?
[GUS] YOU KNOW, SOME GUYS WOULD LOOK AT THIS
TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
YOU FEEL OKAY?
REALLY?
OKAY, YOU’RE ALL RIGHT.
[RULPH] UH-OH.
[PHIL] WHOA!
YOU WANT TO THROW UP HERE OR IN THE CAR?
GLASS AND SAY, “THAT GLASS IS HALF-EMPTY.”
OTHER GUYS WOULD SAY “THAT GLASS IS HALF-FULL.”
[RULPH] I THINK…BOTH.
[PHIL] COME ON.
I PEG YOU AS A “GLASS IS HALF-EMPTY” KIND OF GUY.
AM I RIGHT?
[PHIL] WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE STUCK IN ONE
PLACE AND EVERY DAY WAS EXACTLY THE SAME.
AND NOTHING THAT YOU DID MATTERED?
[GUS] I DON’T THINK I SHOULD BE DRIVING.
[PHIL] NO, NO. I DON’T EITHER.
WATCH YOUR HEAD.
NOW, WATCH YOUR KNEES.
ALL RIGHT. LET’S NOT FORGET THE SEAT BELTS.
[RALPH] THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP FOR ME.
[RALPH] GOOD LUCK.
I’LL DROP YOU OFF.
THIS THING STICKS A LITTLE BIT.
[RALPH] HEY, WHO ELSE COULD GO FOR SOME FLAPJACKS
RIGHT NOW?
[PHIL] LET ME ASK YOU GUYS A QUESTION.
[Ralph] SHOOT.
[PHIL] WHAT IF THRER WERE NO TOMORROW?
NO TOMORROW?
[GUS] THAT WOULD MEAN THERE WOULD BE NO
CONSEQUENCES.
THERE WOULD BE NO HANGOVERS.
YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE THE BIG CHANCES.
This is the police.
Pull over immediately.
[GUS] HEY, WE’RE TALKING IN HERE. UH, PHIL…
[PHIL] YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
WE COULD DO WHATEVER WE WANTED.
[PHIL] THAT’S TRUE.
WE COULD DO WHATEVER WE WANT.
[GUS] IF WE WANTED TO HIT MAILBOXES, WE COULD LET
RALPH DRIVE.
(siren wailing)
[GUS] OH, HEY, HEY, PHIL. THEY WANT YOU TO STOP.
I’M BETTING HE’S GOING TO SWERVE FIRST.
[GUS] PHIL…
[PHIL] I’M NOT GOING TO LIVE BY THEIR RULES
ANYMORE.
[RALPH] I NOTICED THAT.
[PHIL] YOU MAKE CHOICES, AND TOU LIVE WITH THEM.
UH-OH!
[PHIL] HANG ON.
Phil: IT’S THE SAME THING YOUR WHOLE LIFE. “CLEAN UP
[GUS] OH, OH, OH. MY KNEE.
[PHIL] LET ME HANDLE THIS.
YOUR ROOM.
“PICK UP YOUR FEET.
“TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.
“BE NICE TO YOUR SISTER.
DON’T MIX BEER AND WINE.”
YEAH, THREE CHEESEBURGERS, TWO LARGE FRIES TWO
CHOCOLATE SHAKES, AND ONE LARGE COKE.
[RALPH] AND SOME FLAPJACKS.
[PHIL] TOO EARLY FOR FLAPJACKS?
**Then put your little hand in mine
OH, YEAH.
“DON’T DRIVE ON THE RAILROAD TRACKS.” WELL,
[GUS] THAT’S ONE I HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH.
[PHIL] I DON’T KNOW, GUS. SOMETIMES, I THINK
‘Cause there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb…**
[PHIL] YES! OH, RISE AND SHINE, CAMPERS.
DON’T FORGET YOUR BOOTLES ‘CAUSE IT’S COLD OUT
THERE TODAY. WHAT IS THIS, MIAMI BEACH? NOT HARDLY.
[MRS. LANCASTER] OH, I….
[PHIL] SLEPT LIKE A BABY, THANK YOU.
I’D LOVE SOME OF YOUR COFFEE, PLEASE.
[MRS.LANCASTER] I HOPE…
[PHIL] FLURRIES MOVING IN A BIT LATER BUT THE
[WAITRESS] SURE THING.
(clattering)
[GUS] REAL NICE.
JUST PUT THAT ANYWHERE, PAL, YEAH.
[Ralph] GOOD SAVE.
BLIZZARD’S GOING TO HIT OUTSIDE OF TOWN. WAS
ANYBODY LOOKING FOR ME?
A STATE OFFICIAL, MAYBE A BLUE HAT, GUN, NIGHTSTICK?
[MRS.LANCASTER] OH, NO. NO ONE LIKE THAT. WILL
THERE BE?
[PHIL] APPARENTLY NOT. WILL YOU HOLD MY ROOM,
PLEASE?
[RITA] DON’T YOU WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL LUNG
CANCER, LOVE HANDLES?
[PHIL] I DON’T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE.
[RITA] WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL? EVERYBODY
WORRIES.
[PHIL] THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT MAKES ME SO SPECIAL. I
DON’T EVEN HAVE TO FLOSS.
I’M GOING TO STAY AN EXTRA DAY.
CATCH YOU TOMORROW, HUH, POP.
[RITA] OH!
[PHIL] WHAT?
[NED] HEY…PHIL? PHIL? HEY, PHIL CONNORS!
[PHIL] NED!
[RITA] I LIKE TO SEE A MAN OF ADVANCING YEARS
THROWING CAUTION TO THE WIND. IT’S INSPIRING, IN A
WAY.
[RITA] “THE WRETCH, CONCENTERED ALL IN SELF.
“LIVING, SHALL FORFEIT FAIR RENOWN” AND DOUBLY
DYING, SHALL GO DOWN
“TO THE VILE DUST, FROM WHENCE HE SPRUNG UNWEPT,
UNHONORED AND UNSUNG.”
[PHIL] MY YEARS ARE NOT ADVANCING AS FAST AS YOU
MIGHT THINK.
[WAITRESS] MORE COFFEE, HON?
[PHIL] YEAH. KEEP IT COMING, PLEASE.
SIR WALTER SCOTT.
YOU DON’T LIKE POETRY?
[PHIL] I LOVE POETRY.
I JUST THOUGHT THAT WAS WILLARD SCOTT.
DO YOU THINK I’M ACTING LIKE THIS
BECAUSE I’M EGOCENTRIC?
[RITA] I KNOW YOU’RE EGOCENTRIC.
[LARRY] WE BETTER GET GOING
IF WE’RE GOING TO STAY AHEAD OF THE WEATHER.
[PHIL] IN 12th GRADE, YOUR ENGLISH TEACHER WAS…
[NANCY] MRS. WALSH.
[PHIL] MRS. WALSH. NANCY. LINCOLN. WALSH.
OKAY, THANKS VERY MUCH.
[NANCY] HEY…
[RITA] THANKS, LARRY.
WOULD YOU LIKE A DOGGIE BAG?
[PHIL] NO, I’M GOING TO FINISH.
[RITA] I THOUGHT YOU HATED THIS TOWN.
[PHIL] NO IT’S BEGINNING TO GROW ON ME.
[PHIL] LARRY, QUIT STARING. THESE ARE EXCELLENT.
[RITA] BON APPETIT.
HEY!
[RADIO] STRIKE UP THE MUSIC
THE BAND HAS BEGUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
[PHIL] NANCY? NANCY TAYLOR? LINCOLN HIGH SCHOOL.
I SAT NEXT TO YOU IN MRS. WALSH’ ENGLISH CLASS.
[NANCY] OH. I’M SORRY…
Phil meets Nancy
[PHIL] DID YOU SEE THE GROUNDHOG THIS MORNING?
[PHIIL] PHIL CONNORS.
[NANCY] WOW, THAT’S AMAZING.
[NANCY] UH-HUH. I NEVER MISS IT.
[PHIL] WHAT’S YOUR NAME?
[NANCY] NANCY TAYLOR. AND YOU ARE…?
[PHIL] WHAT HIGH SCHOOL DID YOU GO TO?
[NANCY] WHAT?
[PHIL] YOU DON’T REMEMBER ME, DO YOU?
[NANCY] UM…
[PHIL] I EVEN ASK YOU TO THE PROM.
[NANCY] PHIL CONNORS?
[PHIL] I WAS SHORT, AND I’VE SPROUTED.
[PHIL] HIGH SCHOOL.
[NANCY] LINCOLN IN PITTSBURGH. WHO ARE YOU?
[PHIL] WHO WAS YOUR 12th GRADE ENGLISH TEACHER?
[NANCY] ARE YOU KIDDING?
[NANCY] YEAH… GOSH, HOW ARE YOU?
[PHIL] GREAT. YOU LOOK TERRIFIC. YOU LOOK VERY, VERY
TERRIFIC. LISTEN, I GOT TO GO DO THIS REPORT.
[NANCY] ARE YOU A REPORTER?
[PHIL] I’M A WEATHERMAN WITH CHANNEL 9 PITTSBURGH.
[NANCY] WOW! GOSH, I SHOULD HAVE KNOW. THAT’S
GREAT.
[PHIL] MAYBE LATEER WE COULD…
[NANCY] YEAH, WHATEVER.
A DOG BARKS.
(dog barking)
CUE THE TRUCK.
EXIT HERMAN.
WALK INTO THE BANK.
[PHIL] STAY RIGHT HERE. YOU PROMISE ME?
[NANCY] YES.
[PHIL] I’LL BE BACK. WISH ME LUCK.
[NANCY] GOOD LUCK!
[NANCY] OH, PHIL! OH, PHIL!
[PHIL] OH, RITA.
[NANCY] WHO’S RITA?
EXIT FELIX AND STAND THERE.
WITH A NOT-SO-BRIGHT LOOK ON YOU FACE
ALL RIGHT, DORIS.
COME ON.
FIX YOUR BAR, HONEY.
THAT’S BETTER.
“FELIX.”
[PHIL] HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
[NANCY] WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF ONE-NIGHT STAND?
“HOW YOU DOING, DORIS?”
“CAN I HAVE A ROLL OF QUARTERS?”
[PHIL] ON THE CONTRARY, NANCY. I LOVE YOU. I’VE
ALWAYS LOVED YOU. THIS IS GOING TO SEEM SUDDEN,
BUT… NANCY, WILL YOU BE MY WIFE?
[NANCY] OH, PHIL.
[PHIL] RITA…
TEN…
NINE…
EIGHT…
CAR…
SIX…
[NANCY] NANCY.
[PHIL] WHATEVER.
FIVE…
QUARTERS…
THREE…
TWO…
[PHIL] A GUST OF WIND.
[HERMAN] FELIX, DID I BRING OUT TWO BAGS OR ONE?
[FILIX] I DON’T KNOW.
(spurs jingling)
[GIRL] I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO A COSTUME PARTY.
(imitating Clint Eastwood: )
[RITA] I DON’T KNOW, PHIL. WHAT ARE YOU DYING FOR?
[PHIL] NO… I MEAN, THE WHOLE WORLD IS ABOUT TO
EXPLODE. WHAT DO YOU DO?
[RITA] I’D JUST WANT TO KNOW WHERE TO PUT THE
CARMRA. WHAT ARE YOU LOIOKING FOR? A DATE FOR THE
[PHIL] IT’S LIKE I SAID. I LOVE THIS FILM. I’VE SEEN IT
OVER 100 TIMES.
[GIRL] PHIIL!
[PHIL] TOLD YOU, CALL ME BRONCO.
[GIRL] SORRT, BRONCO.
[PHIL] HI YA, NANCY. MY OWN FIANCE DOESN’T
REMEMBER ME.
WEEKEND?
[PHIL] NO. I’M JUST INTERESTED IN YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WHAT DO YOU LIKE?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT?
WHAT KIND OF MEN ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?
WOMAN: HI.
[GIRL] HI.
[RITA] IS THIS FOR REAL OR ARE YOR TRYING TO MAKE ME
LOOK LIKE A FOOL?
[PHIL] THAT WILL BE ONE ADULT, AND…
[GIRL] TWO ADULTS.
[PHIL] TWO ADULTS, I GUESS.
…groundhog, who, as legend has it can predict the coming of an early
spring. So I guess the question we have to ask ourselves today is does
[PHIL] I’ M TRYING TO TALK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE.
ISN’T THIS HOW THEY TALK?
[RITA] CLOSE. …
[PHIL] SO TALK TO ME. LET ME BUY YOU A CUP OF
COFFIEE…AND A DOUGHNUT.
Phil feel lucky?
[RITA] ALL RIGHT.
Phil: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE, ANYWAY?
[RITA] I GUESS I WANT WANT EVERYBODY WANTS. YOU
KNOW, CAREER, LOVE, MAGGIAGE, CHILDREN.
GOUNDHOG. DAY#6
[PHIL] RITA, IF YOU ONLY HAD ONE DAY TO LIVE WHAT
WOULD YOU DO WITH IT?
[PHIL] ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE?
[RITA] THIS IS GETTING TOO PERSONAL. I DON’T THINK I’M
READY TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU. HOW ABOUT YOU?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
[PHIL] WHAT I REALLY WANT IS SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
[RITA] HE LIKES ANIMALS AND CHILDREN AND HE’LL
CHANGE POOPY DIAPERS.
[PHIL] DOES HE HAVE TO USE THE WORD “POOPY”?
[RITA] OH, AND HE PLAYS AN INSTRUMENT
AND HE LOVES HIS MOTHER.
[RITA] OH, PLEASE.
[PHIL] WELL, WHY NOT? WHAT ARE LOOKING FOR? WHO IS
YOUR PERFFECT GUY?
[RITA] WELL, FIRST OF ALL HE’S TO HUMBLE TO KNOW
HE’S PERFFCT.
[PHIL] THAT’S ME.
[RITA] HE’S INTELLIGENT, SUPPORTIVE FUNNY.
[PHIL] I AM REALLY CLOSE ON THIS ONE.
REALLY, REALLY CLOSE.
[PHIL] INTELLIGENT, SUPPORTIVE, FUNNY…ME, ME, ME.
[RITA] HE’S ROMANTIC AND COURAGEOUS.
[RITA] VAN STILL WON’T START. LARRY’S WORKING ON IT.
[PHIL] WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT. CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
[PHIL] ME, ALSO.
[RITA] A GOOD BOY.
BUT HE DOESN’T LOOK IN THE MIRROR EVERY TWO
MINUTES.
[PHIL] I HAVE A GREAT BODY.
[RITA] OKAY.
[PHIL] JIM BEAM, ICE, WATER.
[BARTENDER] FOR YOU, MISS?
[RITA] SWEET VERMOUTH ON THE ROCKS WITH A TWIST,
PLEASE.
AND SOMETIMES, I GO MONTHS WITHOUT LOOKING.
[RITA] HE’S KIND, SENSITIVE, AND GENTLE.
HE’S NOT AFRAID TO CRY IN FRONT OF ME.
[PHIL] THIS IS A MAN WE’RE TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT?
Phil & Rita – Take 2
[PHIL] WHAT ARE THE CHANCE OF GETTING OUT OF
TODAY?
[RITA] THE VAN STILL WON’T START. LARRY’S WORKING
Phil & Rita - Take 1
[GIRL] IT’S PHIL CONNORS.
[PHIL] HELLO. THANKS FOR WATCHING.
[PHIL] SO WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF GETTING OUT
TODAY?
ON IT.
[PHIL] WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT. CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
[RITA] OKAY.
[PHIL] SWEET VERMOUTH, ROCKS, WITH A TWIST, PLEASE.
[BARTENDER] FOR YOU, MISS?
[RITA] WHAT SHOULD WE DRINK TO?
[PHIL] I LIKE TO SAY A PRAYER AND DRINK TO WORLD
PEACE
[RITA] TO WORLD PEACE.
[PHIL] WORLD PEACE. AMEM.
[RITA] THE SAME. THAT MY FAVORITE DRINK.
[PHIL] MINE TOO.
[PHIL] IT ALWAYS MAKES ME THINK OF ROME…
THE WAY THE SUN HITS THE BUILDINGS IN THE
AFTERNOON.
[RITA] OH WHAT SHOULD WE DRINK TO?
[PHIL] TO THE GROUNDFOG.
[RITA] THIS IS WONDERFUL.
[PHIL] SEE, DON’T I TELL YOU?
[RITA] HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT
PUNXSUTAWENY?
[PHIL] I’VE SPENT A LOT OF TIME HERE.
SMALL-TOWN PEOPLE ARE MORE REAL, MORE DOWN TO
[RITA] I ALWAYS DRINK TO THE WORLD PEACE
Phil & Rita – Take 3
[PHIL] CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
[RITA] OKAY.
[PHIL] SWEET VERMOUTH, ROCKS, WITH A TWIST, PLEASE.
[BARTENDER] FOR YOU, MISS?
[RITA] THE SAME. THAT MY FAVORITE DRINK.
[PHIL] MINE TOO.
[PHIL] IT ALWAYS MAKES ME THINKS OF ROME…
THE WAY THE SUN HITS THE BUILDINGS IN THE
AFTERNOON.
EARTH.
[RITA] THAT’S HOW I FELL.
[PHIL] WOULD YOU WANT TO TRY SOME WHITE
CHOCOLATE?
[RITA] YUCK. DON’T MAKE ME SICK.
[PHIL] NO WHITE CHOCOLATE,
[RITA] THERE IS SOMETHING SO FAMILIAR ABOUT THIS.
DO YOU EVER HAVE DÉJÀ VU?
[PHIL] DIDN’T YOU TUST ASK ME THAT?
[PHIL] I THINK PEOPLE PLACE TOO MUCH EMPHASIS ON
THEIR CAREERS. I WISH WE COULD ALL LIVE IH THE
MOUNTAINS AT HIGH ALTITUDE. THAT’S WHERE I SEE
MYSELF IN FIVE YEARS. HOW ABOUT YOU?
[RITA] OH, I AGREE.
I JUST LIKE TO GO WITH THE FLOW.
SEE WHERE IT LEADS ME.
SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
[PHIL] WELL, IT’S GOTTON YOU HERE.
[RITA] UH-HUH. OF COURSE, IT’S A MILLION MILES FROM
WHERE I STARTED OUT IN COLLEGE.
[PHIL] YOU WEREN’T IN BROADCASTING OR JOURNALISM?
[PHIL] WELL, IT’S LED YOU HERE.
[RITA] MM-HMM. OF COURSE, IT’S ABOUT A MILLION
MILES FROM WHERE I STARTED OUT IN COLLEGE.
[PHIL] YOU WEREN’T IN BROADCASTING AND
JOURNALISM?
[RITA] HMM-MM.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT.
[RITA] UH-UH. BELIEVE IT OR NOT
I STUDIED 19th-CENTURY FRENCH POETRY.
[PHIL] LA FILLE QUI J’AIMERAIS SERA COMME MON FRERE
(speaking French)
UN PEU, CHAQUE MATIN.
[RITA] YOU SPEAK FRENCH.
[PHIL] OUI.
I STUDIED 19TH-CENTURY FRENCH POETRY.
[PHIL] WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. I MEAN, FOR SOMEONE
[PHIL] CATCH UP. I HAVEN’T DONE THIS SINCE I WAS A KID.
[RITA] ME NEITHER. IT’S FUN.
ELSE THAT WOULD BE AN INCREDIBLE WASTE OF TIME. IT
WAS SO BOLD OF YOU TO CHOOSE THAT. IT’S
INCREDIBLE.YOU MUST BE A VERY STRONG PERSON.
[PHIL] I THINK PEOPLE PLACE TOO MUCH EMPHASIS ON
THEIR CAREERS. GOSH, I WISH WE COULD ALL LIVE IN THE
[PHIL] IT’S GOOD, CLEAN FUN.
I HOPE THAT, ONE DAY I CAN DO THIS WITH MY OWN
CHILDREN.
[RITA] WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
[PHIL] WELL, I WENT OVER TO THE SNOWMAN SHOP. HEY,
MOUNTAINS AT HIGH ALTITUDES. THAT’S WHERE I SEE
MYSELF IN FIVE YEARS. HOW ABOUT YOU?
[RITA] OH, I AGREE.
I JUST LIKE TO GO WITH THE FLOW.
AN ASSASSIN!
I’LL PROTECT YOU, YOUR MAJESTY.
I SHALL DIE FOR YOU.
YOU SHALL NOT TAKE HER.
FIND COVER, MY LADY.
Boy: HEY, NICE ARM.
I’M GETTING SOME GOOD ONES.
HEY, THERE’S A BOY.
THAT’S A BOY.
[PHIL] WHAT?
[RITA] I’M JUST AMAZED. AND I’M NOT EASILY AMAZED.
[PHIL] ABOUT WHAT?
[RITA] HOW YOU CAN START A DAY WITH ONE KIND OF
EXPECTATION AND END UP SO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
GOOD TRY, SON.
[RITA] HELP ME.
**YOU GIVE YOUR HAND TO ME
AND THEN YOU SAY HELLO
AND I CAN HARDLY SPEAK
MY HEART IS BEATING SO
AND ANYONE CAN TELL
[PHIL] WELL, DO YOU LIKE THE WAY THIS DAY IS TURNING
OUT?
[RITA] I LIKE IT VERY MUCH.IT’S A PERFECT DAY.
YOU COULDN’T HAVE PLANNED A DAY LIKE THIS.
[PHIL] WELL, YOU CAN. IT JUST TAKES AN AWFUL LOT OF
WORK.COME ON IN. I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
[RITA] I DON’T THINK I SHOULD.
YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME WELL
BUT YOU DON’T KNOW ME
[PHIL] I DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD, EITHER.
I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU THIS ONE THING
NO, YOU DON’T KNOW ME
NO, YOU DON’T KNOW THE ONE
WHO DREAMS OF YOU AT NIGHT
AND LONGS TO KISS YOUR LIPS
AND LONGS TO HOLD YOU TIGHT
AND KICK YOU RIGHT OUT.
[RITA] IT’S JUST LOVELY.
[PHIL] WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT AND STARE AT THE FAKE
FIRE?
[RITA] OKAY. IT’S REALLY A WONDERFUL ROOM.
OH, I’M JUST A FRIEND
THAT’S ALL I’VE EVER BEEN
‘CAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW ME.**
[RITA] OH.
[PHIL] IT IS NOW.
[RITA] I DON’T KNOW, PHIL. I DON’T THINK WE SHOULD DO
THIS.
[PHIL] I DON’T, EITHER.
NO, ON SECOND THOUGH, I THINK WE SHOULD.
IT’S THE PERFECT END TO A PERFECT DAY.
[RITA] WELL, IT’S A LITTLE FAST FOR ME.
[PHIL] ME TOO.
[RITA] MAYBE I SHOULD GO.
[RITA] NO, PHIL, REALLY.
[PHIL] COME ON, JUST STAY FOR A WHILE
AND IF YOU LIKE IT, STAY FOR A WHILE LONGER.
[RITA] LET’S NOT SPOIL IT, OKAY?
[PHIL] I’M NOT SPOILING IT.
[PHIL] WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
WHY?
WE’VE GOT A PERFECT FIRE.
I’VE GOT SOME FRENCH POETRY HERE.
BAUDELAIRE?
C’EST FANTASTIQUE.
I WELL READ TO YOU.
I DON’T WANT TO SPOIL IT, EITHER.
[RITA] YOU KNOW I CAN’T STAY WITH YOU.
[PHIL] WHY NOT?
I LOVE YOU.
[RITA] YOU LOVE ME?
[PHIL] I LOVE YOU.
[RITA] YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME.
I’VE GOT SOME ICE CREAM OVER ON THIS WINDOWSILL.
HOLD ON A MINUTE.
[PHIL] OH I KNOW YOU.
I KNOW YOU.
ROCKY ROAD.
[RITA] OH, I LOVE ROCKY ROAD.
[PHIL] YEAH, I THOUGHT SO.
YOU HAVE TO STAY.
[RITA] NO, REALLY,PHIL, I’M TIRED.
[RITA] OH, NO. I CAN’T BELIEVE I FELL FOR THIS. THIS
WHOLE DAY HAS JUST BEEN ONE LONG SETUP.
[PHIL] NO, IT HASN’T.
[RITA] AND I HATE FUDGE.
YUCK
WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER TOMORROW.
[PHIL] NO.
TONIGHT.
IT’S GOT TO BE TONIGHT.
[PHIL] NO WHITE CHOCOLATE, NO FUDGE.
[RITA] ARE YOU MAKING SOME KIND OF LIST OR
SOMETHING?
DID YOU CALL UP MY FRIENDS AND ASK
WHAT I LIKE AND DON’T LIKE?
IS THIS WHAT LOVE IS FOR YOU?
[PHIL] NO, THIS IS REAL.
[RITA] STOP SAYING THAT.
YOU MUST BE CRAZY.
I WISH THESE WERE MY OWN KIDS HITTING ME LIKE THAT.
HEY!
OW, OW! ARE ANY OF YOU ADOPTION?
HERE’S A HUMDINGER OVER HERE.
WASN’T THAT GREAT?
I COULD NEVER LOVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU
BECAUSE YOU’LL NEVER LOVE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF.
[PHIL] I DON’T EVEN LIKE MYSELF.
GIVE MA ANOTHER CHANCE.
[RITA] THAT’S FOR MAKING ME CARE ABOUT YOU.
[PHIL] I HAVEN’T DONE THIS SINCE I WAS A KID.
[RITA] ME NEITHER.
[RITA] STOP IT.
**STRIKE UP THE MUSIC
THE BAND HAS BEGUN**
Rita: PHIL, OVER HERE.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
YOU’RE MISSING ALL THE FUN.
PHIL, YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.
IT’S FUN.
[PHIL] AND GOOD, CLEAN FUN TOO.
WHAT HAPPENED? ROUGH NIGHT?
[PPIL] [PHIL] YEAH.
GOSH, I CAN’T WAIT TO DO THIS WITH MY OWN CHILDREN.
I WANT KIDS, LOTS OF KIDS.
I WANT TO ADOPT.
I WANT TO HAVE MY OWN KIDS.
I WANT TO HAVE FOSTER KIDS.
OKAY, CAMPERS, RISE AND SHINE.
AND DON’T FORGET YOUR BOOTIES
‘CAUSE IT’S COLD OUT THERE TODAY.
IT’S COLD OUT THERE EVERY DAY.
Alex Trebek：”This country’s largest lake, Chapala is
HEY, SOME KID JUST THREW A SNOWBALL AT US.
LET’S HAVE SOME FUN.
COME ON.
HEY KIDS, COME ON.
located near the city
of Guadalajara,”
[PHIL] WHAT IS MEXICO?
What is Mexico?
“Lakes and Rivers,” 400.
“Seneca is the largest of these lakes…”WHAT
[PHIL] ARE THE FINGER LAKES?
What are the Finger Lakes?
Correct.
USED TO MEAN SOMETHING IN THIS TOWN.
THEY USED TO PULL THE HOG OUT AND EAT IT.YOU’RE
HYPOCRITES, ALL OF YOU!
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I’M SAYING, LARRY?
UNTIE YOUR TONGUE.
“This South American lake drains into…”
[PHIL] WHAT IS TITICACA?
What is Titicaca?
Correct.
“Lakes and Rivers”
for 1000.
“Milky colored…”
COME HERE AND TALK.
AM I UPSETTING YOU
PRINCESS?
YOU KNOW, YOU WANT A PREDICTION ABOUT THE
WEATHER YOU’RE ASKING THE WRONG PHIL.
I’LL GIVE YOU A WINTER PREDICTION.
IT’S GOING TO BE COLD…
[PHIL] WHAT IS THE RHONE?
“…this river is blue upon exiting.” What is the
IT’S GOING TO BE GRAY…
AND IT’S GOING TO LAST YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR
Rhone?
The Rhone, good, for $1,000.
You are $500 off the lead.
[PHIL] VERY GOOD.
THIS IS PITIFUL.
LIFE.
Then put your little hand in mine…
（clattering）
1,000 PEOPLE FREEZING THEIR BUTTS OFF WAITING
TO WORSHIP A RAT.
WHAT A HYPE.
GROUNDHOG DAY
Then put your little hand in mine
‘Cause there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb
（clattering）
（tinny and distorted:）I got you, babe.
Then put your little hand in mine
‘Cause there ain’t no hill or mount…
[PHIL] ONCE AGAIN, THE EYES OF THE NATION
HAVE TURNED HERE, TO THIS…
TINY VILLAGE IN WESTERN PENNSYLVANIA
BLAH, BLAH－BLAH, BLAH－BLAH.
THERE IS NO WAYTHAT THIS WINTER IS EVER GOING TO
END AS LONG AS THIS GROUNDHOG KEEPS SEETING HIS
SHADOW. I DON’T SEE AN OTHER WAY.
HE’S GOT TO BE STOPPED.
AND I HAVE TO STOP HIM.
[LARRY] REAL GOOD, PHIL.
REAL GOOD.
[RITA] HE’S OUT OF HIS GOURD.
I’M WORRIED.
I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH PHIL.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
I BELIEVE HE DID.
（both laughing）
OKAY, LITTLE FELLA, THERE YOU GO.
[MAN] HI, THERE, MISTER.
SOMETHING I CAN DO YOU FOR?
HEY!
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
HEY!
JAKE! GET THE WORD OUT!
SOMEBODY KIDNAPPED PHIL!
WE’RE GOING AFTER HIM.
（tires screeching）
[RITA] WHY WOULD ANYBODY STEAL A GROUNDHOG?
[LARRY] YEAH. THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS REALLY WRONG
WITH PHIL.
[RITA] OH, HI, PHIL.
[PHIL] I’VE COME TO THE END OF ME, RITA.
THERE’S NO WAY OUT NOW.
[LARRY] I CAN THINK OF A COUPLE OF REASONS.
PERVERT.
[RITA] HE MUST HAVE JUST SNAPPED.
[LARRY] THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD.
（tiers screening）
I JUST WANT YOU TO REMEMBER.
WE HAD A BEAUTIFUL DAY TOGETHER ONCE.
[MAN] ALL RIGHT, LITTLE FELLA, GOOD JOB.
HE JUST SMILED AT ME!
[RITA] WHAT IS HE DOING?
WHAT CAN HE BE THINKING?
[PHIL] THAT’S NOT BAD FOR A QUADRUPED.
YOU GOT TO CHECK YOUR MIRRORS.
JUST SIDE OF YOUR EYE.
THAT’S IT, THAT’S IT.
HEY, THEY’RE CHASING US!
COME ON, MAKE IT FUN.
（squawks）
[LARRY] HE MIGHT BE OKAY.
WELL, NO, PROBABLY NOT NOW.
**Then put your little hand in mine.
‘Cause there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb**
[PHIL] AW, NUTS.
DON’T DRIVE ANGRY.
DON’T DRIVE ANGRY!
[MAN] HOT DOG! THERE’S NO WAY OUT EXCEPT THE WAY
WE CAME IN.
WE GOT HIM NOW.
（truck engine revving）
（truck engine revving louder）
[MRS. LANCASTER]DID YOU SLEEP WELL, MR. CONNORS?
WOULD YOU LIKE SOMEM, UH, TOAST?
（crackling）
[LARRY] WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?
[RITA] I DON’T KNOW.
（church bells ringing）
[MAN] IF YOU SHOOT, AIM HIGH.
DON’T HIT THE GROUNDHOG.
[PHIL] WE MUSTN’T KEEP OUR PUBLIC WAITING..
（chattering and whimpering）
[LARRY]HE WAS A …REALLY, REALLY GREAT GUY.
I REALLY, REALLY LIKED HIM.
A LOT.
OH, MY GOD!
（honking）
（tires screening）
（thud）
[RITA] THAT’S HIM.
IT’S SHOW TIME, PHIL.
Phil Convinces Rita
[RITA] I’M SORRY? WHAT WAS THAT AGAIN?
ALL RIGHT, ON ME, LARRY, IN THERE…
TWO…
ONE…
[RITA]PHIL!
[PHIL] I’M A GOD.
[RITA] YOU’RE A GOD.
[PHIL] I’M A GOD, I’M NOT THE GOD…I DON’T THINK.
[RITA] BECAUSE YOU SURVIVED A CAR WRECK?
[DORIS] YOU FOLKS READY?
[PHIL] I DIDN’T JUST SURVIVE A WRECK.
I WASN’T JUST BLOWN UP.
I HAVE BEEN STABBED, SHOT, POISONED,
FROZEN, HUNG, ELECTROCUTED AND BURNED.
HER BROTHER-IN-LAW
OWNS THIS DINER.
SHE’S WORKED HERE SINCE SHE WAS 17.
MORE THAN ANYTHING
SHE WANTS TO SEE PARIS BEFORE SHE DIES.
[RITA] OH, REALLY?
[PHIL] EVERY MORNING, I WAKE UP WITHOUT A
SCRATCH…
NOT A DENT IN THE FENDER.
I AM AN IMMORTAL.
[DORIS] SPECIAL TODAY IS BLUEBERRY WAFFLES.
[RITA] WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?
[DORIS] OH, BOY, WOULD I.
[PHIL] THIS IS DEBBIE KLEISER AND HER FIANCEE.
[DEBBIE] DO I KNOW YOU?
[PHIL] THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING MARRIED
TODAY
BUT DEBBIE IS HAVING SECOND THOUGHTIS.
[DEBBIE’S FIANCEE] WHAT? !
[PHIL] BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO BELIEVE IN ME.
[RITA] YOU’RE NOT A GOD. TAKE MY WORD.
[RITA] LOVELY RING.
[PHIL] THIS IS BELL.
THIS IS 12 YEARS OF CATHOLIC SCHOOL TALKING.
[DORIS] I COULD COME BACK IF YOU’RE NOT READY.
[PHIL] HOW DO YOU KNOW I’M NOT A GOD?
[RITA] OH, PLEASE!
[PHIL] HOW DO YOU KNOW?
HE’S BEEN A WAITER SINCE HE LEFT PENN STATE. HE
LIKES THE TOWN, HE PAINTS TOY SOLDIERS AND HE’S
GAY.
[BILL] I AM.
[PHIL] THIS IS GUS.
[RITA] IT’S NOT POSSIBLE!
(whispering: ) [DORIS] I’LL COME BACK.
DORIS.
THIS IS DORIS.
HE WISHES HE STAYED IN THE NAVY.
[GUS] I COULD HAVE RETIRED ON HALF-PAY AFTER 20
YEARS.
[RITA] IS THIS SOME TRICK?
[PHIL] MAYBE THE REAL GOD USES TRICKS.
MAYBE HE’S NOT OMNIPOTENT.
HE’S BEEN AROUND SO LONG HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.
[RITA] OKAY. WHO’S THAT?
[PHIL] THIS IS TOM. HE WORKED IN THE MINE.
BUT YOU’RE HOPING FOR MORE THEN CHANNEL 9,
PITTSBURGH.
[RITA] WELL, EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
[PHIL] YOU LIKE A BOATS, BUT NOT THE OCEAN.
YOU GO TO LAKE IN THE SUMMER WITH YOUR FAMILY.
[RITA] AND HER?
[PHIL] THAT’S ALICE, FROM IRELAND SHE LIVED IN EERIE.
[ALICE] HE’S RIGHT.
[RITA] AND HER?
[PHIL] NANCY. SHE MAKES NOISES LIKE A CHIPMUNK
WHEN SHE GETS EXCITED.
[NANCY] HEY!
THERE’S A WOODEN DOCK
AND A BOATHOUSE WITH BOARDS MISSING FROM THE
ROOF AND A PLACE YOU CRAWLED UNDERNEACH TO BE
ALONE. YOU’RE A SUCKER FOR FRANCH POETRY AND
RHINESTONES.
YOU’RE VERY GENEROUS.
YOU’RE KIND TO STRANGERS AND CHILDREN WHEN YOU
[PHIL] IT’S TRUE.
[RITA] HOW DO YOU KNOW THEM?
STAND IN THE SNOW
YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANGEL.
[PHIL] I KNOW EVERYTHING.
IN FIVE SECONDS, A WAITER WILL DROP A TRAY. FIVE,
FOUR…
[RITA] THIS IS NUTS.
[PHIL] OKAY?
[RITA] HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS?
[PHIL] I TOLD YOU.
I WAKE UP EVERY DAY RIGHT HERE
RIGHT IN PUNXSUTAWNEY, AND IT’S ALWAYS FEBURARY 2
AND THERE’S NOTHING. I CAN DO ABOUT IT.
[RITA] OKAY, THAT’S ENOUGH.
[RITA] WHAT ABOUT ME, PHIL?
DO YOU KNOW ME TOO?
[PHIL] YOU LIKE PRODUCING
IF YOU STILL CAN’T BELIEVE ME, LISTEN: IN TEN SECONDS
LARRY IS GOING TO COME THROUGH THAT DOOR
AND TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME, BUT YOU CAN’T LET HIM.
[RITA] LARRY?
[PHIL] PLEASE, BELIEVE ME.
YOU’VE GOT TO BELIEVE ME.
[LARRY] YOU GUYS READY?
WE BETTER GET GOING
IF WE’RE GOING TO STAY AHEAD OF THE WEATHER.
（whistles tunelessly）
（whistles tunelessly）
（laughs）
[LARRY] WHAT’S THAT?
[RITA] “…IF WE’RE GOING TO STAY AHEADE OF THE
WEATHER.”
MAYBE IT REALLY IS HAPPENING.
I MEAN, HOW ELSE COULD YOU KNOW SO MUCH?
[PHIL] THERE IS NO WAY.
I’M NOT THAT SMART.
[RITA] IT WOULD TAKE ME A YEAR TO GET GOOD AT THIS.
[PHIL] NO. SIX MONTHS, FIVE HOURS A DAY AND YOU’D BE
AN EXPERT.
[RITA] IS THIS WHAT YOU DO WITH ETERNITY?
[PHIL] NOW YOU KNOW.
THAT’S NOT THE WORST PART.
[RITA] WHAT’S THE WORST PART?
[RITA] MAYBE I SHOULD SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY
WITH YOU US AN OBJECTIVE WITNESS,JUST TO SEE WHAT
[PHIL] THE WORST PART IS THAT
TOMORROW, YOU WILL HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT
HAPPENS.
[PHIL] GEE, THIS SOUNDS LIKE A SCIENCE PROJECT.
CONCENTRATE.
YOU GOT TO WANT IT.
YOU’VE GOT TO WANT IT, RITA.
THIS AND YOU’LL TREAT ME LIKE A JERK AGAIN.
[RITA] NO!
[PHIL] IT’S ALL RIGHT. I AM A JERK.
[RITA] NO, YOU’RE NOT.
[PHIL] IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
OH, COME ON.
IT’S MORE IN THE WRISTS THAN
THE FINGERS.
YOU JUST GOT TO…
I’VE KILLED MYSELF SO MANY TIMES
I DON’T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE.
[RITA] WELL, SOMETIMES, I WISH I HAD A THOUSAND
LIFETIMES. I DON’T KNOW, PHIL.
BE THE HAT, COME ON, GO.
BE THE HAT.
MAYBE IT’S NOT A CURSE.
IT JUST DEPENDS ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.
[PHIL] GOSH, YOU’RE AN UPBEAT LADY.
[RITA] I WANT YOU TO KNOW, IT’S BEEN A REALLY NICE
DAY FOR ME.
I PROMISE I WON’T TOUGH YOU…
[RITA] HMM…
[PHIL] …MUCH.
[RITA] THAT’S ALL RIGHT.
I’M… I’M NOT TIRED.
[PHIL] ME TOO.
[RITA] AND MAYBE, IF IT’S NOT TOO BORING WE COULD
DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME.
[PHIL] I HOPE SO.
[RITA] YOU’RE STILL HERE.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DISAPPEAR OR I WAS,
OR SOMETHING.
WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
[PHIL] I THINK THE LAST THING THAT YOU HEARD WAS,
“ONLY GOD CAN MAKE A TREE.”
[RITA] MMM.
[PHIL] WHAT I WANTED TO SAY WAS
I THINK YOU’RE THE KINDEST, SWEETEST, PRETTIEST
PERSON THAT I’VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE.
[PHIL] NOT UNTLL 6:00.
[RITA] OH! YOU RAT!
I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
THAT’S NICER TO PEOPLE THAN YOU ARE.
[PHIL] I NEVER SAID MIDNIGHT.
[RITA] YOU KNEW I WAS WAITING FOR MIDNIGHT.
[PHIL] DOES THIS MEAN YOU’RE GOING TO LEAVE?
[RITA] NO.
[PHIL] GOOD.
[RITA] HMM…
[PHIL] THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU, SOMETHING HAPPENED
TO ME. I NEVER TOLD YOU, BUT…
I KNEW THAT I WANTED TO HOLD YOU AS HARD AS I
COULD.
[RITA] OKAY.
[RITA] OH, I’M SORRY.
[PHIL] THAT’S ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN FALL ASLEEP.
(sighing)
I DON’T DESERVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
BUT IF I EVER COULD
I SWEAR, I WOULD LOVE YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
[RITA] DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?
[PHIL] GOOD NIGHT, RITA.
[RITA] GOOD NIGHT, PHIL.
**Then put your little hand in mine
‘Cause there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb Babe
[PHIL] LARRY?
SKIM MILK, TWO SUGAR.
[LARRY] YEAH. THANKS, PHIL.
[PHIL] PASTRY?
[RITA] NO, WE’RE SETTING UP.
I got you, babe
I got you, babe.**
Deejay #1: Okay, campers, rise and shine
and don’t forget your booties, ‘cause it’s cold out there.
Deejay #2: It’s cold out there every day.
What is this, Miami Beach?
Deejay #1: Not hardly.
[PHIL] PASTRY, LARRY? TAKE YOUR PICK.
[LARRY] THANKS, PHIL.
RASPBERRY. GREAT.
[PHIL] I WAS TALKING WITH BUSTER GREEN, THE HEAD
GROUNDHOG HONCHO. IF WE SET UP OVER HERE, WE
MIGHT GET A BETTER SHOT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
UH..?
(gasping)
[RITA] SOUNDS GOOD.
[PHIL] LARRY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
**STRIKE UP THE MUSIC
THE BAND HAS BEGUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
PICK OUT YOUR PARTNER AND JOIN IN THE FUN THE
PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
[LARRY] YEAH, LET’S GO FOR IT.
[RITA] GOOD WORK, PHIL.
[PHIL] MAYBE WE’LL GET LUCKY.
LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND WITH THE HEAVE STUFF.
NO, NO, NO. YOU GOT YOUR COFFEE.
IT STARTED IN SCRANTON, IT’S NOW NUMBER ONE…**
[PHIL] WHO WANTS COFFEE?
GET IT WHILE IT’S HOT.
[RITA] OH, THANKS, PHIL.
I’LL GET IT.
[PHIL] WE NEVER TALK, LARRY.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
[PIANO TEACHER] YES?
[PHIL] YES, I’D LIKE A PIANO LESSON, PLEASE.
[PIANO TEACHER] I’M WITH A STUDENT, BUT COME BACK
TOMORROW…
[PHIIL] WELL, I KIND OF WANT TO GET STARTED.
I COULD GIVE YOU $1,000.
(playing “La Bouree Du Celibataire”) NOT BAD, MR. CONNORS.
[PIANO TEACHER] YOU SAY THIS IS YOUR FIRST LESSON?
[PHIL] YES, BUT MY FATHER WAS A PIANO MOVER, SO…
[NED] PHIL? PHIL CONNORS, I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.
[PHIL] NED RYERSON.
[PIANO TEACHER] COME ON IN.
(playing C scale)
[MAN] MORNING!
OFF TO SEE THE GROUNDHOG.
[PHIL] BON JOURND, SIGNORE.
[MAN] YOU THINK IT’S GOING TO BE AN EARLY SPRING?
[PHIL] “WINTER, SLUMBERING IN THE OPEN AIR WEARS ON
[NED] YES.
[PHIL] I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU’RE HEADED
BUT CAN YOU CALL IN SICK?
[NED] UH…
I GOT TO GET GOING.
UH… IT’S GOOD TO SEE YOU, PHIL.
HIS SMILING FACE A DREAM OF SPRING,” CIAO.
[MAN] CIAO.
[PHIL] HELLO, FATHER.
LET’S GET YOU SOMEPLACE WARM, ALL RIGHT?
(playing arpeggios haltingly)
[RITA] PHIL!
[PHIL] RITA, HI.
HEY, LAR, HI.
HOW’S SHE LOOK?
[OLD MAN] YOU…
[PHIL] YEAH. YEAH, REMEMBER ME?
[NURSE] SIR, ARE YOU THE ONE WHO BROUGHT THE OLD
MAN IN?
[PHIL] MM-HMM. HOW IS HE?
[RITA] GREAT.
[PHIL] THANK YOU.
[LARRY] DID YOU KNOW HE COULD ICE SCULPT?
[RITA] NO.
[NURSE] WELL, HE JUST PASSED AWAY.
[PHIL] WHAT DID HE DIE OF?
[NURSE] HE WAS JUST OLD.
IT WAS JUST HIS TIME.
[PHIL] I WANT TO SEE HIS CHART.
EXCUSE ME.
[NURSE] UM, SIR…
SIR, YOU CAN’T COME IN HERE.
SIR, THIS IS A RESTRICTED AREA.
PUNXSUTAWNEY AND BASKING IN THE WARMTH OF THEIR
HEARTHS AND HEARTS I COULDN’T IMAGINE A BETTER
FATE THAN A LONG AND LUSTROUS WINTER.
FROM PUNXSUTAWNEY, IT’S PHIL CONNORS.
SO LONG.
[PHIL] WHERE’S THE CHART?
[NURSE] SOMETIMES, PEOPLE JUST DIE.
[PHIL] NOT TODAY.
IT’S HARD DOWN THERE AT THE BOTTOM.
[WAITRESS] HERE YOU GO.
[PHIL] THANK YOU.
COME ON, DAD.
NICE SPEECH, PHIL. VERY NICE.
[PHIL] THANKS.
HOW WAS THAT FOR YOU TWO?
[LARRY] HEY, MAN, YOU TOUCHED ME.
[PHIL] THANKS, LARRY.
THANK YOU.
I GOT TO GO, OKAY.
COME ON, POP. COME ON, POP.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BREATHE.
[RITA] PHIL, THAT WAS… SURPRISING.
I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE SO VERSATILE.
BREATHE, POP.
BREATHE, POP!
[PHIL] I SURPRISE MYSELF SOMETIMES.
[RITA] WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET A CUP OF COFFEE?
[PHIL] I’D LOVE TO.
CAN I HAVE A RAIN CHECK?
I’VE GOT SOME ERRANDS I’VE GOT TO RUN, OKAY?
A Long , Lustrous Winter
[PHIL] WHEN CHEKHOV SAW THE LONG WINTER
HE SAW A WINTER BLEAK AND DARK AND BEREFT OF
HOPE YET
WE KNOW THAT WINTER IS JUST ANOTHER STEP IN THE
CYCLE OF LIFE.
BUT STANDING HERE AMONG THE PEOPLE OF
[RITA] PHIL…
ERRANDS? WHAT ERRANDS?
I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING BACK.
[PHIL] HEY, HOLD IT, FELLA!
(yelling)
(groaning)
[PHIL] WHAT DO YOU SAY? WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WHAT DO YOU SAY, YOU LITTLE BRAT?
(OLD WOMEN)
WHO IS THAT?
MUST BE FROM THE MOTOR CLUB.
[WOMAN] OH, MY GOD, HE IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK.
DO SOMETHING.
YOU HAVE NEVER THANKED ME.
I’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
MAYBE.
(groaning)
(THREE OLD WOMEN)
NOW WHAT?
YOU’VE TOTALED IT.
AN AMBULANCE, A LAWYER, ANYTHING.
OH, MY GOD.
(gasping)
[PHIL] I THINK THAT DID IT.
(panting)
IF YOU’RE GOING TO EAT STEAK
GET SOME SHARPER TEETH, ALL RIGHT? ENJOY YOUR
IT’S ONLY A FLAT TIRE.
JUST BE PATIENT.
MEAL.
[WOMAN] OH, THANK YOU.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
IT’S AN EARTHQUAKE.
IT’S NOT AN EARTHQUAKE.
WHAT IS IT?
OH, THANK YOU, YOUNG MAN.
[MAN] WHO WAS THAT? I’M FINE.
[WOMAN] ARE YOU SURE?
[MAN] OH, YES.
EAT, EAT, EAT.
Larry: PEOPLE JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS
[PHIL] IT’S NOTHING, MA’AM.
I HAD THE TIRE AND THE JACK.
JUST BE COMFORTABLE, ALL RIGHT?
BE A MINUTE.
INVOLVED IN THIS. THIS IS AN ART FORM.
YOU KNOW, I THINK MOST PEOPLE JUST THINK
I HOLD THE CAMERA AND POINT IT AT STUFF
BUT THERE IS A LOT MORE TO IT THAN JUST THAT.
WOULDYOU BE INTERESTED IN SEEING THE INSIDE OF
THE VAN?
[NANCY] OH, YOU KNOW
I REALLY HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE PARTY.
[LARRY] GREAT IDEA. I’LL GO WITH YOU.
[RITA] HE’S GREAT.
[PIANO TEACHER] HE’S MY STUDENT.
I’M SO PROUD.
[PHIL] THANK YOU.
HELLO. WELCOME TO OUR PARTY.
LET ME JUST DROP A TIP HERE. OKAY.
[LARRY] RITA, HI. HOW ARE YOU?
RITA, THIS IS NANCY.
[RITA] HI.
[NANCY] HI.
[LARRY] WE WERE JUST GOING TO THE PARTY.
YOU GOING TO GO?
[RITA] I DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD PLAY LIKE THAT.
[PHIL] OH, I’M VERSATILE.
(slow dance music playing)
[OLD WOMAN] IT’S THAT NICE YOUNG MAN FROM THE
MOTOR CLUB. THANK YOU AGAIN.
[PHIL] IT’S NOTHING, LADIES.
[OLD WOMAN] HE’S THE FASTEST JACK IN JEFFERSON
[RITA] YEAH, SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL PHIL.
COUNTY.
[RITA] WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
[NANCY] I THINK. HE’S ALREADY IN THERE.
[LARRY] GREAT.
(boogie-woogie piano playing)
(music stops)
(applause)
[PHIL] I REALLY DON’T KNOW.
THEY’VE BEEN HITTING ON ME ALL NIGHT.
[WOMAN] THERE YOU ARE.
MM-MMM.
I NEVER THANKED YOU PROPERLY FOR WHAT YOU DID
(playing ballad)
(playing jazz)
(playing rock)
[PIANO TEACHER] ISN’T HE GOOD?
FOR BUSTER.
HE WOULD HAVE CHOKED FOR SURE.
[PHIL] WELL, HE MAY HAVE.
HE WAS TRYING TO SWALLOW A WHOLE COW.
[MAN] I OWE YOU ONE, BUDDY.
[WOMAN] HANG ONTO HIM, DEAR.
HE’S A REAL FIND.
[RITA] WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?
[PHIL] OH, SAME OLD, SAME OLD.
[RITA] I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
[PHIL] UH, YEAH, I GUESS NOT.
[RITA] HOW DOES EVERYONE KNOW YOU? YOU COME
ONCE A YEAR AND YOU’RE THE MOST POPULAR PERSON
IN TOWN.
[FRED] EXCUSE ME, MR. CONNORS.
[PHIL] HEY, FRED, HOW WAS THE WEDDING?
[FRED] THANK YOU FOR MAKING DEBBIE GO THROUGH
WITH IT.
[PHIL] ALL I DID WAS FAN THE FLAME FOR YOU, FRED.
YOU
[DEBBIE] ARE THE BEST.
[OLD WOMAN] DR. CONNORS, THANK YOU FOR FIXING
FELIX’S BACK. HE CAN EVEN HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
AGAIN.
[PHIL] I’M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, FELIX.
[RITA] DR. CONNORS?
[PHIL] IT’S KIND OF AN HONORARY TITLE.
[RITA] WHAT IS GOING ON?
[PHIL] NO, YOU ARE THE BEST.
RITA, THIS IS DEBBIE AND FRED KLEISER.
[PHIL] I REALLY DON’T KNOW.
[RITA] THERE IS SOMETHING GOING ON WITH YOU.
HERE YOU GO, KIDS.
CONGRATULATIONS.
[DEBBIE] WHAT IS THIS? NO WAY.
[FRED] WRESTLEMANIA! NO WAY!
[DEBBIE] YES!!
[PHIL] WOULD YOU LIKE THE LONG VERSION OR THE
SHORT?
[RITA] LET’S START WITH THE SHORT AND GO FROM
THERE.
[BUSTER] OKAY, FOLKS. ATTENTION.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?!
WE’RE GOING TO BE IN PITTSBURGH.
[FRED] THANK YOU, MR. CONNORS, YOU’RE A REAL PAL.
[DEBBIE] OH, THIS IS THE BEST.
IT’S TIME FOR THE BIG BACHELOR AUCTION. NOW, YOU
ALL KNOW THE RULES.
ALL THE ELIGIBLE BACHELORS COME DOWN IN FRONT
AND YOU LADIES, YOU BID ON THEM.
YOU GET TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH THEM NO
QUESTIONS ASKED!
I DON’T WANT TO KNOW, AS LONG AS IT’S LEGAL. SO GET
OUT YOUR POCKETBOOKS.
AND REMEMBER, IT’S ALL FOR CHARITY.
[DORIS] PHIL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE?
GO ON, GET UP THERE.
I GOT TEN BUCKS THAT SAYS YOU’RE MINE.
HEY, BUSTER, I GOT YOUR FIRST VICTIM.
[BUSTER] PHIL CONNORS, COME ON UP HERE.
( band playing fanfare )
[DORIS] FORTY-FIVE.
[NANCY] FIFTY.
[DORIS] FIFTY-FIVE!
[NANCY] SIXTY.
[BUSTER] I’M BID 60. DO I HEAR MORE?
[RITA] ＄339.88.
( crowd gasping )
( applause )
[BUSTER] I DON’T THINK.
WE’RE GOING TO ACCEPT ANY MORE BIDS.
I THINK THAT’S SOLD TO THE LITTLE LADY FOR ＄339.88.
( hammer pounds )
ALL RIGHT, NOW, WHAT AM I BID FOR THIS FINE
SPECIMEN?
[BUSTER] CONGRATULATIONS.
Buster: OKAY, BACHELORS, WHO’S NEXT?
[OLD WOMAN] FIVE DOLLARS.
[BUSTER] THE BIDDING HAS BEGUN AT FIVE DOLLARS.
[NANCY] TEN DOLLARS.
[DORIS] FIFTEEN.
[NANCY] TWENTY.
( burlesque drumbeat plays )
ALL RIGHT, NOW, WHAT AM I BID FOR THIS…GUY? DO I
HEAR A BUCK AND A HALF?
ANYBODY?
75 CENTS?
[DORIS] TWENTY-FIVE.
[NANCY] THIRTY.
[DORIS] THIRTY-FIVE.
[NANCY] FORTY.
[OLD WOMAN] I BID TWO BITS!
[BUSTER] SOLD TO THE LADY FOR 25 CENTS.
[OLD WOMAN] I GOT HIM! OH!
[NED] PHIL? PHIL CONNORS?
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
[PHIL] RITA, THIS IS NED RYERSON.
HE’S MY NEW INSURANCE AGENT.
[NED] I’LL SAY.
I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS GUY FOR 20 YEARS.
[RITA] WELL, I THINK YOU WERE A BARGAIN.
[PHIL] IT’S SWEET OF YOU TO SAY.
YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
[RITA] IS IT FINISHED YET?
[PHIL] ALMOST. I STILL HAVE TO PUT SOME CHERRY SYRUP
HE COMES UP TO ME AND BUYS WHOLE LIFE, TERM,
UNIFLEX FIRE, THEFT, AUTO, DENTAL, HEALTH WITH THE
OPTIONAL DEATH AND DISMEMBERMENT PLAN WATER
DAMAGE.
THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
[PHIL] MINE TOO.
[RITA] MINE TOO.
ON THE TOP AND THEN WE CAN EAT IT.
[RITA] COME ON. I’M FREEZING.
[PHIL] LET ME TURN IT INTO THE LIGHT.
[RITA] IT’S AMAZING.
IT’S BEAUTIFUL.
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
[PHIL] I KNOW YOUR FACE SO WELL.
[NED] WHERE ARE WE GOING?
[RITA] OH, LET’S NOT SPOIL IT.
I COULD HAVE DONE IT WITH MY EYES CLOSED.
[RITA] IT’S LOVELY.
[NED] OH! LET’S NOT…OH…I GOT THAT.
( meows )
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
[PHIL] I DO.
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW OR FOR THE
REST OF MY LIFE I’M HAPPY NOW
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
A Woman Face in the Ice
[RITA] WHY CAN’T I LOOK?
[PHIL] BECAUSE YOU BOTHER ME, A LOT.
[RITA] I’M GETTING COLD.
HOW MUCH LONGER DO I HAVE TO SIT HERE?
[PHIL] I’M GIVING YOU YOUR MONEY’S WORTH.
YOU PAID TOP DOLLAR FOR ME.
[RITA] I THINK I’M HAPPY TOO.
(RADIO)
Babe
I got you, babe
I got you, babe
They say our love won’t pay the rent
Before it’s earned, our money’s all been spent…oh,
please, not again.
JUST STAY.
THEY’RE GONE.
THEY’RE ALL GONE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?
[RITA] NO. WHAT?
That is a great song.
No, it’s not.
[RITA] MMM…IT’S TOO EARLY. OOH.
[PHIL] SOMETHING IS DIFFERENT.
[RITA] GOOD OR BAD?
[PHIL] ANYTHING DIFFERENT IS GOOD.
[RITA] MMM…
[PHIL] TODAY IS TOMORROW.
IT HAPPENED.
YOU’RE HERE.
[RITA] I’M HERE.
OOH, PHIL, WHY WEREN’T YOU LIKE THIS LAST NIGHT?
YOU JUST FEEL ASLEEP.
[PHIL] IT WAS THE END OF A VERY LONG DAY.
[PHIL] BUT THIS COULD BE REAL GOOD.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU TODAY?
[RITA] I’M SURE I COULD THINK OF SOMETHING.
[RITA] I BOUGHT YOU.
I OWN YOU.
[PHIL] BUT WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
[RITA] YOU SAID STAY, SO I STAYED.
[PHIL] I SAID STAY, SO YOU STAYED?
Phil: IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL.
LET’S LIVE HERE.
WE’LL RENT TO START.
** WHAT A DAY THIS HAS BEEN
WHAT A RARE MOOD I’M IN
[RITA] MM-HMM.
[PHIL] I CAN’T EVEN MAKE A COLLIE STAY.
I GOT TO CHECK SOMETHING.
JUST STAY.
WHY, IT’S ALMOST LIKE BEING IN LOVE
THERE’S A SMILE ON MY FACE
FOR THE WHOLE HUMAN RACE
WHY, IT’S ALMOST LIKE BEING IN LOVE
ALL THE MUSIC OF LIFE SEEMS TO BE
LIKE A BELL THAT IS RINGING FOR ME
AND FROM THE WAY THAT I FEEL
WHEN THAT BELL STARTS TO PEAL
I WOULD SWEAR I WAS FALL
CALL INFORMATION UP
‘CAUSE I’M YOUR WEATHERMAN
IT’S JUST THE WEATHERMAN
WHEN IT’S COLD OUTSIDE
CALL YOUR WEATHERMAN
SWEAR I WAS FALLING
WHY, IT’S ALMOST LIKE BEING IN LOVE. **
( calypso-pop intro )
PREDICTIONS SHOW
A STEADY LOW
YOU’RE FEELING JUST THE SAME
BUT SEASONS COME
WHEN IT’S COLD OUTSIDE
I CAN WARM YOU UP
IT’S JUST THE WEATHERMAN.
IT’S JUST THE WEATHERMAN.
AND SEASONS GO
I’LL MAKE YOU SMILE AGAIN
IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, TAKE ME BY THE HAND CAN’T
YOU FEEL YOU’RE WARMING UP?
YEAH, I’M YOUR WEATHERMAN
COLD WIND’S BLOWING
SNOWING, DRIVING EVERYONE INSIDE
HARD RAIN’S FALLING
HARD RAIN’S FALLING
PITTER PATTER DOWN YOUR WINDOWPANE
IF THIS INVITATION IS SPOILING ALL YOUR PLANS JUST