THE WINDY NEWS E XTRA! E XTRA! CHANGE OF DATES BY POPULAR DEMAND Despite what the Ulster Junior calendar tells you, Windsor will be hosting the Ulster Hardcourt Championships from Friday August 25th to Sunday 3rd September with a couple of days off in between to allow you back to school for a quick rest from the fun. We were inundated by requests from those who were off to Fitz to change the dates to allow them back and also inundated by requests from others who were distressed that their dates might not be there. “Ross Campbell - we can’t do without him!” wailed many an Under-12 girl, and sadly also an Under-18 secretary. He really is the girlies favourite. Must be those rippling muscles he displays in those sleeveless shirts (Alex Fowler is following his lead we note). The cool Campbellian, when asked for comment on his popularity, told us exclusively, “There may be a queue, but only I can tell you who will be at the top of my list”. ‘Hello’ have also asked for an exclusive but for the right fee I will reveal all to the Windy News during the tournament.” Be assured we have bought two thousand freezer pops so the scoop will be ours. Referee in Court The ever ready referee Chris Sanlon may have to miss a few days of the tournament as he may have his day in court. Now there are many reasons you will think why this may be the case - unreasonable scheduling of players, wearing Fischer clothes, causing a scarcity of apples on the north coast etc etc. But if you want to know the real reason you will have to wait for the opening day edition……. Meantime we asked the Ginger Prince to comment on his refereeing ability for this year’s tournament. “My profile in Ulster tennis is at an all time high” he replied modestly, “There is only one other who has made a better success of making Fischers out of so many men, so I feel you are indeed blessed to have me and my computer in your office”. Office Lovelies Once again the lovely Maeve and Camille have offered their service as tournament secretaries, answering your calls day and night. Asked for their view on this year’s tournament they told us, “It will easily be the best so far this year and if Sanlon doesn’t get his head - or his wallet - stuck in the office door and we can get Stuart away from the hair straighteners and the mirror we reckon it will be great banter”. SMAC is Back! Also by popular demand Stuarty Mac will be in attendance at Windsor. Entertainment and general buzz are his forte and of course who else will host the last major tennis event of the summer on finals day but the man himself. We mean of course the One Point tournament - your last chance to get your hands on a piece of silverware this season. Stuart missed out on the Boat Club Fun because of filming at the Pink Palace – he was the only man for the job apparently. For those of you who may miss out on Stuart’s Sky Travel debut we are confident that Match of the Day this year will be preceded and followed by a showing of it. “People only come to Windsor to see me – well maybe to play a bit of tennis as well - so I don’t want to let them down. I have after all been voted the most glamorous man in the office consistently at Windsor”. True Stuart but your competition means that is not a hard task – indeed Windy News has heard from a very good source that after fighting off Ben Neal’s challenge for years, Stuart threw the towel in on the Ulster Junior Open when he heard Boat Club had brought in the Spaniard this year. A natural tan and no need for highlights were too much - never mind the Barcelona twang floating over the airways. In preparation for his Windsor role Stuart has been getting fit and eating healthily. Our secretaries, who are keeping an eye on his preparation, tell us that he too has adopted a biblical theme this year and his diet consists heavily of milk and various types of honey. So be there all week to be entertained by SMAC and also get practising for Finals Day for the most important event in the Ulster Junior calendar and get your name on Stuarty’s cup which is being polished as we speak (Mrs Madill?). Tour Talk The two-week trip earlier in July has left us with some very juicy news for the Windy newsletters – you will have to enter Windsor to find out the finer details but suffice to say that Misses Madill and Murphy feature heavily in our spy’s reports, and as for Miss Morris well …..Paddy Bell is heartbroken that none of this scandal involved him and is fervently changing hairstyles at each tournament to attract these girls’ attention. He is confident that his back-to-school look will do it for him at Windsor and he will end the summer drought with an autumnal storm. Kyle’s Casebook Amongst others this year Windsor will be the last resting place for the Junior Tournament Career of Kyle Mathews. The Portadown Hockey Boy is off to Edinburgh to study medicine and use his country charms on the unsuspecting lasses. “It means a lot to me to finish at Windsor”, Kyle told us “it has been the scene of many of my successes – and I have played ok there in the past too.” Aggreeved by Injury Megan McGreevy has been missing at the summer tournaments as an ankle injury at Ballycastle has forced her to rest. Rumour has it though that she will be back in time for Windsor and will be a force to be reckoned with. Miss Tazzioli and Miss O’Donnell were seen heading straight for the weights room on hearing the news. Slowey Speeds Back Fermanagh favourite John Slowey tells us he will be back to Windsor to show these city boys how to win awards. Mr. Slowey walked off with the Player of the Tournament award last year after an amazing display of good tennis and good manners. “ They’re a pack of wimps up here moaning and complaining they need to toughen up and get on with it – these city girls need a real man to show them what they are missing so I will be back to play on all fronts. He will be joined by the Tyrone Tyrant David Ward who agrees that the Belfast boys are in for a pasting by the country boys at what he describes as his “favourite tournament of the year”. Thankyou David and others take note - flattery will definitely get you a good draw! Full House Ulster No 1 Conor O’Kane will be making a bid to complete a full run of titles at the Ulster Hardcourts. Having won the Under 10, Under 12, Under 14, and last year the Under 16 title at Windsor, Conor is hoping to take the Under 18 and make it a full set. Neil Stewart is hoping to halt the run but Mr. O’Kane commented, “a Campbellian didn’t stop me in March and one isn’t going to stop me now and as for those Inst boys well where are they? Conor’s secret of success? Raspberry and cream cakes followed by chocolate chip cookies. Fashion Police They are busy making their list but early comments include – Sanlon red and ginger? No no no! What is it with knee straps this year? They are for wusses - Patrick Marks dressing the same as Paddy Bell will ruin your reputation 4ever – Charlie and Kyle it’s your last chance for redemption, call the Windsor help line now. Kirby O’Donnell, we expect great things from you so don’t let us down. This is as usual the last big event of the summer so fill in your forms today as it’s the last chance for you all to impress your coaches and most importantly each other! Get your entry in by Tuesday 22nd August and do not miss the last and best of the Summer fun. See you there!