PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
1
SESSION 8: Skills to Request Needs Appropriately
Sections
Materials
Time
I. Review Homework
Activity and Practice
Curriculum from 10 minutes
previous sessions
II. Requesting Needs
Appropriately
Skill Steps for
Requesting
Needs Cards and
Poster, flipchart,
markers
III. Student Role-Plays
III. Homework Activity
20 minutes
15 Minutes
Homework
Handout
5 minutes
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
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PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
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SESSION 8: Skills to Request Needs Appropriately
I. Review Homework Activity and Practice (10 minutes)
 Purpose: Review and reflect on skills practiced.

Discuss the homework assignment and review students’ use of the problem
solving process.

Skill instructor should provide additional instruction and practice of skills from
previous sessions as needed.
II. Requesting Needs Appropriately (30 minutes)
 Purpose: To help students acquire skills to request their needs appropriately.


Topic introduction
 There are times when we behave or act in a certain way to get something
we want or need. Sometimes how we behave is not appropriate for the
situation and we end up getting in trouble. It is important to learn how we
can get our needs or wants met in a way that doesn’t get us in trouble.
A common need we have is:
Skill instructor should use the example that is most appropriate, based
on the function of the student’s behavior (i.e. escape or attention
motivated). For escape motivated behavior, choose either the “take a
break” or “ask for help” example, based on student needs. For
attention motivated behavior, choose the “request to talk” example.
Take a Break
…to take a break from a situation. Taking a break can be helpful strategy. It can be
helpful to physically get away if we are feeling really frustrated, embarrassed,
bored, mad, or overwhelmed with a situation. So sometimes we are in situations
where we want or need to take a break from what we are doing, but we don’t
always know how to do this in an appropriate way. Instead we act or behave in
ways that others find disrespectful and disruptive and we get in trouble. Today we
are going to learn how to appropriately request to take a break.

Hand out Skill Steps for Requesting a Need Cue Card.

Instructor should quickly read skill steps aloud to students.
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
2
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
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 Now we’re going to use an example to learn more about the steps of requesting
to take a break: Matt is having a difficult time with his math assignment. He’s
becoming very frustrated, and feels like he needs to take a break to calm himself
down.
 Using a flipchart, guide students in identifying actions Matt should take at each
step of the process to ask for a break.
 Let’s think through how Matt would go through the steps of requesting to take a
break.
Take a break, cont.
 Step 1: Recognize Need
The first thing he has to do is figure out that he has a need. What are some clues
that would help Matt realize he needs a break. Prompt students to identify what
feelings or triggers would help Matt to recognize his need to take a break (e.g.,
frustration, feeling overwhelmed with difficult task). Write answers on a flip chart.
 Step 2: Identify Person to Ask
Next, Matt has to figure out who he’s going to ask. Have students think about who
would be an appropriate adult to ask to take a break within different school settings
(i.e., gym, classroom, cafeteria, etc).
o Ask students to brainstorm appropriate people for Matt to ask to take a
break. Write ideas on flip chart.
 Step 3: Make a Plan
Now Matt has to make a plan. When we want to make a request there are some
things that we have to consider:
o First, we have to think about the appropriate time and place for making a
request. Prompt students to consider how the time and place a request is
made may affect whether their request is well-received (e.g., making a
request when the teacher is in the middle of giving a lesson vs. walking
around the classroom).
 When should Matt ask his teacher for a break?
o Second, we have to consider the kind of breaks that can be requested.
There are different ways that you can take a break, for example, getting a
drink of water is a great way to take a quick break. What are some other
ways to take a break? Have students generate ideas. Examples include:
see a counselor, take a walk, write in a journal, get a drink of water, run
an errand for the teacher.
 What kind of break would be appropriate for Matt?
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
3
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
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Take a break, cont.
o Now this strategy may not always be feasible, as you cannot walk out of
the room in the middle of class. But there are times when you may be able
to excuse yourself from a situation to calm down. If you find that taking a
break is helpful to you, you may want to talk to your teachers about
setting up a signal for when you need to take a quick break from class to
help calm down and stay in control of your behavior. Have students
brainstorm some ideas about different signals they can use to indicate they
need a break without letting the entire class know.
 As a group, brainstorm when they can and cannot use this skill.
 What kind of signal could Matt use?
o Third, we have to think about the words we are going to use when we ask
to take a break and our nonverbal behaviors. Review with students I
Statements and nonverbal behaviors.
 How should he ask for a break? How should he express how he is
feeling (prompt “I Statement”)?
 Examples: “I am feeling frustrated because I am having trouble
with this assignment. Can I take a break to calm down?”
 When he approaches his teacher, what should his body language
look like? Expression on his face? Tone of voice?
 Step 4: Follow Through with Plan
After Matt makes his plan he is ready to make his request.
 Step 5: Evaluate Plan: Did it Work?
After we put our plan in place and make our request we have to decide if our plan
worked. If it did, great, we made the right choice. Make sure to pat yourself on the
back! But sometimes even the best plans do not always work. This is normal and
happens to everyone.
o Let’s pretend Matt’s plan didn’t work and his teacher said he couldn’t take
a break. How do you think Matt will feel? Prompt students to discuss
different feelings Matt may have (e.g., frustration, anger, sad). Have
students consider how they would feel if they were in the situation.
o What is important to remember is that just because the plan does not
work the first time, we should not give up. We may get frustrated or
upset, but we can still have control over our actions and can choose to
engage in appropriate behavior that will not get us in trouble. One thing
we may need to do when a plan does not work and we get frustrated is
use the coping and relaxation strategies that we learned about earlier.
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
4
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
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o What should Matt do next if he is feeling upset or angry? Prompt students
to think of possible coping strategies that Matt can use at that moment to
calm himself down.
o If our plan doesn’t work, we should think about why it didn’t work out after
we are calm and can think clearly. Some questions to ask ourselves
include:
 Did I ask at an inappropriate time or place? Was the request
appropriate given the situation?
 Was I disrespectful or offensive (consider both your words and
nonverbal behaviors)?
 Does the plan need to be changed a little or do I need an entirely
new plan?
Take a break, cont.
o Why might the teacher/adult have turned down Matt’s request? What can
he do to increase the likelihood that in the future his teacher will let him
take a quick break to calm down? Answers may include that the teacher
didn’t fully understand how frustrated Matt was or Matt approached
him/her while he/she was busy. It may be helpful to talk with the teacher
before or after class about how he may at times need a quick break. They
could set up a signal for Matt to use to indicate he needs a break that
would be less disruptive than asking in the middle of class.
o NOTE: Provide prompts if students are unable to determine an effective
solution.
o So let’s assume that Matt’s plan did work. Do you think he’s solved his
problem? May need to prompt students: He was frustrated because he was
having a difficult time with his math assignment. He took a break to calm
down. He now comes back to his assignment. What else might he need to
do? Students should indicate that Matt needs to see whether he is still
having difficulty with the math assignment and whether he needs to ask
for help.
o NOTE: Provide prompts if students are unable to answer.

Okay, so the five steps for making a request are…. (restate the steps to review).
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
5
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
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Ask for Help
…to get help from another person. Sometimes we may find ourselves in situations
where we need help from someone else because we are overwhelmed and don’t
know what to do. The situation in which we need help may be related to a class
assignment or task, or could be about a social situation, like a fight with a friend.
We may need help from other students, teachers, or another adult. Sometimes
though, we don’t know how to ask for help in an appropriate way. Instead we act or
behave in ways that others find disrespectful and disruptive and we get in trouble.
Today we are going to learn how to appropriately request help.

Hand out Skill Steps for Requesting a Need Cue Card.

Instructor should quickly read skill steps aloud to students.
 Now we’re going to use an example to learn more about the steps of requesting
help: Karla is having a difficult time with her writing assignment. She’s becoming
frustrated and anxious because she just doesn’t know how to start. What topic
should she write about? What should her first sentence be? She’s feeling like she
just can’t do this assignment. Karla feels like she needs some help.
 Using a flipchart, guide students in identifying actions Karla should take at each
step of the process to ask for help.
 Let’s think through how Karla would go through the steps of asking for help.
 Step 1: Recognize Need
The first thing she has to do is figure out that she has needs help. What are some
clues that would help Karla realize she needs help? Prompt students to identify
what feelings or triggers would help Karla recognize a need for help (e.g.,
frustration, feeling overwhelmed with difficult task). Write answers on a flip chart.
 Step 2: Identify Person to Ask
Next, Karla has to identify who she can ask for help. Who are some people that
Karla could ask for help right away? How about people she can ask for help later? If
asking for help from other students, what does Karla need to consider? Have
students consider the disadvantages and advantages of asking a peer for help in
Karla’s situation.
o Prompt students to think about appropriate times to talk to peers (e.g.,
during seatwork)
o Prompt students to consider what peer should be asked (e.g., someone who
is less likely to get off topic)
o Have students decide whether Karla is going to ask for help from peers or a
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
6
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
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teacher in the immediate situation. Have students brainstorm a list of other
people (e.g., parents, other teachers, siblings) that she can ask for help later.
Ask for help, cont.
 Step 3: Make a Plan
Now Karla has to make a plan. When we want to make a request there are some
things that we have to consider:
o First, we have to think about the appropriate time and place for making a
request. Prompt students to consider how the time and place a request is
made may affect whether their request is well-received (e.g., making a
request when the teacher is in the middle of giving a lesson vs. walking
around the classroom)
 When should Karla ask her peer/teacher/adult for help?
o Next, we have to think about the words we are going to use when we ask for
help and our nonverbal behaviors. Review with students I Statements and
nonverbal behaviors.
 How should she ask for help? How should she express how she is
feeling (prompt “I Statement”)?
 Examples: “I am feeling frustrated because I don’t know how to
start this assignment. Can I have some help (name of
peer/teacher/adult), please?
 When she approaches her peer/teacher/adult, what should her
body language look like? Expression on her face? Tone of voice?
o Now this strategy may not always be possible, as you cannot ask for help in
completing a math problem during a math test. But there are times when you
are in class and are frustrated or confused and getting help can make the
situation better. Getting help can make you feel more in control of a situation
and less stressed. If you find that it is hard for you to ask for help, you may
want to talk to your teachers about setting up a signal for when you need
help.
 Have students brainstorm some ideas about different signals they
can use to indicate they need help without letting the entire class
know (e.g., putting their pencil in the right corner of their desk).
 As a group, brainstorm when they can and cannot use this skill.
 Step 4: Follow Through with Plan
After Karla makes her plan she is ready to make his request.
 Step 5: Evaluate Plan: Did it Work?
After we put our plan in place and make our request we have to decide if our plan
worked. If it did, great, we made the right choice. Make sure to pat yourself on the
back! But sometimes even the best plans do not always work. This is normal and
happens to everyone.
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
7
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
8
Ask for help, cont.
o Let’s pretend Karla’s plan didn’t work and her teacher said she couldn’t take a
break. How do you think Karla will feel? Prompt students to discuss different
feelings she may have (e.g., frustration, anger, sad). Have students consider
how they would feel if they were in the situation.
o What is important to remember is that just because the plan does not work
the first time, we should not give up. We may get frustrated or upset, but we
can still have control over our actions and can choose to engage in
appropriate behavior that will not get us in trouble. One thing we may need to
do when a plan does not work and we get frustrated is use the coping and
relaxation strategies that we learned about earlier.
o What should Karla do next if she is feeling upset or angry? Prompt students to
think of possible coping strategies that she can use at that moment to calm
herself down.
o If our plan doesn’t work, we should think about why it didn’t work out after
we are calm and can think clearly. Some questions to ask ourselves include:
 Did I ask at an inappropriate time or place? Was the request
appropriate given the situation?
 Was I disrespectful or offensive (consider both your words and
nonverbal behaviors)?
 Does the plan need to be changed a little or do I need an entirely
new plan?
o Ask students, why might the peer/teacher/adult have turned down Karla’s
request? What might she need to do to increase the likelihood that in the
future her request is granted? Students should consider whether the request
was made at an appropriate time, how the request for help was made,
whether the most appropriate person was identified.
Talk to someone
…to talk to someone. Sometimes we find that we really want or need to talk to
someone but we don’t always know how to do this in an appropriate way. We may
need to talk to someone because we are lonely, sad, upset, or depressed. We may
have these feelings because of something that has happened at school or home.
Sometimes though, we don’t know how to ask to talk to someone in an appropriate
way. Instead we act or behave in ways that others find disrespectful and disruptive
and we get in trouble. Today we are going to learn how to appropriately ask to talk
to someone.
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
8
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8

Hand out Skill Steps for Requesting a Need Cue Card.

Instructor should quickly read skill steps aloud to students.
9
 Now we’re going to use an example to learn more about the steps of requesting
to talk to someone: Susan is upset because she had a fight with her mom before
school. She wants to talk to her teacher but her teacher is working with other
students.
Talk to someone, cont.
 Using a flipchart, guide students in identifying actions Susan should take at each
step of the process to ask to talk to someone.
 Let’s go through the steps of requesting to talk to someone using Susan’s
situation.
 Step 1: Recognize Need
The first thing she has to do is figure out that she has a need. What are some clues
that would help Susan realize she needs to talk to someone? Prompt students to
identify what feelings or triggers would let Susan recognize her need to talk to
someone.
 Step 2: Identify Person to Ask
Next, Susan has to identify the person she is going to request to talk to.
o Have brainstorm list of possibilities.
o Prompt students to think about the most appropriate person to ask.
Consider both peers and adults.
o Consider who and when it’s appropriate to talk to peers.
o Consider which adults you can talk to immediately or will have to wait to
talk to later. We have to consider those people we can talk to immediately
and those we cannot talk to until later. Sometimes the person we want to
talk to isn’t available so we have to consider whether we can wait to talk to
them or determine if there is someone else we can talk to immediately
instead.
 Step 3: Make a Plan
Now Susan has to make a plan. When we want to make a request there are some
things that we have to consider: Prompt students to formulate a plan that includes
consideration of an appropriate time and place for making the request AND what
she will say. Prompt use of “I Statements” and consideration of appropriate
nonverbal behaviors.
o First, we have to think about the appropriate time and place for making a
request. Prompt students to consider how the time and place a request is
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
9
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
10
Talk to someone, cont.
made may affect whether their request is well-received (e.g., making a
request when the teacher is in the middle of giving a lesson vs. walking
around the classroom).
 When should Susan ask her peer/teacher/adult to talk?
o Now this strategy may not always be feasible, as you cannot have a
conversation with someone during a test. But there are times when you
may be able to find time to talk to someone during class, or at least make
a plan to talk to someone after class. For example, you may not be able to
talk to the teacher about your weekend at the start of class, but at the
start of class you can set up a time to talk to the teacher during lunch or
after school. Sometimes knowing that you are going to have a chance to
talk to someone can make you feel better during the day when you get
frustrated or lonely. If you find that it is hard for you to ask to talk with
someone, you may want to talk to your teachers about setting up a signal
for when you feel like you need to talk.
 Have students brainstorm some ideas about different signals they
can use to indicate they need to talk to someone without letting
the entire class know (e.g., leaving a note on the teacher’s desk).
 As a group, brainstorm when they can and cannot use this skill.
o Third, we have to think about the words we are going to use when we ask
to talk to someone and our nonverbal behaviors. Review with students I
Statements and nonverbal behaviors.
 How should she ask the person to talk? How should she express
how she is feeling (prompt “I Statement”)?
 Examples: “I am feeling upset because I had a fight with my
mom this morning. Can we please talk?”
o When she approaches her peer/teacher/adult, what should her body
language look like? Expression on her face? Tone of voice?
o NOTE: Have students identify differences in asking someone immediately
versus asking someone at a later time.
 Step 4: Follow Through with Plan
After Susan makes her plan she is ready to make her request.
 Step 5: Evaluate Plan: Did it Work?
After we put our plan in place and make our request we have to decide if our plan
worked. If it did, great, we made the right choice. Make sure to pat yourself on the
back! But sometimes even the best plans do not always work. This is normal and
happens to everyone.
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers10
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
11
Talk to someone, cont.
o Let’s pretend Susan’s plan didn’t work. How do you think she will feel?
Prompt students to discuss different feelings Susan may have (e.g.,
frustration, anger, sad). Have students consider how they would feel if
they were in the situation.
o What is important to remember is that just because the plan does not
work the first time, we should not give up. We may get frustrated or
upset, but we can still have control over our actions and can choose to
engage in appropriate behavior that will not get us in trouble. One thing
we may need to do when a plan does not work and we get frustrated is
use the coping and relaxation strategies that we learned about earlier.
o What should Susan do the next time she is feeling upset? Prompt students
to think of possible coping strategies that Susan can use at that moment
to calm herself down.
o If our plan doesn’t work, we should think about why it didn’t work out after
we are calm and think clearly. Some questions to ask ourselves include
 Did I ask at an inappropriate time or place? Was the request
appropriate given the situation?
 Was I disrespectful or offensive (consider both your words and
nonverbal behaviors)?
 Does the plan need to be changed a little or do I need an entirely
new plan?
o Ask students, why might the peer/teacher/adult have turned down Susan’s
request? What might she need to do to increase the likelihood that in the
future her request is granted? Students should consider whether the
request was made at an appropriate time, how the request to talk was
made, whether the most appropriate person was identified.
o NOTE: Provide prompts if students are unable to determine an effective
solution.
Okay, so the five steps for making a request are…. (restate the steps to review).
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers11
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
12
III. Student Role-Play (15 minutes)
 Think back to a time you needed/wanted to talk to someone. Think about a
challenging time when you would have benefited from talking to someone.
It could have been another student, a teacher or another adult). Have
students provide some examples from their own experience.

Ask for a student volunteer to role-play the stressful or challenging situation
including walking through the skill steps. Additional students may be
needed to play the parts of peers, teachers, and other adults in the given
situation.

NOTE: Students may need a lot initial prompting to think through the skill
steps, especially Step 3: Making a plan and Step 5: Evaluate plan and
decide what to do if plan didn’t work. The other students should be
watching to see whether the role-player goes through all the steps and can
also provide assistance.

Try to have each student role-play their challenging situation.
IV. Assign Homework Activity and Departure (5 minutes):
 Handout blank sheets of paper and ask students to draw a picture of a time
that they needed a break/help/to talk to someone.
 Students should come to the next session prepared to discuss their
experience with the skills.
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers12
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 8
13
Prompt Cards for Making Requests
Asking for Help
Asking for a Break
1. I need help with____
1. Do I need a break?
2. Make a plan:
 Who will I ask?
 What will I say?
 What is the expectation
for asking help in this
area?
2. Make a plan:
 Who will I ask?
 What will I say?
 What is the expectation
for asking for a break in
this area?
3. Ask for help.
3. Ask for a break
4. Did asking for help work?
4. Did asking for a break
work?
Asking to Talk
1. ASK: Would talking to
someone help?
2. Make a plan
 Who should I talk to?
 Do I need help or a pass
to see this person?
3. Did asking to talk with
someone work?
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs Center, Rutgers13
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org