PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 6
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SESSION 6: “I-Statements” and
Understanding Non-Verbal Behavior
Sections
Materials
I. Review Homework
Activity and Practice
II. I-Statements
5 minutes
I Statements
Cards, flipchart,
markers
III. Non-Verbal Behavior
IV. Homework Activity
Time
20 minutes
15 minutes
Practicing I
Statements
Homework
Handout
5 minutes
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs
Center, Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
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PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 6
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SESSION 6: “I-Statements” and
Understanding Non-Verbal Behavior
I. Review Homework Activity and Practice (5 minutes)
 Purpose: Review and reflect on skills covered in previous sessions.

Have students share their experience with using relaxation strategies
and Stop and Think.
II. I-Statements (20 minutes)
 Purpose: Teach students to verbally communicate how they are feeling
to others.

Introduction to “I Statements”
 When we are in difficult situations and feeling upset, it can be hard
for us to tell others how we are feeling. The first thing we want to
do when we are in a difficult situation and feeling upset is to calm
ourselves down. During the last two sessions we learned different
ways to calm ourselves down. Sometimes to deal with a difficult
situation, it is also helpful to tell someone how we are feeling. When
we are telling others how we are feeling, we have to be careful that
we explain how we feel in a way that doesn’t make the other person
upset. For example, let’s pretend I am upset with my friend, and I
say to her, “You are always so mean to me!” How do you think this
statement is going to make my friend feel?
 When we say “YOU…” it can seem like we are blaming or accusing
the other person. It may put the person on the defensive, which
can make finding a solution difficult.
 One way to express your feelings without making someone else feel
upset is to use an “I Statement.” They help us to directly express
our feelings or opinions, without blaming or accusing another
person. It helps you to take responsibility for how you are feeling
and also makes the other person feel less defensive and more likely
that they will work with you to find a solution.
 Skill instructor gives out “I Statements” Card to each student
 There are three parts to “I Statements.” First, you state how you feel
(e.g. I feel mad). Second, state what your trigger was (e.g. I feel
mad when it seems like no one is listening to me). Third, describe
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs
Center, Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
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PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 6
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why you feel that way (e.g. I feel mad when it seems like no one is
listening to me because I feel ignored).
 Instructor should write the parts of the “I Statements” on the board
as a visual prompt for students.
 I feel…
 When…
 Because…
 Using “I Statements” may seem uncomfortable or silly at first, but
they are very useful in many types of relationships. The best thing
about using “I Statements” is that you say how YOU feel and do not
assume what the other person is feeling. Therefore, the other
person is more likely to listen to you and help you find a solution.

Introduce and read example to the group. Tell students to pretend that
they are the ones in this situation.

Choose the most appropriate example based on function of
student behavior. If applicable, read both scenarios
separately.

Escape-motivated example:
 Imagine that you are having some trouble with a math assignment.
You are starting to feel very frustrated because you don’t know how
to solve the problem. The teacher comes over and asks why you
haven’t finished yet.

Attention-motivated example:
 Imagine that it’s time for indoor recess. You want to join a group of
kids who are playing a game. You ask one of the kids, Jennifer, if
you can join in but she says, “No, we don’t want you to play with
us.” Your feelings have been hurt and you start to feel yourself get
upset.

After reading the example, tell the students they should come up with
an “I Statement” to express how they are feeling. Instructor should
guide students to come up with an I statement as a group by asking
three questions:
 How are you feeling (i.e. frustrated/mad/sad)?
 What is the trigger? (i.e., can’t figure out how to solve the problem)
 How are you affected? (i.e. can’t finish your work/have no one to
play with)
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs
Center, Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
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PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 6
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 TIP: Write student answers on the flip chart. Then have students
combine the three parts to create an I Statement.
 Examples include:
 Escape-motivated - I feel mad when I don’t know the answer
because I can’t finish my work; I feel mad when I have a hard
problem because I feel embarrassed I cannot do it on my own.
 Attention- motivated – I feel sad when I can’t play with others
because it makes me feel like no one likes me; I feel angry when
others won’t let me play because then I don’t get to have fun.

I Statements Role-Play
 Have students identify problems they have encountered with peers,
friends, teachers, parents, etc (Refer to students’ trigger maps).
List problems on flip chart.
 Possible example scenarios to role-play (choose based on function of
group members’ behavior or can use scenarios group members
have identified):
 Someone cuts in front of you in the lunch line.
 Someone takes something that belongs to you without asking your
permission.
 The teacher yells at you even though you don’t think you did
anything wrong.
 You are given an assignment you do not want to do.
 You hare having difficulty completing a task.
 You ask another student to work on an assignment with you and
he/she says no.
 You will now take turns practicing using I statements. Don’t worry if
you get stuck, we’ll help you out! You can also look at your IStatements Card or at the flip chart to remind you of the three
parts of I-Statements.
III. Understanding non-verbal behavior (10 minutes)

Purpose: To have students identify nonverbal behaviors (e.g., tone of
voice, body posture, gestures, facial expressions).

Introduce
 Skill instructor should stand up, cross his/her arms, frown, and in a
harsh tone say to the group, “I really like how everyone is
participating.”
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs
Center, Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
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PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 6
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 Ask students, did you believe what I said? Why or why not? Have
students discuss how your verbal communication was not the
same as your nonverbal communication, or what you said did
not have the same message as how you said it, or the way you
looked and sounded.
 When we communicate with others we have to think about the
words we use and our nonverbal behavior. Nonverbal behavior is
how we look and sound when we are saying words. Nonverbal
behavior includes things like tone of voice, posture and facial
expressions, eye contact. Sometimes if we are upset, we might
remember to say something in a nice way but our tone of voice
might sound angry and the way we hold our bodies might seem
like we are mad. When this happens, others might not believe
the words we are saying and/or get upset because we seem
angry. We can minimize offending or disrespecting others by
being aware of our nonverbal behaviors or signals.

Skill instructor should role-play another example of mismatch between
verbal and nonverbal behavior (e.g., tone of voice, body posture,
gestures, facial expressions). Instructor should stand with their
shoulders slumped, frown on their face, arms hanging to side and in
a sad voice say, “I am so happy to be here today.”
 Ask students, did you believe what I said this time? Have students
identify what your nonverbal behaviors were (i.e., tone of voice was
sad, not excited or happy, frown on your face, slumped posture).

Our nonverbal behaviors express feelings and thoughts just like verbal
behaviors. For example, if a teacher tells me to put away my comic
book and I say nothing but roll my eyes and scowl at her, what
message am I sending? Have students answer. So just like we need
to be careful with the words we use, we also need to be aware of how
our nonverbal behaviors (e.g., tone of voice, body posture, gestures,
facial expressions) can send messages to others.

If we are asking for something or trying to tell someone how we feel
when we are frustrated, angry or overwhelmed, we may have some
nonverbal behaviors (e.g., tone of voice, body posture, gestures, facial
expressions) that indicate we are upset. The other person may think
that we are being disrespectful or offensive. What are some nonverbal
behaviors that we may have when we are agitated that could be
misinterpreted by others? Have students generate some examples.
Encourage students to demonstrate examples (e.g., say something
and demonstrate nonverbal behavior).
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs
Center, Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
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PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 6
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So when expressing how we feel to someone or asking for something,
we need to be aware of our nonverbal behaviors (e.g., tone of voice,
body posture, gestures, facial expressions) and change them so that
the other person doesn’t misinterpret and think we are being
disrespectful or offensive.
IV. Assign Homework Activity and Departure (5 minutes)
 Purpose: Have students practice I Statements

Before next session, ask students to complete the Practicing I
Statements worksheet.
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs
Center, Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
6
PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 6
Step
7
Key Question
Feelings
How do you feel?
Sentence
Starter
“I feel…”
Are you sad, angry,
anxious, scared?
Trigger
What was the ‘trigger’
that bothered you?
“When…”
Reason
How does the trigger
affect you?
“Because…”
Why does this trigger
upset you?
Example
Feelings
How do you feel?
It makes me mad
Are you sad, angry,
anxious, scared?
Trigger
What was the ‘trigger’
that bothered you?
When you touch my stuff.
Reason
How does the trigger
affect you?
Because I told you not to my
things. I don’t like people touching
my stuff. When you touch my
stuff I think you are disrespecting
me.
Why does this trigger
upset you?
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs
Center, Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
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PBSIS Social Skill Lesson 6
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Practicing “I Statements”
Directions: Make “I statements” for the following situations.
Remember to use all pieces of the statement.
1. One of your friends has been ignoring you lately. You
don’t know if something’s wrong.
State your
feeling
I feel…
State what
happened
When…
Describe its
effect on
you
Because…
2. A student in your class is making fun of you.
State your
feeling
I feel…
State what
happened
When…
Describe its
effect on
you
Because…
NJ PBSIS (2014). NJPBSIS is sponsored by New Jersey Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs in collaboration with The Boggs
Center, Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. PBSIS is funded by I.D.E.A., Part B. www.njpbs.org
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