Strengthened GCSE English
Literature Specification
(First Award 2015)
Unit 3 Controlled Assessment
Exemplars
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Strengthened GCSE English Literature Specification (First Award 2015)
Unit 3 Controlled Assessment Exemplars
The Specification states:

It is a requirement of the specification that a minimum of 15 specified
poems must be studied for this unit. This is in addition to the
contemporary poems studied for external assessment. (Page 15)

If the candidates’ notes exceed the specified length (i.e. one side of
A4) or are otherwise not of an appropriate nature, no marks should be
given for the final assignment. (Page 19)

The overall mark awarded must be based on the candidate’s own work
only; any support given (e.g. work sheets, scaffolding) must be
documented, declared, and taken into account in the assessment.
(Page 19)
Unit 3 assessment objectives and breakdown of marks
AO1
Respond to texts critically and imaginatively; select and evaluate relevant
textual detail to illustrate and support interpretations.
6.25% of total mark
Marked out of 10
AO2
Explain how language, structure and form contribute to writers’ presentation of
ideas, themes and settings
6.25% of total mark
Marked out of 10
AO3
Make and explain links between texts, evaluating writers’ different ways of
expressing meaning and achieving effects.
12.5% of total mark
Marked out of 20.
Teachers may find it useful to make discrete assessments for each AO before
totaling them for the final mark. As has always been the case, supporting
comments are necessary.
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Assessment Criteria for Unit 3 (N.B. AO3 carries twice the weighting of AO1 and AO2 for this controlled assessment)
The following descriptions have been provided to indicate the way in which progression within the three criteria is likely to occur. Each successive description assumes demonstration of
achievements in lower bands. You are asked to place work initially within a band and then to fine-tune using the marks within the band. It is recognised that work will not always fit neatly
into one of the descriptions and teachers should use a ‘best fit’ approach when making overall judgements.
Total Marks 40
Critical response to texts (AO1) 25% 10 marks
Language, structure and form (AO2) 25% 10 marks
Making links (AO3) 50% 20 marks
0 marks
Nothing written, or what is written is totally irrelevant to the text or not worthy of credit.
Band 1
(1 mark)
(1 mark)
(1-3 marks)
Candidates: rely on a limited narrative approach but Candidates: may make limited and generalised
Candidates: show limited ability to make links;
with some misreadings;
comments about stylistic effects.
show limited awareness of writers’ ideas
make a limited personal response to the text.
Band 2
(2-3 marks)
(2-3 marks)
(4-7 marks)
Candidates: rely on a narrative approach with some Candidates: may make generalised comments about
Candidates: begin to make simple links when required;
misreadings;
stylistic effects.
give simple unfocused comments on writers’ ideas.
make a personal response to the text.
Errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling and lack of structure are likely to impede communication at times. There will be little evidence of specialist vocabulary.
Band 3
(4-5 marks)
(4-5 marks)
(8-11 marks)
Candidates: display some understanding of main
Candidates: are able to recognise and make simple
Candidates: make straightforward links and
features;
comments on particular features of style and structure.
connections between texts;
make generalised reference to relevant aspects of
begin to make simple comments on some of the
the text, echoing and paraphrasing;
different ways writers express meaning;
begin to select relevant detail.
select some obvious features of similarity and
difference.
Expression will be reasonably clear and the answer will have a basic structure. Grammar, punctuation and spelling will contain errors but these will not be intrusive; use
of specialist vocabulary will be limited and/or not always appropriate.
Band 4
(6-7 marks)
(6-7 marks)
(12-15 marks)
Candidates: make more detailed reference to text;
Candidates: see how different aspects of style and
Candidates: make some evaluation of subject, theme,
discuss thoroughly and increasingly thoughtfully
structure combine to create effects;
character and the impact of texts;
characters/relationships;
show increasingly clear appreciation of how meanings
explore links when considering writers’ different ways
probe the sub-text with increasing confidence;
and ideas are conveyed through language, structure
of expressing meaning and achieving effects;
select and evaluate relevant textual details;
and form.
explain the relevance and impact of connections
understand and demonstrate how writers use
between texts.
ideas, themes and settings to affect the reader;
convey ideas clearly and appropriately.
Expression will be mainly clear and fluent and the answer will be quite well structured. There will be some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling;
specialist vocabulary will be used mainly appropriately.
Band 5
(8-10 marks)
(8-10 marks)
(16-20 marks)
Candidates: make increasingly assured selection
Candidates: show appreciation of how writers use
Candidates: make a sustained discussion of links
and incorporation of relevant detail;
language to achieve specific effects;
between texts, confidently evaluating subject, theme,
are able to speculate/offer tentative judgements;
make assured exploration and evaluation of the ways
character and the impact of texts;
are able to evaluate characters/relationships and
meaning, ideas and feeling are conveyed through
make apt selection of details for cross reference and
attitudes/motives;
language, structure and form;
confidently explore writers’ different ways of expressing
at the highest level, consistently handle texts with
at the highest level, make assured analysis of stylistic
meaning and achieving effects;
confidence, have an overview and ability to move
features.
at the highest level, make subtle points of connection
from the specific to the general;
and probe links confidently.
convey ideas persuasively and cogently with apt
textual support.
Expression will be clear and fluent and the answer will be well structured. There will be few errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling;
specialist vocabulary will be used appropriately.
N.B. If the candidates’ notes exceed the specified length (i.e. one side of A4) or are otherwise not of an appropriate nature, no marks should be given for the final assignment.
The overall mark awarded must be based on the candidate’s own work only; any support given (e.g. work sheets, scaffolding) must be documented, declared, and taken into account in the
assessment.
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Exemplar material
For the purposes of clarity and since SPAG elements are not tested in this
work, most technical errors have been corrected.
Sample 1: Male/female relationships in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and selected
poems
Love, fear and extreme emotion are all present throughout the story of
‘Romeo and Juliet’ and also feature in the poems ‘A Woman to Her Lover’ by
Christina Walsh and ‘A Married State’ by Katherine Philips. In the play written
by William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet’s fates are intertwined from the
moment of their birth. Shakespeare’s use of dramatic structure in the play
including the switching between comedy and tragedy heightens tension in
scenes and brings the audience closer to the two young lovers as we witness
their relationship develop in the short space of time when they risk everything
to be together. The play is unlike both poems as they take very different
approaches to the idea of love, each having a more realistic and practical
view toward marriage and relationships between men and women rather than
the romantic, idealized view that Shakespeare overall presents in his play.
In Act 2 scene 2, Romeo takes a risk by returning to the Capulet house to see
Juliet again. This shows Romeo is eager to see her, implying that she is
clearly on his mind and indicates that this newfound love for her excites him
and causes him to act irrationally. In the first line of the scene Romeo says,
“he jests at scars that never felt a wound”. Romeo is referring to Mercutio
indicating that it is easy for someone who has never been in love to joke
about the suffering of a person who is deeply in love. This dismissive
comment may also trigger the audience to think about Romeo’s fickle nature
towards relationships as he is in no longer captivated by Rosaline but has
moved on so quickly to fall in love with Juliet. Furthermore Shakespeare
instantly brings a sense of irony and foreshadowing into the scene as further
on in the play Mercutio dies jesting as a result of Romeo and Juliet’s
relationship when Romeo is unwilling to fight Tybalt forcing Mercutio to defend
him and as a result ends up being fatally wounded.
Shakespeare presents Romeo’s and Juliet’s relationship as based on physical
attraction and addresses the idea at first sight. Romeo describes Juliet’s
physical appearance, comparing her to “the sun” which suggests Juliet is now
the centre of Romeo’s universe the same way as the sun is the centre of the
solar system and she is now the one that gives him life the same way the sun
does to the earth. Shakespeare uses this metaphor to show the audience the
powerful effect Juliet has had over Romeo associating her with an object that
is powerful and vital to life on earth. Romeo then goes on to talk about
another force of nature in which he says, “kill the envious moon”. Using
personification Romeo implies that Juliet is more beautiful than the moon and
her beauty surpasses that of the sun. Romeo’s first words, describing Juliet’s
appearance are full of longing and desire and in using the natural imagery of
the sun and the moon suggests that his response to this relationship comes
naturally and is very powerful. In these lines, Shakespeare contrasts Romeo’s
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attitude towards relationships from Act one scene one where Romeo seems
to be depressed as he uses contradictions of love such as “Feather of lead”
and “bright smoke” to express the distress love has caused him. This shows
Romeo’s feeling towards Rosaline earlier in the play were more an infatuation
as Shakespeare shows the element of unrequited love. Shakespeare then
goes on to present the relationship as empowering and exhilarating. In the
scene Romeo proclaims to Juliet:
“With love’s light wing’s did I o’er perch these walls
For stony limits cannot hold love out
And what love can do, that dare love attempt:
Therefore kinsmen are no stop to me”
Romeo continues to use natural imagery throughout the scene when he refers
to “love’s light wings”. The image of “wings” compares Romeo to the idea of a
bird which could symbolize freedom, elevation and aspiration in love. “Wings”
could also be linked to that of an angel or fairy which could suggest that love
has a magical or religious element to it. Wings are also considered to be
transformational, allowing an individual access to a previously unattainable
state. This is shown in Romeo’s expression as love has empowered him and
changed him from the despairing state he was previously in to a state in which
he feels uplifted and invincible. Romeo then goes on to express how their love
is enough to keep them safe from the hatred of their families when he says,
“Therefore kinsmen are no stop to me”. This makes Romeo and Juliet’s love
seem like protection and almost suggests the idea that their love is a suit of
armour that cannot be penetrated. Romeo is a romantic and believes love will
conquer all. However, Shakespeare brings dramatic irony into the scene as
the audience know that the lover’s fate is doomed because of the “death
marked love” that is made clear in the Prologue and therefore the audience
are doubtful of Romeo’s proclamations. Shakespeare also presents Romeo’s
and Juliet’s relationship as defiant of the feud between the two families.
Shakespeare imposes the idea that a name does not define what you are as
Juliet expresses:
“What’s Montague? It’s nor hand nor foot,
Nor arm nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O be some other name!
What’s in a name?”
Keeping to her character, Juliet forms a rational opinion in saying that the
names of things do not matter; only what they are. However, she knows that if
she continues with their relationship, their names will be a problem because of
their families’ hatred so she wishes Romeo was “some other name” so they
could be together. Romeo later on replies to Juliet’s proposal to change his
name saying, “Call me love and I’ll be new baptised”. Romeo tries to simplify
the relationship declaring that he is prepared to give up his family to be with
her even though they have only known each other for a short period of time.
Shakespeare shows a contrast in the characters’ attitudes as Juliet is more
practical and thinks about the consequences of their actions, which is
important as this type of relationship easily brings danger, which becomes
clear later on in the play. Romeo is more of a romantic and a dreamer as he
gives little thought to the situation and acts upon impulse and feeling. The
audience know it is not that simple for Romeo just to give up his name
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because of the hatred between the families and the lover’s fate mentioned in
the Prologue.
Another way in which Shakespeare presents the relationship between Romeo
and Juliet is insecure and fearful as well as rash and impulsive. At one point in
the scene Juliet seems conscious that she may have been overly indulgent
towards Romeo and worries that she has been too easily won over by him.
She says “I am too fond/ And therefore thou must think my behaviour light”.
Juliet begins to question her behaviour and her actions, as she knows this is
not the way in which she is supposed to act. Moreover, she is in conflict as
she must choose between the family to which she belongs and her desire to
be true to herself, as she loves Romeo and wants to be with him. She then
goes on to say, “It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden” echoing the
thoughts of the audience, as they know that due to the haste of the
relationship and the warning in the prologue something bad will happen.
Shakespeare adds irony in these lines as the sense of rushing headlong
accurately characterises their love, yet despite her premonition, Juliet is the
one who suggest they marry later in the scene. Both Romeo and Juliet have
fears about their relationship as they both know that their love is too sudden
and is forbidden, so therefore they have the fear of being caught as well as
the fear that because of the speed of their relationship, their love may not last.
Lastly Shakespeare presents Romeo and Juliet’s relationship as opposing the
conventions of courtship at the time. As the scene moves into the final stages
it is Juliet who breaks the conventions of this time and moves the relationship
forward to marriage. She states, “If thy bent of love be honourable/Thy
purpose marriage”. Juliet’s uses an ultimatum, which directly opposes her
father’s wishes that she marry Paris and consequently increases the tension
of the play. Her bold words show how single minded and determined she is to
get what she wants and the importance of securing her future with Romeo.
Some may see her words as rash. However, others realise her words come
from the romantic ideal in which she wants to spend the rest of her life with
Romeo. Even though their circumstances contribute to the haste of this
decision, it is clear that Shakespeare is suggesting the depth of feeling that
both characters have for each other. In the end their relationship is presented
as a romantic love in which they both share.
The overall mood changes throughout Act two scene two as the lover’s
consider all aspects of their relationship. Moreover because of the speed in
which the relationship is formed and the concern about how the relationship
can take place; the feelings between the lovers become very intense.
Shakespeare suggests throughout the scene that love is the key element
which changes the nature of the two characters and is cause for them to risk
their lives to be together, as life without each other is now not worth living.
The nature of their relationship is based on an instant connection, which has
been ignited into passion and romance but also features the sincerity of
feelings the couples have for one another.
The focus of relationships is continued in the poems “A Married State” and “A
Woman to her lover” as they both explore the nature of relationship between
men and woman through a close analysis of marriage. In “A married state”
Katherine Philips immediately declares that marriage is not easy and that
husbands have high expectations of their wives:
“A married state affords but little ease;
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The best of husbands are so hard to please:”
Philips describes a hard life of strained marriage with the words “little ease”
elaborating more on the husband-wife relationship and showing that there is
very little freedom. Furthermore she suggests for a wife to break through into
pleasure would even be a struggle with the “best of husband”. The words
“state” could be seen as a pun, inferring that marriage does not mean the
status of marriage but that it is in a state or a mess. Also as marriage is being
described as a “state” it could imply that husbands govern or rule their wives
the same way as a dictator or leader does to their country or state. The first
two lines also form rhyming couplets, a structure continued throughout the
poem. This reinforces the repetitive nature of marriage. However, overall it
creates a confident tone towards the reader, which encourages her/him to
accept the viewpoint of the speaker in the poem. Philips then goes on to use a
metaphor to further show what the typical role of a wife would be, according to
the society of the time. “This in wives’ careful faces you may spell,” This
indicates that public image was important in the time and a woman had to
hide her unhappiness which implies that the true appearance of marriage was
hidden from the public eye. Philips also uses another metaphor that further
tries to persuade a woman not to get married:
”A virgin state is crowned with much content,
It’s always happy as it’s innocent:”
Philips links a woman staying single to a utopian image of the world with all
the negative aspect of marriage replaced by happiness and contentment. The
use of the word “innocent” has associations with virginity and the phrase “ A
virgin state is crowned” links to the idea of Queen Elizabeth I who, it would
appear, stayed celibate throughout her life. Philips uses these ideas to show
that a woman can live happily without a husband. However, in using this
metaphorical language, she goes against the views of the time, as a woman
who was not married would have been labelled a failure. Philips believes that
marriage brings unhappiness and tries to persuade other woman to remain
unmarried by listing the bad things that could be avoided. This is expressed
when she says:
“No blustering husbands to create your fears,
No pangs of childbirth to extort your tears,
No children’s cries to offend your ears,
Few worldly crosses to distract your prayers,”
Philips uses the repetition of the word “no” in a triadic structure to emphasize
and enforce her opinions. Furthermore the parallel phrasing during these lines
creates the effect of many negative points about marriage and implies there
are several more. The repetition in this section creates a sense of urgency to
the situation as the poet feels that women need to be aware of the
circumstances of marriage before they enter into it. Philips’ use of language
contrasts with previous sections in the poem as words such as “blustering”,
“fears”, “pangs”, “tears” and “offend” are all negative and suggest a
derogatory view of marriage, whereas previously words like “innocent,
content, ease” and “please” are used to show that the expectations of
marriage are near impossible. However, a life of happiness is possible by
remaining unmarried. Philips also adds to the negativity of marriage in the line
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“No children’s cries to offend your ears” as this symbolises that with marriage
comes motherhood which is extremely hard and tiring besides being
potentially very dangerous. The contrast is used to exaggerate Philips’ point
and to make the state of marriage seem worse than it is. Therefore Philips
implies that relationships between men and women have lots of drawbacks
and by using repetition to create listed reasons of a sorrowful life, develops a
persuasive argument aimed directly at the reader. This is developed also by
using personal pronouns such as “you”.
The final stage of the poem starts with the word “Thus” which signals a
conclusion to the reader. Philips then goes on to say, “you are freed” which
suggests that marriage brings imprisonment and that relationships are
misleading and brings unhappiness. She expresses:
“Therefore, Madame, be advised by me:
Turn, turn apostate to love’s levity”
The use of the word “Therefore” suggests that Philips is creating an overall
view of marriage as being bad and she is building up an image for her reader
from the previous points made in the poem providing a logical conclusion.
“Madame” signifies that the audience is being addressed but also implies she
is referring to the younger upper class women of society, as they would have
been the ones that influenced other women of the time, as they would have
been looked up to and admired. The use of the pronoun “me” suggests that
women should listen to Katherine Philips as this line implies she has had
some experience in the reality of being married and is trying to warn women
that it is not all what it seems to be. Philips writes the lines “Turn, turn
apostate, to loves’ levity”. She uses the imperative “Turn, turn” to instruct the
reader to abandon their faith in love as a relationship as it will only let them
down and cause them pain.
The poem concludes with the author dismissing an old proverb used to scare
women into getting married. She advises women not to get married and
ignore their feelings towards men:
“Suppress wild nature if she dare rebel,
There’s no such thing as leading apes in hell”
The phrase “wild nature” suggests that these feelings of lust that a women
may have for a man should be ignored as they are misleading. By dismissing
the proverb, the poet is assuring women that despite what they may have
heard, nothing will happen to them if they remain unmarried. With this
quotation, Philips suggests that relationships can take over however women
should not allow themselves to be controlled by men.
Christina Walsh writes her poem ‘A woman to her Lover’ in a free verse style.
It has an irregular stanza length and no rhyme scheme. Writing the poem in
this form reflects her point that she believes women can change their attitude
towards men and rebel against the attitude of the time. Furthermore, she
believes men do not have to control women but they can share equal love. In
the first stanza of the poem Walsh establishes a dramatic monologue in which
she is addressing her “Lover”. The title itself contains multiple connotations
that lead the reader to the preconception of patriarchy. “A Women to her
Lover” immediately suggests that this woman is almost a subordinate
procession to her “lover”. This is because it incites a sense of belonging by
the use of the words “to her”. When these two words are tied they tend to
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portray the owner of an object. Also despite this degrading judgement of the
“woman” the usage of the word “lover” implies that she still loves the man.
“Woman” represents she is early feminist in a male dominated society. The
issue of inequality is in a relationship between men and women immediately
addressed even in the title of the poem.
In the first stanza of the poem, Walsh suggests slavery and underlines her
fears that her lover will make her change. Her use of the rhetorical question
“Do you come here to bend me to your will” in the first line immediately gets
her lover to consider or reconsider what he is asking of her. This motion
straight away shows he is a strong character, which the reader may consider
to be an admirable quality persuading them to accept her points. The word
“bend” is similar to that of “bond slave” since they are plosive sounds. The
effect of these words suggests the poet is angry as she does not want to be
controlled or owned by a man. Walsh also introduces the image of war into
the poem as she uses a simile in which she mentions the words “conqueror”
and “vanquished”. This conveys the idea that women are defeated by men as
soon as they enter marriage and are then forced to do the man’s will in
“silence” as they have lost their voice in society because they have got
married. However, Walsh does not accept this, as she states “No servant will I
be”. The word structure in the penultimate line of the stanza stands out
because of the way in which the poet has chosen to start the line with “no”.
This makes the line more powerful and further emphasizes her point that
women should not be slaves in marriage.
In the following stanza Walsh presents the idea that she will not be treated as
a person who never does any wrong. She uses adjectives such as “heaven
sent” and “golden” which suggest perfection and purity. However, she also
implies that no one can live up to this expectation of marriage and if her lover
thinks she is going to, then she wants him to leave as shown by the word
“Go”. Walsh also uses the term “wingless angel” which indicates to the reader
a sense of entrapment in marriage, as she is not free to be herself. In the
penultimate line, she writes, “I am no doll to dress and sit for feeble worship”.
The use of the noun “doll” suggests that a wife is their to entertain her
husband and is a toy for him to play with, the same way a doll would be in the
hands of a little girl. The adjective “feeble” is used in this line to suggest
marriage is dull and tiring for a woman and is therefore another reason to fight
inequality and challenge the stereotypical views of women at the time. The
last line of the stanza is similar to that of stanza one as the poet says, “If that
be what you ask, fool, I refuse you!” However, in this final line Walsh seems to
convey her lover with a more forceful tone, which indicates she will not be
there just to please her husband and he is a “fool” if he thinks otherwise.
Walsh then indicates in stanza three that she will not be seen as an object
that is used to satisfy her lover’s desires and neither should any other women
of the time. In the first line of the stanza she starts with the word “Or”, this was
also used to start the previous stanza as well. The word “Or” suggests that
she is considering different scenarios and is compiling a list of ideas that will
make her refuse her lover. In the second line, Walsh says “A creature who will
have no greater joy”. The noun ”creature” suggests that she has an inhuman
quality and is lacking intellect, which, therefore, implies that she is inferior to
him and is not his equal. She then continues with the line “My soft skin only
for your caresses” which infers that once she marries her lover she will
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become his for his unlimited use. The words “soft skin” when put together
employ the technique of sibilance. The poet is rejecting on the idea of being
controlled by a man and the degrading intentions of his sexual desire. She
then goes on to use a power of three to further show her thoughts of being
degraded and humiliated as she says “oh shame, and pity and abasement”.
So far the poet has employed the technique of enjambment, however at this
point it stops. This has been done to emphasize her point that women should
be treated with respect and be seen as equals which is important, as it is the
main message of her poem. Her last line includes the metaphor “Not for you
the hand of any wakened woman of our time.” She uses the word “wakened”
to show that this concept is for any women who knows her rights and is
prepared to challenge the convention of the time. The plural pronoun “our”
suggests that Walsh is trying to get all women to unite and fight for equality,
together, as men and woman relationship are unequal.
In the concluding sections of the poem, Walsh offers a complete contrast in
the tone and style as she describes a “co-equal” relationship where she is not
treated as a slave or sexual object. In the second line of the stanza, she uses
the words “comrade, friend and male”. These positive synonyms suggest that
Walsh considers friendship to be just as important to her as sex,
companionship and equality as all of the elements are the fundamentals to a
successful relationship. Walsh also shows balance and the sense of being
together when she says:
“To live and work, to love and die with you,
That together we may know the purity and height
Of passion, and of joy and sorrow,”
In these lines the poet suggests that if they both participate in a co-equal
relationship then their love will last until the day they die. The word “we” brings
a sense of togetherness and unity into their relationship, which contrasts to
previous points in the poem as the lovers were seen to be on opposite sides.
The nouns “passion”, “joy” and “sorrow” suggest their relationship will bring all
types of extreme emotions but Walsh also implies that as long as they stand
together as equals they can both benefit from these feelings. In the seventh
line of the poem Walsh uses the personification “ the stars to laugh with joy” to
make the universe seem as if it has a view of their relationship. This is
continued when she uses the metaphor “music of spheres for bridal march”
which suggests the heaven and stars will be in perfect harmony with them.
Walsh renders the image that all natural things will celebrate their love, if their
relationship is co-equal, The concluding line of the poem suggests they will be
together before they die as she says “ until we reach the very heart of God”
Religious overtones feature in this line as marriage is presented as an
institution in the sanctity of God. The final line of the poem gives a powerful
conclusion as Walsh further states that a co-equal relationship will stand the
test of time.
Male and Female relationships are a common theme within these three texts
as each one shows different but considerable aspects of a relationship that
were important to women in the time period they were written. All three texts
were written when patriarchal societies were powerful which meant that men
were the dominant gender as both fathers and husbands had the power in
relationships. The power of a father is shown in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ as Capulet
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arranges for his daughter to be married to Paris when he clearly states, “she
shall be married to this noble earl”. This emphasizes the fact finding true love
was impossible for young girls like Juliet because they were forced into
marriage and were consequently forced to love a man. In the same way both
poems show how husbands have the power in a relationship as wives were
made to do a husbands “will” which meant that they were “hard to please”.
This reinforces the fact that woman had no voice in society and their quality of
life in marriage was poor as most husbands treated their wives as slaves.
Because of this presumption of patriarchy, the audience expects a woman to
be unhappy in a relationship as within her life she adjusts from being a
possession of her father to the possession of her husband when she marries
and therefore throughout her life has no freedom.
Surprisingly none of these texts succumb to the idea of patriarchy as they all
opposed the conventions of the time. All women in the texts have strong
voices that will not accept the patriarchal power men have over women. In
‘Romeo and Juliet’ both male and female perspectives of a relationship is
provided as both Romeo and Juliet have a voice. In Act two scene two, Juliet
chooses to disobey her father and defies the conventions of the time as she is
the one who proposes marriage when she says “If that thy bent of love be
honourable, thy purpose marriage”. This would be seen as highly unusual as
it would normally be the man’s role to propose marriage. However, Juliet fears
that because of the speed in which their relationship was formed and the
speed in which it is accelerating, their relationship will not last, so marriage
seems like a practical and rational solution as it sanctifies and legitimizes the
relationship, making it last forever. Her attitude links to that of Christina
Walsh’s as they both take control of their relationship and state what they
want, with Juliet proposing marriage and Walsh outlining what she will not
accept in a marriage but more so what she wants out of it. Romeo is
presented as a dreamer in the scene as he declares “call me but love, /And I’ll
be newly baptis’d”. In these lines Romeo shows that he is prepared to give up
everything for Juliet including his name. This is a direct contrast to what is
addressed in “ A woman to her lover “ as Walsh proclaims that she will not
“bend” to her lover’s will and change who she is to benefit him. However even
though Romeo is presented as romantic he shows some typical attributes of a
male, especially when he says, “O wilt though leave me so unsatisfied”. This
links to the ideas presented in Walsh’s poems as she implies that men use
women as sexual objects which Romeo seems to reveal as his intention in
this line.
Even though the voices behind both poems are female, each poet desires
different things. In “A woman to her lover” Walsh has concerns that a man will
force her to change. However in “A Married State” Philip fears that young
women are marrying men without thinking about the consequences or harsh
realities of the decision they are making. The contrast in the way these poems
are written is due to the fact that each poet is addressing different sexes so
therefore takes a different approach. In “A woman to her lover” Walsh shows
some compassion toward her reader as she repeatedly uses the word “lover”.
This is because she is talking to a man she may be marrying so therefore still
needs to use a gentle tone as she wants her lover to agree to her compromise
of a co-equal relationship as she believes it will make them both happy. This
is unlike Philips who in her poem is very direct and has a forceful, strong and
11
assertive tone as she is trying to persuade young women to stand up to men.
In these lines “Thus are you freed from all cares that do/Attend on matrimony
and a husband too.”
Philips comes across as stubborn as she believes the only way for a woman
to be happy is to stay single as marriage brings only pain and suffering. Both
poems show that men take advantage of women and do not treat them fairly
so as a result they suffer. Furthermore both Walsh and Philips imply that
marriage is hard and is often portrayed poorly as women usually have no
freedom and a poor quality of life.
The voices in all three texts are similar in the way that each woman is telling a
person what they want. The voices of Juliet and Christina Walsh in “A woman
to her lover” are comparable as they both consider and may over think where
their relationship will lead. Whereas Katherine Philips seems surer of herself
as she has a powerful and strong voice, which is maintained throughout her
poem. Both the poems and the play compare as each voice considers the
consequences of their relationship bringing bad things. In the play both
Romeo and Juliet are aware that their relationship brings with it the risk of
death as Juliet reminds Romeo in the scene “if they do see thee, they will
murder thee”. In “A married State” Philips warns young women that they will
only be used to reproduce, please their husband and if they marry it will only
bring unhappiness. Also in “A Woman to her Lover” Walsh talks about women
being used as slaves and being objectified as well as being used for sex.
Overall all three women in each text have a powerful voice as they all state
what they want with the implication they will not accept anything less as they
are not afraid to challenge the convention of the time because they believe it
is not right or fair to women.
The tone and theme of advice is also noticeable in the poems as each poet
gets their reader to consider what men make women do in a marriage and
questions the nature of male and female relationships. In the poem “A Married
State” it is clear that Katherine Philips’ advice is aimed at young women, as
she wants them to give careful consideration toward marriage before entering
into it. Whilst in “A Woman to her Lover”, Christina Walsh advises her lover to
accept her terms of marriage if he wants to marry her. This means that each
poem is presented in different ways as both poets are trying to achieve
different objectives. In “ A Married State”, Philips wants young women to
understand that marriage is not a social requirement despite what society
says and that a woman does not need a man to make her happy or make her
feel secure as women are just as strong as men and can fend for themselves.
This is unlike Walsh in “A woman to her lover” as she implies that a man may
be of some benefit to a woman’s life but only if she is treated as an equal and
not looked down upon or seen as inferior.
Walsh represents a more reasonable view toward relationships as she comes
to a compromise that ensure both men and women are happy whereas if
women stay unmarried like Philips suggests, there is still the possibility a
woman will be unhappy as she will end up alone all her life and be isolated
from society.
Walsh’s theme of advice links ‘Romeo and Juliet’ as both Romeo and Juliet
want to be together and are even willing to risk their lives for one another
which highlights Walsh’s idea of a relationship that is idealised and romantic.
In the last stanza of Walsh’s poem she use romantic language to describe
12
what a relationship would be like if both men and women were to be equal as
she says:
“To live and work, to love and die with you,
That so together we may know the height of purity
Of passion and of joy and sorrow.”
This links to Juliet in Act two Scene two as she uses romantic language to
pledge her love to Romeo when she says:
“My bounty is as endless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give thee
The more I have, for both are infinite.”
In these two segments of text both Christina Walsh and Juliet express what
love is like when it is allowed to grow and flourish into a romantic relationship.
This also strengthens the idea that when both men and women are equals
love becomes a powerful factor, which allows them to live happily together in
a relationship. However, this majority contrasts to what Philips says in her
poem as both Juliet and Walsh seem to have fallen for “love’s levity” to which
Philips says that even though love may feel good in the moment it will not last
as love lacks seriousness and will eventually fade. Shakespeare further
contributes to this idea as Romeo’s and Juliet’s love is being constantly tested
in the play as obstacles keep appearing which the couple must face and
overcome. However, both lovers believe this is possible because of the
empowering feeling in which love has consumed them.
Overall each text has a different perspective as Romeo’s and Juliet’s
relationship is in its infancy so therefore focuses more on the passionate and
intense side of a relationship. This is shown when Romeo says “My life were
better ended by their hate, /Than death prorogued, wanting your love” In this
quotation Romeo shows his commitment to Juliet’s love.
This shows that young love is full of romance, passion and promise however
also features some naivety, as Romeo and Juliet do not fully consider the
ramifications of their growing relationship as they prefer to live in the moment
and experience the powerful emotions that love creates. In “A married State”
Katherine Philips explores the pain a marriage brings and what woman are to
expect in a relationship. In her poem, Philips feels obliged to warn women of
the woes of marriage before taking on the burden. The poem features some
similarities to “ A woman to her lover” as Christina Walsh also explores
different circumstances to marriage, some of which she vehemently rejects.
However, a contrast in her poem is that Walsh manages to find a solution to a
marriage and celebrates the option of an equal relationship. Both poems are
more practical than the play because of the age and maturity of the poets
writing them compared to the young characters Shakespeare creates.
However, Philips seems to be more critical than Walsh as she wants to warn
others whereas Walsh is thinking more of her own happiness and wellbeing.
In “Romeo and Juliet”, throughout the play the audience is always conscious
of the words in the Prologue as they know no matter how much Romeo and
Juliet love each other and believe they can overcome anything they share a
“death-marked love”, which may distress the audience as there is nothing they
can do to stop it. Shakespeare’s message in “Romeo and Juliet” suggests that
even though love is a powerful emotion it cannot overcome every obstacle but
13
those who cannot live they way they wish, like Romeo and Juliet, have the
courage to die for their love. These texts show each reader that free will is of
key importance to people’s lives as they should be able to make their own
choices and not be controlled by anyone but themselves.
Sample 1 Commentary
AO1
Band 5 (8-10 marks)
Candidates: make increasingly assured selection and incorporation of
relevant detail;
are able to speculate/offer tentative judgments;
are able to evaluate characters/relationships and attitudes/motives;
at the highest level, consistently handle texts with confidence, have an
overview and ability to move from the specific to the general;
convey ideas persuasively and cogently with apt textual support.
All of these criteria are amply fulfilled in this essay. There is well-selected
textual support and the candidate can move between texts with authority,
maturity and confidence. Ideas are conveyed cogently and clearly.
AO2
Band 5 (8-10 marks)
Candidates: show appreciation of how writers use language to achieve
specific effects;
make assured exploration and evaluation of the ways meaning, ideas and
feeling are conveyed through language, structure and form;
at the highest level, make assured analysis of stylistic features.
The candidate can employ close textual analysis to support her points and her
sensitive analysis is very assured indeed. She is able to probe the texts and
investigate levels of meaning.
AO3
Band 5 (16-20 marks)
Candidates: make a sustained discussion of links between texts, confidently
evaluating subject, theme, character and the impact of texts;
make apt selection of details for cross-reference and confidently explore
writers’ different ways of expressing meaning and achieving effects;
at the highest level, make subtle points of connection and probe links
confidently.
The final section of the essay is confident, thoughtful and engaging in its
probing of subtle links. The section is sustained and well structured with a
sensible selection of material.
Mark: 10+10+20 =40
14
Sample 2: Male/female relationships in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and selected
poems.
In Act 1 scene 3 of ‘Romeo and Juliet’, the heroine says, “I’ll look to like, if
looking liking move: but no more deeply will endart mine eye Than your
consent gives strength to make it fly”. Shakespeare depicts Juliet as an
obedient and dutiful daughter: she has promised to try and love Paris, but only
as deeply as her parents wish her to. Furthermore, the imagery, “make it fly”
could be reflecting Juliet as an angel, and we know that later on in the play,
religious imagery is used between Romeo and Juliet.
Shakespeare uses the metaphor “So shows a snowy dove trooping with
crows” to show the reader the way in which Romeo sees Juliet: he has found
true love. Also Juliet’s beauty is pictured against a more negative image,
‘trooping with crows’ and this could be representative of the way that,
although Romeo and Juliet have a seemingly beautiful love for each other,
there are ugly fights happening around them because of the ancient grudge.
Romeo then goes onto to say, “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night” which suggests that he thinks that his
love for Juliet is true love though at this stage it looks as if it is based on a
physical attraction.
After their first meeting, “Go ask his name – If he be married, My grave is like
to be my wedding bed”, Juliet proclaims her strong feelings of love for Romeo:
she has decided that if she cannot marry him then she shall die unmarried.
From this we can infer the way in which love changes people, as Juliet has
changed from a dutiful daughter to an independent woman who is willing to
die for her love which we know she does at the end of the play. It is
dramatically ironic that this is the outcome. Also, Shakespeare pictures
positive imagery ‘wedding bed’ against negative imagery, ‘my grave’. This
emphasises the confusion surrounding Romeo and Juliet’s love, whilst
continuing the theme of finding love amongst hate.
Shakespeare uses Tybalt’s anger, “Now by the stock and honour of my kin,
To strike him dead I hold it not a sin” to show how the feud between the two
families has been re-established. Romeo is a foe to Tybalt and this is
something that becomes magnified to great scale when Tybalt kills Romeo’s
best friend, Mercutio. Moreover, the use of the word, ‘honour’ implies that
Tybalt thinks his family as more important than the Capulets. At the beginning
of the play, Sampson states, “A dog of that house of Montague shall move me
to stand”. This reflects on the order in which the Capulet’s see the
Montagues: they are like animals, and beneath the Capulets.
Shakespeare’s use of religious imagery “Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in
prayer” symbolises the unity between Romeo and Juliet: they created a
perfect sonnet and so proving that they have true love. Also, Juliet sees
Romeo as a ‘pilgrim’ which suggests that he is playing the typical role of a
man searching for acceptance from the woman he loves, “O then, dear saint,
let lips do what hands do”. This quotation suggests the way in which Romeo
sees Juliet: she is perfect, and also pure, as well as being almost above mere
mortals. Throughout the sonnet, Romeo and Juliet speak in alternate rhyme.
This is another symbol of their true love.
In continuing this imagery, “Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’
sake”, Shakespeare once again shows how love has changed the way that
15
Juliet acts, as before the Capulet’s feast, she had promised her mother to try
and find love for Paris.
Shakespeare uses the metaphor “It is the east, and Juliet is the sun” to
symbolise Juliet’s radiant beauty through Romeo’s eyes: he is truly besotted
with her. We also see how Romeo as changed from talking in immature
rhyming couplets and hyperbole (when he was acting as a courtly lover
towards Rosaline) to a true lover who is able to compose mature sonnets.
Romeo continues the religious imagery, “My name, dear saint, is hateful to
myself”, thus reflecting on the way in which he is willing to change his name if
it means he can be with Juliet similar to the way that religious people are
devoted to their faith. By saying, ‘hateful’, Romeo is implying that he does not
like being a Montague, and is angry that the grudge appears to be coming
between him and Juliet.
Shakespeare’s use of imagery, “This bud of love, by summer’s ripening
breath, May prove a beauteous flower when we next meet” suggests that
although Juliet is worried that her love for Romeo is too rash, she does think
that it is something that would prove to turn into something beautiful. The
metaphor is also representing Juliet’s purity as a young lover through the
word ‘bud’ as it implies a sense of youth and freshness.
In conclusion, Shakespeare’s use of language, form and structure helps the
reader to understand Romeo and Juliet’s relationship at the beginning of the
play. By using rhyming couplets, and then religious imagery we can see
Romeo transform from a courtly lover to a mature figure. And the constant
repetition of the theme of fate foreshadows Romeo and Juliet’s death.
In order to examine the way in which male and female relationships are
presented, I will make references to poems I have studied, and consider
different attitudes to love and relationships.
In the poem, ‘Valentine’, Carol Ann Duffy uses the metaphor “It is a moon
wrapped in brown paper,” to introduce her gift of an onion, which is an
extended metaphor for her love. She uses a traditional romantic image of the
‘moon’ in order to make the onion sound like a more understandable gift:
here, her character is sounding slightly vulnerable, but at the same time she is
pleased with love. Also, the moon is often seen as a positive astrological
feature, and so Duffy’s use of it could be suggesting a joyful future, “It
promises light”. This quotation refers to the goodness of the onion: it is the
best and most genuine declaration of her love. Furthermore, this quotation is
found on a single line with no punctuation. This emphasises its significance to
the reader and therefore highlights the good side of relationships.
However, Duffy also uses juxtaposition, “Its platinum loops shrink to a
wedding ring ... Lethal” This quotation reflects on the way in which
relationships can end: it confuses the reader much like love sometimes can.
In addition, the word “Lethal” suggests that the relationship might become so
intense it will end. “It will blind you with tears like a lover,” refers to the pain
and upset that love can sometimes cause. Moreover, the use of the word,
‘blind’ suggests that sometimes our actions or judgements are clouded by
love.
Duffy’s use of short, abrupt lines, like “Take it,” infers a dominant and possibly
forceful character. This goes against normal love traditions as she is trying to
be unconventional. She believes that stereotypical gifts such as chocolate and
16
flowers suggest that no thought has been given to such gifts. “I am trying to
be truthful” creates the impression that reality is covered by tradition: they are
clichéd and don’t provide a true meaning for love. Also, Duffy’s use of free
verse throughout the poem (as there is no rhyme scheme or regular meter)
symbolises her fighting the idea of conforming to conventional gifts – it is
unexpected in a love poem and therefore gets the reader to think about what
she is saying.
In the poem, ‘Who so List to Hunt,’ Sir Thomas Wyatt uses the extended
metaphor (“Whoso list to hunt, I know where is an hind”), of a hind to
represent his unrequited love for Anne Boleyn. This quotation suggests that
Wyatt has quite a cynical view of love he has been hurt by it and is now
thinking negatively, “Since in a net I seek to hold the wind”. This quotation
emphasises Wyatt giving up in the chase of the hunt since it is as pointless to
him as trying capture “wind” in a “net”. This happens at the volta of the poem,
after the octave. This signifies Wyatt’s change in tone from the love he feels
for Anne Boleyn, to his exhaustion in the competition that is fighting for her
acceptance.
Wyatt’s use of imagery, “Noli me tangere for Caesar’s I am,” makes the
reader understand that Anne Boleyn is unreachable as she belongs to
someone else – King Henry VIII. She is the possession of the king and so
Wyatt’s love for her is not allowed, therefore making him very negative, “Who
list her hunt, I put him out of doubt,” suggests that Wyatt is warning others in
the chase that trying to claim Anne is impossible – she is ambiguous and it is
pointless trying to woo her. Also, the word, ‘Who’ infers that Wyatt knows
there will be other men who wish to claim Anne’s acceptance: she is no more
than a “prize” that many wish to win.
The poem is also a Petrachan sonnet, “I am of them that farthest cometh
behind. Yet may I, by no means, my wearied mind” which reflects the way in
which Wyatt is trying to conform to being a true lover. However, it is possible
to question his feelings for Anne, as he has given up quite quickly: is he acting
as a courtly lover, or did he truly love her? “Fainting I follow. I leave off
therefore,” refers to Wyatt’s feeling of hopelessness: he has decided that this
hunt is pointless and has decided to withdraw. In addition, the use of the
word, “fainting” suggests Wyatt’s tiredness; he has been chasing Anne Boleyn
for a long time. It also suggests that Wyatt feels bitter towards Anne, or
maybe the king, as she is his possession, for causing him pain and tiredness.
In this poem, we are shown a very negative and cynical view of love.
In ‘Sonnet 18’, Shakespeare uses a rhetorical question, “Shall I compare thee
to a summer’s day?” This quotation infers Shakespeare questioning the use of
traditional comparisons: they are not good enough for his lover. However, the
use of the word, “summer’s” suggests that Shakespeare is viewing love in a
positive attitude as he has considered romantic images “Rough winds do
shake the darling buds of May”. This symbolises the summer ending or dying
– Shakespeare does not want to use this comparison for his lover as he
believes them to be above that. In addition, Shakespeare’s use of
juxtaposition suggests the decisive way in which he has decided against
stereotypical analogies – he is unsatisfied with them.
Moreover, the use of a volta “But thy eternal summer shall not fade” reflects
Shakespeare’s change in tone from the shortcomings of summer to the
perfection of his loved one. The use of the word “eternal” suggests that
17
Shakespeare believes his loved one cannot die. “When in eternal lines to time
though grow’st”, makes the reader feel that Shakespeare is not afraid of
death, his poem shall keep his loved one alive. The use of the word “grow’st”
also suggests that he believes his lover shall continue to become more
beautiful or perfect throughout time.
Furthermore, Shakespeare’s use of personification, “Nor shall death brag thou
wander’st in his shade” suggests that he believes personifying death gives it
more power. However, as Shakespeare believes that his loved one shall live
on, it is emphasised that they are better and above death, “So long as men
can breathe, or eyes can see”. The use of anaphora in the last two lines
symbolises Shakespeare’s pride that he has found a way to deflect death:
they are now immortal. Also, the use of the word ‘breathe’ infers that as we
read the Shakespearean sonnet, we are breathing life into his lover.
In the poem, ‘A woman to Her Lover’, Christina Walsh uses the rhetorical
question “Do you come to me to bend me to your will,” in order to consider
some of the different views of women in traditional society. The use of the
word ‘bend’, suggests that she does not wish to be considered in these ways:
it would be necessary to conquer her in order to make her be like that. “To
make of me a bond slave”, reflects the way in which marriages of the time
were not equal, and that the woman was seen as a slave or servant. Again,
the use of the word, “make” suggests that this character is not one that she
would choose to play or that is natural to her.
Walsh’s use of imagery, “Whose every deed and word and wish is golden” is
juxtaposed against her powerful feeling of feminism and distaste for this view
of women. Also, the use of hyperbole suggests the dramatic view in which
she holds degradation of women, “Not for you the hand of any wakened
women of our time”. This quotation infers that Walsh is playing a very modern
character for her time. Women were normally expected to do as their
husbands pleased. In addition, the use of the word ‘wakened’ suggests that
she thinks equality is the future for women and that they should be thinking
about it already.
Furthermore, Walsh’s use of a volta, “But Lover, if you ask of me” suggests
that she is not rejecting love entirely. Also, the use of the word ‘Lover’ which
has a capital letter suggests that she is now addressing somebody in the first
three verses (each of irregular length, which indicates her fight against
stereotypes) she is addressing men in general but after the volta, she is now
addressing her lover, “And to its circling fugue pass on, hand holding hand.”
This quotation emphasises her wish for equality, ‘hand holding hand’.’ Also,
the use of the romantic imagery suggests that she believes a co-equal
relationship to be more romantic than one where the woman is viewed to be
lesser than the man.
In conclusion, different attitudes to love and relationships are presented in
many different ways. For example, a cynical attitude is shown through an
extended metaphor in ‘Who so list to hunt’; whilst a very positive and romantic
image is displayed through hyperbole in ‘Sonnet 18’. Also, the use of the
volta in ‘A woman to her Lover’ emphasises Christina Walsh’s change in tone,
and the use of free verse in ‘Valentine’ symbolises Carol Ann Duffy fighting
stereotypical romantic opinions.
18
In the play, ‘Romeo and Juliet’, Shakespeare uses many different techniques
to convey attitudes towards love and relationships. I am going to make links
between the play, and some of the poems that I have studied.
In the poem, ‘A woman to her Lover’, Christina Walsh uses romantic imagery,
“And to its circling figure pass on, hand holding hand,” to infer her desire for
co-equal love she has laid out some rules for her Lover which she thinks a
modern relationship should follow. The image of ‘hand holding hand’ is not
one that portrays one character dominating. In contrast to the poem, Lord
Capulet is very domineering over Juliet as he tells her she must marry Paris
or she will be removed from the household. This suggests that Juliet is
expected to be an obedient daughter, which is not the idea that Walsh is
trying to promote. However, after Juliet meets Romeo she is willing to make
controversial decisions, “And I’ll no longer be a Capulet”. This quotation
suggests that Juliet has grown up in the influence of love and is no longer
being objectified. Walsh’s modern thinking, “Not for you the world of any
wakened woman of our time,” represents her decision to fight conventional
views of women in traditional society. This is also similar to Juliet transferring
from a dutiful daughter to Walsh’s idea of a ‘wakened woman’.
In the poem ‘Whoso list to hunt’, Sir Thomas Wyatt’s use of the extended
metaphor, “Draw from the deer, but as she fleet afore,” symbolises his chase
in the competition to reach Anne Boleyn. The use of imagery of the ‘deer’
suggests love being quite shy but mischievous. However, this is not the
attitude that Romeo holds when he is in love with Rosaline- “Why then, O
brawling love, O loving hate”. This quotation creates the impression that
Romeo finds love quite frustrating and hurtful. The use of oxymorons, (“loving
hate”), emphasise his confusion as he is playing the part of being a courtly
lover; he is in love with the idea of being in love. However, after he meets
Juliet, he also uses an extended metaphor throughout their meetings “For
saints have hands that pilgrim’s hands do touch.” This quotation symbolises
Romeo and Juliet playing different parts – the saint and the pilgrim: this is a
much more serious image to use compared to the image of the ‘hunt’ in
‘Whoso List to Hunt’, and therefore suggests that Romeo and Juliet have a
truer love than Thomas Wyatt’s. This is because he gives up in chasing Anne
Boleyn as he has found it too tiring.
Similarly, Carol Ann Duffy uses an extended metaphor, “I give you an onion”
to represent her gift of love. She feels it is the best and most genuine
declaration of her love. The onion is used to symbolise Duffy’s feelings that
normal gifts show no thought and are untruthful. Similarly Thomas Wyatt has
quite a negative view of traditional love journeys “The vain travail hath
wearied me so sore” From this quotation, I can infer that Wyatt does not have
a positive attitude towards conventional love and relationships, which at the
time were pursued through being a courtly lover. He feels that playing this
part has “wearied” him.
Duffy’s use of free verse “Take it” and abrupt and forceful language
represents her distaste for conventional love. The use of one word lines
suggest that she is quite a forceful and powerful person, which is not the
normal role played by a woman. On the other hand, Romeo uses very
structured sonnets: “If I profane with my unworthiest hand/This holy shrine,
the gentle sin is this”. This is because before he met Juliet he was unable to
form a proper sonnet, and so in creating a sonnet with Juliet shows that he
19
has matured. Also, Romeo is playing quite a subtle and submissive character,
‘unworthiest hand,’ which is perhaps the role that Duffy expects men to take if
she is going to be so forceful.
In ‘Sonnet 18’, William Shakespeare also follows a formal structure, “But thy
eternal summer shall not fade.” This quotation is the volta of the sonnet and
suggests that Shakespeare is no longer describing the shortcomings of
summer but is now describing how perfect his lover is.
However,
Shakespeare is unsatisfied with traditional love comparisons, “Shall I compare
thee to a summer’s day?” which is a contradiction to his choice of a traditional
sonnet structure. Romeo, however, is satisfied with traditional love
comparisons, “Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon.” This quotation
makes the reader feel that Romeo pictures Juliet above mortals as she is
described as the ‘sun’. This is similar to Shakespeare’s feelings in Sonnet 18
as he thinks that he has given his lover immortality, “When in eternal lines to
time thou grow’st.” This quotation suggests that Shakespeare also holds his
lover above mortals as he has given her immortality through the lines of the
poem.
The use of a structured sonnet is in contrast to ‘A Woman to Her Lover’, “In
drudgery and silence / No servant will I be,” This quotation does not follow a
rhyme scheme like the rest of the poem, which gives me the impression that
Christina Walsh is using the statement of the format of her poem to represent
her fighting convention. The use of the word ‘servant’ shows that these are
views of women that Walsh doesn’t agree with: she doesn’t think that women
should be forced to do things against their will. The image of a ‘silence’ is
similar to that in ‘Whoso List to Hunt’, as Thomas Wyatt cannot make a public
declaration of his love for Anne Boleyn as she belongs to the king, “Noli me
tangere, for Caesar’s I am.” This quotation suggests the metaphor of a
diamond necklace symbolising Anne belonging to King Henry, which is not the
idea that Walsh is trying to promote, “I am no doll to dress.” From this
quotation I can infer that Walsh does not wish women to be viewed as items
to collect and own - she dislikes the idea of objectification.
Carol Ann Duffy uses juxtaposition, “It’s platinum loops shrink to a wedding
ring . . . Lethal” This quotation suggests that a relationship can always end
and that there is always confusion surrounding them. This negative image is
similar to the image portrayed in the Prologue of ‘Romeo and Juliet’, “The
fearful passage of their death-mark’d love.” This quotation predicts a negative
ending for Romeo and Juliet’s relationship. In fact it suggests that they will die
which is also similar to the idea in Valentine of ‘cling to your knife’. This
quotation continues the idea of a negative attitude towards love and
relationships.
In conclusion, I think that ‘Valentine’ is my favourite piece of Literature as
Duffy is brave enough to make the strong statement that we should be fighting
traditional conventions. The play ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and the four poems all
have different techniques, such as extended metaphors, free verse, imagery
and voltas to display attitudes towards love and relationships.
Sample 2 Commentary
AO1
Band 5 (8-10 marks)
20
Candidates: make increasingly assured selection and incorporation of
relevant detail;
are able to speculate/offer tentative judgments;
are able to evaluate characters/relationships and attitudes/motives;
at the highest level, consistently handle texts with confidence, have an
overview and ability to move from the specific to the general;
convey ideas persuasively and cogently with apt textual support.
There is clear evidence throughout the essay of the candidate’s ability to
evaluate relationships and motives. The Shakespeare section is a little
truncated though the candidate does investigate the onset of the relationship
with some assurance. The poetry is considered in depth and here there is
much more sense of completeness as a result of the more contained nature of
the texts. There is good coverage too with four poems investigated. It may
have been wise for the candidate to abandon one (perhaps the Duffy poem
where her analysis is weakest) thus allowing a closer examination of the other
three.
AO2
Band 5 (8-10 marks)
Candidates: show appreciation of how writers use language to achieve
specific effects;
make assured exploration and evaluation of the ways meaning, ideas and
feeling are conveyed through language, structure and form;
at the highest level, make assured analysis of stylistic features.
There is no doubt about the candidate’s ability to analyse and evaluate
language choices. Figures of speech are investigated and the different views
of the theme are neatly summarised at the end of the section.
AO3
Band 5 (16-20 marks)
Candidates: make a sustained discussion of links between texts, confidently
evaluating subject, theme, character and the impact of texts;
make apt selection of details for cross-reference and confidently explore
writers’ different ways of expressing meaning and achieving effects;
at the highest level, make subtle points of connection and probe links
confidently.
The work is certainly ‘sustained’ and there is good evidence of confidence in
evaluating the ‘subject, theme and impact’ of the texts. Selection of detail,
perhaps unsurprisingly, is reliant on quotations already cited in the body of the
essay but there is an awareness of the different ways writers express
meaning. There could perhaps have been a more overt structure to the final
section.
Mark: 8 +8+17= 33
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Sample 3: Male/female relationships in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and selected
poems.
William Shakespeare presents Romeo and Juliet’s relationship in various
different ways. One way he may present it is by being playful. In Act 3 scene
5, Juliet tries to persuade Romeo not to leave. “It was the nightingale and not
the lark”. Juliet tries to reassure Romeo that it’s the nightingale that sings and
not the morning bird. But Romeo knows better and adds “Look love, what
envious streaks”. By saying this, Romeo means envious streaks of sunlight
shine through the clouds. Another time they were being playful was in the
Capulet ball. Romeo wanted to kiss Juliet, but Juliet was challenging him. “For
saints have hands that pilgrims’ hand do touch, and palm to palm is holy
palmers kiss.” Juliet is religiously challenging Romeo. But Romeo is eager to
kiss her, “Let lips do what hand do”. Romeo means let the lips have the same
privilege as hands.
Shakespeare also presents their love to be strong. In Act 3 scene 5, as
Romeo is leaving Juliet says ‘for in a minute there are many days’. Juliet
means that a minute is too long as it feels like a day, and she cannot live
without him.
Another part of the play that shows the strength of their love is in the Balcony
scene. Romeo and Juliet have just found out that they’re from warring
families. “My name dear saint is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to
thee.” By this Romeo means that as his name is an enemy to Juliet, it has
become an enemy to himself.
In this play, Romeo compares Juliet to the light quite a few times. In the
beginning of Act 2 scene 2, Romeo describes her as the sun. ‘It is the east
and Juliet is the sun’. By this Romeo could mean that there is not light bigger
than the sun, therefore Juliet is the sun.
Also, in Act 2 scene 2, the balcony scene, Romeo compares Juliet to the light
again, “O speak again, bright angel.” By this, Romeo means that Juliet is as
beautiful as an angel.
‘The Sun Rising’ was written by John Donne. John Donne starts this poem
very unusually. The poet begins by rudely questioning the sun. “Busy old fool,
unruly sun”. By calling the sun “unruly”, the poet means badly behaved. He
says this to the sun as the poet doesn’t want it to be morning as morning
means separation from his lover. By saying this to the sun, we quickly
understand that this is an aubade.
In this poem, the poet questions the sun more than once for rising. “Must to
thy motion lovers’ seasons run?” The poet here is asking the sun, must you
rise and the night be over? The poet obviously doesn’t want the night to end
as he is with his lady. This shows that he loves her so much that he doesn’t
want to separate from her.
John Donne also writes about love not obeying the rule of time. “Nor hours,
days, months, which are the rags of time.” By saying “rags” the poet means
unwanted. So, he could be saying that when it comes to love, time is
unwanted as love doesn’t obey any rules, love doesn’t care.
In this poem, the poet goes on talking about his lover being everything to him.
‘She is all states, and all princes I, nothing else is’. The poet tells us how for
him, his lady is everything to him, all states and princes. And by saying
“nothing else I”, he means that nothing else matters to him. This shows how
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strong his love is as nothing else is important to him apart from her. Then, the
poet goes on to talk about the sun again. He talks about the suns duties which
are to warm the world. “To warm the world, that’s done in warming us”. The
poet is trying to say that he and his lady are the world and to warm the world,
the sun is warming the two of them as they are the world.
The poet then still goes on about being the world. “Shine here to us, and thou
art are everywhere.’ The poet could mean that if the sun is shining on them it
is shining on the world. This suggests that their love is very strong and only
they matter.
In this poem, the poet wants to hide the sun, so it could be night time again. “I
could eclipse and cloud them with a wink.” The poet could mean that if he
closed his eyes the sun would be gone. And so the sun is not quite so
powerful as it thinks.
But if he closes his eyes, the poet knows he will have the disadvantage of not
seeing his lady. By saying this, the poet could mean by closing his eyes he
would lose his sight of seeing her. So, by shutting his eyes to eclipse the sun,
he won’t be able to see his lady with his eyes closed.
The poet then starts to talk about how precious his lady is to him. “The Indias
of spice and mine”. By saying “spice and mine”, the poet could mean that she
is very valuable. The poet could be saying that she is equivalent to gold. So in
the poem as a whole, Donne is saying that their relationship is more important
than anything else in the world.
The poem ‘Valentine’ was written by a woman called Carol Ann Duffy. This
poem starts with the voice talking about certain gifts given on Valentine’s Day.
“Not a red rose or a satin heart”. The voice says this as a red rose or satin
heart is usually given on this occasion. That’s why the voice says “not”. The
voice probably feels that these gifts are too predictable and clichéd as
everyone gives these to their lovers. That is why the voice uses an onion to
represent their love.
The voice compares the onion with a lover. “It will blind you with tears like a
lover.” By saying this, the voice could mean that an onion will bring tears to
your eyes and so will the one you love. Love can make you cry.
The voice then carries on comparing a lover to an onion. “Its fierce kiss will
stay on your lips.” The voice is saying an onion’s kiss is fierce and strong and
when the one you love kisses you, it will last forever, no matter what happens.
‘Romeo and Juliet’ and ‘The Sun Rising’ have many similarities. For example,
they both are not fond of the sun rising, the reason being that daylight means
separation between two lovers. In ‘The Sun Rising’, the voice says “must to
thy motions lovers’ seasons run?” This tells us that the voice is questioning
the sun as he does many times in this poem. The voice is asking the sun,
must you rise and the night be over?
‘Romeo and Juliet’ also tell us about the separation between two lovers.
Juliet tries to persuade Romeo to stay in a number of ways. But Romeo
insists that he must leave as it’s a matter of life and death because it is dawn.
‘I must be gone and live or stay and die’.
Although ‘Romeo and Juliet’ is similar to ‘The Sun Rising’, it is also like with ‘A
woman to her lover’. The relationship between Romeo and Juliet holds power
and equality. They do not have a one-side relationship. However, in ‘A woman
23
to her lover’, their relationship has been deprived of equality. The text tells us
that this woman does what she is told but is now sick of it.
Another way that Romeo and Juliet and ‘A woman to her lover’ is similar, is
that they both use holy imagery. In ‘A woman to her lover’, holy imagery is
often used. The voice talks about wingless angels, laughing, joyful, stars,
heaven and the very heart of God. The voice tells is that she is no longer that
wingless angel or doll to sit for feeble worship.
In ‘Romeo and Juliet’, holy imagery is used when they first kiss. They talk
about pilgrims, holy palmers and saints. They talk in this religious manner as
they are challenging each other.
Sample 3 Commentary
AO1
Band 4 (6-7 marks)
Candidates: make more detailed reference to text;
discuss thoroughly and increasingly thoughtfully characters/relationships;
probe the sub-text with increasing confidence;
select and evaluate relevant textual details;
understand and demonstrate how writers use ideas, themes and settings to
affect the reader;
convey ideas clearly and appropriately.
The essay is patchy in this respect, with work on Shakespeare being fairly
limited although the relationship is identified through two of its characteristics
with textual support and some relevant selection. Work on Donne is stronger
with a clear understanding of the relationship and the candidate begins to
probe into subtext. Here there is good evidence of the candidate’s ability to
show how writers use ideas, themes and settings to affect the reader.
AO2
Band 4 (6-7 marks)
Candidates: see how different aspects of style and structure combine to
create effects;
show increasingly clear appreciation of how meanings and ideas are
conveyed through language, structure and form.
The strength here is in the poetry section where the student delves into
Donne’s language usage in some detail with clarity of understanding.
Unfortunately the same analytical skill is not applied equally across the texts.
AO3
Band 3 (8-11 marks)
Candidates: make straightforward links and connections between texts;
begin to make simple comments on some of the different ways writers
express meaning;
select some obvious features of similarity and difference.
The student makes three clear and well-considered links between the texts
with some evidence to support the views. These are fairly simple links, which
24
do not match Band 4 criteria of ‘evaluation of the …impact’ and ‘exploring
links when considering the writers’ different ways of expressing meaning.’
They do, however, ‘select some obvious features of similarity and difference’.
Mark: 6+7+11=24
Sample 4: Conflict in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and selected poems
Throughout the dramatic play of ‘Romeo and Juliet’, one of the main themes
is conflict, which Romeo and Juliet are tragically involved in, and the play
ends in a tragic climax of love and death.
In the Prologue, conflict is shown by saying that the Montagues and the
Capulets are both equally high in status and that they both hold an ancient
grudge against each other. For example, “Where civil blood makes civil hands
unclean”. This suggests that the Montague family and the Capulet family are
both fighting for a higher status and to make themselves known in the
community. The word “civil” has two meanings. Civil can mean where people
living in the same area get on well together and the other meaning can refer
to ‘civil war” which is where people from the same area fight.
In the Prologue, conflict is shown by saying that the Capulet’s and Montague’s
are deadly enemies. For example, “from forth the fatal loins of these two foes”
This shows that the Capulets and the Montagues are both powerful families
and that they are enemies that will fight each other until death. The word
“fatal” suggests that it can be the end of a person’s life. This foreshadows
what happens in the play because eventually one of the Montagues die, and it
ends up with Romeo and Juliet both dying. This affects the reader because
two lovers who have just recently married have also just died. It may also
affect the reader because they may have wanted to see them go and live a
happy life.
Shakespeare tries to present conflict in Act 1 scene 1 by suggesting that
Tybalt has a bad attitude towards peace. For example, “What drawn and talk
of peace. I have the word”. This shows conflict because Tybalt does not want
to keep peace, but instead it shows that he wants to keep fighting. The word
“hate” has been chosen by Shakespeare because it shows there are two
enemies who do not get on with each other. The word “hate” also shows that
it is a word of anger. This foreshadows because at the very start of the play,
we learn that someone will die and this proves to be true at the end of the
play. This would affect the reader’s tension because he/she wouldn’t know
who is going to die or when they are going to die.
In Act 1 scene 1 of the play Shakespeare tries to present conflict by
suggesting that Sampson, a servant of the Capulets, makes a hand gesture to
try and offend a member of the Montague’s servants. For example, “I will bite
my thumb at them”. This shows conflict because he is trying to offend
someone and is trying to make a mockery of the Montague family. The word
“bite’” has been chosen by Shakespeare because it shows aggression in what
they are saying or doing and it shows they are enemies. The word “hate’” has
also been chosen because it can show aggression. This foreshadows
because Tybalt shows his hatred and aggression towards Romeo later in the
play. This would make the reader feel nervous because he/she would not
know what was going to happen to Romeo.
25
Conflict is shown in Act 3 scene 1 from Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet because
he wants to fight and stand up for Romeo. For example, “Make it a word and a
blow”. This shows that Mercutio is a catalyst because he is trying to build
tension. This also suggests that he is hotheaded and is looking to start a fight.
The word “blow” suggests to the reader that Mercutio is going to punch Tybalt
or a member of the Capulets. Shakespeare chooses for Mercutio to speak in
prose rather than iambic pentameter, as he is not noble, whereas Benvolio,
Tybalt and Romeo are. This foreshadows because he wants to fight and wind
people up, but this may lead to his own downfall. This may affect the reader
because Mercutio may be killed and the reader may feel it’s his own fault for
his death.
Additionally in Act 3 scene 1, Tybalt tries to present conflict because he
insults Romeo. For example, “Thou art a villain”. This implies that he is calling
Romeo an enemy to the Capulets. The word ‘villain’ demonstrates to the
reader that it means bad or evil. It also shows that he is an enemy to Romeo.
This foreshadows because Tybalt tries to kill Mercutio and Romeo ends up
killing Tybalt. This may affect the reader because people don’t want to see
violence in their community; they want to keep the peace. This may also affect
the reader because Romeo is trying to say he is part of Capulet blood as he is
married to Juliet (Tybalt’s cousin) but Tybalt doesn’t want to make peace with
a Montague.
In ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’ conflict is shown by the
horrors of conflict. In ‘Romeo and Juliet’ conflict is shown in the comment
“They have made worms meat of me”. In ‘Dulce’ conflict is shown, for
example, “I saw him drowning”. These are similar because there are two
deaths both to men and they are both innocent. This, also implies that their
deaths are futile because they are both innocent and their deaths are
pointless. The words “worms meat” shows that his body is going to be buried.
They have a similar effect on the reader because both are innocent and the
reader would feel sorry.
In ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and ‘Dulce’ conflict is shown because conflict is futile
and pointless. In ‘Dulce’ conflict is futile as is shown in “innocent tongues”.
This shows that conflict is futile because both the man and Mercutio have died
either defending their country or standing up for a good friend. The word
“brave” shows that Mercutio fought for his friend, Romeo, to save his life
rather than his own. The word ‘innocent’ suggests that the soldier’s lungs and
tongue has been destroyed by the gas and smoke. It also demonstrates that
Mercutio and the soldiers should never have been killed in such an horrific
way. This may make the reader feel proud for Mercutio for defending his best
friend. Also be proud for the soldiers for fighting for their own country.
In ‘The Man he killed’ there is an impact of conflict on man. For example, “I
shot at him as he at me”. In ‘Dulce’ conflict and the impact on man is similar,
for example, “old hags”. This suggests that the impact of conflict on man can
make a man older as being compared to an ‘old hag’ shows that he is turning
old and weak. The simile “coughing like old hags” shows that when the gas
and smoke hit them they grew weaker and began coughing and choking. This
may affect the reader because it shows that as they get weaker it means they
are vulnerable to death.
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In ‘The Man he killed’ conflict is presented as there are contrasts in war. For
example, ‘I shot him dead because...because he was my foe’. This suggests
that they have been forced to be enemies by the war. In ‘Dulce’ conflict and
the contrasts of war are similar. For example, “I saw him drowning”. This
implies that the horrors of war can ultimately end up in death. Thomas Hardy
uses repetition of the word ‘because’ to try and emphasize why it is his
enemy. He also uses the word to give him time to think and build tension. This
may affect the reader as the quick pause may create tension as to what he is
going to say. This may affect the reader because we associate drowning with
death and this shows the horrors of war.
In ‘The Soldier’ patriotism is shown as well as dedication, but in ‘Dulce’
patriotism is nonsense. For example, in ‘The Soldier’, “under an English
Heaven” whereas in ‘Dulce’, patriotism is nonsense. For example, “The Old
Lie: Dulce et Decorum est Pro patri mori”. This suggests that war can make
people dedicated to fight for their country. On the other hand, Owen feels that
dying for your country is not sweet or loving. Rupert Brooke uses repetition of
the word “England” to show how dedicated and patriotic he is towards
England. This may affect the reader as the reader may not know what the
best option is whether to die for your country or to be a coward and not be
honourable.
In conclusion, conflict is presented as patriotic in ‘The Soldier’. In contrast
‘Dulce’ presents conflict as pointless, and not loving to die for your country. I
think conflict in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and ‘The Soldier’ is patriotic because they
fight for the right in their community and country.
Sample 4 Commentary
AO1
Band 3 (4-5 marks)
Candidates: display some understanding of main features;
make generalised reference to relevant aspects of the text, echoing and
paraphrasing;
begin to select relevant detail.
The candidate’s range is narrow in the work on each of the texts. Selection of
detail is appropriate but much remains uninvestigated. Main features are
commented upon but in a rather repetitive fashion.
AO2
Band 3 (4-5 marks)
Candidates: are able to recognise and make simple comments on particular
features of style and structure.
There is some attempt to investigate language but the commentary is very
simple and some well-chosen quotations lack investigation.
27
AO3
Band 3 (8-11 marks)
Candidates: make straightforward links and connections between texts;
begin to make simple comments on some of the different ways writers
express meaning;
select some obvious features of similarity and difference.
The candidate picks up a number of linking aspects (‘horror’, ‘futility’,
‘patriotism’ and others) but does not investigate any very fully.
Mark: 5+4+8 = 17
Sample 5: Conflict in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and selected poems
In Act one, scene one, there is conflict shown between Sampson and
Gregory. Sampson and Gregory are both servants and they both want to fight
against the Montagues so they are using insulting language. In this scene
verbal conflict is being shown. “Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o’ the
collar”. This is what Gregory is saying to Sampson.
Also in Act one, scene one, the Capulet family wants the law to be on their
side so they want the Montagues to start the brawl. “Let us take the law on
our sides; let them begin”. Later on Benvolio comes in and is asking for peace
from Tybalt, but Tybalt doesn’t want peace. He thinks he should carry on the
ancient grudge.
“What, drawn and talk of peace, I hate the word as I hate hell, all Montagues,
and thee, cowards!”
In Act 3, scene 1 Tybalt wants to fight Romeo, “ ...this shall not excuse the
injuries that thou has done me; therefore turn and draw.” This is physical
conflict because Tybalt is trying to get Romeo to fight back. But Romeo won't
fight back because he is in love with Juliet. Only Romeo, Juliet and Friar
Lawrence know that Romeo is married to Juliet. Tybalt doesn’t know this so
he is trying to get Romeo to fight.
Mercutio then sees that Romeo is not fighting back so he goes to kill Tybalt,
but Romeo stops him. And this is when Tybalt stabs Mercutio and then
Mercutio says “Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch”. This is saying that Mercutio is not
hurt, it is just a scratch but Mercutio is injured badly. After Mercutio got
stabbed he then said “A plague o’ both your houses”. This has bought
physical conflict between the two families because Romeo goes and follows
Tybalt and kills him because he has killed Mercutio, Romeo’s best friend.
These actions have caused emotional conflict between Romeo and Juliet
because Romeo has been banned from Verona so Romeo cannot see Juliet.
I am writing to show the effects of conflict shown through poetry in WW1, the
two poems I am going to analyse are ‘ Dulce Et Decorum Est’ and ‘The man
he killed’.
In ‘Dulce Et Decorum Est’, conflict is show in soldiers and the war. It shows
bad deaths. “Before my helpless sight, he plunges at me, guttering, choking,
drowning....” This shows that in the war it isn’t all about being proud to fight for
your country. This is basically saying that fighting for your country leads to
death or bad injury. “Many had lost their boots but limped on, blood-shod”. I
think ‘Dulce Et Decorum Est’ is not structured. Also I think this poem has
28
some parts of it that are quick and snappy e.g. “Gas, Gas! Quick boys!” but
also there are some parts that were dull and feel like they aren’t ever going to
finish the sentence. “Knock-kneed, coughing, like hags we cursed through
sludge...” The atmosphere of this poem is dark and dull, depressing, because
when your reading the poem I have the feeling that it actually happened and I
was there. “Bent double like old beggars under sacks”. When I read this line, I
thought of soldiers walking a long distance hunched over carrying a heavy
bag. I have realized that Wilfred Owen has used modern language. Wilfred
Owen has basically written a short story and translated it into a poem.
In ‘The man he killed’, the content is he killed a man who was his foe and he
thinks what would have happened if they had met in an “ancient inn”. “We
should have sat us down to wet right many a nipperkin”. This is saying they
should have sat down in a bar and had a small drink. The form/structure of
this poem is that every paragraph has four lines and also the sentences are
short. They are short because they are trying to get the point that war is not a
good thing for you. I think the mood for this poem is that some of the poem is
calm and some is dark and about killing. The calm part of the poetry is “we
should have sat us down to wet right many a nipperkin”. I think this is calm
because there is no conflict between him and his foe at the moment. He’s
saying they should have sat down and had a drink.
Thomas Hardy is trying to get the point across to the reader that ‘war is bad’.
He is writing quick and snappy lines. The language that Thomas Hardy has
used is old words that he has includes into some modern words e.g.
“nipperkin”. which means a small drink. Also Thomas has written the poem
from the pint of view of the man who was standing there face to face with his
foe.
I think the two poems that I have analysed have similar content as they are
both speaking against war. For example, in ‘Dulce Et Decorum Est’ “you
would not tell with such high zest to children ardent for some desperate glory”,
and in ‘The man he killed’ “had he and I but met by some old ancient inn...”
‘Dulce Et Decorum Est’ is saying that war is a gory and bad place to be and
the man he killed is stating that there are better places that you could be than
in the war.
The way the poems show conflict is so that the reader will know about the
tension in the poems about the war. In ‘The man he killed’, there is tension
between the two men standing on the battlefield face to face. Then he
wonders what would have happened if they had met in an ancient inn. “Had
he and I but met by some old ancient inn, we should have sat us down to wet
right many a nipperkin”. He is saying if they had met somewhere else would
they have acted differently. But in the poem called ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’
conflict is presented in a vile way. This poem is describing a painful and
horrible way to die “guttering, choking, drowning”. This is saying that he didn’t
just choke, putting ‘ing’ on the end says that it was non-stop until he died. This
make the poem more effective because when the reader reads the poem it
makes good image with all the detail. The way ‘Romeo and Juliet’ has
presented conflict is through an ancient grudge. It is between two families the
Montagues and Capulets. No one knows what the ancient grudge is about. In
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this story there are two deaths that are caused by this ancient grudge. The
two people who died were Mercutio and Tybalt. In the play Tybalt killed
Mercutio, who then said “Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch”. Mercutio is saying it’s
only a scratch but later he dies off stage, then Romeo goes after Tybalt and
kills Tybalt. After that Romeo get banned from the city ‘Verona. This causes
conflict between Romeo and the officer because Romeo later tries and come
back to see Juliet because didn’t get the letter Juliet had sent him so Romeo
thought Juliet was dead and killed himself.
Sample 5 Commentary
AO1
Band 3 (4-5 marks)
Candidates: display some understanding of main features;
make generalised reference to relevant aspects of the text, echoing and
paraphrasing;
begin to select relevant detail
The candidate identifies areas of conflict (verbal, physical, emotional in
Shakespeare) and begins to select relevant aspects of the texts including the
fight scene, the central issue in ‘The Man he Killed’ and the state of the
soldiers in ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’.
AO2
Band 3 (4-5 marks)
Candidates: are able to recognise and make simple comments on particular
features of style and structure.
The candidate makes comments on the structures of both poems and picks
up some simple stylistic aspects (e.g. the comment on “Gas,Gas” and the
“calm” feelings within the Hardy poem.)
AO3
Band 2 (4-7 marks)
Candidates: begin to make simple links when required;
give simple unfocused comments on writers’ ideas.
The candidate is able to see basic differences in the ways the texts present
the theme. He implies the possible friendship of the two men in the Hardy
poem and sees that conflict is displayed in a “vile” way in the Owen poem. He
also notices the implied domestic nature of the “grudge” results in
unnecessary deaths in ‘Romeo and Juliet’.
The linking here is implicit rather than explicit. The reader is left to draw
his/her own conclusions based on the information given. This aspect of the
achievement just manages to gain a Band 2 mark.
Marks: 4+4+4=12
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Sample 6: Conflict in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and selected poems.
Conflict is shown in the poems we have studied, as well as in ‘Romeo and
Juliet’. We have studied four poems, each of them having a different
message about war. The four poems we have studied are: ‘The Charge Of
The Light Brigade’ by Alfred Lord Tennyson, ‘The Soldier’ by Rupert Brooke,
‘Dulce et Decorum Est’ by Wilfred Owen and ‘The Man He Killed’ by Thomas
Hardy. Each poet uses different language and structures to express their
feeling about conflict.
‘The Charge Of The Light Brigade’ is about the Crimean War in 1854. The
Light Brigade were foolishly ordered to capture the Russian guns. Even
though the Light Brigade knew this was a big mistake, the men still did their
duty - showing bravery. This led to the Battle of Balaclava and it would cost
them their lives.
Tennyson suggests danger and death in his poem. He describes the “vally of
Death” - implying war/conflict is dangerous, as if death is inevitable. Although
that is not Tennyson’s main message. Tennyson thinks that war is an
adventure. The conflict in this poem is that it is an honour to go to war for
your country. The soldiers are admired we get the image these soldiers are
strong and handsome.
‘The Soldier’ by Ruper Brooke, also gives the same message as ‘The Charge
Of The Light Brigade’. The message is you should go to war, to fight for your
country and loved ones. It’s unquestioning. It is a noble, heroic, honourable
sacrifice. It is a duty - and you must be brave and accept it.
Tennyson uses three similar images to describe the valley. Tennyson
describes how the Light Brigade rode, “Into the Vally of Death”. This suggests
the vally is full of death - death is inevitable. It makes the reader think the vally
is dark, creepy and not a place you would want to be by using the word
“death”. Another image that is used is: “mouth of Hell”. This image is
effective because by using the word “mouth”, it suggests the men are
surrounded and there is only one way out. The men are trapped. Also by
using “Hell” it suggests how brave the soldiers were. In the days when this
poem was published Britain was really religious, therefore people who were
reading this must have been really shocked and surprised. By using the word
‘hell’ it makes the reader think of the devil and suggesting the vally was
unforgettable, nightmarish and dark - just like hell.
Tennyson is still describing the men as riding into this valley. Therefore it
really amazes the reader as these men seem really brave and an honour to
their country.
Tennyson shows conflict through the way he repeates lines. Tennyson
repeats: “Rode the six hundred” on a number occasions. The repetition really
emphasises the imbalance of number compared to the Russian army. Again,
this suggests the bravery of the Light Brigade, even though there is only six
hundred of them and an army of the enemy, the Light Brigade still obeyed
their order despite the imbalance of soldiers and weapons. Tennyson
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presents his message of conflict when he uses rhetorical questions. In the
last stanza Tennyson asks us: “When can their glory fade?” This really is
effective as he is comparing the soldiers’ deaths and war to glory. Tennyson
really believes this foolish order, causing death and heart break, is glorious.
By using a rhetorical question Tennyson is emphasizing their glory will never
fade. As if these men will never be forgotten - because they are that
important. The stanza form in ‘The Charge Of The Light Brigade’ also helps to
get the message through. The stanzas all build up to an adventure. All the
stanzas have a rhythm that allows the reader to feel the excitment.
The structure in stanza two also helps to get the message through to the
reader.
“Theirs not to make reply.
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:”
The rule of three makes it very powerful. Tennyson has also used repetition
and the same rhythm in each line. This makes it sould like a chant as if the
solders have learnt it and must obey it.
‘Dulce et Decorum Est’ by Wilfred Owen is set in World War One. The poem
is about a gas attack when the men were going back to rest. Wilfred
describes how a certain man doesn’t get his gas mask on in time. He then
goes on to describe how horrific it was to watch an innocent man ‘drowning’
and not being able to help.
Wilfred Owen is presenting conflict as horrific. He believes men shouldn’t
have to fight - there should be another way around it. He is not saying war
should be avoided at all times - he is saying war should be avoided when it
can be. Wilfred Owen stresses people should know the truth about war.
people should be able to face reality. He wants people to know that it was
not a great big adventure, it was serious - lives were being destroyed because
the government had a problem.
Another poem that also thinks it is wierd and strange is “The Man He Killed”
by Thomas Hardy. In this poem Thomas goes on to say he did not kill the
enemy because of hatred, only because it was his duty. The messages of
these poems are innocent lives are dying. People need to know how brutal
and horrific war is - no one should have to go through what the soldiers had
to.
Just as in ‘The Charge Of The Light Brigade’, ‘Dulce Et Decorum Est’ also has
images. However, these are more hard-hitting and show the truth behind war.
The first line is: “Bent double, like old beggars under sacks”. “Bent double” is
used both because the soldiers would be bent down low hiding from the gun
shots and also because the men are exhausted and so tired they are unable
to walk straight backed. The simile is used “like old beggars” - this is because
the soldiers are uncared for, poor and have ill heath. Wilfred Owen has
described the solders as being under “sacks”. This makes the reader think the
soldiers have as few belongings as a homeless person would. The sack also
describes the uniform colour, a khaki-colour. Also by comparing the soldiers
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uniform to sacks, it emphasises how “worn-down” and dirty their uniforms
must have been. Wilfred Owen compares the soldiers to being “old”. This
suggests their ill heath and shows how war can age a young man. These
‘heros’ are not being shown as heroic handsome heros as they are in ‘The
Charge of the Light Brigade’.
Wilfred Owen goes on to say all men were: “drunk with fatigue”. This
metaphor is effective because it is describing the men to be drunk with
tiredness. When a person is drunk their reaction time is much slower. They
cannot walk in a straight line - they cannot control themselves. When you are
drunk you do not know what to do with yourself. Wilfred is implying these
‘soldiers’ don’t know what to do with themselves - both physically and
emotionally. These men are too tired; they are not functioning properly. It is
as if they are sleep walking.
In stanza two Wilfred tells the reader it was as if being “under a green sea.”
When the readers read this they can imagine Wilfred peering out of his gas
mask, only seing the green smoke (gas) floating around - as if the smoke was
water flowing.
In the last stanza Wilfred explained how the blood came: “ ,,, gargling from
the froth - corrupted lungs”.
Wilfred is using onomatopia as he describes the blood ‘gargling’. It creates a
horrible sound as you can imagine the victim unable to catch breath, because
of the blood in his throat. Wilfred Owen also uses alliteration. The ‘r’ sound is
repeated. This creates a deep dull sound - explaining people’s feelings. Also
the sentence is quite hard to read, because of the ‘r’s’. This describes the
soldier’s pain.
Wilfred addresses the reader as his ‘friend’. Here Wilfred is being ironic. He
does this to emphasises no person who tells anyone it is sweet and noble to
die for ones country is his friend. He explains it has always been a lie. War is
horrific!
The stanza form helps get the message across to the reader. In stanza one
the poem is going at a slow pase because the men are making their way to
rest and showing how their feelings are fired and dull. In stanza two, things
start to speed up and a lot of exclamation marks are used to demonstrate
strong feelings and urgent messages. Stanza three should be a part of
stanza two; we know this because of the rythm pattern. However, Wilfred
broke off to show how he can not talk about it any more. Stanza four is one
hugh sentence. This helps build up the anger. It seems as if the sentence is
going on and on - like the soldier’s pain. I believe “Dule et Decorum Est” by
Wilfred Owen is a brilliant poem.
Sample 6 Commentary
AO1
Band 3 (4-5 marks)
Candidates: display some understanding of main features;
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make generalised reference to relevant aspects of the text, echoing and
paraphrasing;
begin to select relevant detail.
There is reasonable coverage of the poems but no mention of the drama at
all. This means that half of the task relating to this AO has not been attempted
thus severely limiting the possible mark. The work on the poetry has some
merit in places though there are some misreadings in the interpretation of the
Tennyson poem and some of the commentary is a little superficial. There
must, however, be a reduction when work is incomplete in this way otherwise
it would not be fair on those students who write complete essays. Hence the
Band 3 criteria. In these circumstances, it is perhaps sensible to consider the
mark for the work on each ‘text’ to be out of 5. A mark of 4 reflects the
sustained and sometimes detailed nature of the work on the poetry.
AO2
Band 2 (2-3 marks)
Candidates: may make generalised comments about stylistic effects.
Some stylistic aspects are covered in a fairly simple way. Again the criteria
presume coverage of both ‘texts’ and since work on the second text has not
been attempted the mark is effectively out of 5 rather than 10.
AO3
Band 1 (1-3)
Candidates: show limited ability to make links; show limited awareness of
writers’ ideas
Since the generic task clearly states that both a Shakespeare play and the full
set of 15 poems must be studied and that the written outcomes must include
responses to both ‘texts’, it is inevitable that the assessment of AO3 for this
essay must be low since the task has not been completed. However, while
there is no explicit linking section and no work on Shakespeare, the student
does imply some simple connections during the course of looking at the
poems.
Mark: 4+3+2=9.
This essay illustrates the dangers of not completing the task and hopefully
gives some indication of the way to proceed when this unfortunate situation
occurs.
GCSE English Literature Controlled assessment tasks for 2015 are on the
secure website www.wjecservices.co.uk
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