Identifying Emotions and Using Empathic
Communication
Choose 3-4 pictures that each represent people displaying different emotions.
Glue each picture to a large piece of paper, leaving plenty of room to write
above/below picture. Then, complete each of the activities below.
1. Discuss with your group what emotion you believe the person is feeling at the
moment. Write this label next to the picture. Here is an example:
Ex:
The person feels depressed
2. Discuss with your group how you could use empathic communication to respond
to this person. What type(s) of empathic response are appropriate? How would
you phrase them?
Ex: Verifying: “You look depressed. Did something happen to make you
unhappy?”
Ex: Responding: “When you look angry, I feel I must have done something
wrong.”
Ex: Accepting: “What she said to you today was really cruel. I can understand
that you would feel frustrated.”
Do the two steps above for each of the pictures you have, creating a collage of
pictures, emotions, and empathic communication.
Strategies that Enhance Empathic Communication
Once you have developed empathy for another person (Remember: this takes
effort!), the following strategies can help convey your shared understanding of the
perceived feeling, attitude, or emotion.
Responding with I Messages
Describe how you respond to another person’s behavior or emotion by labeling your
own feeling, attitude, or emotion:
Ex: “When you don’t speak to me, or just give one-word answers, I feel I’ve done
something wrong.”
Ex:
“When you get angry and shout, I don’t feel like listening to what you say.”
Verifying with Perception Checking
Use perception checking to verify the accuracy of your perception.
Ex:
“You seem to be sad today. Is that how you’re feeling?”
Ex:
“You look upset. Did the discussion in class bother you?”
Ex: “I see that you’ve wrinkled your brow when you’re talking about this. Does
that mean that it upsets you?”
Validating the Other’s Emotion and/or Behavior
Confirm that the other’s emotion is an appropriate or reasonable one:
Ex: “I would feel really proud too if I had received a perfect score on the writing
assignment.”
Tell the other that you understand their emotion within the circumstance:
Ex: “It’s normal to feel angry and disappointed when you were not picked for the
team. You worked really hard.”
Strategies that Impede Empathic Communication
The following strategies look and sound close to empathic responses. However,
they actually have the opposite effects.
Talking about Your Own Emotions or Experiences
Be careful that you don’t shift the discussion to talk about yourself.
Ex:
“I got really angry one time when . . . “
Labelling Emotions (Evaluative You Messages)
Even though these may sound like perception checking statements, they have the
effect of labelling—from your perspective—the emotion of the other:
Ex:
“You’re upset, aren’t you?”
Invalidating or Discounting
Statements that invalidate the other’s emotion are often attempts to make the person
feel better. But, they have the opposite effect:
Ex:
“You seem extremely angry. You’re over-reacting to what he said.”
Ex:
“I know you’re upset. But it’s not so bad. You’ll get over it.”
Unwanted Advice
Giving advice—especially about how the other person should manage his/her
emotions—does not convey empathy:
Ex: “I can see that you’re frustrated. You need to calm down so that you can think
clearly.”
Ex: “He shouldn’t have said what he said. I don’t think you should ever forgive
him. And I wouldn’t blame you if you never spoke to him again!”