A non-denominational self-help support group offering
friendship, understanding and hope to bereaved families
who have experienced the death of a child at any age, from
any cause.
"The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist
families in the positive resolution of grief following the death
of a child and to provide information to help others be
supportive."
www.tcfatlanta.org www.thecompassionatefriends.org
LAWRENCEVILLE, GEORGIA
CHAPTER NEWSLETTER SUMMER 2007
Meg Avery, Editor
We need not walk alone.
We are The Compassionate Friends
CHAPTER MEETING AND CONTACT INFO:
Gwinnett Chapter- 7:30 PM on the 3rd Thursday of every
month. First Baptist Church of Lawrenceville, 165 Clayton
Street, Contact June Cooper by phone 770-995-5268, or
email jc30044@flash.net
TCF Atlanta website: www.tcfatlanta.org Gwinnett
website:www.tcfgwinnett.homestead.com/index.html
Georgia Regional Coordinator: Muriel Littman, 404-6039942 Email muriellittman@comcast.net
The Compassionate Friends National Office: 1-877-969-0010
www.thecompassionatefriends.org
OTHER AREA CHAPTERS:
Atlanta (Tucker) Chapter - 7:30 PM - second Tuesday of
every month. First Christian Church of Atlanta, 4532 LaVista
Road, Tucker Cindy Durham 770-938-6511, Tamie Dodge
770-982-2251 or Cathy Spraetz 404-373-8161 Sibling Group
– same time, ages 12 & up. Nina Florence 404-484-2618
Sandy Springs Chapter - 7:15 PM - fourth Wednesday of
every month. Link Counseling Center, 348 Mt. Vernon
Highway, Sandy Springs Note: Nov. and Dec. meetings will
be the third Wednesday of the month instead of the fourth.
Muriel Littman 404-603-9942
Southwest Atlanta Chapter - 7:30 PM on the first Thursday
of every month. Ben Hill United Methodist Church, 2099
Fairburn Road, SW, Atlanta Jackie McLoyd 404-346-4217
Walton Chapter – 7:00 pm fourth Thursday each month Walnut Grove United Methodist Church, 915 Church Way,
Loganville, Genie Lissemore 770-464-9385
Athens Chapter - 7:30 PM on the second Monday of every
month. Holy Cross Lutheran Church, 800 West Lake Drive
(ext. of Alps Road), Johnnie Sue Moore 706-769-6256
Marietta Chapter - 7:00-9:00 p.m. First Tuesday; Fellowship
Hall of Marietta First Baptist Church , 148 Church St.
Virginia Drollinger 770-422-1184 or Dean Hunter 770-4286882 Also, "Day Meeting" The Marietta Chapter offers a
daytime meeting for those who cannot attend at night, or who
would like a 2nd meeting in the month. The meeting is held on
the third Tuesday of the month from 1:00 until 3:00 p.m. at
Dianne Brissey 1676 Valor Ridge Dr., Kennesaw, GA 30152.
Call Dianne for directions 770-919-1978
Rome Chapter Sandra Stinson (706) 235-6108 or Ginger
Miles 706-291-0355
Dalton Georgia Chapter- Dawn Sissons 706-277-3312 or
cell phone 706-264-4458
Pickens County Chapter – 7:00 pm second Tuesday each
month at Georgia Mountain Hospice in Jasper. Call Anne
Morrow at 706-692-5656.
Dear Friends,
The Gwinnnett newsletter is available both in print and
through e-mail. If you have received this issue in print and
would prefer to receive e-mail instead, please notify us at
MemoriesR4Ever@hotmail.com or 770-932-5862. This will
help keep our postage and printing costs down. We welcome
your suggestions to improve our chapter newsletter.
We need your input for the newsletter. Poetry, letters and
comments submitted by parents, siblings and grandparents
will be an important part of each issue. Our next issue,
Autumn 2007, will cover the months of September, October
and November.
We will also continue to recognize birth and death dates as
times of special remembrance within our TCF family. Please
communicate this important information to us if you have not
already done so.
THANK YOU!
Many parents give back to TCF through volunteer
opportunities as a means of honoring their child. Without
volunteers our group would not exist. We are grateful to these
volunteers: Janice Pattillo for serving as Chapter Team CoLeader, in memory of her son Michael Pattillo; (Janice & her
husband Wayne also help maintain our Children’s Memorial
Garden); June Cooper, Chapter Team Co-Leader, in memory
of her daughter, Wendy McMain & in memory of her sister,
Noreen Keenan; Meg Avery, Coach Co-Leader &
Newsletter Editor in memory of her son James Avery; Mike
Sullivan for serving as Chapter Treasurer, and Debbie
Sullivan for making birthday phone calls, in memory of their
daughter, Amanda Sullivan; Terry Sparks, for serving as coleader & group facilitator, in memory of his daughter, Natalie
Sparks; Gary Fox, group facilitator in memory of his son,
G.W. Fox; Joyce Bradley, helping to set up & bring snacks
in memory of her son, Jeff Bradley; Nancy Long, for creating
& mailing Remembrance Cards in memory of her son Joe
Beatty, and Sandy Lavender, organizing & setting up the
library in memory of her daughter Ashley Lauren Hull.
1
WE REMEMBER…
SUMMER BIRTHDAYS
SUMMER ANNIVERSARIES
June, July, August
June, July, August
Don Walton
Jamie Ann Quillen
Justin Brooks
Jonathan Husfeld
Scott Michael Malone
Brittany Knoch
Mitchell Dean Orr
Matthew James McCune
Scott Johnson
Christopher Reed
Christian Nicolae Moise
Joseph Beatty
Brian Devine
Ryan Michael Sharp
Adam Lee Jones
Cathy Hayes
Ryan David Bowers
Jessica Rose Riley
Brandon Bugg
Robbie Schmeelk
Jason Pettus
Justin Cates
James R. Avery, III
Johnathan Engladn
Keith Kotte
Dean Martilli, Jr.
Fara “Nicole” Choate
Michael Clayborne Montgomery
Noreen Keenan
Genna Watson
Shanil Naik
Arnessa Darlene Royster
Jessica & Von Justin Windsor
Chris Morrow
Ronald Bruce West
Ashley Bradford
Jacob Meadows
Amanda Sullivan
Eric Amend
Wendy McMain
Ryan Gosse
Jarrod Robert Wills
Todd Wehunt
Edward Leonard Stempien
Tommy McDonald
Richie Petzel
Billy Foulk
Shanil Naik
Linda Strauss
Matthew Hinson
Scott Michael Malone
Melissa Dennis
Cory Bute
Tracy Tidmore
Jason Edward Palmer
Scott Johnson
Robbie Schmeelk
Aaron Stephens
Dean Martilli, Jr.
Genna Watson
Michael Dunn
Misty Autumn Dubose
Josh Johns
Christopher Boyd
Chris Emery
Noreen Keenan
David Arthur Braund
Jessica & Von Justin Windsor
Ryan Gosse
Michael Clayborne Montgomery
Melissa McDonald Weber
Blake Hinson
Chris Morrow
Jenny Gryzinski
Brian Devine
Ryan Michael Sharp
Todd Wehunt
6-4-67
6-7-76
6-8-82
6-14-81
6-17-71
6-17-85
6-19-79
6-21-84
6-21-69
6-22-79
6-24-81
6-25-80
6-26-82
6-26-84
6-27-81
6-28-62
6-29-79
6-29-90
7-02-74
7-05-83
7-08-84
7-12-82
7-15-83
7-17-77
7-20-74
7-23-84
7-27-74
7-29-88
July 29
7-30-88
7-30-91
7-31-73
8-03-75
8-06-89
8-06-64
8-08-87
8-10-80
8-14-84
8-17-81
8-18-67
8-21-84
8-22-98
8-23-73
8-24-51
8-31-71
6-01-06
6-08-06
6-13-05
6-14-06
6-16-05
6-18-71
6-18-05
6-20-03
6-22-01
6-28-97
6-28-03
6-30-01
7-03-05
7-10-03
7-12-01
7-14-95
7-19-90
7-20-05
7-23-96
7-27-05
7-28-01
8-01-02
8-03-75
8-04-02
8-05-05
8-08-05
8-09-96
8-13-05
8-21-03
8-21-05
8-28-04
8-31-00
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Bittersweet
Bittersweet parents we are,
Loving and giving still.
We render what tears
Grief demands –
Until, out of grieving darkness,
We come to celebrate
Our children’s life
And our own.
By Sascha Wagner
From her book “Wintersun”
2
Instead, we’ll go to the cemetery and water your
flowers. We would watch balloons fade into the sky,
however, your little brother is concerned about
harming the animals in the sea. I’m sure you would
agree with him so we’ll tie balloons onto your iron
flagpole instead. We’ll gaze at any gifts left by
friends and feel thankful they remember. We’ll light
a candle in your memory and let it burn the rest of
the day.
TCF Atlanta Daily E-Newsletter
and Online Sharing
TCF Atlanta Daily E-Newsletter and Online Sharing is an online
sharing group available to anyone with internet access. The
Online Daily Sharing is a wonderful daily resource to remind
everyone "They Need Not Walk Alone". We share articles,
poems and messages from other bereaved families.
Currently online sharing has 1250 active members and are
growing at a rate of 2 per day. To join go to the following
link: www.tcfatlanta.org/SharingList.html
As time goes by I can relate more and more to the
Kenny Chesney song “Who you’d be today”. What new
paintings would you have painted? What new songs
would you have written? Would you still be fighting
addiction or would you be one of the few who beat
the odds? We’ll never know.
Many thanks to Wayne and Jayne Newton in reaching out
to bereaved families worldwide as editors of the TCF
Atlanta online sharing site and TCF Atlanta website.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wrote this letter to my son who would have had his
24th birthday on June 24, 2006. Adam died in
September 2003 from a drug overdose. I know there
are many people out there who share this similar
situation. People hesitate to share when the death
was a result of depression and drug abuse. I choose
to share our story in hopes of reaching out to others
who so desperately need to know that drugs can
affect anyone. We loved Adam, we were there for
him. Why he chose drugs? We don’t know. It’s not
our fault and we are not ashamed. We love him and
miss him more than words could begin to convey.
Adam was a great kid until drugs turned him into
someone we didn’t know. We pray for peace each and
every day.
Theresa Heitz, Ashburn, VA
What we do know is that today is your birthday. The
anniversary of the day we were blessed with a
precious 7 pound, red-haired, blue-eyed baby boy
with dimples that made the nurses comment the
minute you were born. You came into our lives and
brought us tremendous joy. Today, we remember
your life.
Every night, when I pray, I’ll be missing you.
I love you forever,
Mom
In Loving Memory of Adam, 6/24/82 - 9/25/03
theresaheitz@msn.com
The Lasting Gift
June 24, 2006 - It’s here. Your
24th birthday, the third birthday we’ve struggled
without you. I tell people at our Compassionate
Friends meetings that it is the hardest day of the
year for me. It is. It’s YOUR day, June 24, 1982,
the day I became a mom. Becoming a mom… the
greatest joy, and yet, the greatest pain.
The lasting gift that any loved one
gives us is their presence in our
hearts.
It is up to us to dedicate ourselves to
integrating that loving spirit into
our ongoing lives.
I’m thankful for the 21 birthdays but selfishly I want
you here with me today. I want you back. I want to
walk through a thrift shop looking for that perfect
shirt. I want to stroll through Melodee Music
sampling the guitars and pedals. I want to take you
to lunch and have our favorite burrito smothered in
red chili sauce (no one likes it like you did). And, I
want to buy you an ice cream cake and sing to you.
By Carol Staudacher from “A Time to
Grieve”
***************************
3
imminent death, as well as the initial stages parents may
go through when confronted with the fact that their child
is dying. The term stage presumes a linear progression
of events that lead to an anticipated outcome. These
famous stages are quoted in much of the modern text on
grief and used pretty much carte blanche without
question. The irony of the matter is that following the
death of your child, one will find these stages simply do
not adequately represent the reality of that journey.
War and Remembrance 2007
Honoring parents who have lost a child from this
war or any cause
Headlines still read: More American Casualties In Iraq.
Yes, there have been over 3,300 American casualties
since the start of the war in Iraq. There have also been
huge casualties with other allied countries and among
the peoples of Iraq. It makes my heart ache. Through
history all across the world parents have lost their
children to war; has been; is; and will be; ad infinitum; a
tragic legacy of being human; our children may go to
war for their country and die. Our country is no stranger
to war. I am from Minnesota, and to date of this writing
50 of those American soldiers who have died serving
their country haled from Minnesota. Of those 50 young
men, there was one young Marine who was to come
home this spring and marry my niece. We are never
immune to death.
It is ludicrous to think that after we bury our child that
we are in denial, or experiencing some stage of
bargaining. Our child is dead; their remains are returned
to the planet and their physical presence is now a
memory. We can neither deny the fact nor cajole a
bargain with some supernal presence to bring them back.
Physical death accepts no compromise, there are no
rebates; we cannot turn back the clock.
To bring what I am saying to its basic core of
understanding, in long term bereavement I feel we
experience only two stages of grief. The first stage is
shock; how else can we function to arrange for our
child’s funeral? The second stage is learning to accept
the unacceptable and that stage is the rest of your life.
Anger and depression are not stages but primal survival
tools that are critical to life. They will weave their way
through your own personal journey of acceptance
forever. Denial can be a clinical condition, or a mind
game, but it is not a stage. In the early years one can
experience it everyday. The first moment in the morning
when you open your eyes and realize it was not all a
dream; your child is really dead. Like living with the
pain of arthritis you don’t get over it, you learn to live
with it and live with its flare-ups of pain.
Recent local statistics have shown that on an average
1,200 children (ages 0-25) die every year in Minnesota.
That is a lot of parents grieving the loss of their child
every year, just in Minnesota alone. All across this
country our children will die from cancer, disease,
neglect, abuse, mental illness, drunk drivers, and
accidents of all sorts, violent acts from nature or the
insanity of man. Huge numbers of tragic deaths.
Eight years ago, the Columbine High School tragedy
shook our nation when unprecedented violence took so
many young lives simply while they were attending
school. Recently 32 innocents murdered in cold blood
by a lone gunman at a Virginia university. Another
enormous national tragedy that gripped the hearts of our
country and the world and left so many bereaved family
members and friends to try and survive the shock and
aftermath of this personal and collective loss. Our
children are never safe.
By most accounts the loss of a child tops the charts in
stressful events. Society is missing the boat in
understanding the depth and duration of living with that
loss. We do not fit into any social set of mores that
describes our grief journey adequately. Whether a child
dies from a premature birth or at age 58, there will be
parents whose lives are changed forever. If you know of
someone who has lost their child from this war, insanity,
or anything that has removed a precious child from their
arms, show them you care. It is the camaraderie of
compassion that we share in learning to accept the
unacceptable that enables us to survive. We need not
walk alone.
So many, many more bereaved parents join our ranks
everyday, regardless of age, race, creed, religion
occupation, or location. Every one of our countrys
children who have died, leave parents and siblings
behind whose lives are now changed forever. There is no
getting over the loss of your child, no matter how old
you are or what the age of your child. There is no
moving on without them. There is nothing that makes it
better.
Mitch Carmody, Hastings MN
For the long term grieving parent, the five stages of grief
as proposed by Elizabeth Kubler Ross, Denial, Anger,
Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance, I do not
believe aptly apply years down the road for the bereaved
parent. These stages are for one facing their own
Heartlightstudio@aol.com
Bereaved parent, artist, speaker, and author of the book
Letters to my Son, a journey through grief.
www.heartlightstudios.net
4
Gillespie. Hospice of Northeast Georgia Medical Center
is located at 2150 Limestone Parkway, Suite 222 in
Gainesville, GA.
A Father Returns To Work
After Kathy died, I, of course, went back to work. Some
of my co-workers made the stop at my desk to express
their sympathy. I know I turned them off, as my pain
and my denial were so great. I could not talk about what
had happened and how I felt. I thanked them. Although
nobody ever talked to me about it, that was okay as my
pain was such, I thought, I could not bear to talk. I
threw myself into my work and on occasion was
confused because I could not make the kind of decisions
I had been making for years. I never made the
connection that this inability to concentrate was part of
my grief and was normal.
Fireworks
You used to run around with a sparkler in your
hand, pretending you were a Minute Man or a
Patriot drummer. It didn’t matter, there was time
for all.
You’d wrap a rag around your head and take your
toy drum, and tromp around the yard. Whatever
you were on those wonderful nights, you loved it!
Lunch was the worst time. My habit was to eat with my
associates, but often in the middle of the meal I would
just have to get up and walk away. Although nobody
ever said anything to me about this odd behavior, I do
thank them at least for their tolerance.
And we watched and laughed as you waved your tiny
flag, thinking maybe you were the one who really
understood what we celebrated.
Now the drum is gone and no one gets sparklers
any more. The yard is quiet on the Fourth of July.
Do you still march and play the drum for others?
Slowly I readjusted (I thought) and in time (a long time)
I was able to perform well again. But I never really
grieved until I found The Compassionate Friends and it
was here that people helped me to talk. It was almost
twelve years before I found TCF as there was no such
organization in 1967. My friends, let TCF help
you…don’t wait twelve years to talk!
By Bill Errnatinger, TCF Baltimore, MD
Author unknown
Father’s Day
Camp Braveheart
Warm and sunny day in June
Father’s Day
Children, small and grown
Give gifts to father
Say thanks to father
Say I Love You.
But there are fathers
Whose children are not her
To give gifts and say thanks
And say I Love you.
Remember the fathers
Whose children are gone,
Because they always will be
Fathers at heart.
Camp Braveheart, sponsored by Hospice of Northeast
Georgia Medical Center, is a three-day day camp
designed to address the needs of kids and teens who
have experienced the death of a loved one. The
emotional needs of kids & teens dealing with the unique
trials of moving from childhood to adulthood present a
complex set of challenges. When someone close to them
dies, they may feel left out and misunderstood in their
grieving and they may not know how to access the
information and encouragement they need to deal with
their loss as productively as possible. The camp is free;
however, registration is limited. All kids or teens
attending Camp Braveheart, as well as their parent(s) or
legal guardian(s) must complete an interview as part of
the registration process. Scheduled dates for 2007
camps are as follows:
June 11 – 13 Elementary School Age Kids
June 25 – 27 Middle School Age/Adolescents
October 12 – 14 High School Age/Teens
For more information about Camp Braveheart, or to
schedule an interview, call 770-533-8888 or 1-888-5723900 (toll free) and ask for Jen Sorrells or Robert
By Sascha Wagner from her book “Wintersun”
5
BROKEN SEASHELLS – BROKEN HEARTS
each broken seashell I picked up and placed in my hand,
I admired its own uniqueness and strength. It was
through gazing at them I was reminded of my own
brokenness and the tremendous courage it has taken
me to survive the most turbulent storm in my life.
Through my brokenness I have emerged stronger, more
compassionate and loving and able to recognize and
embrace my own internal beauty from that struggle.
Like many others, I find my deepest peace and serenity
by the seashore, mesmerized by the crashing waves
followed by the slow, gentle retreat of the water back
into the sea. As one of my favorite quotes so
profoundly states, “no where on earth are heartaches
better tended,” I feel the sadness in my heart soothed
and my soul restored and nourished as I experience all
the beauty that the sea offers. As I prepare to leave
next week for another retreat to the sea, I will notice
and cherish each broken shell knowing the strength and
courage it took for each of them to survive the
turbulent storms of the sea and be reminded of my own
healing journey. Next time you find yourself walking
along the shore’s edge, pick up a broken seashell that
speaks to you and see yourself reflected in the broken
edges. Recognize the strength of the shell to survive
being tossed through the crashing waves just as your
heart has survived and grown stronger after the most
horrific and tumultuous storm.
By Pamela Leonhardt
Recently while on a trip visiting my
sister in Oregon I came across a lovely
and heartfelt book entitled “My Beautiful Broken Shell”
written by Carol Hamblet Adams and illustrated by one
of my favorite seascape artists, D. Morgan. The words
of the tender reflections in this book resonated with my
heart as I walked along the sandy shores of the Oregon
coast collecting seashells.
Adams shares the brokenness of her heart and spirit
as she struggled through a difficult time. In her book,
she describes her experience walking along the sandy
seashore searching for perfect seashells to add to her
collection. As she gazes at the sea of broken shells, she
comes to realize that the broken ones reflect her own
broken heart. In each shell, Adams sees those who are
hurting and who have lost loved ones; those who are
frightened or alone; and those who are living with
unfulfilled dreams. Like all of us, each shell in the vast
sea is tremendously resilient after fighting so hard to
keep from being totally crushed by the pounding surf.
We, too, come to realize that it takes courage to
remain on the shore after being “tossed by the storms
of life and worn down by the sands of time” despite the
unrelenting pain and suffering in your hearts. Like each
of us, broken seashells represent our tears, deepest
sorrows and pain from the loss of our precious child.
The turbulent crashing waves of the sea, followed by
the calm waves, teaches us about the true meaning of
strength, courage and faith. The brokenness of each
shell comes to remind us that when our hearts are
shattered beyond belief, we can survive even the most
horrific storm in our own lives. As each beautiful
broken shell doesn’t pretend to be perfect or whole, it
allows for its brokenness to be seen, knowing that
within the center of the shell lays immense beauty.
Broken seashells don’t exist alone but are
surrounded by a vast number of seashells, each broken
in their own unique way. Like all of humanity, when you
truly look around, you see that we are all wounded in
one way or another. As rare as it is to find a perfect
shell in the midst of hundreds of shells lying on the
beach, it’s equally rare to find any one of us who has
not experienced deep pain and sorrow. As the broken
shells lie close to one another, we are reminded that
we, too, live in community with each other and when
we draw upon the strength and courage of others it
helps us through the most difficult times.
After reading this tender and heartfelt book, I
walked the sandy Oregon shore, no longer in search for
the perfect seashell for my collection but rather
recognizing the strength, courage and beauty of all the
broken shells that lay scattered along the shore. With
Pamela is a Licensed Psychologist in private practice in
Boulder, CO and bereaved mother to angel child,
Michael, 12/2/76 – 7/14/98.
Reprinted from Denver Metro Area Newsletter July
2005
My Beautiful Broken Shell, 1998, by Carol Hamblet
Adams, Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR – to
order online go to
www.tcfatlanta.org/MyBeautifulBrokenShell.html
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * *
Note from Meg Avery: The following story was written by
a 13 year-old special education student at the school where
I work.
My Little Sister
My little sister was born on April 15 on
Wednesday 6:00. She died because my mom was so
sick. My picture is my little sister wearing a pink
dress and she is outside. The clouds are blue. The
sun is orange and yellow. The grass is green and
brown. The house is purple and has two windows and
one door.
My little sister is playing outside and she is eating
by herself. She is so happy and outside is so fresh
6
is free of charge. Each camp will be divided into two
groups: one for ages 7-11 and one for ages 12-17.
There is one remaining camp session to be held as
follows:
and warm. She is having a good life with God and we
will see her one day in the sky. God is taking care of
my little sister. My little sister knows how to play
soccer, basketball, football, tennis and volleyball.
My mom is so happy that my little sister is with
God and she will be happy she will see her again and
my dad and my big sister and me. She will be a big
girl like my sister Alma. Everybody will be there and
my family will be there and so will I. Nothing will
happen to us and my little sister Dolores.
By Jose
October 5-7 at Camp YWCO in Clarkesville, GA
For parents and guardians, there will be a special Sunday
workshop (Oct. 7) from 9 am to 3 pm. This program
will help you understand more about your child’s grief
and suggest healthy ways for your whole family to
manage & cope with loss.
For more information and registration details, visit their
website, www.campmagik.org or call Renee Searles
McClatchey, 404-790-0140
Graduation Time
It’s June and graduation time again.
Your child would have been among
those wearing the cap and gown,
walking down the aisle to the ever
stirring “Pomp and Circumstance”.
Now there is a vacant spot in the line. Should you
attend? Can you stand the pain? Will people think you
are strange?
As always you must follow your heart. So, go if
you’d like to and don’t hide your tears. It’s quite all
right to miss your own child while celebrating the
achievements of others.
Just remember: That your instincts are the most
important ones; that no one else can make this decision
for you, and that it doesn’t really matter what other
people think.
It was your child who died. This is your pain and
you have the right to feel it and deal with it in your own
way – and may a bit more healing take place in the
doing.
By Peggy Gibson, TCF Nashville, TN
Thanks to Karen DeLany, Kyle’s mom, for sharing this
information. Her daughter, Ashley, (Kyle’s sister) attended
last year’s October camp. Karen writes: “They did a lot of
symbolic things...they floated candles on magnolia leaves in
the moonlight, they released balloons with messages, they
wrote letters to their loved ones,… all stuff Ashley needed
encouragement to do, but did it and loved it!” In Loving
Memory of Kyle, 12/20/89 – 9/4/06
---------------------------------------------------------------Sunrise in August
Can it be true,
This is an easy morning?
The day escaping from
Its dark confinements,
While sun starts brushing
Earth with silken warmth.
No strain at all.
No hurry anywhere.
Can it be true
Your mind is whole and steady.
Now you remember things
As once they were
On other mornings, then,
And other days…
Can it be true
This is an easy morning?
Remembering does not hurt?
And you can close your eyes,
And you can see,
Can smile – at sunrise.
Camp Magik
Camp Magic (Mainly About Grief in Kids) is a special
camp for kids age 7 – 17 who have lost a parent, sibling
or other close loved one. The mission of Camp Magik
is to provide a safe & nurturing environment where
children can express their grief over the death of a
loved one and begin to heal. Camp Magik is a place
where kids who are learning to deal with grief get
counseling from professionals. That’s just part of the
magic; much of the real healing comes from being
around other kids the same kind of similar loss. Camp
Magik is a regular camp in many ways – canoeing, rope
courses, campfires, storytelling, hiking, and just plain fun.
But it is also a structured method of helping kids learn
to come to terms with their grief. Each weekend camp
This is an easy morning.
Use it well
By Sascha Wagner, from her book “The Sorrow and The
Light”
7
The Dream
Support Group Meetings
We’ve gotten along so long,
And now it seems like you’re nowhere, gone,
My opinion of you actually mattered,
And now my dreams seem so shattered,
You were my big brother forever,
I always assumed we’d grow up together,
Now I sit here thinking of the past,
Everything we had and loved is gone so fast,
No more dirt bikes, snowmobiles, horses or cars,
No more metal, jeeps, or even bars,
Although you’re in heaven you still remain,
Along with the recurring memories, grieving, and
pain,
The whole family misses you,
And you better bet your friends do.
But this whole thing opens your door,
Because now you’re free, you were born to soar,
I’m starting to find peace in my soul,
Because you’re my guardian angel, now I’m whole,
No one will ever take your place,
Everything’s for you, every smile on my face,
Although this time for me will always be rough,
I know you’re here with me to help me be tough,
So rest in peace now, my dearest Nick,
Because if I ever had to choose another brother,
You would be the only one I’d pick.
Monthly support group meetings are the heart of The
Compassionate Friends. These gatherings provide a safe
and caring environment in which bereaved parents and
siblings can talk freely about the emotions and experiences
they are enduring. Parents and siblings receive the
understanding and support of others who have “been
there.”
Through the years, the hope for the future that is
provided through these sharing sessions has been more
helpful than anything else in resolving the grief of
bereaved parents. Siblings, grandparents and other adult
family members are also welcome at TCF meetings.
The death of a child of any age, from any cause, is a
shattering experience for a family. When a child dies, to
whom does a family turn for the emotional support it will
need during the grief journey that lies ahead? The
Compassionate Friends understands that grief for a child
lasts longer and is more intense than society commonly
recognizes. Other grieving parents can offer empathy and
understanding of this loss, while also recognizing that each
person’s grief is unique.
The Grief of Fathers
Strength
In the early days of my grief,
a tear would well up in my eyes,
a lump would form in my throat,
but you would not know – I would hide it,
And I am strong.
Love forever and always,
Your little sister.
By Heide Hietpas
In Memory of her big brother Nick Hietpas
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
In the middle days of my grief, I would look ahead
and see that wall that I had attempted to go around
as an ever-present reminder of a wall yet unscaled.
Yet I did not attempt to scale it for the strong will survive
And I am strong.
Dear Amy
If you were here, I would tell you that I am enjoying life for
us, living for the moment and loving life as you did.
If you were here, I would tell you that I embraced the pain,
moved through it, and now sedate myself with beautiful
memories of you.
If you were here, I would tell you that I can now count the
gifts of friendship, love, and support that I have received as a
result of your death.
If you were here, I would tell you how you continue to be
there when a special loving touch is needed.
If you were here, I would tell you that I have learned that
sharing our story and helping others has healed my broken
heart.
If you were here, I would tell you that I now listen with my
heart and feel you near to me and know that we shall be
together again.
Amy, I believe that God would be satisfied with the quilt that
I have made from the pieces of our life and love.
In the later days of my grief, I learned to climb
over that wall step by step – remembering, crying, grieving,
and the tears flowed steadily as I painstakingly went over,
The way was long, but I did make it,
For I am strong.
Near the resolution of my grief,
a tear will well up in my eyes, a lump will form in my throat,
but I will let that tear fall –
and you will see it.
Through it you will see that I still hurt and I care,
For I am strong.
Written by Terry Jago, TCF, Regina, Canada - reprinted
from Goshen Middlebury Chapter TCF
…
By Howard Hill, in memory of his daughter, Amy
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News from the Gwinnett Chapter
birthday poem and there is plenty of room for pictures. If
your child, grandchild or sibling’s birthday falls in that meeting
month, you will have the opportunity to share some of your
special memories with us. Please bring your favorite
pictures and/or mementos for our Birthday Table and also,
please feel free to bring your child’s favorite snacks and/or
drinks for our snack table.
We reach out to you with the understanding and love only
another bereaved parent can offer. Attending meetings and
learning from others what has helped them is one way to
ease the pain of losing a child. We welcome you to join us at
the Gwinnett Chapter of TCF.
To Our New Members: Coming to the first meeting is the
hardest, but you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Try not to judge your first meeting as to whether or not The
Compassionate Friends will work for you. At the next
meeting you may find just the right person or just the right
words said that will help you in your grief work.
To our members who are further down the “Grief Road” We need your encouragement and your support. Each
meeting we have new parents. Think back – what would it
have been like for you at your first meeting if there had not
been any TCF ‘veterans” to welcome you, share your grief,
encourage you and tell you “your pain will not always be this
bad, it really does get better.”
Our chapter also has a Lending Library. We have an
extensive collection of bereavement books & materials, some
purchased by TCF Gwinnett and some donated by parents.
You are more than welcome to check out books for as long
as you need; there is no due date & there are no late fees. If
you have grief books that you would like to donate, we
welcome new additions for our library. We will place a label
inside the book that it has been donated by the parent (s) or
sibling of the child’s name.
TCF Gwinnett Tee Shirts
Tee shirts will be sold at each chapter meeting. These are
high quality gray tee shirts with the TCF logo in royal blue on
the front left side, and on the back there is a red heart with
Forever in my Heart poem inscribed, and two royal blue
butterflies on each side of the heart. Shirts are available in
Small, Medium, Large, Ex-Large and 1X. They are $15 each.
The poem reads as follows:
We thought of you with love today
But that is nothing new
We thought of you yesterday
and the day before that too.
We think of you in silence
and speak your name
All we have are memories
and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake
with which we will never part.
God has you in his keeping
We have you in our hearts.
(author unknown)
Mark Your Calendar
The Annual Gwinnett Chapter Picnic will be on Saturday,
September 15, 2007 from 4:00 – 6:30 at Rhodes Jordan
Park in Lawrenceville. More details will follow in our
Autumn 2007 Newsletter. Check our local website:
www.tcfgwinnett.homestead.com/index.html for pictures of
past picnics.
National Children’s Memorial Day
The senate has, for many years, at the request
of The Compassionate Friends, proclaimed the
second Sunday in December as National
Children’s Memorial Day to coincide with The
Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle
Lighting. Members of all TCF chapters join tens of
thousands of families worldwide in lighting candles at 7 pm
as an act of symbolic remembrance. This is an annual event
where persons around the globe, united in the loss of a
child, light candles for one hour the second Sunday in
December. Candles are first lit at 7 pm local time just
west of the International Date Line. As candles burn down
in one time zone, they are then lit in the next, creating a
virtual 24 hour wave of light as the observances continues
in countries around the world. This year the Gwinnett
If you would like to give of your time, and volunteer in any
way to our chapter, we warmly welcome new volunteers.
This is your chance to give back and to help out with the
“behind the scenes” efforts for our local chapter. We need
new volunteers to successfully continue the efforts begun
when the Gwinnett Chapter was created in 1994.
Volunteer opportunities range from helping to set up a
meeting, becoming a facilitator, and making phone calls. This
is a great way to give back in memory of your child after you
have found hope, encouragement and strength from TCF to
survive & thrive in spite of life’s worst tragedy. Making the
change from needing help & finding help to giving help &
support to new parents is another healing milestone. Please
call or e-mail June Cooper, 770-995-5268, jc30044@flash.net,
or Janice Pattillo, 770-963-8306 you have questions or if
you’d like to volunteer.
Chapter will sponsor a candle lighting ceremony as
part of The Compassionate Friends worldwide candle
lighting remembrance services on Sunday, December
9, 2007, National Children’s Memorial Day, at Rhodes
Jordan Park. More information will be available in
the Autumn 2007 Newsletter
Birthday Table
The Gwinnett Chapter has a Birthday Table every month.
We have a special table set up with our butterfly candle and
9
News from The Compassionate Friends National
Office
Gifts of Love
A love gift is a financial donation to The Compassionate
Friends Gwinnett Chapter. It is usually in honor of a child
who has died, but it can also be from individuals who want to
honor a relative or friend who has died, or simply a gift from
someone who wants to help in the work of our chapter. Love
gifts are acknowledged in each quarterly issue.
National Conference
The 30th Annual
Compassionate Friends
Conference, Trails of Tears to
Healing Hearts, will be held
in Oklahoma City,
Oklahoma July 20 – 22, 2007.
The conference will feature
nearly 100 workshops covering
many grief areas for families that have experienced the death
of a child. There will be workshops for bereaved parents,
siblings, and grandparents as well as a complete track for
families that have no surviving children. Elizabeth Edwards,
bereaved parent, lawyer, and wife of declared presidential
candidate John Edwards, will be a featured keynote speaker.
Mrs. Edwards shares the loss of her son, Wade, in the current
bestseller Saving Graces. As an introduction to a very special
and heart wrenching chapter in her book, Mrs. Edwards wrote,
"I've now come to a chapter that I knew I would have to write
. . . I do not want to endure the writing of this chapter, but I
will. I will write it because it is a story of tribute to those who
stood with me, not simply a story of our loss." A bereaved
mother who has attended meetings of The Compassionate
Friends and sought support in other ways, Mrs. Edwards
reached out to others who had suffered the loss of a child.
In Loving Memory of G.W. Fox,
from his dad, Gary Fox
In Loving Memory of Bruce West
from his mom, Elaine Estep
,
In Loving memory of Scott Childress ,
from his parents, Sandra & Carl Harrison
Stamps were donated by Marvin Choate, for Remembrance
Cards, in loving memory of his daughter, Fara Nicole
Cards were donated by Meg Avery for Remembrance Cards,
in loving memory of her son, James
Many thanks to Vicki Strauss, mom to Linda Strauss, for
weeding and cleaning our Children’s Memorial Garden on her
walks with her dogs
Many thanks to Janice & Wayne Pattillo for spending their
Sunday afternoon, May 6, at the Children’s Memorial Garden
cleaning, planting, weeding and watering plants and flowers,
in memory of their son Michael.
In addition to Elizabeth Edwards, Simon Stephens who
founded The Compassionate Friends in England 37 years ago
will be traveling to the conference from his current home in
Russia and is keynoting in celebration of the TCF USA's 30th
TCF National conference. Simon's travels as a chaplain in the
British Royal Navy allowed him to help in the formation of
TCF organizations in many countries including the United
States.
If you make a monetary donation to TCF Gwinnett, (which is
tax-deductible) you may specify whether you would like your
contribution to go toward the memorial garden account,
newsletter account or general account. Funds from the
general account pay for remembrance cards, postage, labels,
the annual picnic, expenses associated with monthly meetings
and for information packets for newly bereaved parents. We
do not receive funds from The Compassionate Friends
National Office and we are always extremely appreciative for
any contributions. Please be assured, however, that there are
no financial dues to be a member of TCF. Everyone
contributes in their own unique way; whether it be with time,
donations of books for our library, referring newly bereaved
parents to us, helping out at monthly meetings, making phone
calls etc.
The 8th Annual Walk to Remember will be on Sunday, July
22.
The Oklahoma chapters of The Compassionate Friends are
pleased to announce the "Dream Catcher" program in
conjunction with and as a fundraiser for the 30 th TCF National
Conference. The conference committee plans to decorate the
registration area, memory boards, and hospitality room with
hundreds of Dream Catchers featuring our beloved TCF
children. You will have the opportunity to sponsor a Dream
Catcher in memory of your child, grandchild, sibling, or loved
one even if you are unable to attend the conference!!
News from TCF Atlanta/Tucker Chapter
Everyone is invited to TCF Tucker’s Annual Candle
Lighting Service on Saturday, December 1, 2007.
Featured guest speaker is Mitch Carmody, author of
“Letters to My Son”. Mitch has also been a workshop
presenter at several TCF National Conferences & at
Bereaved Parents USA conferences. Mark your
calendar & check the website, www.tcfatlanta.org for
further details.
Visit www.compassionatefriends.org for more details about
the 30th National Conference, including registration and hotel
information.
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Bereaved Parents USA Annual Conference
The Bereaved Parents USA presents its National 2007
Gathering, Winds of Healing, Wings of Hope, July 13-15 at
the Doubletree Hotel, Downers Grove, Illinois. The National
Gathering is a time for parents, siblings and families to come
together to experience the Winds of Healing…Wings of Hope
by attending workshops, sharing sessions, and speaker
presentations to learn new ways to cope through this
devastating nightmare. Call or email Donna Corrigan, 630279-6148 or email her at gathering@bereavedparentsusa.org
For more information visit Bereaved Parents USA conference
website at: http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/G07home.html
The Compassionate Friends Sibling Credo
We are the surviving siblings of The Compassionate Friends.
We are brought together by the deaths of our brothers and
sisters.
Open your hearts to us, but have patience with us. Sometimes
we will need the support of our friends. At other times we
need our families to be there. Sometimes we must walk alone,
taking our memories with us, continuing to become the
individuals we want to be.
We cannot be our dead brother or sister, however, a special
part of them lives on with us.
When our brother or sister died, our lives changed. We are
living a life very different from what we envisioned, and we
feel the responsibility to be strong even when we feel weak.
Yet, we can go on, because we understand better than many
others the value of family and the precious gift of life.
Our goal is not to be the forgotten mourners that we
sometimes are,
But to walk together to face our tomorrows as
Surviving Siblings of The Compassionate Friends.
Bereaved Parents USA has a new chapter in Northeast
Georgia – this group meets the third Thursday of every
month at the First Baptist Church of Gainesville, 751
Green Street at 7:00 pm. Contact Bill Patterson, 770402-5294 or email William@pattersonusa.com for more
information.
Our Credo...
This newsletter was printed compliments of
Mountain Printing, 485 Buford Drive, Suite
203, Lawrenceville, Georgia, Phone 770-3399241. Many thanks to Danny of Mountain
Printing for providing this service to Gwinnett
Compassionate Friends.
We need not walk alone.
We are The Compassionate Friends.
We reach out to each other with love,
with understanding and with hope.
Our children have died at all ages and from many different
causes, but our love for our children unites us.
Your pain becomes my pain,
just as your hope becomes my hope.
We come together from all walks of life,
from many different circumstances.
We are a unique family because we represent many
races and creeds. We are young, and we are old.
Some of us are far along in our grief, but others
still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that we feel
helpless and see no hope.
Some of us have found our faith to be a source of
strength; some of us are struggling to find
answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in
deep depression; others radiate an inner peace.
But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of
The Compassionate Friends,
it is pain we will share
just as we share with each other our love for our children.
We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for
ourselves, but we are committed to building that future
together as we reach out to each other in love and share the
pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace,
share the faith as well as the doubts and help each other to
grieve as well as to grow.
We need not walk alone.
We Are The Compassionate Friends .
Would you like to honor your child by making a donation
to the Gwinnett TCF Chapter in his or her memory?
Please fill out the information below, clip and mail with your
tax deductible donation to: Gwinnett TCF, Mike Sullivan,
315 Victorian Lane, Duluth, GA 30097.
(Please make checks payable to TCF Gwinnett.)
Name_____________________________________________
Address:__________________________________________
In Memory of:_____________________________________
Please specify if you would like your donation added to the
Children’s Memorial Account, Newsletter Account, or
General Account.
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