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Transnational Marriages: Gender Struggles and family formation
across Afghanistan borders
Course Name: Migration
7/11/2012
Marvah Shakib/ ID :090140
Word Count: 2682
Shakib, 2
Transnational Marriages: Gender Struggles and family formation across Afghanistan
borders
The gendered, power structured Afghan society affects transnational marriages. This
paper, will firstly talk about gender struggles of transnational marriages that are shaped by
material factors, or laws. It will present the effect of migration laws across borders, and marriage
laws in Afghanistan, on transnational marriages, not only within the country, but also other
countries across borders. Like the marriage law for afghan immigrants that is implemented by
Iran government in which the choices of Iranian women to marry Afghan men are restricted.
Secondly, in the power structured patriarchal society; a man plays a key role in marriage
decision making across borders, and this affects women in the origin and the host country.
Thirdly, many migrations are for economic and better life opportunities, but in some cases, some
men play with the emotions of women establish a relationship to get visa, and support from those
women, then leave them once they achieve their goal. Finally, not only women’s action, and
choices are constrained because of the structure of their gender. men‘s choices and actions are
also limited and constrained by the structural values of their masculinity role in the society.
Hence, this paper focuses on the gender struggles of transnational marriage choices that are
shaped by material factors like laws. Afghans’ patriarchal power structures in the society gives
more space for men in marriage decision making across borders, which effect women in the
source and host country. This paper suggests that a change in gendered stereotypes and roles is
necessary in order to benefit both genders equally.
There are two definitions of terms that are used in this paper. Firstly, the term “material
factor” indicates the laws that affect migration, and transnational marriages. secondly, the term
“love marriage” in this paper indicates that the adult man/ woman has a choice to choose her
Shakib, 3
partner, then get married not considering their family’s choice. This can also be indicated to
some exceptional arranged marriages, which were a love relationship and families agreed to
accept the relationship.
In general, the degree of transnational marriage, and life facility choices of men and
women are shaped by the material factors of the society like migration laws in the state. Afghan
men have more opportunity to travel alone and it is accepted by the society. By being able to
migrate alone, they can have more options, and education, work, and new life opportunities,
while an Afghan women occasionally can travel alone, and mostly for study. According to
Constable, “…certain structural factors particularly legal once can constrain women within the
local context, yet also provides transnational possibilities through which they can attain desired
subjectivities” (N. Constable, 2003: 164).Constable in her article mentions that transnational
marriages gives women a chance to gain agency, and have opportunity to make a new life with a
modern perspective husband. Unlike the cases that she mentions in Philippines, it is hardly ever
that an Afghan woman marries a foreign man, even if she is dying of family and social pressure.
Thus, this is linked with the traditional, structured gender views that a man can have more
freedom of choice, and movement than a woman. This also reflects in marriage choices, men can
choose to have “love” marriage, but women do not often get to choose to have “arranged” or
“love” marriage, her family usually chose for her.
Further, the laws within the state can create opportunities, constrained choices, and limit
opportunities. In Afghanistan laws are based on Shareya law, and in Shareya law Muslim man
and woman can marry a non Muslim partner only if s/he converts to Islam. However, they way
that it is interpreted and used in Afghanistan are gendered, which means it gives more choices
Shakib, 4
and opportunities for men than women. For instance, the marriage law for Afghans marrying
foreigners is interpreted as such:
“It is not possible for a non-Muslim man to marry a Muslim woman unless he changes
his religion to Islam. However, it is possible for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim,
foreign, woman who is the woman of the book, Christian, or Jew. Additionally, the
court will not register marriages involving Afghans who claim not to be Muslim, unless
the couple consents to a Muslim religious ceremony. Afghan law considers all Afghans
Muslim by default.” (Yazdani, 2012).
As we can see the interpretation of law is gendered, and it constraints the choices of women to be
able to marry a foreign man. Even if women are under physiological or psychological pressure,
and are controlled by the society and experience a form of psychological or domestic violence,
still they do not have much choice to leave that environment and recover. Thus, the law gives
the court authority to approve a man’s marriage certificate and the new formed family can enjoy
the citizenship and state facilities, while a woman does not have such choice. Using her own
citizenship, she cannot claim citizenship for her foreign husband.
Likewise, in some cases, across the Afghanistan borders, women from other countries
who marry Afghan men are also deprived of their citizenship facilities from their origin country
just because they chose to marry an Afghan man. Nationality plays an important role on how
countries decide to implement migration, or marriage laws. There are laws in some cross-border
countries like Iran that constrain the transnational marriage choices for Afghan men and the host
countries’ women (Iranian women). According to Zahedi Ashraf,
“Many Afghan men have married Iranian women and their repatriation has caused a
major dilemma for their Iranian wives. The dilemma stems from the Iranian citizenship
laws which disadvantage Iranian women in transfer of their citizenship to their nonIranian husbands and their children. Thousands of children born from these Iranian
mothers and non- Iranian fathers are not recognized as Iranian citizens. They are
considered Afghan nationals, and are thus not entitled to benefit from state funded
education and health services” (Havedal, 2008: 19)
Shakib, 5
This indicates that the cross border couples are facing very vicious issues, and life limitations,
limitation of movement, limitation of creating a family, and limitation to enjoy the states’
facilities; because of the material factor, and laws of the host country. On the other hand, this
also indicates the gendered citizenship, because if the husband is Iranian and wife is Afghan,
then the state easily register their marriage, and give citizenship for the Afghan woman. Because
there are legal courts that register their marriage, but no court will legalize the marriage of
Afghan men to an Iranian woman It is banned by the state (BBC PERsian: 2011). This indicates
that if the afghan man married to Iranian woman, and cannot legalize their marriage they cannot
take citizenship. Thus, the gender roles in here are very constrained by the Iranian foreign
marriage law. Importantly, the new generation, or children born out of such relationships are the
victims, because they are deprived of their right to study, and hope for a brighter, better future.
Hence, there should be a change in the laws in order to weaken the strong structured material
constraints. According to Sorensen, “…There is a dire need for a reconstituted gender and family
ideology (based on reality) and family policy (based on emerging transnational need) in sending
as well as receiving countries.” (Sorensen, 2007 171). In this point, the need for change in the
gendered structure form of material laws in the different counties that causes suffering for
everybody. Thus, the gendered laws that create limitations, and countries that for one sex, or
nation should be evaluated, and change in order to bring more equality and social change for
good, and not maintaining a damaging and patriarchal structure.
In the power structured patriarchal society; a man plays a key role in marriage decision
making across borders, and effects women in the origin and the host country. In the South Asian
and Middle Eastern countries, mostly men migrate, and go for work, or study. Being away from
their families for a long time, their emotional and physical needs lead them to have an affair, or
Shakib, 6
marry a woman in the host country. This sometimes the case that the man is already married in
the origin country, and has to emotionally, and financially support his family back home, but he
also has a second marriage in the host country. In such cases the position of the woman in the
origin country becomes very vulnerable. In the absence of a husband the woman lives with inlaws family and is more likely to experience domestic or other forms of psychological violence.
According to the World Fact Book, only 12.6% of Afghan women are literate ("Wrold
Factbook"). This indicates that the majority of women in Afghanistan are illiterate; as most of
women in Afghanistan are not literate, they will be dependent on the husband remittances. The
man also has responsibility to support his woman in the host country, so he might not be able to
support his wife in the source country, and she can experience economic crises as well. By the
time, overwhelming feelings of responsibility, family and social pressure, he will have to choose
one of the women, and in most cases an Afghan man chooses the Afghan woman thinking they
share same culture, and he can practice his masculine role. Thus, the women in the host country
will remain alone, and experience emotional depression, and sometimes have to take care of their
children and need to bear responsibility. For example, in an interview with Mr. Ghafur, he said
that he has traveled to the UK, 25 years ago to study, and he got married to a British woman.
They have two kids together, one is fourteen the other is ten years old (Popal, 2012). He divorced
his British wife five years ago due to cultural and ideological differences, and three years ago, he
married an Afghan woman. It this case the British woman has to take care of the two children,
one of which is handicapped. Hence, the woman has to start a single headed household, and take
responsibility of home, work, and take care of her children, while the man has started his new
life, by having two cute baby girls from his new wife. Thus, this example showed the gendered
role of a man in women’s life through cross-border marriages. Ghafor’s decision on having a
Shakib, 7
second wife, and getting divorce does not only effect the British woman by loading
responsibilities on her shoulder and mentally oppressing her by psychological pressures that
what will happen to her handicapped child, and what will be their future without having a father
to give them love, and support. The children might also experience “care drain” especially the
handicapped child, who really needs special care. This creates problem not only within the
family, each member will luck love, and care, as well as bearing responsibility, but also it can
affect the society, if those children grow up, and the mother cannot control, they choose the
wrong way, and become thieves, or addicted.
Furthermore, many migrations are for economic and better life opportunities. But in some
cases, some men play with the emotions of women, establish a relationship to get visa, or support
from those women, and leave them once they achieve their goal. According to Sorensen, “…
motivation behind migration is simply economics” (Sorensen, 2007, 166). This reflects the fact
that the migration, and transnational marriages can also be for economic improvement. As
people who are migrating from Afghanistan are mostly men. They have the chance to improve
their economic situation and enjoy better life facilities abroad, and this can be costly for women
in some cases. For instance, Nazia Stanakzai is an Afghan woman who migrated to Germany
fourteen years ago. She has finished her studies there and is working. She met a man eight years
before, and established a relationship thinking that she will get married to him, and he promised
so. Their relationship lasted for seven years, then she found out the guy is married and has a
daughter in her age. He used her citizenship to get German citizenship by having a fake
marriage, and he used her money and life facilities, but left her, and joined his wife, who was
invited by him to Germany after he received his citizenship passport (Stanakzai, 2012). Nazia
was oppressed emotionally, and betrayed economically, but neither the Afghan government
Shakib, 8
could do anything, nor did she complain to the German government. This case shows us the
degree of valunaribility of women in cross border marriages issues because of their gender. The
social norms of their culture and the patriarchal structure of the society affect them no matter
where they live, and how independent they are.
On the other hand, not only women’s action and choices are constrained because of the
social construction of their gender, but men‘s choices and actions are also limited and
constrained by the structural values of their masculinity role in the society. In patriarchal
societies, men are obligate to be the head of their families, economically support their families,
and play certain roles. It limits them in terms of cross border marriages, and their choices of life
partner. For instance, in an interview by Ahmad Shakib, who lives in Moscow for eight years he
said, “As an older son of the family, I have to be responsible for my family’s economy and
support them, if not it is a shame for me” (Shakib, 2012). Shakib is from a family who really
value the culture, religion, and traditions; he himself also believes in arranged marriage, and
wishes to have a decent, “proper” Afghan woman as his life partner. As he went to Moscow
illegally, till now he is not a citizen, and does not have a passport, therefore cannot invite
anybody to Moscow. He has founded his own private business there, and does not want to leave
it, and come back to Afghanistan where there are not enough job opportunities. Therefore, as a
man head of his family, he has to sacrifice his physical need and emotions in order to maintain
his masculine role according to the structure image of a man in the society. Thus, this indicates
that the society norms, family process and relations, or feeling like the responsibility to look after
parents and family, shapes other relations that we maintain transnationality. According to
Sorensen, “Family process and relations between people defined as kin constitute the initial
foundation for all other types of transnational social relations” (Sorensen, 2007: 154). This
Shakib, 9
indicates that the society, family, culture, and religion that we grow up and make relationship
also affect the ties and relationships that we make in cross-borders and our ideology as well. This
saying applies on Shakib, whose ideology is shaped by the culture, religion, and the family that
he grew in, and made it hard for him to choose a life partner in a non- Muslim country, where the
ideologies are different. Thus, gender structured image of men also frame their choices, and
actions, and shapes the family and society’s certain expectation from them, that makes them
responsible and under pressure.
To sum up, this paper presented individuals who move across-borders as specifically as
gendered subjects, and how their gender role, expectation, ideology effects constrains their
choices and experiences. As this paper mentioned, the laws constraints choices within the
country and cross borders laws for the Afghan Nationality, which also affects the women who
wants to marry Afghan men like in the case of Iran. The migration laws sometimes violate
certain rights for a minority groups and it should be changed. The power structural view of
gender gives certain limitations and constructs certain behavior and action for both men and
women. This is not only a social fact in specific countries as I mentioned Afghanistan only, but it
affects transnational marriages immensely. The question to evaluate further is the solution for the
change of structural norms of gender is to change the origin countries’ culture and views? To
what degree is it possible? How migration and transnational marriages can contribute to this
change?
Shakib, 10
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Popal, Ghafor. Internet Videoconference Interview. 03 /11/2012.
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