Marriage Preparation
Program, Policies,
& Guidelines
The Cathedral of the Holy Trinity, New Ulm, MN
&
The Church of Saint John the Baptist, Searles, MN
“Marriage is an act of will
that signifies and involves a mutual gift,
which unites the spouses and binds them to their eventual souls,
with whom they make up a sole family – a domestic church.”
-Pope John Paul II
Congratulations on your engagement! Marriage is a beautiful vocation in which God gives a
man and a woman the opportunity to make a total gift of themselves to the other. The staff at
the Cathedral of the Holy Trinity will assist you as you prepare to make these lifelong promises
to each other and as you plan the wedding liturgy.
The following policies reflect what we at the Cathedral of the Holy Trinity and the Church of
St. John the Baptist believe about the Sacrament of Marriage and it proper liturgical
celebration. Please know of our prayers! May God bless you!
Msgr. John Richter, Rector
Rev. Matthew Wiering, Associate
Cathedral of the Holy Trinity
605 N. State St., New Ulm, MN 56073
(507) 354-4158
www.cathedralht.org
The Church of St. John the Baptist
18241 1st Ave, New Ulm, MN 56073
(507) 359-4244
I. GENERAL REQUIREMENTS …………………………….…………...………...1
II. PLANNING YOUR WEDDING CELEBRATION ……………….……………........3
III. MUSIC…………………………………………………………………….5
IV. WEDDING REHEARSAL .……….…..…………………………………….....8
V. YOUR WEDDING DAY …….……………………………………………......8
VI. COHABITATION........……………………………………………………...9
I. GENERAL REQUIREMENTS
A. The Cathedral of the Holy Trinity/Church of St. John the Baptist require the following of
couples who wish to be married:
1. Give at least six months notice of their intention to marry. (Please note that you will
not be able to reserve a wedding date until you have met in person with a priest and
made a deposit of at least half of the cost for the use of the church—see #9 below).
2. Meet immediately with the priest to begin marriage preparation (you can expect to
meet with him six to seven times total).
3. Bring baptismal certificates for both parties.
a. For Catholics:
1. Please inform us if you were baptized in the Holy Cross Area Faith
Community.
2. If you were not baptized in our Area Faith Community, you must
obtain a new copy of your baptismal certificate from the parish where
you were baptized.
i. Call or write the parish where you were baptized and ask for a
copy of your baptismal certificate to be sent to the Cathedral.
State your name, birth date, parents’ names, and also ask for a
notation about Confirmation to be made on the baptismal
certificate.
ii. The certificate must be less than 6 months old. Please do not
submit a copy of the certificate you received at your baptism.
b. For non-Catholics who have been baptized proof of baptism is required.
1. A copy of the original certificate will suffice.
2. If you do not have a certificate, please ask the Pastor of the church
where you were baptized to mail the baptismal verification to the
Cathedral.
4. Register for two days of pre-marriage retreats (such as God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled
Marriage and the Diocesan Pre-Marriage retreat)
5. Take the FOCCUS Pre-Marital Inventory. This exercise gauges how couples relate to
each other and helps them identify particular areas of their relationship that still need
attention as they prepare for marriage.
6. Attend a Natural Family Planning (NFP) introductory presentation.
7. Register at Cathedral or St. John the Baptist (even if you “grew up” as a member here).
If you no longer live in the New Ulm area, then we expect you to register in a parish
near the place you live. This should happen at least six months prior to the wedding so
that we can take care of the necessary paperwork.
8. Obtain a Marriage License.
a. This can be obtained no more than six months prior to the wedding at any
county courthouse in Minnesota.
b. Wedding Discount: After you attend your two days of pre-marriage retreats,
the priest or deacon in charge of your preparation will sign a sealed letter for
you, which you can bring to the courthouse and receive a substantial discount
on the cost of a marriage license.
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c. Once you have received the marriage license, please send it to the parish
immediately so that the parish can prepare it for the wedding day.
9. Cost of the Use of the Church
a. $250 for registered members of Cathedral parish/$150 for registered
members of St. John the Baptist (or according to long-standing tradition, those
who grew up as members of the parish).
b. $500 if neither party is a member of the parish for one calendar year.
c. This fee goes to the cost of providing the facility, heat, air conditioning, lights,
etc. According to diocesan policy, this donation is given to the parish, not to
the priest.
B. Our parish also expects that you
1. Practice your Catholic Faith. It is of great importance that Catholics participate in the
Sacramental life of the Church by attending Mass every weekend and Holy Day of
Obligation and receiving the Sacrament of Confession on a regular basis.
2. Grow in your faith through prayer, learning, and service.
3. Try to live chastity in your relationship
a. Studies show that couples who abstain from sexual relations prior to marriage
have dramatically lower divorce rates and report greater satisfaction in their
sexual relationship after marriage.
b. Even if sexual activity has been a part of your relationship up until this point,
your abstaining from sexual activity even during your marriage preparation
process until the wedding will be worth it. If this has been a part of your past
history, seek reconciliation with God in the Sacrament of Penance
(Confession) and try anew to live chastity within your relationship.
c. If you are living with your future spouse or contemplating moving in together,
please see the special section below entitled “Cohabitation”.
4. Communicate honestly in discussions with the priest with whom you are working.
Knowing that marriage and the family constitute
one of the most precious of human values,
the Church wishes to speak and offer her help…
In a particular way the Church addresses the young,
who are beginning their journey towards marriage and family life,
for the purpose of presenting them with new horizons, helping them to discover
the beauty and grandeur of the vocation to love and the service of life.
-Familiaris Consortio [On the Family], Pope John Paul II
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II. PLANNING YOUR WEDDING CELEBRATION
A. There are two ways of celebrating weddings in the Catholic Church. This is decided in consultation
with the priest during Marriage Preparation.
1. When two practicing Catholics marry, they may decide to celebrate the Rite of Marriage within a
Mass.
2. When a Catholic and a person of another faith marry, they celebrate the Rite of Marriage within
a Liturgy of the Word.
B. To uphold the dignity of the sacrament, the Catholic Church does not permit outdoor weddings.
C. Dates and Times of Wedding Ceremony.
1. Weddings can be celebrated any time of the year, although weddings during Lent are
discouraged.
2. Weddings can be scheduled for any day of the week except Sundays and Holy Days of
Obligation. If a wedding Mass is scheduled on a Solemnity, the Mass for the Solemnity must be
used.
3. Saturday weddings at the Cathedral:
a. Must begin by 2:30 pm; the wedding party and guests should have left the church by 4
pm (decorations must also be taken down by this time).
b. Photographs in the church may not take place before 12 pm.
D. Wedding Party and Ceremony Participants.
1. A priest or deacon will conduct your rehearsal and marriage ceremony. He does not
presume to be invited to your reception unless he receives an invitation like the other guests.
Sometimes scheduling does not allow him to attend a rehearsal dinner or the wedding
reception. If the priest/deacon is invited and is able to come, he will be happy to lead the
prayer before the meal.
2. Elaborate and large bridal parties are not recommended as they detract from what is most
important at the wedding: the couple and the Sacrament that they are celebrating.
3. If you choose to have a flower girl and/or ring bearer, you must choose children at least
five years of age. The flower girl/ring bearer may not be “walked up” by parents or other
adults. They may participate in the processional and recessional in and out of the church but are
not to stand with the rest of the bridal party during the wedding rite.
4. You should choose between one and three lectors (readers) for the liturgy to do the first
reading, second reading, and prayers of the faithful. When choosing readers, please choose
people who have experience reading at Mass before and who would be able to do the reading
without getting too emotional.
5. Ushers welcome guests, hand out programs, take guests to seats, and pick up programs left in
pews following the liturgy.
6. For a Wedding Mass
a. For wedding Masses with a large number of Catholics in attendance, it is
helpful if the couple would find an Extraordinary Minister of Holy
Communion from among their guests to help with the distribution of
Communion.
b. It is a particularly beautiful symbol if the bride and groom themselves bring
up the gifts (bread and wine) at the liturgy. Otherwise they may ask close
family or friends to do this for them.
c. The priest will want one to three altar servers to serve at the Wedding Mass.
Preferably, the server(s) would be experienced altar servers from the parish.
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E.
F.
G.
H.
I.
Otherwise you can invite experienced altar server(s) who are non-parishioners
to serve. If you are unable to provide an altar server, the priest will contact
one from the parish. It is requested that you will provide a $20 stipend for the
server in this case.
Stipend for the celebrant of your wedding: The priest/deacon who witnesses your marriage (and
the priest/deacon who does your marriage preparation, if they are different) does not receive a fee
for his work. While it is completely optional to provide a stipend for the priest/deacon, you may
wish to do so as a “thank you” for his service. A typical stipend amount for this purpose is $100$150.
Wedding Liturgy Preparation
1. Scripture Readings: Numerous options for Scripture readings will be provided by the Parish
Marriage Coordinator. You will want to study these readings together to make your choices.
You should select readings (1st Reading, 2nd Reading, and Gospel) that are meaningful to both
of you.
2. A couple is not free to compose their own vows, but they can memorize the vows allowed by
the Church if they so please.
3. Typically, the celebrant will provide the prayers of the faithful (petitions) for the weddings.
Please talk to the Parish Marriage Coordinator if you would like to compose your own
petitions.
4. For the music policies of the parish, please see the next section.
5. The Parish Marriage Coordinator will provide a sample program so that you will know what
information you must include for the wedding liturgy.
Wedding Attire
1. When choosing wedding attire, your choice must reflect the dignity of Christian marriage.
Some styles are more appropriate for evening wear than they are for a sacred event held in a
holy place.
2. All wedding attire must be modest. Low necklines and high slits are not in keeping with
appropriate guidelines for a religious service.
3. Suits or tuxedos worn by groomsmen must be appropriate for a religious service as well, and
not detract from it. “Costume” style tuxedos or accessories are not appropriate for a sacred
event held in a holy place.
Wedding Decorations
1. Modest flower arrangements can be placed on the altars of the Blessed Mother and St. Joseph.
They can also be placed on the sides of the high altar. Flower arrangements may not be placed
on or in front of the main altar.
2. Please note that any flowers or decorations left in the church or parish center may be taken or thrown away.
3. Plastic hooks can be provided by the parish for pew decorations, if desired.
4. Other decorations, such as canopies or candelabras, are not permitted.
5. Aisle runners are not permitted.
6. Unity Candle
a. At Cathedral and St. John the Baptist, the use of a “unity candle” is not allowed with a
wedding Mass.
b.Any other modern adaptations such as colored sand are not permitted.
7. Rice, confetti, bird seed, bubbles, and balloons are not permitted.
Wedding Photography Policy
1. Reverence and respect for the Blessed Sacrament in the Tabernacle must be maintained in the
Cathedral.
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2. Photographs must be completed in the sanctuary area a half hour before the wedding
ceremony.
3. Running or jumping in the sanctuary area (or any other area in the church) is not permitted. It
is not permitted to lay or sit on the sanctuary steps. It is not permitted to sit in the bishop’s
cathedra (chair) or pose for pictures behind the altar of the sanctuary.
4. Photographers are welcome to take pictures during the ceremony from the back or side aisles
of the church.
5. Video may be taken from either the balcony or a side aisle.
6. Saturday afternoon weddings cannot begin photographs prior to 12:00 noon.
III. MUSIC
A. General Principles:
1. Secular music (such as music that one might hear on the radio) is not permissible before,
during, or after the liturgy, even if it is only instrumental.
2. Classical instrumental music (usually done as prelude, processional, and recessional) is
permissible.
3. Vocal solos are permitted as a prelude and during the Preparation of the Gifts (for a
Wedding Mass). If a couple who is not having a Wedding Mass elects to light a “unity
candle”, it is permitted to have a short vocal solo at this time.
4. Solos must be from the genre of sacred music. Please note that even some songs that include
“God” in its lyrics or express a generally “Christian” theme my not be appropriate for a
Catholic liturgy.
B. Musicians
1. You will need both a cantor and accompanist.
2. The parish will help you contact musicians from the parish who can sing and play
organ/piano for you wedding. Permission from the priest must be given for other
musicians.
3. Because of the need for familiarity with the Liturgy and the Order of the Mass, it is
important that the cantor and accompanist are Catholics and experienced in singing or
playing for a Catholic liturgy. Exceptions to this should be discussed with the priest prior
to making arrangements.
C. Couples having a Nuptial Mass.
1. Entrance and closing hymns are optional.
2. During the Preparation of the Gifts, a couple may choose to have a congregational hymn or
a solo.
3. During Communion, the couple should choose a congregational hymn to be sung.
4. “Mass of Wisdom” is the preferred setting for the Gloria (for a Nuptial Mass), Alleluia,
Holy, Holy, Holy, Memorial Acclamation, Amen, and Lamb of God.
D. Responsorial Psalm: Couples will choose one of the following four options:
1. Option #1: Psalm 128: Blessed are those who fear the Lord.
- Blessed are you who fear the Lord, who walk in his ways!
For you shall eat the fruit of your handiwork;
blessed shall you be, and favored.
- Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the recesses of your home;
Your children like olive plants around your table.
- Behold, thus is the man blessed who fears the Lord.
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The Lord bless you from Zion:
May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life.
2. Option #2: Psalm 33: The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord.
- Upright is the word of the Lord, and all his works are trustworthy.
He loves justice and right; of the kindness of the Lord the earth is full.
- By the word of the Lord the heavens were made;
by the breath of his mouth all their host.
He gathers the waters of the sea as in a flask; In cellars he confines the deep.
- Blessed the nation whose God is the Lord;
the people he has chosen for his own inheritance.
From heaven the Lord looks down; he sees all mankind.
- Our soul waits for the Lord, who is our help and our shield.
May your kindness, O Lord, be upon us who have put our hope in you.
3. Option #3: Psalm 103: The Lord is kind and merciful.
- Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all my being, bless his holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.
- He pardons all your iniquities, heals all your ills.
He redeems your life from destruction, crowns you with kindness and compassion.
- Merciful and gracious is the Lord, slow to anger and abounding in kindness.
Not according to our sins does he deal with us,
nor does he requite us according to our crimes.
- As far as the east is from the west, so far has he put our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.
4. Option #4: Psalm 34: Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.
- I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall be ever in my mouth.
Let my soul glory in the Lord; the lowly will hear me and be glad.
- Glorify the Lord with me; let us together extol his name.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
- Look to him that you may be radiant with joy,
and your faces may not blush with shame.
When the poor one called out, the Lord heard,
and from all his distress he saved him.
E. Suggested Music
1. Prelude (may also be used as Processional)
a. Air from Suite No. 3 (Bach)
b. Air from “Water Music” (Handel)
c. Canon in D (Pachelbel)
d. Chorale from Cantata 147 (Bach)
e. Hornpipe from “Water Music” (Handel)
2. Processional
a. Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring (Bach)
b. Jupiter’s Theme (Holst)
c. Overture, from “Royal Fireworks Music” (Handel)
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d. Prelude to a Te Deum (Charpentier)
e. Rigaudon (Boehm)
f. Sheep May Safely Graze (Bach)
g. Trumpet Voluntary (Stanley)
h. The Prince of Denmark’s March (Clarke)
3. Suggested Congregational Hymns
a. Entrance (optional)
1. Hear Us Now, Our God and Father (Huxhold)
2. Love Divine, All Loves Excelling (Wesley)
3. O Father, All Creating (Wesley)
b. Preparation of the Gifts (may also be a solo)
1. Servant Song (McGargill)
2. The King of Love my Shepherd Is (Baker)
3. The Servant Song (Gillard)
4. What Wondrous Love is This
5. When Love is Found (Wren)
6. Where charity and Love Prevail (Benoit)
c. Communion
1. Eat This Bread (Berthier)
2. Humbly, Lord, We Worship You (Frolick)
3. Gift of Finest Wheat (Westemdorf)
4. I Received the Living God
5. Lord, who at Thy First Eucharist (Turton)
6. Love One Another (Dufford)
7. What Wondrous Love is This
8. Where Charity and Love Prevail (Benoit)
9. Ubi Caritas (chant)
d. Closing (optional)
1. Hear Us Now, Our God and Father (Huxhold)
2. Love Divine, All Loves Excelling (Wesley)
3. May God Bless You (Van Grieken)
4. Suggested Solos
a. Ave Maria (Schubert or Bach)
b. Ave Verum Corpus ( for Communion)
c. Come, Host of Heaven’s High Swelling Place (Bell)
d. Come, My Way, My Truth, My Life (Williams)
e. Covenant Hymn (Cooney)
f. Holy is His Name (Talbot)
g. Holy is Your Name (Hass)
h. Laudate Dominum (Mozart)
i. Lord of All Hopefulness (traditional)
j. May Love Be Ours (Joncas)
k. God of Love (Hancock)
l. Panis Angelicus (for Communion)
m. The Gift of Love (Hopson)
n. The Nuptial Blessing (Joncas)
o. Wedding Hymn (Handel)
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p. When Love is Found (to the melody of The Water is Wide)
q. Within Your House, O God, Today (Benson)
IV.
A.
WEDDING REHEARSAL
Those who attend the rehearsal are those who have a role in the wedding celebration.
1. Bride and Groom
2. Best Man and Groomsmen
3. Maid of Honor with Bridesmaids
4. Ring Bearer and Flower Girl (with parents)
5. Parents of the couple (those who are in the procession or wedding ceremony)
6. Ushers
7. Readers may attend the rehearsal if you wish. Otherwise I can meet with them 30
minutes prior to the wedding.
8. You may want to ask others (spouses, significant others, family members who do not
have a role in the ceremony, out of town guests, etc.) to meet at the rehearsal dinner
site rather than attend the rehearsal, as this can reduce distractions and lead to a
quicker rehearsal.
C. We encourage all Catholic brides & grooms to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation prior to
the wedding. This may be offered before or after the rehearsal if you so wish.
V. YOUR WEDDING DAY
A. Make plans in advance to attend Sunday Mass as a couple, not only to meet your Sunday obligation
but also to express gratitude to God for the gift of sacramental marriage that He has just given you.
B. You may use the Parish Center for a bridal room. The room must be left in the same condition as it
was found. Please use waste containers that are provided.
C. Food and Beverages:
1. Please be mindful that those who will be receiving Holy Communion at the Wedding Mass
are required to fast 60 minutes prior to doing so.
2. Please make sure that liquor is not served prior to the rehearsal or the wedding. Anyone in
the wedding party who seems to be under the influence of alcohol will not be permitted to take part in
the wedding ceremony.
3. Alcoholic beverages are not permitted under any circumstances on any part of the parish
grounds.
4. Food and beverages are not allowed in church.
5. All food and beverages must be removed from the parish center immediately after the
ceremony. Someone must be assigned to be responsible for clean-up.
D. After the ceremony ushers are responsible to collect wedding programs and remove floral
arrangements and decorations.
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O God, who in creating the human race
willed that man and wife should be one,
join, we pray, in a bond of inseparable love
these your servants who are to be united in the covenant of Marriage,
so that, as you make their love fruitful,
they may become, by your grace, witnesses to charity itself.
- Roman Missal
VI. COHABITATION
The Church believes that living together prior to marriage presents serious obstacles to proper
growth and maturity in the couple’s relationship and their ability to prepare for marriage. This
reality is reflected in the fact that, according to a recent study, couples who live together before
marriage are 33% more likely to divorce than couples who do not live together before marriage.1
Because of these statistics and because of the challenges that cohabitating couples experience in
having a chaste relationship prior to marriage, the diocesan policy on cohabitation for couples
preparation for marriage is as follows:
Living together in a sexual relationship without marriage violates the Church’s teaching
about sexual love and marriage. It must be stated unambiguously that cohabitation is not
marriage and is not appropriate preparation for marriage. Marriage as a sacramental state of
life requires serious, prayerful preparation. Cohabitation short-circuits that preparation.
Cohabitation is a source of scandal to the believing community, and is associated with a
number of attitudes, characteristics, and experiences that jeopardize future marital
stability…. [C]ohabitation should be discussed early in the marriage preparation process…in
a way that respectfully challenges the couple with the gospel message of commitment and
faithfulness. The cohabiting couple should be encouraged to reflect on their situation and
why they decided to cohabit, and the couple should consider possible consequences—factors
that may present special challenges to them or put them at risk for future marital disruption.
In most cases, a cohabiting couple should be asked to separate for the six month period
before marriage. A pastoral leader should be able to postpone the wedding (not deny the
marriage) until this issue is resolved.
1
Jay Teachman, Premarital Sex, Premarital Cohabitation, and the Risk of Subsequent Marital Dissolution
Among Women, 65 J. MARRIAGE 8 FAM. 444, 450 (2003).
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Marriage Preparation Checklist
Cathedral of the Holy Trinity &
The Church of St. John the Baptist
� Call Cathedral to begin Marriage Preparation.
� Meet in person with priest
� Read Marriage Preparation Policy Book
� Set Wedding Date
� Pay Deposit
� Register in parish
� Obtain Baptismal certificates
� Diocese of New Ulm Marriage Preparation Retreat
� “God’s Plan for a Joy Filled Marriage” Retreat
� FOCCUS Inventory (administrated by priest)
� Natural Family Planning class
� Obtain Marriage license
� Meet with Mentor Couple
� Plan Wedding Liturgy
�Readings
�Music
� Sacrament of Reconciliation before wedding
� Get Married!
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