President Barack Obama
October 15, 2013
Washington D.C.
John Smith
Billings, Montana
Dear President Obama:
My name is John Smith. I chose to write this letter to let you know that we have something in
common you and me. You see, I too work for the federal government. Of course, my job doesn’t
involve the entire nation and its citizens, such as yours. Yet, I’m honored to share this great
honor with you.
Due to the shutdown of the department I work for, this past week, I have been enjoying an
unanticipated vacation with my family, and I must say that I’m actually having a wonderful time.
I’ll be honest with you, I haven’t considered the shutdown issue much, but I realize the uphill
battle the nation’s leaders will endure in settling the issue. So, I chose to write you and
recommend a thought I had this morning.
With various departments in limbo, the government must be saving millions of dollars not
having to pay the tens of thousands of employees that are currently on leave. After careful
consideration, I believe House speaker Boehner and you should take a vacation together. Some
of the prominent matters in American history, business concerns, and family disputes have been
resolved while on vacation.
If the two of you fueled-up Air Force One, grabbed three or four secret service agents for each of
you, and packed enough clothes for, let’s say, seven days, I suppose that would be a sufficient
amount of time to enjoy yourselves and to get to know one another. I’m more than happy to
donate my salary for a week and believe the majority of my vacationing comrades would followsuit.
Go anywhere you want. Hawaii, South Dakota, leave the country it doesn’t matter. If you follow
some particulars, I trust you and Boehner will become best friends in a matter of days and issues
will be resolved like clock-work. My first suggestion is to get a hotel room with two beds. Make
sure there’s a mini fridge stocked with sweets, Red Bull, and cocoa syrup. Oh, and don’t forget
to let the concierge know you’ll both need two additional pillows.
Next, let both the House and Senate members know you will be leaving for a spell, and that they
are not to discuss any matters while you’re gone. In fact, encourage them to take a sabbatical as
well. Let them know, if they are obedient to the no talking with one another rule, you will bring
them back something special from wherever you decide to take Boehner. Furthermore, but don’t
reveal it yet, let them know that something special awaits them on your return.
The first thing you must realize is that all work and no play makes Barack a dull boy, so make
sure that you and John seek out memorable experiences together each day. Realize that this isn’t
a one-sided vacation by letting John suggest the majority of the daily activities. It’s always nice
to feel significant and I know this will help Boehner feel important. Once you have seen the
attractions and enjoyed the vacation time together, make sure you have ample time to return to
your hotel room and talk about the experiences you had during each day. Then, situate the two
extra pillows, provided by the hotel, at the end of each of your beds. Prop your feet up and
choose a few sweets from the mini-fridge. As you lie on your beds, looking upward, you will
find that casual conversation will flow between the two of you. Don’t be shy either, ask one
another about goals each of you have. In the event that the discussion becomes heated, grab hold
of the extra pillows and start swinging them at each other. Before you know it the both of you
will be laughing hysterically.
Next, you consider your thoughts regarding the issue. What is it that is most important to you?
After that, you should share your thoughts with each other, remembering that both parties may
have different views. Take this time to discuss each one’s point of view, and then determine if a
resolution can be made quickly, or if additional thoughts and discussion may be required. Again,
in case the discussion becomes heated, reach for the pillows and proceed to knock the
frustrations out of yourselves. Over the seven day period, you will be amazed at what two men
can accomplish when they consider the possibilities that come from this type of a process.
Upon returning to Washington, it is imperative that you both consider the apprehension that will
still be in the forefront of each of your peer’s minds. So, you may have to lead by example at
first. Let the senate members and the house representatives know, over the past week, the two of
you have had a wonderful experience, and that over the next week each individual representing
each seat in the senate, and the house, will realize that working together will provide them a
different out-look on the issue at hand. Once you’ve shared a few of the particulars, present the
gift you and Boehner picked out for each member of the respective parties. Then, let them know
they are all invited on a seven day sabbatical with Boehner and yourself.
I’m sure if you pulled a few strings, even though the NBA season is now in progression, you can
secure the Verizon center for this significant event. I’m sure the NBA fans will support the
opportunity for the Senate and House to work together on the shutdown issue. Make sure you
order enough sweets, Red Bull, and cocoa for the entire party. Oh, and don’t forget to order at
least a few thousand pillows. This is going to be the greatest sleepover in history.
After both parties have arrived at the arena, let Boehner take charge of the sleeping
arrangements. He should count out the first row of cots, letting the Senate know they will be
sleeping on the odd number cots and the House will sleep on the even. Next, let Boehner show
the members a power-point presentation of your vacation together. Giving this unconditional
power to Boehner will be valuable; both parties will realize that this sabbatical isn’t one-sided,
thus, starting it out on a positive note.
I know the vacationing federal employees, and myself, will want to see particular segments of
the event (pillow fights) etc. So make sure you hire a production company, maybe the one that
followed you and John around the week prior, taking photographs of your wonderful time
together. It’s been a real treat having the time off, so don’t feel pressure to resolve this overnight.
Take as long as you need. I relish the unanticipated time with my family, and this vacation has
proved to be exactly what the doctor ordered.
Thank you for your time, and I hope that my recommendation will be considered. I think you and
John will be surprised at the things you have in common. Also, I feel that by taking this
unexpected vacation, the entire House and Senate will appreciate one another and see each other
in a whole new light.
Sincerely,
John Smith
P.S. The following is a list of necessities that will aid in your time spent together as heads of
your respective departments. Also including a list for the members of your groups as well. You
will find that the cost for this meaningful time spent together will be off-set by the amount of
money saved from the various departments that have been shut down.
Air Force One
$400,000.00
2 Pilots pay
$7,500.00 (each)
Verizon center rental
$450,000.00
Security for event
25,000.00
Hotel costs
$2,500.00 per night X 7 nights $17,500.00
Unlimited mini-fridge costs
$1,250.00
Gifts for each other
$1,000.00
Gifts for each party
$50,000.00
Photographer/production company
$25,000.00
Pillows
$9,250.00
Red Bull
$5,000.00
Sweets
$10,000.00
Cocoa
$1,000.00