Biblical View of Marriage
In an age when family values are under severe attack and the traditional foundation of the family seems to
be crumbling, I recognize the need for strong teaching on the biblical view of marriage and the family.
Marriage is God-ordained. "The Creator made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’" (Matthew
19:4,5). God’s design for marriage goes back to mankind's beginning. The family, as God’s means of
propagating His creation, grows out of this primary human relationship.
The marriage relationship encompasses the deepest unity of man and woman in its social and
physical expressions. The first woman was declared to be a suitable helper for the man (Genesis 2:18), the
perfect complement (Genesis 2:23). God intended them to share both blessings and responsibilities.
Mutual esteem and self-giving love strengthen the marriage relationship. God intended this physical,
emotional, intellectual, and spiritual union to be focused on one partner only.
Marriage is to be an exclusive relationship, a lifelong faithful union with one’s spouse. "What God has
joined together, let man not separate" (Matthew 19:6). The Old Testament recognized the existence of
polygamy (marriage to multiple partners), but still declared that monogamy (marriage to one partner) was
the ideal (Psalms 128:3, Proverbs 5:18; 31:10-29; Ecclesiastes 9:9). "Lifelong" means monogamy and
sexual fidelity until the death of one partner. Sexual expression with more than one partner violates the
holiness of biblical marriage and thus is sin in God's sight.
Marriage is a covenant, a solemn binding agreement made before God and man. The religious
ceremony of the wedding before church and community emphasizes that marriage is more than a legal
agreement between two individuals. The church has a responsibility to support and nurture the marriage
that has been affirmed by public vows.
Ideally, the relationship between husband and wife should parallel the relationship between Christ
and the Church (Ephesians 5:23-30). The husband should love his wife "as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). The wife should submit to her husband as the Church should
submit to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22-24). But it is a misreading of Scripture, however, to conclude that the
husband can become dictatorial. The entire passage is introduced by the admonition, "Submit to one
another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21). It is only after each spouse submits one to another
from a heart of love that the head/submission relationship will work. The husband has special
responsibility for the spiritual leadership and welfare of the wife and family (Psalms 78:5-8, Ephesians
5:23). While the woman has responsibility as a parent, God has called the husband to be the leader in the
home. The woman is not inferior to the man. Both have full dignity and equal standing before God. In
homes where the father is not a Christian or refuses to provide spiritual leadership, it is right for the
mother to assume this responsibility. Strong spiritual training is essential for children to develop
spiritually (Proverbs 22:6).
A happy and complete marriage is realized as both partners make Christ the center of their marriage
relationship. With Christ as the head, the marriage has an excellent chance to succeed.
Pre-marriage/Engaged Concerns & Policies
Engaged couples must do adequate planning for a biblical marriage. For too many young
couples unchecked or uncontrolled sexual expression leads to marriage with an imbalanced focus
on the physical relationship. That path can easily lead to disaster. Spiritual and intellectual
intimacy should precede the physical intimacy of marriage. When the physical chemistry
becomes stagnant and loses its initial excitement, spiritual and intellectual incompatibilities may
surface and can put unbelievable strain on a marriage.
The church urges every couple who is contemplating marriage to seek Christian counsel and to
address the important questions that will eventually affect the marriage. Honest discussions of
key issues should occur long before the wedding, and preferably before the engagement. Such
discussion should focus on key life issues such as: career aspirations, family plans, life-style
expectations, relationships with extended family and friends, financial management,
communication skills, church affiliation, etc.
Because marriages must be built on honesty, a thorough and open disclosure of both partner’s
backgrounds and histories should also be unveiled long before marriage. In doing so, all
significant and consequential issues should be resolved; particularly those that will cause
emotional pain, require understanding, and need forgiveness.
It is imperative marriage be established with Christ at the center. Such a commitment
cannot be made by one partner alone. It is wrong to enter marriage with the hope of later
influencing the spouse to make a commitment to live for Christ. All Christians would do well to
realize that the Bible’s admonition to be equally yoked in Christ is a serious directive (2
Corinthians 6:14), and neglecting this truth can bring great pain and serious lifelong
consequences. Today our society is filled with countless broken marriages because some
Christians failed to heed this truth.
As a means of solidifying marriage relationships and achieving God’s standard of lifelong
commitment, the church encourages all couples to prepare carefully for marriage. While the
length of time needed for courtship will differ for each couple, time and prayer will often weed
out troubles and incompatibilities that will later affect the marriage.
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Before moving forward, these issues must be discussed with the pastor who is residing over
your marriage counseling, preparation and the ceremony.
Any concerns or questions can be openly discussed with the pastor.
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Divorce and Remarriage
To understand the church’s view of divorce one must first understand its position on marriage. I
believe marriage is a sacred, holy and monogamous union between a man and a woman. It
involves a lifelong covenant, a solemn, purposeful, willful, binding agreement made before God,
a man, and a woman [(Genesis 2:24; Malachi 2:14) see Biblical View of Marriage Document.
Because marriage forms the foundational element for a healthy society, the church believes low
marriage standards are hurtful to individuals, to the family, and to the cause of Christ. Yet the
prevalence of divorce in our culture demands that the church deal with this tragic issue.
Divorce. I discourage divorce with strong teaching on the sanctity and permanence of marriage.
This stand is obviously more stringent than the permissive attitude of society in general and the
judicial system's interpretation of the laws of the land. The strong feeling of the church against
divorce grows out of the clear statement in the Bible that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and
that no human being should separate two persons joined together in holy matrimony (Matthew
19:6). Yet the reality of divorce forces the church to draw from Scripture guidelines for instances
when God's ideal is not maintained.
Exceptions to Divorce. Scripture regulates divorce as it pertains to Christians by providing
guidelines for two separate groups: marriages in which both partners are Christians; and
marriages where only one spouse is a Christian. In the first case, where both husband and wife
are professing Christians, neither party is ever to seek a divorce (1 Corinthians 7:10, 11). In the
second case (the mixed marriage) the Christian husband or wife should never initiate or seek a
divorce from an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). There are only two exceptions that
allow for this initiative. A Christian may divorce a spouse only when his/her partner is
repeatedly committing the sin of adultery (Matthew 5:32; 19:9), or if the spouse refuses to
live with him/her and departs (abandonment) (1 Corinthians 7:15). Both exceptions present the
believer with an option; but never a mandate. A better course whenever grace enables it is to
forgive marital infidelity and seek healing in the marriage. This choice is especially desirable in
cases where children would be further hurt and the family destroyed through divorce.
Abandonment (a long-term physical withdrawal from the home with neglect of the
responsibilities, support, and duties required of one partner within a marriage) would also prove
the spouse's sinful conduct and could eventually allow for divorce.
Abuse poses another threat to marriages. Thousands of women and in some cases men face
serious battering and other forms of abuse from their spouses. God is concerned with the
physical safety and well-being of all. He does not look lightly upon such actions within marriage
or families. In such circumstances a period of separation without divorce may be justified
and useful for the healing of persons. If after serious attempts of counseling and reconciliation
the abusing spouse departs (abandonment) rather than turning from actions of abuse, 1
Corinthians 7:12-15 permitting divorce would apply.
Remarriage. If there are biblical grounds that permit divorce, does that also justify remarriage?
Though Old Testament Law permitted divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4), it placed limits on
remarriage by prohibiting husbands from remarrying their former wives whom they had
divorced. In a second marriage the wife was bound to the new marriage covenant. After forming
the second marriage covenant she was not to go back to her first husband. The teaching of Jesus
seems even more restrictive. He forbade the remarriage of divorced persons, condemning such as
an act of adultery (Mark 10:11,12; Luke 16:18). By remarrying, the divorced person commits
adultery and also causes the new partner to commit adultery. Jesus, however, made one
exception to this rule: marital unfaithfulness (Matthew 5:32, 19:9).
Under what conditions then may remarriage take place? Jesus taught that if a divorce occurs
under a biblical exception as stated earlier, one is free to remarry. In other words, one who
has been divorced because of the repeated adultery of a partner (Matthew 5:32; 19:9) is not
bound by the former marriage and is free to remarry. The exception clause ("except for marital
unfaithfulness") refers to a continuing lifestyle of sexual immorality, not necessarily a single act.
Wherever possible, sexually immoral practices should be dealt with through repentance,
confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation, thus saving the marriage. In no case does Jesus
command divorce when unfaithfulness has occurred; He simply allows it. Nor did Jesus
command remarriage when divorce has occurred. However, from Matthew 19:9 it seems that
Jesus understood that the divorced will often remarry. Remarriage, like the first marriage, should
be "in the Lord" (with a Christian).
The second exception for the remarriage of a divorced person is found in 1 Corinthians 7:15.
When an unbelieving spouse is unwilling to remain in the marriage and initiates a divorce,
the believer is set free from the marriage and can remarry if he or she so chooses without
committing adultery.
CONCERNS:
Though the remarriage of divorced persons is called an act of adultery by Jesus, this does not
mean that the remarried persons are living in a state of perpetual adultery. Persons who have
remarried and now understand God’s truth should be led to repentance for that sin and into a
clear pattern of thinking about what the scripture teaches. They are not to divorce and return to
their former marriages. Further divorce is a confusion of grace. Nothing is gained by committing
another mistake in an attempt to rectify a previous sin. Furthermore, the Old Testament forbade a
divorced and remarried partner from returning to the original partner (Deuteronomy 24:4). The
divorced and remarried, no matter how grievous their past sin or faults, upon genuine repentance
can be forgiven and restored to function in truth and integrity as part of God’s family.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Before moving forward, these issues must be discussed with the pastor who is residing over
your marriage counseling, preparation and the ceremony. Any concerns or questions can be
openly discussed with the pastor.
__________________________________________________________________
WEDDING PREPERATION INFORMATION
SETTING THE WEDDING DATE:
Before a definite date and time has been set, please contact Pastor Josh Lee, to make sure he is available.
THE CEREMONY:
Approach marriage as a Christian, sacred event of life-commitment, and the entire ceremony as a worship
experience. As such, we agree to set before our family and friends an example of courtesy, cooperation and sober
behavior. The service and any variations or innovations as related to the part of the man and woman shall be
thoroughly discussed with and approved by the pastor. All persons involved in the wedding shall be at the church no
later than 30 minutes before the start of the wedding.
PREMARITAL COUNSELING:
The couple should make arrangements with the pastor for Premarital Counseling at least 4-6 weeks before the
wedding date. This is for two reasons: 1. Get acquainted; 2. Discuss marriage responsibilities, concerns and issues.
The pastor or couple may request additional sessions. If you wish to receive marriage counseling through someone
other then Pastor Josh then please supply a letter of verification of at least four premarital counseling sessions two
weeks prior to the ceremony.
THE MUSIC:
Because a wedding is a sacred service, all music should be appropriate for Christian Worship. Please keep this in
mind when you select your music. If instrumentalist are needed please notify Pastor Josh and discuss the extra cost
involved with such request.
THE REHEARSAL
All persons who are to participate in your wedding should be present and on time for rehearsal, no later than 10
minutes past the hour set. This includes the bride and groom, parents of both, bridesmaids, ushers, maid/matron of
honor, best man, flower girl, ring bearer, and any other persons taking part in the wedding. The minister must
approve the date and time of the rehearsal.
WEDDING COORDINATOR
Pastor Josh does not provide a wedding coordinator for the wedding. This person is there to assist the minister, care
for the church property, and provide direction for the wedding party. You may wish to use your own wedding
consultant or director from outside the church. If so, this person must work directly with Pastor Josh.
POLICIES OF THE CHURCH:
~ If you desire candles for the Altar, they are not provided by the minister; or any other decorations such as
candelabra, Unity Candle, white aisle runner, flowers, etc.
~ Video taping of the ceremony may be done from a stationary position designated by the pastor.
PASTORAL FEES
Members:
*Pastor $250.00 (Check can be made payable to Pastor Josh Lee)
*Pianist $100.00
*These fees to the pastor and/or pianist must all be paid for individually by the third or fourth counseling session.
Payments can be discussed with the pastor. Also, the Marriage License should be available the night of rehearsal.
~ Pastor Josh may not be available on certain holidays and/or holiday weekends. If available, the fee schedule
is subject to change. Please check with him for this information.
CANCELLATION AND REFUND POLICY: A refund will not be given after the payment is paid in full on the
day of the rehearsal. MILEAGE: An additional mileage charge will be incurred for long distance (over 50
miles) LATE CHARGE POLICY: A twenty-five dollar late charge will be incurred for all contracted weddings
that are over twenty minutes late in starting. This charge will be based on the contracted time. Should the minister
be late this policy applies. The couple will be discounted
Wedding Application
Today’s date______________
*Time and date of Wedding_______________________________________________________
Location of Wedding reception____________________________________________________
*Time and date of Rehearsal______________________________________________________
Location of Rehearsal dinner_____________________________________________________
Personal Information:
Bride’s name and address ________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________Home Phone___________________________
Email address:_________________________________________________________________
Work Phone_________________
Cell phone________________________________
Groom’s name and address________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________Home Phone___________________________
Work Phone_________________
Cell phone _______________________________
Consultation contact____________________________________________________________
(Mother, Friend, etc.)
Address_____________________________________________phone_____________________
Church Affiliation:
Bride’s church affiliation__________________________________member?________________
Groom’s church affiliation_________________________________member?________________
Background Information:
Previously married:
Bride no_____ yes_____ Children_________ ages______________
Groom no_____ yes_____ Children_________ ages______________
Wedding Party:
Name of Best Man _____________________ Maid/Matron of Honor______________________
Name of Ring bearer ______________age____ Flower Girl______________ age_____
How many Groomsmen?___________________ Bridesmaids?___________________________
Who will give the bride away?_____________________ Relationship_____________________
Anticipated attendance?________________
Pastor Josh Lee ---- 2175 Grapevine Rd. Madisonville KY ---- 224-856-8543 ---- pjoshlee@grapevinechristian.com
Wedding Agreement
Signatures below indicate understanding/acceptance of Pastor Josh Lee’s Policies and Wedding
Fees outlined in the Wedding Manuel.
Signed by Groom and Bride
___________________________________ (Groom)
Today’s Date___________________
____________________________________ (Bride)
Today’s Date___________________
~ a copy of this agreement will be provided after signed copy is received.
For pastoral use only:
_______________________________________
Date pastor contacted
_______________________________________
Date application sent Date application received
_______________________________________
Date paid Amount paid