Game Changers: SEX vs FULLFILLMENT
1426 April 26/27 2014
Big Idea: We can continue to just have sex or we can follow God’s plan to experience fulfilment.
Verse to Remember: Song of Songs 6:3 “I am my lover’s and my lover is mine; he browses among the
lilies”
WELCOME: Snow Spring Celebration Joke, Disclaimer about Kids in this
service.
What does the Bible say about sex? We have a poll question on You
Version.
Most people claim one of these three positions in regards to what the Bible
says:
By only looking at the New Testament God’s standard is mentioned in
almost every book…
Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has
already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Mark 7:21-23 For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts
come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, malice, deceit,
lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23 All these evils come from
inside and defile a person.”
Acts 15:29 You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from
the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well
to avoid these things.
Romans 13:12-13 The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us
put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13 Let us
behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not
in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy.
I Corinthians 5:11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate
with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[a] but is sexually immoral
or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat
with such people.
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I Corinthians 6:13 You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for
food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for
sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
I Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person
commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their
own body.
2 Corinthians 12:21 I am afraid that when I come again my God will humble
me before you, and I will be grieved over many who have sinned earlier
and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which
they have indulged.
Galatians 5:16,19 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the
desires of the flesh. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality,
impurity and debauchery;
Ephesians 5:3,4 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual
immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are
improper for God’s holy people.
Colossians 3:5-6 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly
nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is
idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[
I Thessalonians 4:3-8 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you
should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control
your own body[a] in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust
like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one
should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.[b] The Lord will
punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you
before. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.
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Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human
being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.
Hebrews 12:16 See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like
Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed
kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
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I Peter 4:3 For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans
choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing
and detestable idolatry.
Jude 7 In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns
gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an
example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire
Revelation 2:14 Nevertheless, I have a few things against you: There are
some among you who hold to the teaching of Balaam, who taught Balak to
entice the Israelites to sin so that they ate food sacrificed to idols and
committed sexual immorality.
Revelation 2:20 Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that
woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching she misleads
my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to
idols.
Revelation 21:8 But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers,
the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all
liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the
second death.”
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With help from the authors of Every Man’s Battle you can summarize all of
these passages into 6 truths from God’s word:
1.-Sexual immorality begins with lustful attitudes.
2.-Our bodies were not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, who
has created us and called us to live in sexual purity. His will is that every
Christian be sexually pure—in our thoughts and our words as well as in our
actions.
3.-Therefore it is holy and honorable to completely avoid sexual
immorality—to repent of it, to flee from it, and to put it to death in our lives,
as we live by the Spirit.
4.-We should not be in close association with another Christian who
persists in sexual immorality.
5.-If you entice others to sexual immorality Jesus Himself has something
against you!
6.-Sexual pleasure and expression were designed for the marriage
relationship between a man and a woman.
Pg. 48 Every Man’s Battle
So why is a topic so obvious and pointed in the Bible need so much
attention today? The first reason is that…
1. We live in a world of sexual brokenness.
Brokenness takes all sorts of forms….Abuse, Adultery, Pornography, A
Manipulative Spouse, a Cold-Unresponsive Spouse, Single after years of
Marriage, an Abuser who wants to stop…we can’t even begin to imagine all
of the levels and types of brokenness that gather here each and every
weekend.
There a thousand stats and research findings that prove our brokenness,
but let me only give you two1 in 5 girls are sexually victimized in our country…not some far
off third world nation.
1 in 20 boys are as well.
Many of those people are sitting in this room right now. Many of them are in
your bed, your house, or your family tree.
We live a world of sexual brokenness- there is so much pain.
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Another glaring proof for the brokenness of those in our world is the
proliferation and acceptance of pornography.
In 2010 the Witherspoon Institute assembled leading experts in the fields of
psychiatry, psychology, neurophysiology, philosophy, sociology, law and
political theory to present a rigorously argued overview of the problem of
pornography in our society…
“This collection of papers on The Social Costs of Pornography reveals just
how multimedia pornography has become the chief means by which the
emergent sex industry encourages the solicitations of the senses to
overwhelm the moral and aesthetic feelings of fitness on which all civilized
actions and an ordered culture depend. Pornography represents the
contemporary means of making Caligulas of us all—with all that that
implies in terms of violence, misogyny, and interpersonal grief. Read this
collection and know your enemy.”
Paul McHugh, University Distinguished Service Professor of
Psychiatry
Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine
One of the reasons we see so much brokenness is that we cheapen sex. It
is the sign of a covenant relationship between a man and a woman. You
have married every woman you have slept with, you have married every
man you have pleasured—in the eyes of God you were made one flesh—
married. When you did the same things with another you were spiritually
divorcing your previous spouse. That just might leave a person spiritually
broken.
"Pornography, by offering an endless harem of sexual objects,
hyperactivates the appetitive system. Porn viewers develop new maps in
their brains, based on the photos and videos they see. Because it is a useit-or-lose-it brain, when we develop a map area, we long to keep it
activated. Just as our muscles become impatient for exercise if we've been
sitting all day, so too do our senses hunger to be stimulated,"
Norman Doidge, M.D., Columbia University's Center for
Psychoanalytic Training
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You and I most likely have decided that the sexually explicit material isn’t
that bad- it could be worse. In a world with underwear commercials during
football games, and television series filled with lust and nudity. We have to
admit that we have a problem and that problem is brokenness.
Because only in a culture of brokenness would this much pornography be
tolerated.
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You can’t experience fulfillment unless you let God deal with your
brokenness. Whether your brokenness is self-inflicted or was at the hand
so of another, it is still painful. We
have a God who wants to fix
our brokenness not punish us- Grace Abounds. We have
to deal w/ the Map that exists in our brain caused by brokenness. If we
don’t we will keep traveling down the wrong road…if the Map on your
phone or car navigation system was corrupted you would relentlessly get it
fixed…especially if it’s direction led you to the wrong address…that’s where
our sexual maps are leading us…to the wrong address and we walk away
wondering--- “How did I get here?”
We often think that God’s view of sex and relationships is to squelch our
fun. It is quite the opposite living our lives according to our best guess and
standards we end up eventually in brokenness.
If both spouses in a marriage live according to God’s plan you can avoid
brokenness, it may be difficult in a moment or for a season, but two people
following God’s plan will course correct. The problem though is that…
2. The church is full of sexual atheists
Kenny Luck Article on Pastors.com
“In a recent study conducted by ChristianMingle.com, Christian singles
between the ages of 18 to 59 were asked, “Would you have sex before
marriage?” The response? Sixty-three percent of the single Christian
respondents indicated yes.”
“It is equally honest to say that nearly nine out of 10 self-proclaimed single
Christians are, in practice, sexual atheists. In other words, God has
nothing to say to them on that subject of any consequence or, at least,
anything meaningful enough to dissuade them from following their own
course of conduct. It is the ultimate oxymoron. A person who at once
believes in a wise, sovereign and loving God who created them and all
things, can also believe simultaneously He should not, cannot or will not
inform their thinking or living sexually”…Kenny Luck, Saddleback Church
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We have been living in a world with Sexual Brokenness for quite some
time—when are we going to realize that all of us need healthy, intimate,
and fulfilling relationships. Simple logic and self-examination should reveal
that pretending God’s plan is antiquated doesn’t lead to what we are
looking for.
Have you ever heard someone say at the end…I really regret staying
faithful, committed, and selfless with my spouse all these years?
Think about this way- has anyone gotten to the end of their life and said- all
those warnings on Cigarette’s were a lie? As I lay here with lung-cancer I
wish I’d smoked more. I wish I had started smoking earlier in life…
Like a life-time of smoking will leave your lungs full of tar, sex outside of
God’s plan will leave a residue on your soul- because the creator of
intimacy designed it to bond a husband and wife for life.
Not many will obey but those who do have never regretted it, but those who
live contrary to God’s plan often regret that decision.
Even people who don’t follow God have followed his plan for sex and
commitment, they don’t regret it either. It’s not an issue of Christian or nonChristian, Jew, Muslim, Atheist, Buddhist, Liberal, Conservative, Low-Sex
Drive, or Never-ending sex drive, it is a question of will you Trust God’s
Plan or Trust another plan?
3. God’s plan will lead us to fulfilment
You and I can continue down the path of brokenness and sexual
atheism…but ask yourself this question…has sexual immorality ever made
a person’s life better or worse?
Hiding at a computer in the dark, keeping an affair quiet. Does having
multiple partners bring happiness and fulfillment to your life or loneliness in
between brief moments of passion?
God’s plan is that husband and wife enjoy each other for a lifetime of giving
to each other. To look after each other’s needs and desires.
I Corinthians 7:3-6 “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his
wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. “
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“Love desires to benefit others at the expense of self. Lust desires to
benefit self at the expense of others.” Ed Cole Sexual Integrity pg. 46
As you look to honor and meet the needs of another you will find
contentment, pride in your spouse, intimacy, and passion like never before.
Some are faithful but still selfish- you have not had an affair, but your
actions or lack of actions in the bedroom are self-serving, not seeking the
best for your husband or wife. You are still a sexual atheist- not serving but
rather selfish.
We must also follow God’s plan during our single years, even if we are
single again…here is a truth spoken again by the authors of every man’s
battle…
“Your purity must not depend upon your mate’s health or desire. God holds
you responsible, and if you don’t gain control before your wedding day, you
can expect it to crop up after the honeymoon. If you’re single and watching
sensual R-rated movies, wedded bliss won’t change this habit. If your eyes
lock on passing babes, they’ll still roam after you say “I Do.” You’re
masturbating now? Putting a ring on your finder won’t keep your hands off
yourself.” Every Man’s Battle pg. 41
ApplicationTry sexual purity for 1 week, and see if you don’t benefit…no more
video rooms, no more emails with that co-worker or flirting, no more
sleeping with your boyfriend, no more sexual gratification outside of your
marriage.
Repent and Confess to someone healthy that can help you
succeed…This week as I was preparing on this topic I sent an email to 5
men in my life and said, “I’m speaking on sex this weekend at CCoF, the
enemy would love nothing more than to discredit God’s word by my
sin…pray for me.” On Thursday one of those men was sitting in my office
and said, “I’ve been praying for you-how’d it go?”
That’s healthy accountability that helps normal, sinful people to follow
God’s plan. I hadn’t sinned sexually but I knew the Enemy was crouching at
my door looking for an opportunity to pounce! He is at your door as well.
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Pray these points all week…begin right now as we take a few minutes to
end our time in prayer. Beginning in Prayer is how we allow God to be the
Game Changer…we no longer are winning the battle on our own…
Prayer Points:
1. God forgive us for our selfishness and refusal to live according to
your plan.
2. God please help those among us who are sexually broken- put our
pieces back together.
3. God give us the courage and power to live according to your fulfilling
plan!
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Resources cited:
Every Man’s Battle. Water Books 2000 by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
Sexual Integrity. Watercolor Books 1992 by Edwin Louis Cole
http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/04/living/women-premarital-cohabitation/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/25/divorce-survey_n_5029740.html
http://www.americanbar.org/groups/domestic_violence/resources/statistics.html#sexual_assault
http://digitaljournal.com/article/322668
http://www.pewglobal.org/2014/04/15/global-morality/table/premarital-sex/
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125382361
http://www.socialcostsofpornography.com/index.php
http://www.covenanteyes.com/pornstats/
http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/statistics/index.html
http://pastors.com/sexual-atheism-christian-dating-data-reveals-deeper-spiritual-malaise/
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