Chapter 8
Love Relationships
Dating and heterosexual relationships
The Ideal Romantic Partner
North American research
Romantic relationships
For a sexual partner: both men and women value physical attractiveness, men put more
emphasis on looks than do women.
Ideal marriage partner—men and women value honesty, good personality and intelligence. Physical
attractiveness somewhat still for men
Warm, romantic, kind and sensitive, with a sense of humor
Personal Ads: In ads, women more likely to offer physical attractiveness, and ask for financial
security. Men offer security and ask for physical attractiveness
Gay men interested in attractiveness, lesbian less likely to value attractiveness than gay men,
or heterosexuals.
Consequences: may contribute to distorted body images/eating disorders; denigrates women by
placing more emphasis on superficial characteristics; and hard to control attractiveness so may lower
self esteem (can control achievements, but not valued in same way)
Do Nice Guys Finish Last?
Cross-Cultural Research
Cultural Traditions—arranged marriage
Education & good financial prospects—valued by women
Physical Attractiveness—men more likely to value
US, Russia and Japan—women emphasized financial prospects; men emphasize physical
attractiveness
Explanations for Gender Differences in Preference Patterns
Evolutionary Psychology-- Passing on genes to next generation
men should prefer young, attractive, healthy-looking women
women should look for commitment
Criticisms
highly speculative
both men and women are highly interested in long-term relationships
Same gender relationships
evolutionary approach argues that gender differences are both large and inevitable; used as
justification for women having less power
Social Roles Explanation
social roles and socialization explain preference patterns
culture does have an effect on mate preferences
gender differences in mate preferences are not inevitable
differences in mate preferences between cultures are much larger than the differences in mate
preferences between genders
Characteristics of Heterosexual Love Relationships
Gender Comparisons
friendship
women report: liking, commitment, satisfaction
also more negative emotions attached: sadness, depression, hurt, loneliness
Men and women both rat trust, caring, honesty, respect
strategies for maintaining a romantic relationship—women
Factors Related to Satisfaction with the Relationship
friendship —both men and women more satisfied with relationship if based on
friendship
skill at expressing emotions—when both able to express emotions
Breaking Up
women feel more joy and relief
men & women report similar negative emotions
picking up the signals—who is better?
ambivalence
coping—blame, distractions
Marriage and Divorce
Women more likely to to eagerly anticipate getting married
Average ages for first marriage—25-women; 27-men
Canada—28yrs women, 30 yrs man
½ North Americans married
Marriage rates and ethnicity
Marital Satisfaction
Satisfaction During Various Periods of Marriage
Young couples happiest.
change over time—20-24 yrs marriage least satisfied, then starts to improve, children grown
Satisfaction During Various Periods of Marriage
newlyweds
expectations and resentments
changes and satisfaction
Gender Comparisons in Marital Satisfaction
Women more likely to report that marriage did not live up to ideal and wish they could
change something in marriage; women more sensitive to problems in relationship
both men and women happier if married than if not married????
Characteristics of Happy Marriages—both feel emotional needs being met, high regard from partner—
happiest in marriage when felt valued
1. Emotional Stability
2. Communication skills and understanding,
3. More positive comments, rather than negative comments,
4. Strong Conflict-resolution skills,
5. Trust in the other person,
6. Mutual support,
7. Belief that each spouse has genuine concern about other’s well-being
8. Flexibility,
9. Equal sharing of household tasks,
10. Equal sharing in decision making.
Way each person interprets spouse’s action significant for happy vs unhappy
Responsibility and Power in Marriage
Salary and Power—money=power research: the more money husbands earn the more power in
decision making and less domestic tasks performed
Wives: when earn more than husband—not equal with financial matters
Three Patterns of Power Distribution
 Traditional Marriage—husband more dominant, traditional gender roles
 Modern Marriage—wife “junior partner”, say more equal, but man tends to be
more powerful wife’s work secondary
 Egalitarian Marriage—share power equally, without traditional roles
companionship/sharing
Marriage and Women of Color
Fewer studies of marriage patterns in ethnic groups
Latnina—obligation to their family
Machismo and marianismo
Black women—research on economically poor families
Later research—egalitarian marriage more common
Asian American—expected to marry from own ethnic group
Divorce
40 to 65% divorce rate
Cohabitation and Divorce
Couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced.
Cohabitation does not necessarily cause divorce.
Cohabitation: ½ of 1st marriages cohabitated.
Women may see more freedom from traditional roles in marriage. happier than than single people, not
as happy as married.
Divorce rates higher, may be due to: Selection effect: attitudes of ind. who cohabit are more
accepting of divorce and less commited to marriage than attitudes of non-cohabitors.
Decision to divorce
Wives initiate divorce more often than husbands do
Reasons for divorce: physical or emotional abuse; infidelity; drug or alcohol abuse
Psychological Effects of Divorce
Transitions and separations—make it painful
Stress, depression and anger
Positive feelings-may have been constrained in marriage
Financial Effects of Divorce
A woman's financial situation is usually worse following a divorce, especially if she has children
Many fathers fail to pay child support
Black mothers are even more likely than White mothers to face financial problems
Lesbians and Bisexual Women
Lesbian—psychologically, emotionally and sexually attracted to other women
Sexual Minority—anyone with same gender attraction
Heterosexism—bias against homosexuals
The Psychological Adjustment of Lesbians
homosexuality is not a mental disorder
the average lesbian is as well adjusted as the average heterosexual woman
in some studies, lesbians higher in self-esteem, self-sufficiency, ease of decision making
Likely to report a history with Hate crimes Depression, Anxiety
Lesbians who accept their lesbian identity have higher self-esteem than those who have not accepted
their lesbian identity
Community & Family
Characteristics of Lesbian Relationships
The Beginning of a Relationship
Equality in Lesbian Relationships
Equal decision making more important than equal salary
Housework
Satisfaction similar to heterosexual couples and gay male couples
Relationship Commitment
Psychological Intimacy
Breaking Up
Similar reasons;Same mix of emotions
Fewer factors preventing break up
Less support for relationship
Lack of support after break up
Lesbian Women of Color
Intersectionality
Legal status of lesbian relationships
Bisexual women
Single Women
Single women: substantial %age of adult women, yet little research conducted on this group.
Many single women highly educated and career-oriented—singlehood allows more flexible work
hours and geographic mobility
Chose not to marry—did not find ideal partner
Characteristics of Single Women—2000 census—about 23% women over 18 had never
married, 27% Canadian
more likely to work outside the home
choosing not to marry
similar to married women in psychological distress, life span
higher than marred women on independence
lower than married women on self-acceptance
Social relationships
Romantic status
People in 1990’s—less likely to use “old maid, spinster”
1970—10% 25-29 yr olds unmarried
2000—39%
Attitudes Toward Single Womena; Singleism
1980’s research—single women perceived to be less sociable, less attractive and less reliable
Similarities in these areas to married women: in scores on measures of psychological distress; life
span; live longer than divorced women. Single women score higher on measures of independence,
lower on self-acceptance tests.
Poll--sample of New York heterosexual women, ages 21-40: 34% happily single and dating; 27%
happily single and not dating.
30% looking for romantic relationship, 5% described self as “panicking”.
trend in number of women remaining single—“increasing recognition that singlehood can be
legitimate, healthy and happy alternative to marriage”
Advantages and Disadvantages of Being Single
Freedom—do what they want
Privacy—be by themselves
Free to be themselves
Self-knowledge
Loneliness
Cultural bias
Create own Social networks
Single women of color
Chapter 8 Trait Approach
Type A/Type B Behavior
Research on the Type A behavior pattern developed out of predictions made by cardiologists
about who suffers heart attacks. Among other behaviors related to this personality trait, Type
A people generally perform better in achievement situations than Type B's.
Type A/Type B Behavioral Patterns
Type A - a cluster of characteristics—excessive competitiveness, hard drivenness,
impatience, and hostility—thought to be related to the incidence of heart disease.
Type B - reflected in individuals who are relaxed and easy going.
Early researchers found a strong link between Type A behavior and cardiovascular problems,
later studies did not always replicate these fndings.
Two explanations for this: the way researchers measure Type A and recognizing that anger
and hostility is the Type A component related to health problems.
Research suggests that the Type A’s toxic core is negative emotion, especially hostility (a
potent form of anger).
Hostility is the characteristic most consistently associated with coronary problems.
A key difference between Types A and B—Type A seem to react to several types of stress
with larger increases in pulse rate and blood pressure.
In one study (both personality types) subjects forewarned that they would receive electric
shock for errors on a difficult task: recalling long strings of numbers read aloud only once.
Under this stressful condition, Type A individuals showed a significantly higher increase in
pulse rate and blood pressure than did Type Bs.
Contrasting patterns in social behavior-- Type As tend to be more impatient with others and
become angry when other people hold them back in any way.
Type As report feeling less comfortable around others than do Type Bs. They prefer to work
alone rather than as a team, and they seem to resent being told what to do. Types As are more
ready to do the opposite of what is demanded of them.
Type A and work performance--Type As seem to work faster even when no pressure or
deadline is involved. They complain less about hard work and report being less tired when it
is finished.
Type As do more poorly on tasks requiring patience or careful, considered judgment.
Surveys indicate that most members of top management are Type Bs, not Type As. (perhaps
As don’t survive to make it) the impatient, hurried style of Type A is not compatible with the
skills needed of top-level executives.
Type As do better on tasks involving time pressure or solitary work.
Type Bs may do better on tasks requiring complex judgment, accuracy rather than speed, and
working as part of a team.
Hardiness
Hardiness is a personality style characterized by a sense of commitment, control, and
a perception of problems as challenges.
Studies have shown individuals with a hardy personality are less likely to succumb to
illness when exposed to stressful situations.
Levels of illness dropped most dramatically when hardiness was
combined with exercise and social support in the face of stress
Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is a trait dimension indicating the extent to which people experience anxiety
during social encounters or when anticipating social encounters
social anxiety: increased physiological arousal, inablitity to concentrate, and feelings of
nervousness. Recognize the source of discomfort from social encounter having or will
have.
Believed to be relatively stable tendency for people to experience social anxiety.
Continuum—most everyone can be found on continuum of how much anxiety typically
experience.
Similar to shyness, stage fright, reticence.
Dating anxiety and stage fright—specific examples
Differences between introversion and shyness—shy people report anxiety often very
painful—want to be more sociable.
Introverts—often choose to be by themselves.
Characteristics of socially anxious people.
Difficult time in many social situations.
Report feel awkward and nervous when talking to others.
Concerned with what others think of them, become self conscious
Think about what they are doing wrong—how stupid must sound, how foolish they
must look.
Stumble over words, say wrong things show outward signs nervousness
Interpret feedback from others in negative way—so expect interactions to not go well.
Evaluation apprehension is underlying cause: A strong concern about receiving negative
evaluation from others. Afraid of what other people think of them—fearful of others finding
them to be foolish, boorish or immature.
Thinking about blind date, speech, or meeting new people becomes a horrible experience—
situations that are likely to consist of evaluation or judgment by others.
Do things to reduce fear of what others think—avoid encounter, skip parties etc., or reduce
amount of social interaction. Short conversations, non threatening topics. Self protective
Methods of reducing social anxiety relate to idea that it is initiating conversation most
difficult, once talking do ok at conversation.
Shy people thought to lack confidence in ability to make good impression—so therapy helps
by focus on belief that capable of saying right thing and of making good impression.
Emotions can be examined in terms of relatively stable individual differences---certain
emotions seem to go together
Emotional Affectivity
Emotional Intensity
Emotional expressiveness
Emotional affectivity. The extent to which people typically experience positive and negative
emotions.
Emotions can be placed along two major dimensions
Positive affect--- Active, content, satisfied—other extreme--sad and lethargic.
Negative affect—nervousness, anger, distress—other end---calm and serene
Positive affect consistently related to social activity—higher in positive affect more likely to
be involved in more social activities. More likely to be involved in satisfying romantic
relationships. Able to act in ways that helps them make friends—pleasant and engaging.
Negative affect—related to psychological stress, suffer from emotional problems. Likely to
complain about health.
Emotional intensity--- The strength or degree to which people typically experience their
emotions. From typically mild to strong emotional reactions.
High intensity experience emotion more intensely with more variability. (Highs and lows)
Main difference in how react to similar events. High intensity people tend to overestimate
how things will affect them, and make conclusions on limited info.
Emotional expressiveness: individual differences in the extent to which people express their
emotions, extent to which people outwardly express their emotions. From highly expressive
to show few outward signs of feelings
Women more expressive than men, more expression of feelings—fewer problems in romantic
relationship, and those who express tend to be better at reading others’ emotions.
Emotional expression linked to psychological health—expressive found to be happier, less
anxious and guilty, than those low in expressiveness. Less likely to be depressed.
High expression higher in self-esteem.
Optimism and Pessismism
People can be identified along a continuum from dispositionally optimistic to dispositionally
pessimistic.
Dispositional optimism The extent to which a person typically
adopts an optimistic or pessimistic approach to dealing with life's
challenges
Advantages of dispositional optimism: achieve more, high goals and believe can reach goals.
Confident, do better with failure.
Differences between optimists and pessimists when faced with stressful events? Optimist less
anxious and depressed
Coping strategies used by two kinds of personalities—active vs
avoidant
optimists typically deal more effectively with adversity,
Optimists typically maintain higher levels of subjective well-being during times of stress than
do people who are less optimistic.
A study of undergraduate students’ adjustment to their first semester of college indicated that
optimism was associated with lower distress three months after starting school.
postpartum depression in women having first child reported that initial optimism was
inversely associated with depression three weeks postpartum, even when the initial level of
depression was controlled statistically.
Optimism benefits on physical well-being.
A study conducted on men undergoing heart bypass surgery found that optimism is negatively
associated with certain physiological changes that would make one susceptible to suffer a
heart attack during surgery. Optimism predicted rate of recovery during the immediate
postoperative period.
Optimistic patients were more likely than pessimistic patients to have resumed vigorous
physical exercise and to have returned to work full-time.
Optimists cope in more adaptive ways than do pessimists--more likely to take direct action to
solve their problems, are better at making plans to deal with adversity, and are more focused
in their coping efforts.
Optimists tend to accept the reality of the stressful situations they encounter, and they also
seem intent on growing personally from negative experiences. They try to make the best of
bad situations.
Defensive pessimism: The tendency to attend to and worry about failure on upcoming tasks
in a strategic effort to motivate oneself to do well. individuals deliberately focus on all the
things that can go wrong in an effort to motivate themselves to do well.
Does pessimism ever work?
Nancy Cantor coined this term:
Defensive pessimism: a cognitive strategy in which people set low expectations for a future
performance despite having done well in similar situations in the past.
setting low expectations helps “cushion” the blow of possible failure.
people may use the strategy to reflect on what might happen, and give special attention to
problems they might encounter. They work hard to prepare for the upcoming situation or
performance.
DP often feel anxious and out of control-- strategy helps harness their anxiety as motivation,
with the result being a better performance.
In addition to having negative expectations, they reflect extensively about possible positive
and negative outcomes.
Defensive pessimists manage anxiety through extensive reflection about possible outcomes,
optimists distract themselves to avoid anxiety and thereby maintain their positive outlook.
Both perform well in tasks in which they are allowed to pursue these respective strategies.
Defensive pessimists perform more poorly if they are instructed to focus only on positive
outcomes and strategic optimists perform more poorly if they are encouraged to reflect about
the upcoming task.