Ephesians 4:25-32
How Can We Disagree And Grow?
Introduction
1. How can we disagree and grow?
2. Ephesians 4:25-32 doesn’t deal directly with family relations, but if marriage is a picture of
Christ and His church, then the NT is a running commentary on the home. Principles to grow:
How can we disagree and grow?
I. THE PRINCIPLE OF CLARIFICATION 4:25
A. Be open, but sensitive in a disagreement. Too many disagreements…to many
marriages are built on lies and deception…hypocrisy eats your relationship.
B. Be able to be honest with each other. There are too many sacred cows that need
butchered. There are too many things that really hurt, but “We just don’t talk about it.”
C. Be willing and able to share what’s really troubling you…EVERYTHING!
How can we disagree and grow?
II. THE PRINCIPLE OF CONFRONTATION 4:26, 27
At times you will get angry. Some things are wrong and something needs to be said.
A. What’s being done is hurting your marriage.
B. Anger…a wrong has been done (usually this is the case)…sin not. Don’t let your
straightening out the situation turn to sin…profanity…belittling remarks…harsh critical
spirit that lashes out at the person…attack the problem not the person.
C. There should be a time limit on a disagreement that leads to anger 26b
*Don’t allow the disagreement, anger to last past bed time.
*Don’t lay on the opposite sides of the bed torturing each other.
+Be honest, open, sit down and communicate and get the thing settled.
+ note v. 27…a great way to give the Devil a toe hold in your home is to go to bed
with something between you.
How can we disagree and grow?
III. THE PRINCIPLE OF CONSTRUCTION 4:28
Let every disagreement be for building not destroying.
A. Note the principle…the problem is exposed…the solution is given…something positive
is created out of a negative situation.
B. Any fool can find fault and most fools do.
*Never give criticism without giving a workable solution to the problem.
*Don’t complain unless you are willing to provide a remedy.
* “What are we going to do…never ‘what are you going to do’.
How can we disagree and grow?
IV. THE PRINCIPLE OF COMMUNICATION 4:29
This is probably the best way we give place to the Devil…what comes out of your mouth.
A. Watch what comes out of your mouth: does it edify, build up or does it belittle and
destroy?
B. Keep the volume down. The louder our voice the less your mate will hear you. The
uglier the words, the less you will communicate.
C. Once the salt is out of the shaker the harder it is to put it back.
D. Watch the broad use of never or always. You never satisfy me. You are always late…
You never fix yourself up. You are never at home. They will hurt deeply.
E. v. 29b Don’t ever intend to hurt the other person, but cultivate such a relationship
with such a teachable spirit…ultimately: What’s best for us?
*Whenever possible give grace and mercy…don’t give them what they deserve, give
them something better.
How can you disagree and grow?
V. THE PRINCIPLE OF CONTROL 4:30
Quench not the Holy Spirit…in any disagreement…what a governor!!!
A. Is the Holy Spirit pleased with the way we are conducting ourselves? Be sensitive to
when you have stepped over your bounds. It’s easy to do in a disagreement.
B. Swallow your pride. Admit when you are wrong. Take care of your wrong, not his or
hers.
How can you disagree and grow?
VI. THE PRINCIPLE OF CONSTERNATION 4:31
A. Don’t hang your dirty laundry out for all the world to see.
B. Don’t ever belittle or cut down in public.
C. It’s not what you eat, it’s what eats you.
*It may take counsel. Watch sharing with friends…it may come back to haunt you!
*You can be eaten yourself…you can fall into a hole and can’t get out…especially with
infidelity.

“He or she ruined my life.” No one can ruin your life but you.
How can you disagree and grow?
VII. THE PRINCIPLE OF CONCILIATION 4:32
Once the fight is over, patch up the wounds.
A. Be kind…don’t dwell on it. Don't keep bringing it up…some things really hurt.
How can something heal if you keep opening the wound?
B. Be Tenderhearted…think of your mate and not just yourself.
C. Be Forgiving…as Christ hath forgiven you. “But he’s a rascal”
*The Gospel: we put the crown of thorns…we slapped Him…we spit on Him…we put
the faded robe on Him..we laughed…we jeered…we drove the nails into His wrists…
we put the spear into His side…
He died for me! He took my hell!
How To Stop Any Fight:
I’m wrong or you’re right…never make it a game..never be too small to admit it!
How Do You Stop Your War With Christ?
“I’m wrong and you are right”
Knowing Christ isn’t an easy answer..
He’s the only answer to life..
He’s the only place to start!