CHOOSING THE RIGHT LEVEL OF DETAIL
2 STATEMENT TYPES:
General statements establish the direction of thought. Specific statements offer evidence
to support that direction. Remember: being precise does not mean compiling details; it
means selecting details.
GENERAL STATEMENTS THAT STAND ALONE ARE TOO EMPTY
Example: After recognizing the problems with the solar mirrors, we took subsequent
corrective measures.
What questions might the reader have after reading this sentence?
GENERAL STATEMENTS ARE QUICKLY FORGOTTEN
Example: Our new process reduces emissions of nitrogen oxides from diesel engines and
industrial furnaces.
In this example, how might we offer the reader something concrete to remember?
SPECIFIC STATEMENTS REQUIRE GENERAL QUALIFIERS TO OFFER MEANING
Example: The average house in the area has a radon level of 0.4 picocuries per liter.
How would a general qualifier serve this statement? What would it answer?
PROVIDING MORE DETAILS IS NOT ALWAYS BETTER
Example: Operations at the plant stopped momentarily because the thermal storage charging
system desuperheater attemperator valve was replaced.
Pretend this is a statement in a report. What information do you think your reader
would be the most concerned with in this sentence?
AVOIDING AMBIGUITY - WORD CHOICE, SYNTAX,
PRONOUNS, NOMINALIZATIONS, & PUNCTUATION
WORD CHOICE
Example: The solar collector worked well under passing clouds.
How might this sentence be interpreted?
How might a specific statement strengthen this statement?
Example: T cells, rather than B cells, appeared as the lymphocytes migrated to the thymus
gland.
How might this sentence be interpreted?
SYNTAX: STRUCTURING WORDS AND PHRASES
Example:
Only I tested the bell jar for leaks yesterday.
I only tested the bell jar for leaks yesterday.
I tested only the bell jar for leaks yesterday.
I tested the bell jar only for leaks yesterday.
I tested the bell jar for leaks only yesterday.
This example presents five different syntactical arrangements of this sentence. How does
the placement of the word “only” impact the meaning of the sentence?
Example: In low water temperatures and high toxicity levels of oil, we tested how well the
microorganisms survived.
How does the syntax impact the meaning of this sentence?
How can we improve the structure of this sentence?
Example: Changing the oil, a worn radiator hose was discovered.
How does the syntax impact the meaning of this sentence?
How can we improve the structure of this sentence?
Example: To complete the application, the I-9 form must be attached.
How does the syntax impact the meaning of this sentence?
How can we improve the structure of this sentence?
VAGUE PRONOUNS
VAGUE PRONOUN SUBJECTS
To make your sentences as clear as possible, make sure that the Actor is the Subject.
Weak Subject
It is important that the report is delivered on time.
Strong Subject
The report must be delivered on time.
Vague pronouns, especially at the beginning of sentences, are the enemy of good scientific
writers. They usually take the form of “This,” “That”, “These”, and “Those”.
Example:
“That was the only time I was afraid.”
“That few seconds of free-fall was the only time I was afraid.”
Example: There are no peaks in the olefinic region; therefore, no significant concentration of
olefinic hydrocarbons exists in fresh oil. This places an upper limit on the concentration of
olefins—no more than 0.01 percent.
Where are the vague pronouns?
What does the vague pronoun refer to?
Revision: The chromatogram has no peaks in the olefinic region; therefore, no significant
concentration of olefinic hydrocarbons exists in fresh oil. This chromatogram finding
places an upper limit on the olefin concentration—no more than 0.01 percent.
VAGUE PRONOUNS WITHIN SENTENCES
Example: Because the receiver presented the radiometer with a high flux environment, it was
mounted in a silver-plated stainless steal container.
Where is the vague pronoun?
What does the vague pronoun refer to?
Exercise
Revise the following sentences by either creating a clear subject or
eliminating the pronoun if it is unnecessary.
1. It was determined by researchers that the optimum percentage of watermelon seed
flour incorporation in whole-wheat flour ranged in between 5% and 50%.
2. It is important that manufacturers maintain the purity of the material and avoid
mixing different types of synthetic materials.
3. This shows how quickly the forest can become a blazing inferno if wildfires are
suppressed for decades.
4. It may require different applications to predict either dbh inside the bark as a
function of dbh outside the bark or vice versa.
5. Fungi injure roots when they are growing rapidly.
AVOIDING NOMINALIZATIONS
Generally, “real” verbs are obscured by nominalization, which means you change the verb to a
noun and add a less meaningful verb.
Weak verb
Small pox caused a decrease in the population.
Strong verb
Small pox decreased the population.
Exercise
Unnecessary nominalizations obscure the real verb in the following sentences.
Rewrite to make the sentences clearer and use the real verb.
1. The detective is the person who is conducting an investigation of the loss of the
payroll.
2. Pollution constitutes a threat to the Wilson Wildlife Preserve.
3. An evaluation of the gumming tendency of the four tire types will be accomplished by
comparing the amount of rubber that can be scraped from the tires.
4. The team ran the result through an evaluation to determine its validity.
PUNCTUATION
Exercise
(A) Add commas to the following sentences to reduce ambiguity.
1. After cooling the exhaust gases continue to expand until the density reaches that of
freestream.
2. When feeding a shark often mistakes undesirable food items for something it really
desires.
(B) Rearrange and punctuate the following sentence to reduce ambiguity.
1. In our study, we examined neat methanol, neat ethanol, methanol and 10 percent
water and ethanol and 10 percent water.