The Key to Youth – Collagen
Chem 151 – James Whitesell
Have you ever wondered why your skin and your parents’ skin’s appearance were so
different? Why do you see those fine lines, or wrinkles, on your parent’s foreheads or under their
eyes but not in yours? Well soon your time is coming around because these are the results of
aging. . [Awkward wording in this sentence; Soon your time will come as well because these
lines and wrinkles are the result the process of aging.] The reason these appearances of aging is
due to the destruction of collagen in the dermal layer of your skin. [Awkward wording; The
reason for these aging appearances is due to the destruction of collage in the dermal layer of the
skin.] As human age, not only that the collagen production level drops, the collagen loses its
elasticity. [As humans age, collagen production levels drop and collagen loses its elasticity.]
Once the elasticity is lost in collagen, it fails to support the skin and wrinkles and droopiness of
skin will appear. [Once collagen loses its elasticity, it is unable to support the skin, which results
in wrinkles and drooping of the skin.]
First we must be reminded of what collagen is. [This sentence is awkward and is not
needed.] Collagen is basically a structural protein produced naturally in human body.
Contributing [Making up] about 25% of all proteins in human body, collagen is the most
abundant protein in mammals. Being the major components of extracellular matrix that supports
cells, collagen fibers are able to support body tissues. [Collagen fibers are the major component
of extracellular matrixes, which maintain cell structure, and therefore are able to support body
tissues.] They can also give strength and elasticity for human skin and also provide
waterproofing. [They also provide strength and elasticity in skin and are waterproof.] These
collagen proteins can be also found in connective tissues as well. [Collagen proteins can also be
found in connective tissues.] Fibrils formed from collagen create structure for fibrous tissues like
tendons, ligaments, internal organs, and skin. [Awkward placing of this sentence; the reader is
not given any details of fibrils.] Teeth and bones in human body are also made through addition
of mineral crystal to collagen. [Teeth and bones are made by the addition of mineral crystals and
collagen.] Due to their behavior of connecting softer tissues to the skeletons, sometimes they are
called the “glue” for human body because it holds our body together. [Because of their ability to
connect soft tissues to the skeleton, collagen is sometimes called the “glue” of the human body.]
Collagens are composed of three separate long chains that wound up together in a triple
helix formation. [Collagen is composed of three separate long chains that bind together in a triple
helix formation.] There are about 1400-repeated sequence of glycine, proline, and
hydroxyproline (modified proline) amino acids that make up each chain. Every third amino acid
is a glycine which is found inside the helix and the remaining positions are filled by unexpected
amino acids: proline or hydroxyproline. Hydroxyproline is a modified proline amino acid.
Hydroxyproline plays a critical role for collagen stability. [Hydroxyproline is a modified proline
amino acid and it plays a critical role in collagen stability.] It is created by modifying the proline
amino acid with an assist from vitamin C to add additional oxygen after the collagen chain is
formed. [It is created by the addition of oxygen to a proline after the collagen chain is formed
with the help of vitamin C.] But because human body does not create vitamin C, low intake of
vitamin C will result in slow production of hydroxyproline and stops the construction of new
collagen. [Because the human body does not create vitamin C, low intake of vitamin C will result
in a slow production of hydroxyproline, which will stop the construction of collagen.] Vitamin C
deficiency will result lack of collagen to repair the wear-and-tear caused by everyday activities
which will lead to scurvy, a symptom of loss of teeth and easily bruising. [Vitamin C deficiency
will result in a lack of collagen to repair the wear-and-tear caused by everyday activities, which
can result in scurvy, a disease with symptoms such as loss of teeth and easy bruising of the skin.]
However, when enough vitamin C is consumed through diet, this special amino acid sequence of
glycine, proline, and hydroxyproline will make the collagen triple helix chains very tightly held
and stable. [However, when enough vitamin C is found in the body, the amino acid sequence of
glycine, proline and hydroxyproline will form tightly held collagen triple helix chains, making
them very stable.] [Put this paragraph towards the end of the essay since it is not as interesting as
other paragraphs.]
Figure 1. A classic collagen in triple helix formation. Three
different chains decoded in blue, red, and yellow.
Collagen is an important part of [the] human body. The destruction of collagen will lead
[to the] appearance of wrinkles, sagging of skin and health problems like [such as] arthritis. The
collagens in the tendons in between joints will lose their strength, causing the joints to lose their
flexibility. Once the flexibility of the joint is lost, one experiences arthritis. [Collagen in tendons
and between joints lose their strength, causing the joints to lose their flexibility, resulting in
arthritis.] Poor collagen level also affects bones. At higher age with poor collagen level, the
shape of facial bone structure also changes. [Low collagen levels also affect bones, resulting in
changes in the shape of the facial bone structure.] The lower jaw will slowly come down [droop]
and may [can] cause a person to look like they have an under bite. Additionally as stated before,
the destruction of collagen will cause the skin to get thin and also to lose their ability to hold
themselves and end up sagging. [The destruction of collagen will cause the skin to get thinner,
causing it to lose its ability to hold itself up, therefore resulting in sagging of the skin and
wrinkles.] The wrinkles form due to this reason as well. In elders, the low collagen level and
increased number of destruction of collagen cause them to experience sagging of their skin,
appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, loss of hair color, and arthritis.
People in the younger age have a high number of collagen
productions, which is why they can look young and keep their youth.
[Younger people have high levels of collagen production, which is
why they appear young.] However, as human age, the production of
collagen eventually slows down and loses their strength. [As
humans age, the production of collagen decreases and the strength
of existing collagen decreases as well.] The number of collagen
molecules being naturally formed by human body decreases with the strength of the existing
collagen also decreasing. Comparison between a man and woman, woman eventually produce
less collagen than men. [Women tend to produce less collagen than men.] The rate of collage
loss is about 1% per year, causing woman to naturally lose almost one half of their collagen level
by the time they reach the age of 50. [The rate of collagen loss is about 1% per year, resulting in
most women losing about of their collagen level by the time they are 50 years of age.] Aging is
not the only factor that effects the slow production of collagen. There are environmental factors
that cause collagen destruction. [Age is only one of many factors that can cause collagen
destruction.] The number one environmental factor is the exposure to sunlight. [One of the
biggest environmental factors that causes collagen destruction is exposure to sunlight.] Not only
that you have a significant amount of collagens being produced, when the UV rays are exposed
to the bare skin consistently, the free radicals from the UV rays will target the collagen and end
up damaging the skin. [When UV rays from sunlight are exposed to bare skin, free radicals in the
UV rays will damage collagen in the skin; the damaged skin will lose its elasticity, resulting in
thinning of the skin and a higher chance of developing wrinkles.] The damaged skin from the sun
will lose their elasticity and result in skin thinning and prone to wrinkles. This is why it is really
important to protect yourself from the sun. Other environmental factors that play a role in
collagen production level lowering are nutrition, skin damage, and exposure to toxins likes
cigarette smoke, pollutants, and recreational drugs. [Other environmental factors that pay a role
in the lowering of collagen production levels are nutrition, skin damage and exposure to toxins
such as cigarette smoke, pollutants, and recreational drugs.]
Believe it or not, the appearance of skin determines whether someone looks young or old.
The picture on the left is a picture of a 69 years old man. [A person’s appearance usually
determines whether they look young or old; to the left is a picture of a 69-year old man.] He had
been working as a bus driver for 28 years. The left and right side of his face is clearly very
different. [The physical difference between the left and right sides of his face is visible. The skin
on the left side of his face is visibly sagging and full of wrinkles while the skin on the right side
is taut and only has a few wrinkles.] On the left side of his face, it is easy to recognize more
aging due to the sagging of the skin and the wrinkles. Compared to the right side of his face, the
left side cheek looks dragged down closer to the ground while some tightness can be identified
on the right side of his face. Because he can’t beat aging, some fine lines and wrinkles are found
on his right side of the face but these are not that several compared to the left side of his face.
The reason of this difference in his face is he had been exposed to the sun for a long period of
time. As a bus driver, he is always exposed to the sun on the left side of his face. His job as a bus
driver for 28 years also meant that he was always exposed to the direct sunlight for 28 years on
the left side of his face. [The difference in his skin is due to constant exposure to direct sunlight
to the left side of his face; it is visible that UV rays from sunlight caused the destruction of
elastic fibers in the skin.] This is evidence that the rays from the sun cause aging because the
destruction of elastic fiber from the UV-rays caused the sagging of his skin. Just by looking at
his right side of the face, the man looks like his age of early 70s but when only considering his
left side, some people might even think that he is in his 80s.
Especially in today’s society, everyone wants to live healthy and look young. In order to
live healthy, they change their diets and exercise and live an active life. But what do they do to
look young? [People have always been obsessed with the idea of staying young forever; since
there is no way developed right now to stop the aging process, people are looking into
alternatives of collagen.] Because there is no stopping or reversing aging or stimulating collagen
production level, people look for solutions to replace collagen and fight aging. There are some
people who choose Botox injections or filler injections while some people depend on
supplements. The anti-aging drinks and supplements claims to reduce wrinkles, reverse age of
skin, improve skin elasticity, and tighten and plump up skin so people turn to these supplements.
[Some people choose to have Botox injections or filler injections while others depend on
supplements that claim to reduce wrinkles, reverse the aging process and improve skin elasticity.]
These bottles of supplements are not cheap. But do they really work or even do what they claim
that they do? The reality is no. When collagen is ingested, the protein will be broken down by the
digestive system into individual amino acids which are used by cells according to their needs.
[There is no evidence that these supplements actually work because when collagen is ingested,
the body breaks it down into its individual amino acids which are then used by the cells
according to their needs.] There is no guarantee that all the collagen supplements will all directly
be used for collagen in body. Through many studies of collagen production, so far there is no
scientific proof that collagen supplements have effects on skin. Instead of supplements, some
woman turn to beauty products that contains collagen. For younger skin, women spend hundreds
of dollars on bottles of lotion, cream, or gel that contain collagen. [Other women have turned to
beauty products that contain collagen.] Once again, the truth is that this is a waste of money
because applying products with collagen directly on skin will not enhance your skin health. The
collagen molecules found in beauty products are actually too large to be absorbed into your skin.
If the product containing collage is applied on skin, the collagen molecules will eventually be
found just sitting on top of the skin and washed or brushed away. [These also prove to be
ineffective because collagen molecules are too large to be absorbed by the skin so they rest on
top of the skin until they are washed or brushed away.] Even if the product has micronized the
collagen molecule, it is likely that these micronized collagen molecule absorbed by the skin
would not be in any form useable by skin cells because the body’s immune system might
recognize this molecule as an antigen. [Some companies have developed micronized collagen
molecules that can be absorbed into the skin but these molecules are foreign to the body and will
be recognized as antigens by the body’s immune system.]
If collagen supplements and collagen containing beauty products fail to serve their
purpose and Botox and fillers are temporary, what does really work? Number one consideration
should be sun protection. In order to ensure sufficient collagen in the skin, one must commit
themselves in wearing sun protection 24/7, whether it is sunny or raining. By wearing sunscreen,
it will prevent the UV-rays from collagen destruction. [The youthful appearance of the skin can
be maintained by wearing sunscreen. Sunscreen prevents UV rays from causing collagen
destruction.] Another ways to protect your collagen and skin is to minimize the exposure to
cigarette smoke and get good sleep. [Another way to maintain collagen levels and healthy skin is
to minimize exposure to cigarette smoke and to get sufficient sleep.] A great way to help
collagen production is through diet. By choosing to consume the right food and consuming good
sources of antioxidants found in vegetables and fruits, it can help with the collagen production
level. A flavonoid family called anthocyanidins was discovered by the scientist to be an
important nutrient that supports and repairs collagen-rich structures in body. [A healthy diet is
crucial for high collagen production. Scientists found that a nutrient, anthocyanidins, supports
and repairs collagen-rich structures in the body.] It was found that anthocyanidins can block out
the free radicals and collagenases [in order] to protect and strengthen collagen. The color of the
fruits or vegetable can help to tell if the plant is anthocyanidin rich. Anthocyanidins create bright
pigments in fruits and vegetables. [Fruits and vegetables that are colorful and bright are high in
anthocyanidins because it creates bright pigments in fruits and vegetables.] For example,
grapefruits, tomatoes, and watermelon contain an antioxidant called lycopene which helps
prevent collagen degeneration while oranges, lemons, and strawberries that are full of vitamin C
will provided hydroxyproline production. [For example, grapefruits, tomatoes and watermelon
contain an antioxidant, lycopene, which helps prevent collagen degeneration while oranges,
lemons and strawberries are full of vitamin C, which is crucial in hydroxyproline production.] It
is also recommended to consume a lot of vegetables like broccoli and cauliflower because they
contain glucosinolates that fights free radicals that attack collagen. Another nutrient good to skin
health is Omega-3 fatty acids which can be easily consumed from oily fish. [Other foods that are
beneficial to collagen production are vegetables such as broccoli and cauliflower contain
glucosinolates, which fight free radicals that attack collagen and Omega-3 fatty acids.] It is also
recommended to avoid food with starch and too much sugar because they reduce inflammation
which interferes with collagen production process. [Foods high in starch and sugar should be
avoided because they reduce inflammation, which interferes with collagen production.]
Most people, at least when they are young, do not really care about collagen or how
important they are to human body. But eventually it is one thing people should consider more if
they choose to look younger. [Most people don’t worry about collagen levels when they’re
young but as they get older, it becomes more important.] Even though it is impossible to fight
aging, it is possible to slow down the process. Instead of spending a great deal of money by
turning to medical, cosmetic, and supplement help which in result does not work, it is better to
watch what you eat and protect yourself from the sun. [Even though it is impossible to fight the
aging process, it is possible to slow it down with a healthy diet and a conscious effort to protect
oneself from harmful UV rays of direct sunlight.]
-Missing works cited page
-Might not be a good idea to start the essay off with rhetorical questions
-No thesis sentence in the introductory paragraph
-Lots of awkward sentences throughout the essay that don’t flow well together
-Lots of sentences that talk about something without properly introducing it first