Defense Mechanisms, Negative Thinking and Coping Mechanisms
Negative Self-Talk
Step into the circle if you tend to…
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focus on negatives
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expect the worst
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“never”)
overgeneralize (victim thinking often includes “everybody”, “always” and
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minimize difficult situations so as not to deal with them
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blame others or always want to find who’s at fault
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believe you are the cause of everything
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expect perfection
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think in black or white (things are right/wrong, good/bad, you’re with us
or against us)
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magnify events or make mountains out of mole hills
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obsess over things and not let them go
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spend a great deal of time in regret and guilt
Defense Mechanisms
Step into the circle if you tend to…
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project your feelings/experiences onto others
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deny—you deny things are happening so you do not have to deal with
them
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so painful
repression—you bury painful experiences and even forget them, they are
•
react passive-aggressively—rather than ask directly for what you need,
you act out, slam doors, get sarcastic or expect people to figure out what you want
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on others
displace feelings—an example is when you have a bad day you take it out
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rationalize—you could make an argument for why just about anything
happened, you avoid taking responsibility and make excuses
•
substitute—things get difficult so you just substitute a new goal or a new
boy/girl friend or whatever it is so you can avoid dealing with the original situation
•
•
challenged
use humor—you make jokes as a response to a tense or difficult situation
withdraw—you isolate yourself and disconnect from people when you feel
•
withhold—you withhold love, attention, sex or resources from those you
love as punishment when you feel hurt
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try to control everything/everybody and probably get frustrated when you
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ignore situations rather than deal with them
can’t
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one thing
throw all your “shit” at someone at once so it’s hard for them to respond to
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Use a detached “I’m cool” exterior to avoid vulnerability
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Create a smoke screen of turmoil to keep people away
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doing it
Falsely own your defenses with no intent to change them so you can keep
•
complain about everything but you don’t really want to fix it
constructively or address it—you probably like the attention you perceive that
complaining gets you
•
use the silent treatment when you are upset with someone
Other Coping Mechanisms
Step into the circle if you tend to…
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•
violence
bury your anger and not address it
unleash your anger aggressively, including yelling, fighting and even
•
have a healthy anger response that might include cooling yourself down
and processing
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are good at problem solving and can step back and see the big picture in a
given situation
•
feel like you can take control of difficult situations and focus on what is
within your control
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be positive and can find the positivity in any situation
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can laugh at yourself (because we are all funny!)
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live in the present, without guilt about the past or worry about the future
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go with the flow and can be adaptable to changing situations
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cultivate support—you reach out for help when you need it.
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ask for what you need
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predict stressful situations and plan for them
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use music to help you cope with difficult emotions/situations
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are difficult
use meditation or spiritual connection to re-center yourself when things
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cry to release emotion/frustration
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feed your emotions with food
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use alcohol/drugs/smoking to deal with issues
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use sex to deal with issues
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feed on crisis, drama and negativity
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walk away from relationships when they get hard rather than go into what
•
walk away from unhealthy relationships
is hard
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check in with others about issues that come up rather than checking in
with your own instincts and acting from your own center
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freak out about little stuff in order to avoid dealing with bigger issues
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use bodily manipulation as a way to cope—haircuts, piercings, tattoos, or
cutting/hurting yourself
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Others?