Kevin Saunders
4-22-14
ED 446
Dr. Gatimu
Identity Paper
Our identities are always changing as we engage in experiences in the world around us.
Even though I may have acted one way when I was in grade school, doesn’t mean that I still act
that way today. My family has always taken precedence in my life, influencing my decisions
and preventing me from taking some doors in life. Who I am has been largely shaped around
my experiences with family, friends, school, and my workplace. The following stories display
how life experiences have changed who I am as person and represent how we are always
changing.
When I hang out with my friends on the weekend, we like to play lots of board games
and watch movies . . . so much so, that it usually turns out to be a pretty late night; a late night
to me is about 11 or 11:30. One evening that we were meeting, I was starting to feel very tired
and I looked at the clock seeing that it was almost midnight. I said, “I’m going to call it a night,”
and one of my friends responded, “You old man! You always have to get your beauty sleep.” I
didn’t really appreciate this response. I prefer to go to bed at a civilized time and get a full
night’s sleep . . . what’s wrong with that? I don’t feel that I need to conform to the expected
societal norm for individuals of my age group, staying up into the late hours of the night. It’s
almost as if my friends felt ashamed about staying up late, so when I chose to leave, they felt
like I was condemning their actions. In reality, I don’t care how late they chosoe to stay up; all
that matters is that I get the sleep my body is craving.
Another situation with my friends occurred a few years ago when they wanted to go to
Applebee’s during their happy hour with half-off appetizers. When we arrived, a couple of
them ordered some alcoholic beverages, when it came to me I chose to simply get a strawberry
lemonade. When I made this choice, one of my friends asked, “Why aren’t you joining us?” I
simply responded, “I don’t like the taste of alcohol.” They then looked at me with a weird face
because I wasn’t ‘like them.’ They soon let it go and the rest of the night went without any
issues, but I still knew that they considered me to not be normal. It’s evident that they believed
that anyone over the age of twenty likes alcohol. As seen in my circumstance, this presumption
is anything but true. I don’t feel that I need to be like everyone else; each one of us has our
own tendencies that we shouldn’t be ashamed of.
At my workplace, my co-workers and I have worked alongside each other for several
years now that they almost seem like family. However, sometimes I feel like I’m being singled
out by some of them because of my choice not to date anyone at this time. One instance
involved one of the courtesies coming up to me and saying, “Kevin, have you ever dated
anyone.” I hesitantly responded, “No, I’m choosing to wait until I’m ready to marry. Plus, I plan
on having my first kiss on my wedding day.” This response took them aback momentarily and
then they responded, “Seems kind of old-fashioned to me. No one is taking that approach
anymore.” My stance on waiting both to date and kiss was, again, not seen as conforming to
the societal norm and, thus, was seen as strange or different by the courtesy I was talking to at
my work. However, this experience showed how I’m currently shaped and now I feel even
more strongly about this approach because I don’t care what my co-workers think or what the
world thinks for that matter; this decision is what makes me who I am.
Additionally, I work at a grocery store and the holidays are very busy and they’re my
favorite time to work because of the overlying focus of getting the family together and
celebrating the respective holiday. However, one time I had a customer come through my
check stand and I said to them, “What are your plans for the holiday? Are you going to spend it
with family?” They responded, “No. I don’t like the holidays . . . too busy. Plus, I don’t even like
my family!” I couldn’t help but think that this individual was a ‘scrooge-like’ figure and I pitied
them. However, now that look back on this experience, I now realize that this was just a display
of the identity they had chosen to construct. Just because they were going against the norm,
being that of celebrating holidays with family, doesn’t mean they were in the wrong or in need
of pitying by me. In this circumstance, I was just as bad as the friends of mine who had seen me
as the weird one; the one not conforming to the societal norms. I can’t imagine not gathering
with family around the holidays, but this shows how we all have defining qualities which form
our current state, in a time when are lives are ever-changing.
Furthermore, my job involves a lot of social interaction and this was a very difficult
concept for me when I was hired. During my interview, the first question they asked me was,
“Do you like talking with people?” I of course answered, “Yes,” because I knew that that was
the answer they wanted to hear; but, secretly I knew inside that I would have to develop this
skill further if I was to be successful and have a job well into the future. I’ve now worked nearly
seven years at my job and many describe me as the friendliest person they know. I pride myself
in making every customer feel welcome when they enter the store; this would have been
anything but true entering my job because of me being very shy. However, I adapted in this job
and developed customer service skills that I can use the rest of my life. Now, I even find myself
addressing random people out in public, always wearing a smile. I feel that I’ve now been
shaped in a way that I’m a better person than I was before I started working in the grocery
business. Our lives are always in a constant state of change.
Next, school has seemingly always been a part of me; I’ve been doing classwork for
nearly seventeen years now, including my college experience. In one circumstance my friend
and I were both in the same history class. Our teacher assigned a large research paper and it
was due in about four weeks. Immediately, my friend and I both were thinking that we had
plenty of time. However in about a week, I remember asking him, “Have you started on your
paper yet?” and he responded, “No, I haven’t even started looking for any sources yet.” I used
to be just like my friend, always putting off papers and such until the very last minute, but then
I realized that this approach makes life that much more stressful and difficult when it’s crunch
time and the due date is fast approaching. I kept pestering him and reminding him to work on
the paper, but I now realize that, just as I had to change through experience, he had to make
the switch on his own; in other words, after enough close calls, he would most likely see that it
would make life so much easier if he changed his homework habits. I see now that this was
part of his journey at the time, just as my proactive homework approach was a work in progress
after years of procrastination on my part.
Finally, my friends and I were hanging out one night, planning on watching a movie. I
suggested, “Let’s watch Star Trek!” my friends looked at me with a blank stare and then one of
them replied, “Star Trek!? No one watches that anymore.” I kind of shrugged it off and didn’t
push for Star Trek anymore that night, but it did hurt me that they threw Star Trek aside so
quickly as if it was the dumbest thing ever created. Just because society has seemingly moved
on from the Star Trek craze, doesn’t mean that I have to. I feel that this television show is just
part of what defines me as a person. Now, my friends acknowledge Star Trek as being part of
me and they even make references to it while I’m around. They’ve accepted me for who I am
currently and I am confident that they will adapt to my tendencies as my life changes me
through experiences