I HOW TO GET KICKED OUT OF A CHEMISTRY
CLASS

Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist
on describing the sound to others.

Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask,
"Does this taste funny to you?"

Consistently write three atoms of potassium as
"KKK."

Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not
again."

When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"

Deny the existence of chemicals.

Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in
a beaker.

Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the
professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid.

Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and
express an interest in federal buildings.
II YOU KNOW YOU ARE A CHEMIST WHEN…
… you hate physics.
… you misspell lactose as lattice in biology exam.
… you know what PV = nRT is.
… you have a very dirty lab coat.
… you have Chemdraw installed in your computer.
… you have a picture of you wearing goggles and a lab
coat.
... the Mercedes symbol looks like an eclipsed
conformation.
... someone offers you acid, but it’s not what you
expected.
... you say it’s the size that matters, but you're really
talking about molecular radii.
… the stick figures you draw are carbon and not people.
… you have a structure of a chemical compound tattooed
on yourself.
III YOU KNOW YOU’VE SPENT TOO MUCH TIME IN
A LAB WHEN...
... all your shirts have holes.
... all your scars are not from bar fights but from
chemical burns.
...you draw the structure of drugs on their drug packets.
...you are fed up with people saying alcohol, when they
mean ethanol.
...you think people are lazy for calling 1,3,7-trimethyl1H-purine-2,6(3H,7H)-dione (or 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine)
caffeine.
...you habitually wash your hands BEFORE and AFTER
using the restroom.
...you try to visualize what chemical reaction is being
carried out when you make chocolate milk.
… you hear "AC" and think "actinium" instead of "airconditioning".
...you hear the word 'Molar' and teeth are the last thing
on your mind.
... you say you are exothermic when you have fever.
… you put a vodka shot in a 100 ml beaker.
… you use two stirring rods as chop sticks.
... you BBQ with the Bunsen burner.
... you use H2O to term water.
... your dog’s name is sodium hydroxide.
… you understand these jokes and laugh at them.
GRAMMAR
Find examples of the following:
1. Present Continuous
__________________________________
2. Present Continuous Passive
__________________________________
3. Have sth done
___________________________________
4. A verb related to senses followed by an adjective
___________________________________
VOCABULARY
Phrasal verbs
to be on the point of doing sth =
perform, conduct =
shout =
turn up =
be tired or bored with sth =
Word building
1. He begged her _______________ (repeat) to stop.
2. Do you believe in the _________________ (exist) of
ghosts?
3. Could you buy some more ____________(fertile) for
the garden?
4. My surname has been ________________ (spell) –
it’s not Static, it’s Statkic.
5. I remember meeting him, but I just can’t
_______________ (visual) him.
Collocations
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
crucial
lab
an eclipsed
get
a vodka
molar
express
chop
stick
a)
b)
c)
d)
e)
f)
g)
h)
i)
an interest
stuck
coat
figures
moment
sticks
shot
teeth
conformation