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Not for duplication
Truthspeaking as a Foundation for The Hero’s Journey
C. Uhl & M. DiJulio
I know a place where there are no lies… Each and every person’s Truth is held
sacred; it does not need to be sweetened with humor or masked with
doublespeak. Everyone’s Truth may be heard, because listening is cherished as
much as talking. They call their… way of communicating, Truthspeaking
—From Truthspeaking, Tamarack Song
The question is this: When was the last time you felt truly alive? It is posed to a dimly-lit
room, the flicker of a candle the center of focus. Around this flame, you sit with ten other
individuals in a ring. All of you are quiet, ears tuned inward, as you ponder the question at hand.
Hmmm.... The last time I felt alive.....? The last time I felt alive? The ghost of candle smoke
tickles the inside of your nose as you consider this. But when was the last time? You decide on a
specific event, something from a month ago. You start to script what you will say and then catch
yourself, remembering that Truthspeaking arises out of the present moment; it is never rehearsed.
At length, someone else speaks, soft and vulnerable in the half-dark. Though not all eyes seek
the speaker, all hearts gravitate to her. Her words are spoken simply, without artifice; you are
grateful to receive them. Quiet descends once more. You wait to be moved to speak.
What the above situation describes is a group of people practicing “Truthspeaking.”
Teacher and writer Tamarack Song describes “truthspeaking” as: “stat[ing] clearly and simply
what one thinks and feels. There is no judgment or expectation, no disguise of humor or force of
anger.” When we Truthspeak, our words arise, unrehearsed, from our hearts; we let go of our
fears about how others might interpret or react. This means being willing to step into the
unknown and speaking our deepest unfiltered truth; it is the Hero’s Journey in action.
Are You a Truthspeaker?
I usually introduce Truthspeaking to my students, early in the semester, by posing the
simple question: “Why are you here in my class?” I repeat the question and then ask, “If you
know, raise your hand.” Usually only a few people in the room raise their hand. This would
suggest that those without their hands raised are doing something without a reason. The truth,
though, is that everyone is there for a reason, but few are ready to speak the truth (in some cases
because they haven’t fully faced up to it themselves). When pressed to Truthspeak, many
(though not all!) admit that their presence doesn’t have that much to do with seeking knowledge.
More to the point, they are in my class, jumping through yet one more hoop, to meet their
graduation requirements, believing that a diploma is a necessity for survival in a competitive
world. In other words, fear is a significant part of the reason that they are in my class—i.e., the
fear that without a college education they will be materially impoverished and unhappy.
This is what is most true for many in the room, though most dare not risk this level of
truth. But imagine if one person were to rise to her feet and offer her Truth that it was fear that
was the prime mover that led her to college and, subsequently, to this class. Having voiced this
truth, she could choose to walk right out the door. Or, in that moment of truthspeaking, she might
choose to take ownership of her education; and, in so doing, learn far more about herself and life
than any hoop-jumper ever could.
Unabashed Truthspeaking is as unfamiliar in our culture as breathing underwater or
sleeping upside down. Consider: We are surrounded by leaders who seem to regard lying as a
legitimate political practice. We are inundated by advertisements designed to manipulate and
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delude us, and we are “guided” by parents, teachers and clergy who profess one thing but, too
often, fail to walk their talk. It is almost as if speaking the truth is not in any way the purpose of
modern speech; instead, communication is a practice to cajole, manipulate, confuse,
misrepresent, bamboozle.
By the time we reached adolescence many of us began enacting these behaviors in our
relationships with others as we, too, became experts in skirting or compromising or finessing the
truth for the sake of avoiding argument or getting what we wanted. By the end of adolescence,
we had been at this long enough that we become adept at lying to ourselves, though we are rarely
aware of this. It becomes a way of being; we become bullshit artists—people estranged from our
own truth. After all, everyone does it, so it must be all right.
Grade “A” Bull Shitting
Once, when I (Melissa) was taking a class (BiSci 03) that would later change the course
of my college career, I was offered an assignment. Per the directions of this activity, I was to go
into a crowded place and find two people who I didn’t know to sit down and talk with them.
However, this seemed too scary to me at the time, too threatening and challenging. So I didn’t do
it. But I still needed to write a paper on it. So, I spun a grand tale of someone with pigtails and a
nerd with bent glasses, or something to that effect. My TA was so proud of me. She drew smiley
faces all over the paper and congratulated my efforts, praising my bravery. When I read this, my
lie felt like a weight in my stomach. What I call my “good old Catholic guilt” squeezed the
inside of my throat and made my heart beat faster. I was a liar, an expert bullshitter, and it got
me the A and my teacher’s praise. What I came to understand later was that I could have at least
tried to do the assignment. Failure or triumph, I could have written something real. I could have
deserved the praise bestowed upon me and come out of the experience a little bit wiser. Instead, I
was a grade-A liar and ashamed of myself. Of late have I come to see that “bullshit” doesn’t
have to be a cultural norm or a personal way of life! Indeed, part of the Hero’s Journey is waking
up to the areas in our lives where we lack integrity.
This is what happens when one is raised in a culture of b.s. Yes, I know this seems harsh.
But really think about it. Look around. Bullshit is everywhere we turn. It’s not overt. Our
Facebook friends aren’t doing it purposefully. But look under the façade and you are likely to
discover a slightly twisted truth here, an embellishment there, an exclusion, a ‘spin’ on things.
Truthspeaking is Hard as Hell
Truthspeaking is tremendously challenging; it requires great courage. Therefore, it is no
wonder that we employ lots of conversational strategies to avoid it. For example, sometimes we
use humor to sidestep touchy topics. On other occasions, we use violent language to cover up
our truth. For example, we may lash out with “F_ck you” instead of saying what might be really
true—e.g., “I don’t agree with you.” Or we might say “Go to hell,” instead of what we probabl
really mean—e.g., “I won’t do it” (2004).
Perhaps the most common way we avoid truthspeaking is by dropping into small talk and
gossip. In this vein, Song advises: “If you don’t have anything to say, don’t say anything…
Every breath we are given is for a purpose… And if every breath is for a reason, than every word
it carries is for a reason. Idle chitchat is like a waste of sacred breath. Using it to spread gossip
or manipulate is like pouring vinegar in a trusting baby’s mouth… When we resort to small talk,
we are not speaking the Truth of the Now. We are merely filling this silence with fluff and
drivel” (Song, 2004).
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But perhaps you are thinking, “None of this pertains to me; I speak the truth all the time.”
Hmmm… are you sure of this? Take a situation where you are sitting with a friend in a coffee
shop, catching up and enjoying each other’s company. But after a time you find yourself doing a
lot more nodding and mm-hmm-ing than actual talking. The next thing you know you have the
thought, “My friend talks too much,” This seems to be true. Talking is happening and your friend
seems to be doing more than his fair share. So, you begin to get annoyed with your friend.
But consider that your thought, “My friend talks too much,” is just an opinion, a
judgment. It is common for judgments like this to arise in conversations with friends. One
moment we are happily conversing and the next we are hooked by our judgment and the
conversation is derailed. One way to get back on track is to ask ourselves: What is true for me
right now? More specifically: What does this judgment about my friend “talking too much” say
about me and what I am needing in this moment? Ask this question and chances are you will
discover that you are needing the exact same thing that is driving your friend to talk too much—
i.e., You are needing to be heard, to be appreciated, to be seen! So, what if, rather than sitting
there like a bump-on-a-log, you simply spoke what you are needing. That’s right, you spoke your
truth! Might it be that your friend, upon hearing this and wanting your friendship, would
actually be grateful for your honesty.
I think of it this way: If I am with a friend and he is feeling frustrated because I am
dominating the conversation, I want him to tell me this. In fact, I would feel a measure of
gratitude that he cared enough about our friendship to trust me with this truth.
A Clinic in Truthspeaking
If you would like a clinic in Truthspeaking, talk with a child on a regular basis; children
model vulnerability for us. With young children there is no filtering, only speech issuing forth
from present-moment experiences. The five-year old child speaks in full integrity with her
feelings. She laughs, she cries, she speaks, living her truth moment-by-moment without needing
to explain, justify, or rationalize.
In this vein, consider this story told to me be a student about her family Thanksgiving
dinner. Among the beloved family members at the table was the student’s aunt who had recently
been diagnosed with a lethal form of cancer. Everyone knew that this would probably be the last
Thanksgiving they would share with this dear soul but no one spoke this. Rather than
acknowledge the aunt’s cancer and the love they all felt for this woman, the family members
made small talk. That is until the aunt’s five-year-old niece looked over and saw how pale and
frail her auntie appeared and asked, “Auntie, are you going to die?” Everyone around the table
broke down in sobs. It took the child to speak truthfully of the pain that permeated the room in
that moment of thanksgiving. Indeed, the only truth is the truth of each present moment. This is
one of those self-evident statements that is very hard to grasp, much less to live.
There is no one time or place that is better to Truthspeak than another. On a street corner,
in line at the supermarket, over two steaming mugs of tea, or in the middle of Thanksgiving
dinner, the appropriateness of Truthspeaking has less to do with “the right time,” than it has to do
with the time when we have fully investigated our thoughts, upsets, and impulses, and can
express these with clarity, absent artifice.
But isn’t it possible to be too truthful and in the process to cause conflict and even to
destroy relationships? After all, there is a reason we call it being “brutally honest.” Honesty is
brutal, right? Actually, in my experience, genuine honesty is never brutal. It is always more kind
than the half-truths and small lies we tell ourselves and each other.
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Wrap Up
Truthspeaking is a fundamental prerequisite for The Hero’s Journey, because this journey
can only begin when we are able to be honest with ourselves and speak our fullest Truth. In
practice Truthspeaking entails paying attention to those times in our lives when there is an
absence of alignment between what we are speaking and what we know to be true in our heart.
This happens for all of us. The way to come back into alignment is to simply ask ourselves:
What is really true for me right now? Ask it and mean it. Sit with it. Turn off “auto-pilot” and
come to presence. As the truth rises from your heart you will experience a kind of homecoming.
This is what happens when we create space for our soul to speak, our truth to rise.
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