Children of the Dust Bowl: Brianna Ehlig Melissa Nguyen Denise Esparza Ulysses Chacon Rachel King Andrea Moreno Blog Editorial Comments Template: Review for The Graveyard Book Please use this form to provide constructive criticism to your partner group. Feel free to add another page, if necessary. 1. To what extent are the language and content of these three articles appropriate to their audience and purpose? Review: There are some grammatical mistakes that confused me. Maybe you can use different word choices too. Now, I’m not saying that your review as bad. It was really good, but it could be better with some changes. The contents that you have included really made me want to read the book, so good job on that! -the review was greatt! Might want to read it out loud to yourself because there was grammar mistakes and sentences that confused me and weren't worded correctly. It seemed a little long to me. Make sure it's under how many words you are aloud. Towards the end you talk about the author and his awards, I think that can be left out because it is later discussed in biography. (Just a suggestion). The quotes really helped understand the book. I really enjoyed reading your review but at times it seemed too wordy. It would be a little bit more understandable if you read it over and corrected minor grammar mistakes. Also, you begin your review by talking about Bod Owens as if the reader already knew who this character was. If you could introduce this main character first before you talk about him, it would help the reader understand a little better. Other than, I really enjoyed the review and can’t wait for your presentation. Biography: The language was really great in this article. It was well written with a few grammatical mistakes. Make sure someone add two pictures at the end as well, including the source of where you got the pictures from. I think you listed every award of the author. I don't think you have to list everyone, but just in case you have to edit something later on when Matt reviews it. Overall it was great. I agree with what Brianna had to say. I worked on the bibliography of our book and Matt was very specific in saying that we shouldn’t list every award by the author. Pick a couple of the ones that are the most important in regards to his career and talk about those. This is probably what Matt will tell you when you turn it in so you may want to look at that to fix it. Other than that, I thought it was very clear and to the point. Bibliography: The language was good and the content was appropriate for the audience to see your purpose and get a better understanding of the context of the story. I loved all the different resources you had. Your topic is a lot of dark stuff, just negative things. Which that is not bad because the book is about dark stuff! I think it's very resourceful and interesting. 2. To what extent has the group addressed the requirements for the review, biography, and bibliography as specified by the instruction sheet? Review: You went over the word limit by about 50 words (although this doesn’t seem like it’s a big issue, Matt would prefer if you cut it down-speaking from experience). As long as you guys look at the word count and fix the grammatical errors your review should be fine Biography: You guys are also over the word limit by about 30 words. Word count is over. Matt is very picky about this and if he hasn’t said anything about it now, he will say that you have to be at the word count or below if possible. Try to eliminate unnecessary words that just make your sentences too wordy Bibliography: I thought that you did a good job researching different types of teaching resources. You made the requirement of at least 8 bibliographies. I really enjoyed your resources and the fact that you had some for teachers to use. I also liked the resource that talked about the cemetery tour as well as the resource that had to do with ghost hunting because its something that I think some children and parents would maybe like to do. I do believe though that there has to be a works cited page so that Matt could see the resources and if they are relevant to the book. You did everything that was required. I didn't do this section of it when we did ours, but I thought you had to have a work cited section. Could be wrong but just double check requirements. 3. What do you especially like about the review, biography, and bibliography? Review: I really LOVE how you started with a sentence from the book! It totally grabbed my attention and makes me curious on what’s going on. You literally had me hooked at the first sentence. All the quotes really helped understand the book! My favorite part of the review was how it was easy for the reader to follow, despite some minor grammar errors. Biography: Your last sentence was really fantastic. I felt like it summed up the whole story with just one simple sentence. I especially liked how you connected the author’s life to the main protagonist to show similarities, but more importantly, give the readers insight on how the characters were developed. I really enjoyed how you talked about the author and his inspiration in writing this particular book. It helped me understand the book and the author as a person more. Helped me understand the author and youse him interesting The major highlights of events throughout the author’s life helped me understand why he became such a great writer. I also enjoyed the quote chosen to begin the biography. Bibliography: Your bibliographies were really good. I think you choose really good teaching materials too. I especially loved how you included information of a Cemetery Tour. I didn’t even know that there was something like this and I live in the next city over too. So that was pretty neat. What made your bibliographies stand out the most is that you took into account of different issues (bullying, divorce, how to deal with death) within the book to help children cope. That was a good idea in my opinion. Really great websites to look at. You were so creative and thought out of the box and covered every area in which the book addresses as an issue or theme. I liked all the resources and the fact that you didn’t just focus on one particular area. 4. If these were your three documents, what major changes would you make to improve the articles’ effectiveness, persuasiveness, or overall quality? Review: I liked your review. It was interesting to read, but I was wondering if “Jack” is an important aspect to include in your review. I haven’t read the book so I wouldn’t know...but I feel like the review should be focused more of the theme that the author incorporates. The wording and grammar cleared up a bit. Some stuff was a little confusing. Don't incorporate the author too much into it. Make sure to have a common theme shown throughout. To improve the effectiveness of the paper, just either have someone else in the group proofread it to maybe catch some errors that you guys didn’t see. There aren’t too many but it does make it a little confusing to understand. Biography: Maybe you could explain the importance of some of the themes that the author has included and how he relates to the theme. Like, why did you choose this particular genre? You do a great job in writing about why he wrote the book and the personal connection he has. I would just look at the part where you talk about the awards, pick two and explain why he received them. Bibliography: I think that you have too many bibliographies. They were great but some of them are kind of redundant of each other (maybe cut down on one of the bullying articles or a graveyard one). It looked like you guys have put a lot of time and effort in here. It shows. Great job guys. :) I know that there had to be a minimum of 8 resources but maybe for your presentation just focus on ones that would be available to the entire world as opposed to just one city. I know Matt looks for resources that could be available to everyone worldwide and he doesn’t particularly like the resources that are only available in a certain part. I have a feeling that he might not like the Santa Ana one because its local and not available for everyone but I’d still submit it regardless. Awesome job and can’t wait to see what you guys present to the class! Besides having to narrow down the bibliography, I believe they were great. You explained why you chose it as well as connected it really well to the book. I would narrow down the bullying sites and take out the santa ana part. Overall, good job!