BRIGHTON ROCK
or, the search for the Ancient Cricketer
A further Tour report by Monsieur Hiver
Keith Waterhouse famously said that Brighton “looks like a town that is helping the police with its
enquiries”, and so it was entirely appropriate that the cricket team which has many of the same
shady characteristics should pay a return visit.
The last time we’d braved the south coast was
five years previously, when we made the
acquaintance of a quaint (see what I did
there?) old man known as the Ancient
Cricketer (pictured right, making friends with a
typically-dressed Clown). Probably just as well
we didn’t find him, given that we were
involved in him losing his job at the prestigious
five-star hotel last time.
The usual debauched festivities took place
during the pre-tour phase, including sampling
the Brighton night life, before the main body of the party arrived on Friday evening.
The tour tradition of Friday-night entertainment was taken to the next level with a fun and
informative evening of orienteering, orchestrated by Pidge and Nugget (“I’m sure it’s down this
road”) to the general jollity of the tour party who weren’t a bit concerned that they were starving
hungry. Eventually dinner was found, as was the short route back, and the usual quantity of sodas
and mineral waters were taken.
The cricket is chronicled elsewhere in the organ, but don’t get too excited by it.
Saturday’s fancy-dress theme was “what you wanted to be when you grew up”. Tough one this, as
most of the tour party hadn’t grown up. Still, we walked the 5½ miles to the restaurant dressed as
Ninja Turtles, Ice skaters, Monarchy, and the odd Mahatma (very odd. Should’ve worn some pants
under that sheet, Papa G). We were amused when walking by a party of
young ladies who obviously mistook us for a group of poultry breeders,
because they repeated shouted at us to get our cocks out. We were
also under the misconception that they had some small garden birds
secreted about their persons, as we invited them to show said members
of the genus paridae (see illustration)
Constant reader, you can fill in the rest of the blanks here…you all know what happens on tour (and
that it stays on tour – usually) so there seems little point continuing. I’ve also filled up my page
(thanks to two entirely pointless pictures).