“The Ballad of Sir Tim”
The fellows he found were interesting.
The first he encountered was
Not too long ago, close to our home
In his home, playing MTG5
A funny game began
He joined Bob, “just cause.”
Of D&D1, where the PC2s were
Not in ye olde Japan
His name was James V. Nielson, and
He would become Sir Tim.
For the DM3, a slim fellow,
Why he was Sir Tim, I know not
Found it hard to control
For his nickname was Jim
A group of PC Samurais
And men with 10-foot-poles4
Many others followed after James’s
Example. Soon came Jan,
The thief, plus Sam, the cleric, and
Ern, the Mage, who ate Brann.
They were invited to his home
To play the game, and for
The DM, Robert Jackson, set out
To recruit cool gamers
the eating of pizza and donuts,
Often asking for more.
Since he had been deserted when he
Locked PCs in chambers
1
D&D is the often used short-hand way to reference
Dungeons and Dragons, one of the most popular
fantasy roleplaying games in which players assume
the identity of a hero and go on quests.
2 Means “Playable Characters”. They are the
characters in a roleplaying game that are being
played by actual people.
3 Means “Dungeon Master”. In roleplaying games,
everything not controlled by the PCs, such as
With these adventurers, the DM,
enemies, townsfolk, or other characters, are
controlled by the Dungeon Master. He is in charge of
creating the world that the PCs will adventure in
4
10-foot-poles are interesting weapons. They are
basically spears without a spear head that are ten
feet in length. They are commonly used to check for
traps that the DM has placed in a dungeons.
5 Short for Magic: The Gathering, a popular trading
card game.
Proud that he had found them,
They forgot about Jan, who had
Began to speak, but he stopped.
Looted their stiffs, and huts.6
Ern had fired his phlegm.
During this madness, Sam had fled
The green missile flew for long,
When the rest of them found
Until it hit the notes, Bob
Him, he had run up a big tree.
Had for the story. A foreboding
They brought him to the ground.
Sense gripped Bob. His head throbbed.
“Cowering in bravery” was
With no story to guide him, the
What he said he had done.
DM thought on the fly
However, all of the others
To give the PCs an adventure
Said he had missed the fun.
Where they fought a big eye.
With the goblins gone, and their loot
The new quest began in an old
Seized, they continued forth
Woods, as most of them, do
To a little-known village found
where the PCs were attacked by
Near the castle of Yorth
Goblins wearing big shoes.
When they arrived there, there was a
Fire. This was a great shock.
Reports said that Castle guards had
Stormed in at 2’o clock.
With Ern by Jim’s side, they made short
Work of the shod mobs, but
6
Thieves (sometimes called “Rouges”) in roleplaying
playing games are notorious for very mercenary. The
stereotype goes that they will always go after loot or
The party engaged the evil guards
And they ended up okay.
treasure, even if they have to put their allies in
harm’s way.
Since he was an old school DM,
It was to Bob’s dismay7.
The man saw the PCs, and a
smile appeared on his face
After saving the village, the
He was King Nathan and said he
Inhabitants said, “Yay.”
Needed men who had maces.
The PCs had, at least for now,
Fought well and saved the day
“My heir is stuck in the castle,”
Described sadly, King Nate.
However, evil was stirring,
Jim began making plans for his
And it would soon strike fast,
meeting with his future date.
Some of the new characters would
Soon gasp, then breathe their last.
The PCs planned to attack the castle,
Castle, a harebrained scheme,
With the village liberated
And the DM chuckled. It was
And the townsfolk safe, at least
Sure to become a meme8.
Now, the PCs went to Castle
Yorth expecting a feast
However, they were halted a
About a mile away.
A man, coming quickly by horse,
Was now heading their way.
7
In older versions of D&D, the DM was viewed as the
main antagonist of the entire game, actively trying to
kill the PCs with the monsters he had the power to
command. Now, however, the people making
roleplaying games have tried to make the DM more
of a storyteller instead of a villain. However, some
PCS still remain skeptical and still regard the DM as
the antagonist. Also, some DMs play as if they are the
The plan was to have Sir. Tim was,
villain and actively try to kill the PCs. Bob here is that
kind of DM.
8 A meme, according to Google, is “a humorous
image, video, piece of text, etc. that is copied (often
with slight variations) and spread rapidly by Internet
users.” The DM here is joking that the plan is going to
fail so terribly, it will become a meme because of
how funny the fail was.
By Ern, to be infused
Luck was on Jim’s side, and he now
With magic and attack the wall.
Blew up the big wall,
He was to be a fuse.
And mostly everything inside.
Sir Tim now had a ball.
Blessed with speed by Sam and Jan
He was to charge and ram
The castle wall, and, in theory
Make the wall go “KABLAM!”
The DM enthralled by the funny
Plan gave the PCs a
Chance, a one-in-a-million die
Roll9, it was up to fate.
And with that, 15 important
Jim, against the pleas of the mad
NPCs11 perished in
PCs would make the roll
1 second. Their character sheets
Without buffs, 10 he would face the
Thrown into a trash bin.
Epic challenge solo.
This was a crushing blow to Bob.
9
In games like D&D, different sided-dice are used to
determine how well you did a task. Generally, you
determine whether you succeeded or failed by rolling
a specific die and trying to get a value above a certain
threshold, for example 10. The most common die to
determine whether you succeeded or failed is the
D20 (a 20 sided die). However, there are some cases
where the probability of success is so low, like the
example in the poem, that you need to roll a D10 (a
10 sided die) multiple times to simulate how difficult
it is. For the above example, the DM is making Jim
roll a D10 five times, and get a 10 every single time.
Pretty difficult huh.
10
Generally, when rolling dice in D&D, you are rolling
with things called buffs or modifiers. These modifiers
are used to simulate proficiency’s in a certain skill, so
that the die roll becomes easier. For example if I had
a character who had been an apprentice to a famous
blacksmith for 15 years, I would have an easier time
rolling to see if I repaired my sword than Johnny who
is very clumsy.
11
NPC is short for “Non-Playable Character. These
characters are controlled by the DM and are usually
used to populate the world the PCs are in. However,
there are some NPCs, like the local regent lord, Elven
informer, or mysterious wizard, are considered
important NPCs. These take a while to make since
they require a lot more information than your runoff-the-mill blacksmith so having 15 of these killed in
1 would certainly hit a nerve.
Important NPCs
Even after the revenge, asked
“You want to play again?”
Took 5 hours to make, and the
The PCs responded with a
PCs had won with ease.
Very fervent, “Yes! Yes!”
And the DM was happy he
However, Bob had never said
Had friends, he felt blessed.
What gender the King’s heir
Was. He would make the heir a he
And so ends the Ballad of the
Just with really long hair.
Very gallant Sir Tim.
May we all have friends as good as
This was how Bob would get revenge
Against gallant Sir Tim
Who had made him throw away the
NPCs, which was grim
The twist occurred when they got to
The Tower spared from the blast.
They broke the door to find the heir
And then the die was cast.
The PCs were amazed to find
A male in the large keep.
They weren’t mad, happy in fact. They
Won. Jim said, “Now to sleep.”
The DM, amazed by how the PCs
PCs enjoyed the game,
Sam, Jan, Ern, Bob, and Jim