The Negative Zero Theory
By: Jerrod Pearcy and Jordan Stevens
Conception date: 28 August 2006
Originally written: 5 October 2006
Last updated: 24 October 2006
Throughout history, the idea of zero has been passed down from generation to generation. As early
as 300 BC, Babylonians were implementing a punctuation mark as a placeholder. The idea of the negative
dates back to 100 BC (discovered by an ancient Chinese philosopher). Yet our entire lives, we have been
brainwashed into thinking that these concepts mix like oil and water. When a truly original thinker comes
into existence, he is immediately reprimanded upon his inquiry of this phenomenon with a long lecture on
how “the product of negative one and zero is zero whilst the product of negative one and any other integer
results in the opposite of the latter integer.” In the following theoretical report, we will attempt to bring into
light the existence of a concept that scientists and mathematicians have obstinately opposed since the
beginning of time. We intend to approach this subject in a calm and reasonable manner; having said this,
anyone who refuses to accept this sheer, irrefutable logic will be cast into a pit of raw ignorance, along with
the rest of the scientific community, which defies necessary change.
Thank you in advance for your unwavering diligence.
In a world where society despises originality (as illustrated by box-office smash hits based on books
and old television series), we have put a taboo on questioning ancient mathematical and scientific thought.
This said, we would like to commend the brave souls who ousted Pluto from planetary status. The fact is,
some things don’t add up, and many of these primeval mathematics are outdated. There are innumerable
loopholes through which zero has performed its unceasing acrobatics for eons. As the immortal Bill
Watterson once stated, “math is like a religion. You put two numbers together, and you magically get a new
number.” Therefore, negative zero (which will now and forevermore be denoted as ) is like the god of all
numbers. If looked at logically, zero means nothing, and negative means opposite; therefore, the opposite of
nothing is everything, which is equal to negative zero. Granted, negative one times zero is zero, but the 
we will be talking about is not, in fact, a number, but an abstract idea that there is a polar opposite of zero.
While some may find this idea threatening due to their timidly parochial view (or their blinding jealousy), we
feel that with the following supportive evidence, which is so undeniably logical,  should be accepted as a
valid theory.
The following is a list of points and counterpoints we will discuss about Negative Zero Theory (NZT):
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
The History of NZT
 and infinity
The Use of  in Mathematical Equations
The Product of  Multiplied by Itself
The Inclusion of Ideas in 
The Validity of 
The Application of  in Real-Life Situations
Alternate Applications
Our Motivation
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1) What is the history of NZT?
While NZT is an original theory, we are adamant that the idea has passed through the minds of many
great scholars before our time. (We frequently joke about Da Vinci being so embarrassed by this idea he
wouldn’t even write it in his encoded journals.) Upon researching this theory, we found several prior uses of
negative zero, including its use in computer programming and meteorology. (When a temperature is below
zero yet not cold enough to be expressed as -1, it is shown as -0 degrees.) We inform you of these
definitions in order for the public to differentiate between  and preexisting representations. To further
clarify, any of the definitions previously listed will be expressed as -0.
2) If  is everything, then is it infinity?
In short, no.
Infinity (∞) is a numerical value that the human mind cannot comprehend (due to its tendency of,
well, never ending), while  is an expression of all physical and metaphysical matter, and can, therefore, be
anything at any given time. For instance, infinity is infinity. End of story. Nothing will ever be able to
change that fact. However,  may be construed as Silly Putty, yet while, if we were to make a definite
conjecture that at this moment it is Silly Putty, it is also every other particle of matter simultaneously. To
further our point, while both ∞ and  are incomprehensible, they are neither proportional nor equal.
In conclusion: ∞ ≠ 
3) Can  be used in mathematical equations?
There is a place for  and  is that place. Even though ∞ is an incomprehensible number, it can still
be used in mathematical equations—just take a look at those crazy professors and their white boards.
However, ∞ isn’t a number; it’s simply a placeholder for an accepted theory. The same holds true for .
While these two amazing symbols can be used in equations, they may only be applied in science, since math
is the application of definite facts, whereas science is the development and application of abstract concepts.
4) If  is multiplied by itself, wouldn’t the
result be zero?
 does not truly contain a zero; it is only the idea that there is an opposite of zero. Since 0¿ is not
really a number,  being multiplied by itself would result in 2, much like a variable. This same rule can be
applied to addition, subtraction, and division. The one exception to this rule is a -. When this occurs, 
becomes zero (since the opposite of the opposite of nothing is nothing). This said, due to the skepticism of
some of our more ignorant peers, we are forced to state—for those who have never listened to their mothers
and have not gained the ability to read between the lines—that  is neither an integer nor a variable and any
implication we may, however vaguely, have given contrary to this should be immediately reevaluated.
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5) Since ideas do not have mass and are not
comprised of matter, are they included in
?
Are ideas included in everything? We will hide our contempt for this question as much as possible
in our response, but we can’t promise anything.
Since ideas are formed and stored in the brain, they also take up gray matter in the brain; therefore,
they are included. This also applies to any and all fictitious animals, stories, etc., for these concepts are also
stored in gray matter.
6) Isn’t this a phony crackpot theory?
First of all, it hurts us to have to answer this question. Secondly,  directly correlates to some of the
most famous rejected theories (for reasons aforementioned in the intro to this report). As we have explained
throughout this paper, our logic is unflawed—so to put it simply, we win. Besides, any argument you could
possibly devise would inevitably be linked to , since  is everything.
7) Are there any real-life applications of ?
We feel that the most important applications of  have not yet been invented. Our belief is that
many of the following technologies will be derived from .
A) Time Travel
Before we explain the entirety of time travel, we feel obligated to inform you of the derivatives
behind our conclusions. In order to arrive at this and many of the other applications, we have
borrowed ideas from the great Albert Einstein, including his constant, and the idea of time being the
fourth dimension. We have also adopted the idea that time is infinite, and that it travels in a figure
eight pattern. When the timeline crosses itself at the center of the eight, an apocalyptic event occurs,
resulting in the extinction of an entire species.
We now offer our general equation for time travel:
√ {[  (the date you wish to travel to) ] / [ ∞A+B (the current date) ]} + C
in which:
π
A is the number of apocalyptic events that have happened since the date you wish to travel to up to
the present (for travel to the past).
B is the number of apocalyptic events that must happen before you reach the date you are traveling
to since the present (for travel to the future).
C is Einstein’s constant
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The only difficulty in proving this equation lies in the rules of time travel and causality, one of which
requires time travel to be discovered at a precise time in history. Time travel also dictates that
nothing in the past can be changed, since even if it was changed, the change already happened
anyway. As Plato once said, “Our destinies are etched in stone, but various are the means by which
they are carved.” In layman’s terms, it doesn’t matter how the event happened, just that it did, in
fact, happen.
B) Improbability Physics
While this is a far off technology, we believe this theoretical mode of travel could be plausible. If
we are correct in assuming that improbability physics could be possible in the future, then it might be
expressed in this equation:
∞ ×  × (the improbability of traveling to an exact point instantaneously) + C
Unfortunately, this theory runs into the same problems as time travel.
For the curious mind, anyone wishing to research improbability physics further may feel free to read
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglass Adams.
C) Molecule Dismemberment
It has been proven that with enough energy, it is possible to split a molecule into individual atoms
and even into subatomic particles. We theorize that if we were to create a  frequency1 (comprised
of an infinite number of frequencies traveling at a random flux of speeds and rhythms), then it would
contain enough energy to split molecules.
As before, the problem with this theory is timing of invention and the immense amount of energy
required to create and sustain a beam of this magnitude. We have also become concerned with
nuclear decay after the molecules are reassembled.
D) Cold Fusion/Negative Fusion
FYI: the idea we will now present is not true cold fusion; it is simply the creation of excess energy
(hence the alternate name in the heading).
By applying the theoretical ideas of time travel, molecule dismemberment, and improbability
physics, one could split a molecule with a  frequency, use time travel to freeze the molecule, and
then use improbability physics to transport electrons from the atoms to a controlled cell. By taking
an excess number of electrons, one could create a surplus energy bank.
8) I thought this was going to be funny; did I
miss something?
We realize that most people who stumble across this amazing piece of literature may have been
misled to believe that it is rhetorical humor; therefore, we have added a set of humorous, very improbable,
yet somewhat plausible theories. Warning: the following excerpt may contain brief, if not intense,
A  frequency does not contain ; the  is nominal, and the sole reason for its use is that our theory may provide a
means to create such a frequency.
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moments of nerd/geek/whatever the “cool” kids are calling nerds and geeks these days humor. If it
takes more than 24 hours to fully comprehend any of the following, please take two aspirin and call a
neurosurgeon in the morning.
A) Bad Luck
Bad luck is caused by a sub-atomic particle that is one-millionth the size of an electron. We choose
to call these questionable quarks—for no particular reason, except for the fact that it sounds
somewhat cool—fritites. These particles flow along in the bloodstream in twos—this is known as a
“fritite pair.” When a brain cell happens to be sandwiched in a fritite pair, a current of limited 
energy is transferred to the cell. This reaction gives the brain cell a short-term view of the future,
allowing it to discern the correct and incorrect choice; in turn, the human inherently chooses the
correct choice. However, if caught in a situation in which fritites play no part, it’s a fifty-fifty
chance as to which is the better choice.
B) The Increase in Modern Bad Luck
Unlike our ancestors, who were gifted with a perfect number of fritites (42 trillion, to be exact), our
generation is suffering from a disease known as hypofrititinscopenosis, or just “The Hangman’s
Curse.” This disorder is caused by a fritite deficiency, and is a direct result of a fritite transfer from
mother to child during birth. As the child grows inside the womb, it slowly accumulates fritites via
the mother’s bloodstream. Unfortunately, this child is born with fewer fritites than the mother, and
with every passing generation, fritites become an increasingly rare commodity. Also, an odd number
of fritites causes increased chances of bad luck because of something called an “irregular trio,”
which is when a lone fritite joins a fritite pair. This extra fritite causes the opposite effect of the 
energy; it shows the bad choice as the good choice, and vice-versa. It should be noted that once
people’s fritite counts are lowered to 13, they make such bad choices that they inadvertently kill
themselves.
C) Ghosts
When a person dies, the remaining fritites in his/her bloodstream escape into the air as the corpse
rots away. As they escape, they absorb energy from a yet unknown source2. These fritites shoot
around at unimaginable speeds. On the rare occasion, however, all the fritites from one human will
escape and form bonds with each other using the energy provided by said unknown source. They
mysteriously take the shape of their human host, and this results in multiple “ghost sightings.” The
energy in these “ghosts” is high enough to be detected by ghost hunters in particular “hot spots,” and
the movement of the fritites is greatly inhibited, causing them to stay fairly close to the spot where
their host died.
9) Why do we feel the need to express this
opinion?
Well, to put it simply, we’re rebels, and when people heard about , they scoffed at us and snickered
behind our backs3. To their dismay, that simply fueled our diligence. Besides, we like being right… all the
2
3
We feel obligated to state that while this source continues to elude us, it is still categorized under .
With the exception of that one guy who laughed in front of us; they found him in the river a few weeks ago.
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time. Now we have that ability. Also, if our freshmen science class teacher saw this, it would, to a varying
degree, perturb the asinine, know-it-all jerk—and the prospect of that makes us happy.
In conclusion to our most logical project, we would like to state that for every nothing, there is an
equal but opposite everything. Furthermore, to any of you who now accept our theory, a few words of
encouragement from the famous Isaac Asimov: “In science, the greatest phrase, the one that precedes all
major discoveries, is not ‘Eureka,’ but rather, ‘Hey, that’s funny…’.’’
We wish to dedicate this paper to the following souls for their moral support and inspiration:
Mr. Dave MacAdam, former Junior High band instructor and the man that first planted the  seed
Douglass Adams, for his endless supply of inspiring quirks (may he live on in infamy)
Wikipedia, for giving us a whole lot of useless information that we didn’t even use in the paper
Denise DeArmond, our fellow student and mellophonist (we stick together, no matter how stupid our ideas
are… we hope)
Nick Colling, our first patron
Mrs. Nickel, our eleventh grade English teacher and editor-in-chief
Trent Russell (a.k.a. “Awesome”), the inspiration for all of our epiphanies
Aaron “DooDah” Doudna, because he wouldn’t believe us unless we put his name in here
Robert “Fishfood” Trout, because he completely agrees with us but has no idea what we’re talking about (in
all actuality, he understands and disagrees; however, he did give us the idea of time traveling in a figureeight pattern)
Casey Bass, because he told us we were either going to an Ivy League school or the nut house (we split it
down the middle—Jerrod’s typing this from a padded room while Jordan is trying to beat off Yale and
Harvard representatives begging him to go to their school)
All of our science and math teachers at Augusta High, for their encouraging suggestions, rude remarks, and
complete and total rejection of the idea (although they got a good kick out of it)
Microsoft Works Word Processor, for inadvertently teaching us a really cool word—Neology: a recently
coined word or phrase, or a recently extended meaning of an existing word or phrase (which, ironically, is
the exact purpose of this essay)
Everyone else who laughed at us and/or put sand in our pants when we were children (they told us we were
ignorant; look who’s in the dark now)