Biblical Teaching to Couples
The Basis for Marriage
Gen. 1:26 Then God said, “Let
us make humankind in our
image, after our likeness, so
they may rule over the fish of
the sea and the birds of the air,
over the cattle, and over all the
earth, and over all the
creatures that move on the
earth.”
1:27 God created humankind in
his own image,
in the image of God he created
them, male and female he
created them. 1:28 God blessed
them and said to them, “Be
fruitful and multiply
Gen. 2:5 Now no shrub of the field had
yet grown on the earth, and no plant of
the field had yet sprouted, for the Lord
God had not caused it to rain on the
earth, and there was no man to
cultivate the ground. 2:6 Springs would
well up from the earth and water the
whole surface of the ground. 2:7 The
Lord God formed the man from the
soil of the ground and breathed into
his nostrils the breath of life, and the
man became a living being.
God created mankind with a job to do.
The Basis for Marriage
Gen. 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for
the man to be alone. I will make a companion for
him who corresponds to him.” 2:19 The Lord God
formed out of the ground every living animal of
the field and every bird of the air. He brought
them to the man to see what he would name
them… 2:20 So the man named all the animals…
but for Adam no companion who corresponded
to him was found. 2:21 So the Lord God caused
the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he
was asleep, he took part of the man’s side and
closed up the place with flesh. 2:22 Then the
Lord God made a woman from the part he had
taken out of the man, and he brought her to the
man. 2:23 Then the man said,
“This one at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
this one will be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and
mother and unites with his wife, and they
become a new family. [NET Bible]
1 Cor. 11:3 But I want you to
know that Christ is the head of
every man, and the man is the
head of a woman, and God is the
head of Christ. … 11:7 … he is the
image and glory of God. But the
woman is the glory of the man.
11:8 For man did not come from
woman, but woman from man.
11:9 Neither was man created for
the sake of woman, but woman
for man.
Mankind is a structured
work-team
Old Testament Teaching to the Man
Ex. 21:10 If he takes another wife, he must not diminish the first one’s food, her
clothing, or her marital rights. 21:11 If he does not provide her with these three
things, then she will go out free, without paying money.
Provision
The principle here is that the man, as leader of the family has the
responsibility to provide for the family.
Old Testament Teaching to the Man (Cont’d)
Deut. 22:13 Suppose a man marries a woman, has sexual relations
with her, and then rejects her, 22:14 accusing her of impropriety
and defaming her reputation by saying, “I married this woman but
when I had sexual relations with her I discovered she was not a
virgin!” 22:15 Then the father and mother of the young woman
must produce the evidence of virginity for the elders of the city at
the gate. 22:16 The young woman’s father must say to the elders,
“I gave my daughter to this man and he has rejected her. 22:17
Moreover, he has raised accusations of impropriety by saying, ‘I
discovered your daughter was not a virgin,’ but this is the evidence
of my daughter’s virginity!” The cloth must then be spread out
before the city’s elders. 22:18 The elders of that city must then
seize the man and punish him. 22:19 They will fine him one
hundred shekels of silver and give them to the young woman’s
father, for the man who made the accusation ruined the
reputation of an Israelite virgin. She will then become his wife and
he may never divorce her as long as he lives.
Responsibility not to tarnish her reputation
Old Testament Teaching to Women
Deut. 22:22 If a man is caught
having sexual relations with a
married woman both the man who
had relations with the woman and
the woman herself must die; in this
way you will purge evil from Israel.
Monogamy
The principle arises from the fact
that God created the woman to be
the subordinate partner. She should
not have two heads.
Old Testament Teaching to Both
Ex. 21:26 “If a man strikes the eye of his
male servant or his female servant so
that he destroys it, he will let the
servant go free as compensation for the
eye. 21:27 If he knocks out the tooth of
his male servant or his female servant,
he will let the servant go free as
compensation for the tooth.
The principle is: you cannot physically abuse
someone with whom you have a covenant.
No physical abuse
New Testament Teaching to Couples
Eph. 5:22 Wives, SUBMIT to your husbands as to
the Lord, 5:23 because the husband is the head of
the wife as also Christ is the head of the church –
he himself being the savior of the body. 5:24 But as
the church submits to Christ, so also wives should
submit to their husbands in everything.
5:25 Husbands, LOVE your wives just as Christ
loved the church and gave himself for her 5:26 to
sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of
the water by the word, 5:27 so that he may
present the church to himself as glorious – not
having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but
holy and blameless. 5:28 In the same way
husbands ought to love their wives as their own
bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 5:29
For no one has ever hated his own body but he
feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does
the church, 5:30 for we are members of his body.
5:31 For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the
two will become one flesh. 5:32 This mystery is
great – but I am actually speaking with reference
to Christ and the church. 5:33 Nevertheless, each
one of you must also love his own wife as he loves
himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
1 Peter 3:1 In the same way, wives, SUBJECT to
your own husbands. Then, even if some are
disobedient to the word, they will be won over
without a word by the way you live, 3:2 when
they see your pure and reverent conduct. 3:3 Let
your beauty not be external – the braiding of
hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes –
3:4 but the inner person of the heart, the lasting
beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is
precious in God’s sight. 3:5 For in the same way
the holy women who hoped in God long ago
adorned themselves by being subject to their
husbands, 3:6 like Sarah who obeyed Abraham,
calling him lord. You become her children when
you do what is good and have no fear in doing
so.
3:7 Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives
with consideration as the weaker partners and
show them honor as fellow heirs of the grace of
life. In this way nothing will hinder your prayers.
Leadership and support
reaffirmed
Agape is
respect given
because it is
due.
Spheres of Authority
Government:
Church:
Official/citizen
pastor/parishioner
Marriage:
Family:
husband/wife
Parent/child
Business:
Society:
boss/employee
leader/member
WIFE
CHRISTIAN
SISTER
WOMAN
But does God love respect man for his status?
yes
Because God in His sovereignty
created man in His own image and likeness.
That’s why God sent His Son to die for man, that he
might be restored to fulfill that task
The Centrality of Love
Love
Rom. 13:8
Owe no one anything, except to love one another, for the one who
loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.
1Tim. 1:5
But the aim of our instruction is love that comes from a pure heart,
a good conscience, and a sincere faith.
The Ethics of Love
Concept of Love
Paul
1 Cor. 13:13
Love
Love of God
Objects of Love
Deut. 6:4
Love
Neighbor
Lev. 19:18
Jesus
Matt. 22:37-39
1 John 4:21
And the commandment we have from him is this: that the one who
loves God should love his fellow Christian too.
The Comprehensiveness
of Love
Concept of Love
Love
Love of God
Objects of Love
Rules of Love
Call to Love
Love
Neighbor
Lev. 19:18
Deut. 6:4
Law
Jesus
Matt. 22:37-39
The Holy Writings
Prophets
2 Tim. 3:15 … from infancy you have known the holy writings, which are able to give you wisdom for salvation
through faith in Christ Jesus. 3:16 Every scripture is inspired by God and useful for teaching, for reproof, for
correction, and for training in righteousness, 3:17 that the person dedicated to God may be capable and equipped for
every good work.
The Meaning of Love
Concept
of Love
Objects
of Love
Meaning
of Love
General
Jesus
Matt. 22:37-39
Love
Love of God
Deut. 6:4
Love
Neighbor
Lev. 19:18
Matt. 22:40
“All the law and the
prophets depend on
these two
commandments.”
Ten Commandments
(statutes)
“All the
Law”
Meaning
of Love
Detail
Rest of the Laws of the Old Testament Law
(Ordinances/Regulations)
Matt. 5:18 I tell you the truth, until
heaven and earth pass away not the
smallest letter or stroke of a letter
will pass from the law until
everything takes place. 5:19 So
anyone who breaks one of the
least of these commands and
teaches others to do so will be
called least in the kingdom of
heaven, but whoever obeys them
and teaches others to do so will
be called great in the Kingdom of
Heaven.
The Law in the
“Sermon on the Mount”
from Matthew’s Gospel
Ps. 119:105
Your word is a
lamp to walk by,
and a light to
illumine my path.
O.T.
Commandment
Comment
THE LAW
5:14 “You are
the light of the
world.”
6
7
8
9
10
5
4
3
5:21-26 5:27-30 5:31-32 5:33-37 5:38-42 5:43-48 6:1-4
2
6:5-15
1
6:16-18 6:19-34
Paul’s Ode to Love: 1 Cor. 13:1-13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but I do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging
cymbal. And if I have prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can
remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I give over my
body in order to boast, but do not have love, I receive no benefit.
Love is patient,
love is kind,
it is not envious.
Love does not brag,
it is not puffed up.
It is not rude,
it is not self-serving,
it is not easily angered or resentful.
It is not glad about injustice,
but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never ends.
Why?
Because it is obedience oriented,
rather than being reciprocal,
and follows Christ’s example.
But if there are prophecies, they will be set aside; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is
knowledge, it will be set aside.
For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when what is perfect comes, the partial will be set aside.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I became an
adult, I set aside childish ways.
For now we see in a mirror indirectly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will
know fully, just as I have been fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Phileo is
affection
given because
it is returned
or is hoped to
be returned
continuum
“love ya”
“in love”
What does “Love” Mean?
Passage
Verse 15
Verse 16
Verse 17
Jesus word
for Love
agape:
basic,
responsible
and
respectful
agape: basic,
responsible
and
respectful
phileo:
Affection;
implies
friendship
Peter’s word
for love
phileo:
affectionate;
implies
friendship
phileo:
affectionate;
implies
friendship
phileo:
affection;
implies
friendship
Concept of
Care
feed:
general term
of care by
feeding
Concept of
recipient
sheep:
general word
for them
shepherd or
Tend flock
lambs:
young little
ones
feed:
general word
of care by
feeding
sheep:
general word
for them
The highest
kind of love is
phileo, based
upon agape
Lust wants
fulfillment
from its
object, and
objectified
the person so
desired.
The Apostles’ Teaching to Couples
1 Cor. 7:2 But because of immoralities, each man should have relations with his own wife and each woman
with her own husband. 7:3 A husband should give to his wife her sexual rights, and likewise a wife to her
husband. 7:4 It is not the wife who has the rights to her own body, but the husband. In the same way, it is
not the husband who has the rights to his own body, but the wife. 7:5 Do not deprive each other, except by
mutual agreement for a specified time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then resume your
relationship, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Reciprocity in a monogamous society
1 Cor. 11:2 I praise you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions just as I passed
them on to you. 11:3 But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of
a woman, and God is the head of Christ. … he is the image and glory of God. But the woman is the glory of
the man. 11:8 For man did not come from woman, but woman from man. 11:9 Neither was man created for
the sake of woman, but woman for man. … woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of
woman. 11:12 For just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman. But all things come from
God.
There is a hierarchy of teamwork
1 Cor. 14:34 the women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak. Rather, let
them be in submission, as in fact the law says. 14:35 If they want to find out about something, they should
ask their husbands at home, because it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in church.
New Testament Teaching to Couples (Con’t)
Gen. 2
1 Tim. 2:9 Likewise the women are to dress in
suitable apparel, with modesty and selfcontrol. Their adornment must not be with
braided hair and gold or pearls or expensive
clothing, 2:10 but with good deeds, as is proper
for women who profess reverence for God. 2:11
A woman must learn quietly with all
submissiveness. 2:12 But I do not allow a
woman to teach or exercise authority over a
man. She must remain quiet. 2:13 For Adam
was formed first and then Eve. 2:14 And Adam
was not deceived, but the woman, because she
was fully deceived, fell into transgression. 2:15
But she will be delivered through childbearing,
if she continues in faith and love and holiness
with self-control.
Ex. 21:10-11
1 Tim. 5:8 But if someone does not provide
for his own, especially his own family, he has
denied the faith and is worse than an
unbeliever.
Conclusions
The couple has a task to do and to facilitate that God has established a
hierarchy of function (rather than of person). Man is to be the leader
and woman the helper. As a good leader the man is to provide the basics
for his wife, not abuse her passively or actively, protect (and not wound)
her reputation. The woman is to be exclusive to her husband.