Men, Women, and Marriage
Message at 1 st
UMC St. Cloud
Gen. 2: 7-8, 18 and Eph. 5:22-33
June 15, 2014
I have a confession to make to you this morning.
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I have preached this message previously.
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But, it was originally titled: “What Women Wish Men Knew About Women.”
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That title actually came from a chapter in a book by Adam Hamilton.
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The name of the book is “Making Love Last a Lifetime.”
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I first taught and preached on this topic back in January 2005.
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But during the last week, I resurrected my notes, wiped away the dust, changed the title, and made some additions and deletions to the original message specifically for you, my St. Cloud family.
And, I am actually going old school this morning with a 3-point sermon.
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I rarely, if ever, preach a 3-point sermon these days.
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But back in 2005, I was still in school and following all the rules they give you about preaching.
So, here are the 3 points for this morning. Together, we are going to learn:
1.
What God wants men to know about women.
2.
What women want men to know about women.
3.
What I want men to know about women.
I am going to need you to preach the Word right along with me this morning, so open your scriptures to their very beginning – Gen. 1.
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Chapter 1 is an overview of the creation account.
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Not a lot of detail is given, but it hits the highlights of what happened.
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God first created light, and in verse 4 God saw that the light was? (good)
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God created the dry land and the sea, and in verse 10 God saw that it was? (good)
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Next, God created plants and trees, and in verse 12 God saw that it was? (good)
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God created the sun, moon, and stars, and in verse 18 God saw that it was? (good)
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Then, God created sea life and birds, and in verse 21 God saw that it was? (good)
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God created land animals and insects, and in verse 25 God saw that it was? (good)
And then, God created humans in His own image.
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Verse 27 says that He created them male and female.
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Look at verse 31:
“And God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was?
(very good)

Now that chapter 1 has given us an overview of creation, chapter 2 gives us a closer look into that 6 th day of creation.
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When we get to chapter 2, it is as though the Creator hands us a zoom lens through which we can look at the creation of humans as male and female.
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It is chapter 2 allows us to bring this element of creation into sharper focus.
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So, chapters 1 and 2 do not contradict one another; they complement one another.
Read Gen. 2: 7-8.
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Vs. 9-17 give us details about that garden:
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And then in verse 18, God says something He has never said before.
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He says something is not good:
“It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.”
This brings us to our first point today: What God wants men to know about women.
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God said he would make the man a helper suitable for him (KJV – help meet).
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Hebrew – help meet - one who responds, talks back.
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Husbands, is she doing her job?
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These two people are supposed to respond/talk back to one another.
 So that one person can say “I have an idea” and the other person gives valuable input to be considered into that idea.
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Not a subservient role, but a role of equal status.
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That has always been, and continues to be, God’s plan for marriage.
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2 persons of equal status coming together to navigate through life together.
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So, God wants men to know that men and women are to hold an equal status in marriage.
Now, people will say that Paul’s teachings oppose this idea.
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They hang their hat on Eph. 5:22-23.
 I stand here today, as a woman, to tell you that Paul’s teachings do not oppose
God’s ideas about women or about marriage.
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First of all in Eph. 5:22, Paul directs his words to wives, not women in general, but to wives specifically.
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And he says
“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
 Some translations may render it “… be submissive to your own husbands…” o It does not say “Be subject to all men.” o It says “Be subject to your own husband.”

I think the problem comes in a misunderstanding of the idea of “submission” or of being “subject to” another person.
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We have to look at what Paul meant by that word when he wrote it.
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In the original Greek language, submission meant yielding to another person’s opinion.
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In other words, if your spouse has a good idea, admit it – submit to it.
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And if you read the entirety of Eph. 5:22-33, marriage is supposed to be about mutual submission.
 WRITE THIS DOWN: submission is ours to give, not anyone else’s to demand.
 Listen to the interpretation Eugene Petersen gives of Paul’s words in The
Message.
Read Eph. 5:22-33 MSG.
Ephesians 5:22-33
The Message (MSG)
22-24
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for
Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
25-28
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already
“one” in marriage.
29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how
Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
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It does not sound domineering now, does it?
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Submission is ours to give, not anyone else’s to demand.
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Again, men and women are to hold an equal status in marriage.
Point 2: What women want men to know about women.
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In the book, Making Love Last a Lifetime, Adam Hamilton describes something he says women have - a love bank.
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When a couple is dating, a wise man is usually making a lot of deposits into her love bank.

o Every time the man holds the woman’s hand or cuddles with her, a deposit is made into the love bank. Cha-ching o Whenever he gives her flowers, gifts, or cards, he is making a deposit into her love bank. Cha-ching o Whenever he calls her or texts her, another deposit is made. – Cha-ching o If he invites her to hang out with him and his friend, Cha-ching! o Some rather large deposits are made into her love bank when he proposes, slips and engagement ring on her finger, and whisks her away on a romantic honeymoon. Major Cha-chings!
And then comes marriage. o For every load of laundry folded, meal cooked, and errand run without a thank you, some withdrawals are made from her love.
o When the withdrawals out-number the deposits, there are some signs that an overdrawn account is on the horizon.
o Men, if you have dozed off, I suggest you wake up and pay attention now. o If that easy-going lady you remember starts having a short temper, make some deposits. o If you sense something is wrong, but she says nothing is wrong, make some deposits. o If she cries for no apparent reason, make some deposits. o These are all indications that her love bank may be close to, or running on a negative balance.
My suggestion to all husbands is to make REGULAR deposits into your wife’s love bank.
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If you do not make regular deposits, but you continually make withdrawals, you may overdraw your account one day and find yourself heading for divorce.
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Here is what women want you to know about women: Hamilton says women need
4 A’s from their husbands:
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First, they need you to be attentive.
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When she talks to you look at her.
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Take an interest in what interests her.
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Second, be actively involved in your family.
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Drive the car-pools.
 Attend the kids’ school and sports functions.
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Plan date-nights with your wife.
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Take part in the household chores.
 Third, show appreciation to your wife.
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Say thank you when she does your laundry, cooks your meals, and runs errands for you.
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Bring her an unexpected gift every once in a while.
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And fourth, show her affection in non-sexual ways.
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Give her a hug, hold her hand, or give her a kiss without an expected outcome in mind.
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You may just find yourself reaping regular rewards!

Our third point this morning is what I want you to know about women.
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This does not come from any book.
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It comes from my experience leading women’s Bible studies for many years.
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#1 thing I hear women say they want from their husbands is this: o be actively involved in the spiritual matters of their family.
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Be more involved in family prayer.
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Make church/worship a priority.
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Read & study the Bible together. o If you do not want to be involved, do not criticize – huge withdrawals.
You may be wondering why I would preach this message on Father’s Day.
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There is no greater gift any father can give to his children than to be a good husband to their mother.
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So, these are the things for all husbands (fathers or not) to remember:
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God says men and women are to hold an equal status in marriage.
 Women say they need 4 A’s from you:
1.
Be attentive .
2.
Be actively involved .
3.
Show appreciation .
4.
Be affectionate in non-sexual ways .
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And I say please be actively involved in the spiritual matters of your family.
If you do these things, you will be a fantastic husband and father!