Clear and Concise Writing for
Scientific Journals
Kristen D. Folsom
Karna, LLC
for
Community Guide Branch
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
To communicate most
effectively in scientific writing,
always use as few words as
possible to convey your
meaning.
Imagine you have to pay
$1
for each word of your manuscript.
This training module focuses on:
• Decreasing
Word Count
• Improving
Clarity
Tips for Achieving Clarity
and Conciseness in Scientific Writing
• Delete unnecessary words
• Avoid prepositional phrases
• Use adjectives and adverbs sparingly
• Prefer simple words over more complex ones
• Limit noun strings
Tips for Achieving Clarity
and Conciseness in Scientific Writing (cont.)
• Use active verbs when possible
• Avoid nominalizations
• Use active instead of passive voice
• Avoid figures of speech
• Keep subjects near verbs
Deleting Unnecessary Words
Instead of saying…
It is likely that
In the vicinity of
It must first be established that
Due to the fact that
It is apparent that
In the state of North Carolina
Was found to be
In order to
A large majority of
In the event that
Just say…
Likely
Near
First
Because
Apparently
In North Carolina
Was
To
Most
If
Revision Exercise 1:
Rephrase to delete as many unnnecessary
words as possible.
Original: Due to the fact that the interventions for
childhood obesity were only implemented among
students in the state of California, it is likely that
applicability findings are overstated.
Revised: Because childhood obesity interventions were
only implemented among California students,
applicability findings are likely overstated.
Avoid Prepositional Phrases
When Possible
Too many prepositional phrases in a single
sentence, especially when used to show
possession, can obscure the
main subject and action.
Revision Exercise 2:
Rephrase to avoid prepositional phrases.
Original: It is a matter of the gravest possible
importance to the health of anyone with a history
of a problem with disease of the heart that he or
she should avoid the sort of foods with a high
percentage of saturated fats.
Revised: Anyone with a history of heart disease
should avoid saturated fats.
Source: The University of Wisconsin Madison. (2013). The writer’s handbook: clear, concise sentences.
Retrieved November 4, 2013, from http://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/CCS_prepphrases.html.
Use Adjectives and Adverbs
Sparingly
Adverbs are often ambiguous and should be avoided to
make your writing clear and concise.
For example, what constitutes several, few, many, large, or
small to one reader is something different to another reader.
Very and extremely are rarely ever needed.
Deleting them will not change the meaning of
a sentence. Likewise, generally and in general
add little value.
Revision Exercise 3:
Rephrase to delete adjectives and adverbs.
Original: The stunning gains in human life expectancy
that accelerated in the mid-1800s and continued
during the following century often are attributed
primarily to improvements in medicine.
Revised: Gains in life expectancy that accelerated in
the mid-1800s and continued during the following
century are attributable to improvements in
medicine.
Source: National Research Council (US) Panel on a Research Agenda and New Data for an Aging
World. Preparing for an Aging World: The Case for Cross-National Research. Washington (DC):
National Academies Press (US); 2001. 2, Our Aging World. Available from:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK98375.
Prefer Simple Words
Never use a complex word when a simple word
will do.
Examples of complex or vague words that convey simple ideas
(and their alternatives):
utilize (use)
methodology (method)
etiology (cause)
elucidate (show)
plethora (abundance)
putative (just delete this word altogether!)
Revision Exercise 4:
Rephrase to delete vague words.
Original: Economists utilize specific methodologies to
facilitate the mechanisms by which they calculate
disability adjusted life years.
Revised: Economists use specific methods to
calculate disability adjusted life years.
Source: Duke Graduate School. (2013). Scientific Writing Resource. Retrieved November 29, 2013,
from https://cgi.duke.edu/web/sciwriting/index.php?action=lesson3.
Limit Noun Strings
(Nouns Modifying Nouns)
Unless readers are familiar with your
terminology (or jargon), avoid using
phrases with many consecutive nouns
(noun strings).
Revision Exercise 5:
Rephrase to delete noun strings.
Original: Community information feedback
mechanisms are important if governments want
scientists to explain how they spend taxpayers’
money.
Revised: Governments should create effective
mechanisms for scientists to explain how they
spend taxpayers’ money.
Source: Westbrook, G., & Cooper, L. (2013). Techniques for clear scientific writing and editing.
Journal of Neuroscience. Retrieved October 9, 2013, from
http://www.jneurosci.org/site/misc/publishingpointers.xhtml.
Use Active Verbs When Possible
Using passive verbs (i.e., being verbs —is, am,
are, was, were) almost always results in more
words than necessary being used.
Revision Exercise 6:
Rephrase to assign action to the verb:
Original: The establishment of a different approach on
the part of healthcare professionals is necessary.
Revised: Healthcare professionals should establish a
different approach.
Avoid Noun Forms of Verbs
(Nominalizations)
Nominalizations are verbs that have been
made into nouns by adding “-tion.”
Use action verbs instead.
The word “nominalization” is a
nominalization of the verb
“to nominalize.”
Source: Sheffield, N. Scientific Writing: Clarity, Conciseness & Cohesion. Durham, NC: Duke University
Writing Studio. Retrieved October 9, 2013, from
https://cgi.duke.edu/web/sciwriting/resources/201108_DukeScientificWritingWorkshop.pdf.
Revision Exercise 7:
Rephrase to remove the nominalizations.
Original: An evaluation of the intervention should be
performed in order to determine whether
implementation is useful.
Revised: The intervention should be evaluated to
determine whether it should be implemented.
Use Active Instead of Passive Voice
For sentences written in the active voice, the
subject performs the action.
For sentences written in the passive voice, the
subject receives the action.
Active voice is usually (but not always) clearer.
Source: The University of Wisconsin Madison. (2013). The writer’s handbook: clear, concise sentences.
Retrieved November 4, 2013, from http://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/CCS_prepphrases.html.
Revision Exercise 8:
Rephrase to incorporate active voice.
Original: It is believed by some physicians that all
heart attack symptoms are not reported by patients.
Revised: Some physicians believe that patients do
not report all heart attack symptoms.
Avoid Figures of Speech
Avoid colloquialisms, cliches, idioms,
metaphors, etc.
Readers whose first language is not
English will better understand your
message when you use words with the
most precise meaning.
Revision Exercise 9:
Rephrase to avoid figures of speech:
Original: At the end of the day, policy makers and
community leaders will have to pony up the cash to
implement the environmental changes that are
needed to get the health of community members back
on track.
Revised: Policy makers and community leaders will
ultimately be responsible for money needed to
implement environmental changes intended to
improve heath.
Keep Subjects Near Verbs
Readers look for two primary pieces of
information:
1.) Who is the sentence about?
2.) What are they doing?
In scientific writing, sentences with long, complex
subjects often confuse readers.
Revision Exercise 10:
Rephrase to place the verb closer to the
subject of the sentence:
Original: Incidence of asthma and allergies in large
cities that have traffic congestion, an abundance of
manufacturing plants, and other common gaseous
pollutants like carbon monoxide, sulfur dioxides, and
chlorofluorocarbons, is higher among children.
Revised: Incidence of asthma and allergies is higher
among children who live in cities that have…
Other tips for scientific writing:
In scientific literature, the word significant is reserved for use with statistics
only.
Using Risk For vs. Risk Of:
The correct expressing is risk for because the phrase means “risk for acquiring the
illness.”
Among vs. In:
Use among when referring to groups or populations, and in when referring to an
individual patient.
Compared With vs. Compared To:
Compared with is the preferred terminology in medical literature because compared
to means "to regard as similar," and compare with means "to examine similarities or
differences."
Comprised vs. composed of:
The whole comprises the parts (e.g., a book comprises chapters) or the whole is
composed of its parts (e.g., the book is composed of chapters). Comprised of should
never be used.
In scientific writing, al is deleted from terms whenever possible (e.g.,
epidemiologic versus epidemiological or biologic versus biological).
Deleting The:
To make your writing more concise, delete the whenever possible, especially
before abbreviations and acronyms.
Ensure vs. Assure:
Use ensure when you mean to make certain; assure means to provide comfort to
someone, typically through verbal communication.
Fewer versus less:
Use fewer to modify items that can be counted (e.g., fewer participants), and use
less for items that cannot be counted (e.g., less water).
Past versus previous:
Past implies the immediate past. Use previous to connote a more remote period
than the current discussion.
Suggests versus indicates/demonstrates: Suggests weakens your message. Try
indicates, recommends, demonstrates, reveals, or provides evidence that, instead.
Extra Credit Revision Exercise
How can we rephrase the following sentence
for better clarity?
A member of the bovine subspecies leapt
vertically upward, in the pattern of an arc,
above the celestial lunar body, then back
groundward toward its point of origin.
The cow jumped over the moon!
Questions? Comments?