GENDERLECT STYLES
A
“Cross-Cultural”
Communication
THE CREATOR
 Deborah Tannen is an American Academic and professor of
Linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington D.C.
 She began research when she did a microanalysis of six
friends during a two-and-a-half-hour dinner conversation at
Thanksgiving.
 The focus of the theory is interpersonal relationships .
THE BASICS
 Genderlect was NOT coined by Tannen, but it encompasses her
theory very well.
 Genderlect is a term suggesting that masculine and feminine
styles of discourse are best viewed as two distinct cultural
dialects.
 Tannen describes that conversation between men and women
is much like a communication gap between cultures, however,
we do not know we will encounter it.
 Tannen explains that the messages between men and women
are seen as alien, threatening, “different words from dif ferent
worlds”, and the same terms, but “tuned to dif ferent
frequencies”.
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
 Despite Tannen’s citings of dialogues from several movies,
most students studying the theory refer to the movie When
Harr y Met Sally as a great example for the theory.
 This scene shows Harry and Sally at their first stop on their
18-hour long road trip from the University of Chicago to New
York. Harry is dating Sally’s friend, Amanda.
 Restaurant scene
 This scene shows Harry and Sally meeting five years later on
an airplane. Harry surprises Sally saying he is engaged. She
approves, but their conversation proves they still have
dif ferent trains of thought.
 Airplane scene
 Harry may see Sally as a member of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood
and Sally may see Harry as coming from Planet of the Apes.
CONNECTION VS. STATUS
 Women seek connection in conversation.
 From the movie:
 Sally is sad because Harry says that men and women can’t be
friends.
 Sally is also shocked because Harry ends by saying that sex in the
end of intimacy rather than a beginning to a relationship.
 Harry is implying that a true, non-intimate relationship with a male is
impossible.
CONNECTION VS. STATUS (CONT.)
 Men are concerned primarily with status.
 They are always hard at work to preserve their position in the
hierarchy.
 From the movie:
 Harry is urging Sally to ignore her friendship with Amanda and accept
his pass.
 Harry initiates conversation, starts to argue, talks the most and loves
the last word.
 A woman’s desire for intimacy threatens the male
independence and his need to be one up.
 Tannen states that sometimes men want intimacy and women
want power also, but it isn’t always possible.
RAPPORT VS. REPORT
 Rapport talk– Typical conversation style of women, which
seeks to establish a connection with others
 Report talk – Typical monologue style of men, which seeks to
command attention, convey information, and win arguments.
 In order to state that women focus on intimacy and men focus
on power, Tannen analysizes conversations between men and
women.
 Tannen focuses on speakers from feminine cultures and
masculine cultures to identify their core values.
 The linguistic dif ferences between the two verifies her
statement.
PRIVATE SPEAKING VS. PUBLIC SPEAKING
 According to folk wisdom, women talk more than men do.
 Throughout the movie When Harr y Met Sally, Sally continues
to try to make a connection with Harry. Her rapport style of
speaking transfers well in private.
 On the other hand, Tannen states that men use words as
weapons. Even Harry’s rare exposure of his personal life in the
movie is done over competitive situations (jogging, batting
cages, watching football, etc.) Harry’s report style of speaking
transfers well in public.
 Behind close doors, men no longer feel the urge to protect
themselves with words.
TELLING A STORY
 In conjunction with Narrative Paradigm, Tannen agrees that
stories reveal much about a person’s hopes, needs, and
values.
 In men focusing to preserve their hierarchy status, they tell
jokes and stories. This is their way of saying “Can you top
this?”, which holds your attention.
 Their stories often portray themselves as heroes, overcoming
great obstacles on their own.
 Women express their desire for community when telling
stories about others, often sharing stories of foolishness and
downplaying themselves.
 Telling a story
LISTENING
 Throughout conversation, women of fer head nods, eye contact
and react with small responses to show they’re listening.
 To men however, agreeing means to put himself in a
vulnerable position, or a one-down stance. Because of their
lack of agreement, women usually think men aren’t listening.
 Cooperative overlap – A supportive interruption often meant to show
agreement and solidarity with the speaker.
 Women see cooperative overlap as a means of agreeing and
supporting, however, men see it as an attempt to steal power.
 The dif ferences in style of conversation are the root of
irritation between males and females.
ASKING QUESTIONS
 According to Tannen, women ask questions in order to
establish a connection with someone. Women often tag their
opinions with questions.
 Example: “Look at our Christmas tree, isn’t it so pretty?”
 Tag question – A short question at the end of a declarative
statement, often used by women to soften the sting of potential
disagreement or invite open, friendly dialogue.
 On the other hand, a man asking questions is, in his eyes
showing ignorance and weakness.
 Example: Asking for directions
 Asking questions
CONFLICT
 According to Tannen, men are comfortable with confrontation
because this is their chance to win an argument.
 Women, however, avoid conflict because this is a chance of
threatening her connection with someone.
 This scene shows Sally trying to calm Harry down after he
yelled at his friends because of his own personal frustration.
 Conflict
 Another conflict between men and women is when a woman
tells a man what to do. This also threatens the man’s need to
feel in control of the situation.
UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER
 Tannen mentions sensitivity training as an ef fort to teach men
how to speak in a feminine voice. Assertiveness training is an
ef fort to teach women how to speak in a masculine voice. She
believes there is hope for men and women to bridge their
communication gap through these trainings.
 In the movie When Harr y Met Sally, Harry finally confesses his
love for Sally and then explains with her rapport style of
speaking that he understands her and cares about her. Sally
finally sees that Harry understands a lot more than she
thought he did.
 Final scene from When Harry Met Sally
WOMEN WHO CARE VS. MEN WHO ARE
FAIR: ETHICAL REFLECTION
 Carol Gilligan, a professor of education at Harvard Graduate
School of Education presents a theory claiming that women
tend to speak and think in ethical voices dif ferent from that
of men. This view is very similar to Tannen’s theory in the
sense that men want independence, seek moral maturity in
terms of justice and women desire the human connection and
see their ethical response as one of care.
 Men’s ethical goals – Individual rights, equality before the
law, fair play, and a square deal.
 Women’s ethical goals – Contextual, more immersed in
details and narratives, sensitive to others, loyalty, self sacrifice, and peacemaking.
CRITIQUE OF THE THEORY: CROSSCULTURAL OR NOT?
 This theory is neither an interpretive nor a objective theory.
 The aha factor is a way to test the validity of the “cross cultural” hypothesis.
 Aha factor – A subjective standard ascribing validity to an idea when
it resonates with one’s personal experience.
 If Tannen’s interpretation is correct, readers will have an aha
moment when learning about the theory, connecting this
theory to their own personal experiences. However, several
aha moments doesn’t necessarily mean “proof”.
CRITIQUE OF THE THEORY: CROSSCULTURAL OR NOT? (CONT.)
 According to Tannen, women don’t want advice; they want the
gift of understanding.
 Tannen suggests throughout her theory that women embrace
connection and deny autonomy, while men seek autonomy and
avoid connection. Neither group usually feels any sense of
contradiction.
 As stated in the introduction of the chapter, there is more
diversity within each gender as opposed to between each
gender.
CRITIQUE OF THE THEORY: CROSSCULTURAL OR NOT? (CONT.)
 Adrianne Kunkel of the University of Kansas and Brant
Burleson challenge Tannen’s cross-cultural perspective.
 Kunkel and Burleson, from their research, state that while it’s
true that women often do want a connection, both sexes place
an equally high value on comforting communication.
 Due to their research, Kunkel and Burleson rejected the cross cultural perspective and said that both men and women
understand.
CRITIQUE OF THE THEORY: CROSSCULTURAL OR NOT? (CONT.)
 German linguistic Senta Troemel-Ploetz bashed Tannen on her
theory and says the fact that, “If you leave out power, you do
not understand talk.” She also states that from history, men
are used to dominating and women are trained to please.
 Troemel-Ploetz suggested doing a follow -up study on men who
read Tannen’s book You Just Don’t Understand. She noted that
women usually give this book to their husbands after reading
it. She said that if Tannen’s theory is true, the follow -up study
will show men talking more empathetically with their wives,
which will not happen.
CLASS PARTICIPATION
Who was the creator of the Genderlect Styles
theory?
A. Adrianne Kunkel
B. Carol Gilligan
C. Deborah Tannen
CLASS PARTICIPATION (CONT.)
The term “Genderlect” was coined by Deborah
Tannen.
A. True
B. False
CLASS PARTICIPATION (CONT.)
In the first two scenes from When Harry Met
Sally, their argument is about their views on
what topic?
A. Politics
B. Sex
C. Their evening plans
CLASS PARTICIPATION (CONT.)
_________ talk is to women as _________ talk
is to men.
A. Rapport : Report
B. Autonomy : Connection
C. Harry : Sally
CLASS PARTICIPATION (CONT.)
When men tell stories, they portray
themselves as a _______.
A. Jerk
B. Hero
C. Weak man
CLASS PARTICIPATION (CONT.)
Does Tannen believe that men and women will
ever understand each other?
A. No, there is absolutely no hope
B. Only if men change their way of thinking
forever
C. Yes, the gap can be bridged with sensitivity
and assertiveness training
CLASS PARTICIPATION (CONT.)
Genderlect Styles Theory is classified as
________.
A. Objective
B. Neither
C. Interpretive