When Harry Met Sally
Identity Concepts seen thru film
Focus
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Two main characters
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Harry: Self prophesying, low self-esteem,
misperception prone, in love with Sally!
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Sally: Confident, lack of knowledge of actual self,
pleaser, romantic, disillusioned, in love with Harry!
We travel through time…
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We get a chance to study Harry & Sally
during different stages of:
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Time
Self evolvement
Relationships
What changes do we see…
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Physical
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Each character changes hair styles, dress and
general presentation of self
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These physical changes cause each to perceive
each other differently
What changes do we see…
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Examples:
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Harry makes a distinct comment about Sally’s
state of dress just after he finds out she is going
on a date. He uses her insecurities to question
whether she should wear what she has chosen.
Harry really wanted to keep Sally from going on
the date. He tried to use misdirection and even
reverse psycology to achieve his desire rather
than a direct, concise communication.
Consequences of our choices…
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Harry chose to chance misunderstanding by hiding
his true feelings in humor, sarcasm and self-pity.
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Sally chose to create the understanding that she
was most comfortable hearing. She “knew” what he
was trying to say, but wasn’t “prepared” to believe it
or act on it.
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Neither wanted to risk exhibiting their real feelings
for fear of being hurt or losing there friendship
How we communicate changes over time?
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Harry and Sally present themselves in different stages of life through
out the film. At each stage they dress, appear and communicate
differently.
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College students
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Young Adults
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Self centered
Optimistic
Carefree
Self absorbed
Career centered
Arogant/Cynical
Mature Adults
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Reflective
Self improvement
Committment
Ready for anything – Road trip
Brutally “honest” – self perception
The world is my stage – anything possible
Both are career oriented
Socially guided language, appearance, attitude
Been there, done that…
I’m better for it…it was worth the pain
This is what I really want
Realization of truth
Relationships change with time
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Surface
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Exploratory
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Building block (Sally)
Physical & Social (Harry)
Trust building (Sally)
Extended time period (Harry)
Intimate
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Lasting (Sally)
Culminating (Harry)
His/Her Perceptions
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Surface Relationship
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Harry all about physical & social acceptance
Sally focused on possibility of long term
This immediate difference of perception caused the
initial rift between these two people. They
couldn’t get past what the other expected of the
relationship and gave up.
His/Her Perceptions
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Exploratory
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Both had grown as individuals and had life experience to
rely on in building a friendship
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Harry was a self prophet
He felt he’d never have a healthy relationship
Sally was in denial over past relationships
She had hope of a healthy relationship
Their friends’ relationships brought them together over and
over again
They didn’t choose to recognize this as a sign, but rather their
role in their friends’ lives.
Both still had hidden feelings that time had to reveal
His/Her Perceptions
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Intimacy
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Harry was certain that intimacy would kill their
relationship
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Sally didn’t want to admit that there was any
attraction or that intimacy would change anything
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His perception of what intimacy meant did make
problems with the relationship – Sally thought it meant
more, Harry was afraid of failure and hurt.
She prided herself on being right and couldn’t admit that
she wanted an intimate relationship with Harry
Both were proved wrong and the truth lie in
between the perceptions
How did this help me learn?
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The film is a great depiction of relationships, communication and
how affected our “self” can be from everything around us.
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I found it interesting to see the affects on “self” thru different
stages of life.
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Both characters were changed after each “stage” of their relationship
Each new beginning of their relationship opened them up to different affects
– they were more open, more trusting, more ready
It was also self reflective of how we perceive each other and how
we play in our minds how conversations and relationships should
play out.
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My husband and I are challenged with this all the time. I can hear what I
want him to say, but he doesn’t know what I want him to say. He doesn’t
want to say what he means and I don’t want to hear what he wants to say. I
am a lot like Sally. I want to be self aware, but I also want the fairy tale
ending!
How did this help me learn?
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I especially like the format of the film with the
different generations sharing their love stories.
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This shows clearly that words, socially accepted practices,
customs, etc. can change dramatically over time
It also drove home that some things never change…power
of love.
We can also be a very poor judge of what is the right
decision for us at any given time. We are lucky when we
get another chance to evaluate that decision.