• “In the church, I have
experienced people at their
very best . . . and at their very
worst.”
• “Being part of our
congregation through the
years has been a source of
unexpected blessing. It has
also been the source of harsh
judgment, disappointment
and, at times, loneliness.”
John 13:34-35
A new command I give you:
Love one another. As I
have loved you, so you
must love one another.
By this everyone will know
that you are my disciples,
if you love one another.
I Peter 2:9-12
You are a chosen people, a
royal priesthood, a holy nation,
a people belonging to God, that
you may declare the praises of
him who called you out of
darkness into his wonderful
light. . . .
Dear friends, I urge you, as
aliens and strangers in the
world, to abstain from sinful
desires, which war against your
soul. Live such good lives
among the pagans that, though
they accuse you of doing wrong,
they may see your good deeds
and glorify God on the day he
visits us.
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Anti-homosexuals
Judgmental
Hypocritical
Old fashioned
Too involved in politics
Out of touch w/ reality
Insensitive to others
Not accept other faiths
Boring
Confusing
91%
87%
85%
78%
75%
72%
70%
64%
68%
61%
The Fermi Project
• God’s people
• A Kingdom foretaste
• An alternative community
to normal culture
• The community of shalom
• A hospitable, redemptive
and safe space
• Where people are learning
to live life God’s way
• A written document
• Drawn up and owned
by the congregation,
• Describing positively how they
wish to be treated and will treat
one another,
• As brothers and sisters in Christ,
• A spiritual discipline practiced
daily.
• Involve as many people
as possible.
• Either start with leaders
and give the congregation
opportunity for feedback.
• Or start with different
groups and then merge
with opportunities for
feedback.
• Without involvement there
is no ownership!
What sort of behaviors should
characterize God’s People?
– How are we called to treat one
another as fellow disciples?
– How are we to deal with conflict
among us?
– How are we to deal with sin
among us?
– How are leaders to treat people?
– How are the people to treat
leaders?
"If your brother sins against you, go and show
him his fault, just between the two of you. If
he listens to you, you have won your brother
over. But if he will not listen, take one or two
others along, so that 'every matter may be
established by the testimony of two or three
witnesses.‘ If he refuses to listen to them, tell
it to the church; and if he refuses to listen
even to the church, treat him as you would a
pagan or a tax collector.
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and
dearly loved, clothe yourselves with
compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness
and patience. Bear with each other and
forgive whatever grievances you may have
against one another. Forgive as the Lord
forgave you. And over all these virtues put on
love, which binds them all together in perfect
unity.
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a
life worthy of the calling you have received. Be
completely humble and gentle; be patient,
bearing with one another in love. Make every
effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the
bond of peace. There is one body and one
Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when
you were called— one Lord, one faith, one
baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over
all and through all and in all.
• Work in small groups of 4 or 5
• Describe the behaviors that you feel
should characterize your
congregation’s relationships
• Be specific: what does being
“respectful” mean behaviorally?
• Let groups report and keep an
ongoing list of what is said.
• If necessary, have someone
wordsmith the list and report back
to the group later
• Invite everyone to sign the document
as a pledge to these Holy Manners
• Listening -- even when you
disagree.
• Giving your best; full effort
to God’s mission.
• Loyalty to the absent; no
gossiping.
• No put downs or sarcasm.
• Being a team player; loyalty to
one another & the group
• Confidentiality
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At Community Church…
We seek to build each other up and not tear down.
We respect and honor the office of pastor and other lay leaders.
We seek to communicate clearly and completely.
We offer our opinions with charity and humility.
We make positive investments in each others lives.
We seek to discover what is best for our church as a whole, not
what may be best for us or for some small group in the church.
We accept disagreement, conflict and evaluation as normal and
natural.
We covenant together (1) to deal with our differences in a spirit of mutual
respect and (2) to refrain from actions that destroy the emotional and
physical well being of others—actions that are inherently contradictory to
the fundamental Christian precept to "love thy neighbor as thyself".
As we live according to this covenant, the following principles guide our actions:
– We will treat others whose views may differ from our own with the same courtesy we
would want to receive ourselves;
– We will listen with a sincere desire to understand the point of view being expressed by
another person, especially if it is different from our own;
– We will respect each other's ideas, feelings and experiences;
– We will be non-blaming and non-judgmental in our attitude and behavior towards others;
– We will communicate directly with persons with whom we may disagree in a respectful and
constructive way;
– We will place primary emphasis on where we share common ground rather than on
differences and disagreements;
– We will seek feedback to ensure that we have truly understood each other in our
communications.
By entering this covenant, we will affirm and support each other in our
respective faith journeys.
Statement of Holy Manners
We commit ourselves and will hold each other accountable to:
• Keep God at the centre of everything we do;
• Respect the worth of each individual;
• Affirm people's right to hold and express differing opinions, assume best
intentions, listen carefully to each other, without interrupting;
• Strive for equal opportunity and encourage the participation of all;
• Affirm the wisdom of silence, pausing from time to time to ponder what
others have said and to discern the Spirit's movement;
• Seek to understand what others are saying;
• Be open to new ideas;
• Respect the confidentiality of individual members and their stories;
• Uphold and honor decisions that have been made;
• Keep life in perspective by preserving a sense of humor; and
• Hold one another in prayer.
• Listen to each other. (James 1:19)
• Respect the Privacy of Those Who Confide. (Proverbs 11:13)
• Challenge each other with the truth. Be willing to confront when
it is important. (Ephesians 4:15-16)
• Deal with people directly; don't complain to others. If someone
complains to you about another member, help that person
follow this principle. (Matthew 18:15)
• Strengthen each other. (Ephesians 4:29)
• Be gentle with one another. (Galatians: 6:1)
• Do not speak ill of others in the fellowship. (James 5:9)
• Do not judge each other. (Romans 2:1)
• Pray for one another. (James 5:16)
• Confess One's Wrongs to Another. (James 5:9)
• Forgive One Another. (Luke 6:38)
• Freely participate in the Body of Christ according to our gifts and
talents. (Matthew 10:8)
• Following opportunities for
feedback, invite everyone to
commit to the covenant by
signing it.
• Publish it widely.
• Look for opportunities to review
and evaluate regularly.
“On a scale of 1-10, how would you
rate your living into our covenant
this last week?”
• Leaders must model being held
accountable!
• Anyone can call a serious foul.
• The group stops immediately
and attends to the infraction.
• Gently share how and by whom
Holy Manners are not being
kept.
• Person not keeping covenant
should accept this as nondefensively as possible,
apologize and promise to keep
it in the future.
The reality of our
discipleship as a
faith community
and the integrity
of our witness in
the world.