Intentional Leadership
A Problem-Oriented Leadership Learning
Opportunity1
Kendall L. Stewart, MD, MBA, DLFAPA
January 25, 2013 Discussion Draft
presentation will produce some energizing discomfort when you realize you are responsible
for most of the paralyzing discomfort in your professional life.
1This
What is the problem?1,2
We are to blame for most
of the stress in our
professional lives
because we are leading
impulsively instead of
intentionally.
1I
have never had a leader tell me, “I’m stressed and it’s my fault.”
it almost always is.
2But
Why is this important?
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1Let
Most leaders would agree that
leadership is stressful.
And most would say their job is to
blame.
It’s just not true.
And so long as we delude ourselves,
we will not manage the stress in
our professional lives very
effectively.
Here is a new perspective on the
professional stress problem.
You can decrease your stress by
leading intentionally.
Just control your mind.
It’s that simple—and hard.1
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This presentation will answer the
following questions:
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How can you recognize you are leading
impulsively?
Why will most leaders never get it?
What circumstances predispose you to
lead impulsively?
Why are you inclined to lead
impulsively?
Why do you fall into these traps?
If you aspire to be an intentional leader,
what must you change?
This is not easy, simple, quick or
fun.
But even modest progress will
render you more successful and
less stressed.
me begin with a typical story a colleague told me about a physician leader trashing me.
How can you recognize that you are
leading impulsively?
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1You
When you are angry
When you are hurt
When you are ruminating
When you are venting
When you are worrying
When you are crying
When you are being defensive
When you are avoiding
When you are not consulting your colleagues
When you are dreading
When you are reacting impulsively
When you are feeling or doing anything unpleasant that you are
blaming on someone else1
would not be doing any of these things intentionally, right?
all of these unpleasant emotions and behaviors are subjecting you to avoidable stress.
3This presentation will show you how to minimize that stress.
2And
Why will most leaders never get this?
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1Most
They believe they are “normal” and perfectly entitled to feel the way
they do.
They believe someone or something made them feel that way.
They believe they have no control over their feelings.
Their role models have reacted in the same ways.
They believe that their bad feelings and associated actions motivate
others to do better.
They believe that since they are bigwigs people are not supposed to
make them unhappy.
They have little or no mental self-discipline.
They believe that being miserable is just they way they are.
No one has ever pointed out that that way we feel and react is our
responsibility; if someone has, they don’t believe it.
They are just not smart enough to figure this out.
They are in a rut and have no desire to get out.1
leaders prefer to tolerate the level of stress with which they have become “comfortable” instead
of experiencing the discomfort of decreasing the stress in their professional lives. Go figure.
Why are you inclined to lead
impulsively?1
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Some emotional trigger occurs in the workplace.
Your beliefs, perceptions and sensitivities process it.
As a result, you experiences certain feelings.
Because of these feelings, you feel certain preconscious urges.
In response to these urges, you automatically behave in predictable
ways.
These behaviors produce unpleasant or unhelpful consequences.
This result produces feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and
you to blame others.
This frustrating cascade reinforces your beliefs, perceptions and
sensitivities and prepares you for the next leadership failure.
Most fearful leaders never figure this cascade out, suspect they can
change it, or possess the interest or self-discipline to do so.
1Anatomical,
neurochemical, electrical and molecular processes notwithstanding, this cascade reflects
our current understanding of how the impulsive leader’s mind works.
Why do you fall into these traps?
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1When
You are partially hardwired to react defensively.
You have seen others react instinctively your whole life.
Your family members and role models have reacted
instinctively.
Bigwigs throw temper tantrums frequently and are lionized for
it; you have accepted such behavior as acceptable.
Since you are behaving and stressing just like everyone else,
you think you are doing the best you can.
You have succeeded so far in spite of your stress-inducing
impulses and unintentional behavior.
Because you are driven by your instincts; behaving in any other
way may never have occurred to you until now.1
a person you don’t admire, one who does not share your goals and who does not have your best
interests at heart criticizes you, why would you allow that to upset you?
If you aspire to become an intentional
leader, what must you change?
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1This
2And
You must question your beliefs.
You must modify your perceptions.
You must modulate your sensitivities.
Your must manage your feelings.
You must resist your urges.
You must change your behavior.
You must learn from the consequences of your actions.
You must recognize that leaders only become more
intentional and less impulsive over time and with
sustained effort.1,2
process is not “natural,” and few leaders will be sufficiently motivated to change.
one can only hope to become more intentional and less impulsive.
How can you question your beliefs?
Cognitive Distortion1
Reality
“I have no control over my feelings.”
“I manufacture my feelings in my mind.”
“Opposition means I am doing
something wrong.”
“Opposition means I am doing something
wrong - or right.”
“If I’m not the best, I’m the worst.”
“I’m neither the best nor the worst.”
“If everyone doesn’t love me, I’m not a person
worthy of love.”
“Only a few people have the capacity and will
invest the energy to love me.”
“If everyone doesn’t like me,
I’m a failure as a leader.”
“If everyone likes me,
I’m a failure as a leader.”
“When people criticize my work,
they are criticizing me.”
“When people criticize my work,
they are just criticizing my work.”
“If I say ‘no,’ people won’t like me.”
“If I say ‘no,’ some people won’t like me.”
1Here
are some of the mistaken beliefs—cognitive distortions—that control impulsive leaders.
How can you modify your perceptions?
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Begin by admitting that you have preconceived notions and that these
perceptions filter everything coming in and going out of your mind.
Then, admit your perceptions may be misperceptions.1,2
Figure out what your perceptions are by examining what upsets you and
how you behave when you are aroused.
Write your perceptions down so you can view them more objectively.
Be brutally honest with yourself about whether the facts support your
perceptions.
Force yourself to consider a different perspective.
Test your modified perspectives with colleagues who are open to new
perspectives themselves.
With your perspectives out in the open, invite people to challenge them.
Be patient and persistent with yourself.
These changes take time.
1People
2The
commonly believe that stress is bad and that it is killing us.
truth is, the lack of stress is killing us.
How can you modulate your
sensitivities?
Internal Locus of Control
External Locus of Control
“I am in charge of how my life turns
out.”
“I am a victim of fate; what will happen,
will happen.”
“If I make up my mind to do something,
I can make it happen.”
“Whether I succeed or fail depends on
luck and what others do.”
“I feel that way because I choose to.”
“Other people make me feel that way.”
“What matters most in my life is to
please myself.”
“What matters most in life is to please
others.”
“If I failed, it was because I didn’t
prepare adequately.”
“If I failed, it was because others didn’t
give me a fair shot.”
“I can persuade others if I make a
compelling case.”
“No matter what I do, the deck is
stacked against me.”
“If others don’t like me, that’s their
problem.”
“If others don’t like me, it’s my
problem.”1,2
1Your
2If
sensitivities are directly related to the source of your self-esteem.
your self-esteem is based mostly on what others think, you will be very sensitive.
How can you manage your feelings?1
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Identify and accept them.
Remind yourself that they are just feelings.
Quarantine them.
Take feelings seriously, but not too seriously.
View every unpleasant feeling as an opportunity to learn something.
Consider that you are feeling badly because you let your needs get
the better of you or you did something wrong.
Give them time; they will change.
Prevent emotional contagion; practice good brainwashing
techniques.2
Learn what not to do by observing others’ arousal.
Share your feelings sparingly—and only for the right reasons—after
you have defanged them.
1Re-read
2“Just
Chapter 2 in “A Portable Mentor for Organizational Leaders.”
because you feel that way does not mean I have to feel that way too!”
How can you resist your urges?
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Recognize that this is a critical leadership competency—and
a skill that is sorely lacking in typical leaders.
Identify your urges immediately—before you act on them.
Announce to your colleagues that you “feel an urge.”1
The most common urge is to talk about how you feel.
The next most common urge is to succumb to emotional
contagion and go along with whatever the leader is feeling.
Create a mental (or written) checklist of what the
exceptional leader does when she experiences an urge.
Complete this pre-flight checklist before taking off.
Ask your colleagues to audit your checklist completion.
1Humor
is an effective pause button when leaders become aroused.
How can you change your behavior?
Identify your impulsive behavioral patterns.
Ask for help from your colleagues; they will see your impulsive
patterns more clearly than you will.
Be sure to consider your mental behavioral patterns—such as
rumination—too.
Identify behaviors that would be more effective.
Interrupt your behavioral cascade as soon as you recognize it.
Strive to hit the pause button before the automatic behavioral
cascade begins.
Replace your impulsive behavior with intentional behavior no
matter how you feel.1,2
Over time, your intentional behaviors will reinforce themselves.
And you will have become a more intentional leader.
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you are initially engaged in becoming more intentional, you simply cannot trust your feelings.
is intensely uncomfortable for those who have succeeded as impulsive leaders.
How can you learn from the
consequences of your behavior?
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1I
Identify what the consequences of your behavior were.
Calculate the ROI on the mental energy you invested in
becoming aroused and venting and worrying and ruminating.
(Hint: The ROI is zero.)
Assess the damage you did to others by emoting all over the
place.
Ask yourself how the intentional leader would have handled
the same situation.
Ask the fellow leaders you most admire how your behavior
impacted them.
Ask your colleagues to describe what leadership behavior
would have been more helpful.1,2,3
have a certain reputation for confronting others.
colleague sent an emotional email, then apologized.
3Confrontation would have been counterproductive.
2A
What are some suggested next steps?
• Make an informed decision about whether you really
want to become a more intentional—and less
impulsive—leader.
• Decide whether you will pay the price.1,2
• Begin keeping a careful “Leadership-Moments-ofTruth” journal.
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What happened?
How did I feel?
What beliefs and perceptions inclined me to feel that way?
How were those beliefs and perceptions flawed?
What did I want to do?
What did I do?
What might I have done instead?
• Practice for the rest of your life.
1Only
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a few leaders will invest the time and energy to become more intentional.
will conclude that being an impulsive leader is working just fine for them.
Where can you learn more?
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Join the discussion about practical approaches to more effective
leadership on the SOMC Leadership Blog.
Read Expectations for SOMC Leaders carefully.
Learn more about Southern Ohio Medical Center here.
Review and download this presentation and related presentations and
white papers here.
Read Results That Last: Hardwiring Behaviors That Will Take Your
Company to the Top to review some leadership strategies that successful
health care executives have embraced.
Learn more about how to confront others effectively by reading A
Portable Mentor for Organizational Leaders.
Review practical techniques for conducting crucial conversations in
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.
Consider adding the practical and comprehensive Successful Manager’s
Handbook to your personal library.
Are there other questions?
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