Bullying
Facilitated by Lori Zierl
Pierce County UW-Extension
Family Living Agent
Objectives
Participants will:
Understand the harmful effects bullying has on
the development of large numbers of children
Be able to distinguish between normal conflict
& bullying, teasing & taunting, play fighting &
real aggression, flirting & sexual harassment
Learn how to respond to bullies, victims and
bystanders in helpful ways
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Definitions
A person is being bullied or victimized when
he or she is exposed, repeatedly, and over
time, to negative actions on the part of one
or more persons. (Olweus, 1991)
Bullying is a conscious, willful, and deliberate
hostile activity intended to harm, induce fear
through the threat of further aggression, and
create terror. (Coloroso, 2003)
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Four Markers of Bullying
An imbalance of power
Intent to harm
Repeated over time
Terror
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Contempt
Bullying is not about anger, it is about
contempt
Allows kids to harm others without
feeling empathy, compassion, or shame.
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Contempt
(continued)
A sense of entitlement
An intolerance toward differences
A liberty to exclude
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Types of Bullying
Verbal
Physical
Relational
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Verbal Bullying
Quick and painless for the bully
Extremely harmful to the target
Becomes normalized and the target
dehumanized
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Physical Violence
Accounts for less than 1/3 of bullying
Most likely to move on to more serious
criminal offenses
Most troubled of all bullies
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Relational Bullying
Most difficult to detect
Most powerful in the middle years
Used to alienate and reject a peer or to
purposefully ruin friendships
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Family Risk Factors for Bullying
Lack of warmth and parental involvement
Overly-permissive parenting (lack of limits)
Lack of supervision by parents
Harsh and inconsistent disciplinary practices
A model for bullying behavior
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Normal Conflict is Not Bullying
Characteristics of normal peer conflict
vary with age and development levels
Normal conflict includes:
Teasing
Arguing
Concerns related to rules and fairness
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Teasing Is Not Taunting
Teasing is a fun thing you do with friends
Taunting is a choice to bully someone for
whom you have contempt
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Teasing
Teaser and person teased
easily swap roles
Innocent in motive
Not intended to hurt the other person
Is discontinued when person teased
becomes upset or objects to the teasing
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Taunting
Imbalance of power
Intended to harm
Sinister in motive
Involves humiliating, cruel, demeaning
comments disguised as jokes
Continues especially when targeted kid
becomes distressed or objects
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Bullying Versus Play Fighting
Facial expressions
Free to participate versus forced or
challenged
Full force
Alternating versus unilateral roles
Stay together vs. separate
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Flirting vs. Sexual Harassment
Flirting
Reciprocal; goes both ways
Flattering or complimentary; not demeaning
Boosts self-esteem; makes you feel good/special
Sexual Harassment
Unwanted and one-sided
Degrading and disrespectful
Receiver feels powerless
Receiver feels humiliated or embarrassed
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What About?
Cliques
Hazing
Racist bullying
Gangs
Cyber bullying
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Effects of Bullying on
Perpetrators Themselves
More court convictions & jail time
Commit more serious crimes
More driving offenses & drunk driving
More alcoholism & mental health problems
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Dealing With Bullies
Nurture empathy
Teach friendship skills
Use non-violent discipline
Intervene immediately with discipline
Create opportunities to “do good”
Teach socially acceptable behaviors
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The Bullied
The one thing that all kids who are
bullied have in common is that they
were targeted by a bully
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Warning Signs of Being Bullied
Lack of interest in or refusal to go to school
Drop in grades
Withdraws from family and school activities
Plays alone or prefers to hang out with adults
Makes beeline to bathroom when arriving home
Stops talking about peers and everyday activities
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Four Antidotes to Bullying
Strong sense of self
Being a friend
Having at least one good friend
Being able to successfully get into a
group
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Effective Group Entry Strategies
Teach them to:
Observe the group and ask questions
Manage their hurt feelings
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Why Kids Don’t Tell
Ashamed of being bullied
Afraid of retaliation
Don’t think anyone can help them
Don’t think anyone will help them
Have learned that “ratting” on a peer is bad
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Telling Is Not Tattling
Tattling – if it will only get another child
in trouble
Telling – if it will get you or another child
out of trouble
If it is both, I need to know
(Coloroso)
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If Your Child Is Bullied
Don’t minimize, rationalize, or explain away
the bully’s behavior
Don’t rush to solve the problem for your child
Don’t tell your child to avoid the bully
Don’t tell your child to fight back
Don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents
alone
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If Your Child Is Bullied
Reassure them it is not their fault
There are things you can do:
Help them develop new friendships
Teach them to be confident
Teach them to be assertive
Report the bullying to school personnel
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How To Report
Arrange a meeting with school personnel
Bring the facts in writing
Develop a plan
Find out what procedures the bully will
be going through
If problem is not addressed adequately,
take to school board or police
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Bystanders
Anyone who knows that bullying is
happening
“There are no innocent bystanders”
Author William Burroughs
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The Bullying Circle by Dan Olweus. PhD
Bullies
Followers/Henchmen
Supporters/Passive Bullies
Passive Supporters/Possible Bullies
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The Bullying Circle (Continued)
Disengaged Onlookers
Possible Defenders
Defenders of the Target
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Reasons For Not Intervening
Afraid of getting hurt himself
Afraid of becoming a new target
Afraid of doing something that will only
make the situation worse
Does not know what to do
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Changing Bystander Behavior
Promote the development of empathy
Improve recognition of bullying
Teach children strategies they can use
to be helpful
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Caring Schools
Gather information
Establish clear rules about bullying
Train all adults
Provide adequate adult supervision
Improve parental awareness
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Criminal Justice System
Statutory laws
Considered illegal based upon age of offender
Developed to protect youth against
themselves and society against their
immature judgment
No statutory protections for youth that are
bullied
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Summary
There are clear harmful effects from bullying on
the development of large numbers of children
Bullying has a devastating impact on children’s
ability to focus on academics at school
Bullying is a serious problem for school-age
children and one for which they receive limited
adult help
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Summary
(Continued)
Bullying is a complex, distressing
problem for children that requires
intervention on multiple levels.
There are strategies to decrease bullying
at the individual child, peer group, and
school-wide levels
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Resources
The Bully, The Bullied and the
Bystander: From Preschool to High
School-How Parents and Teachers
Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence
Barbara Coloroso, 2003
Bullying at School: What We Know
and What We Can Do
Dan Olweus, 1993
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Resources
(Continued)
Sticks and Stones: Changing the Dynamics
of Bullying and Youth Violence
Katherine Kocs, 1999
Steps to Respect: A Bullying Prevention
Program (800-634-4449)
www.cfchildren.org/strres.html
Stop Bullying Now.
www.StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov
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Lori Zierl
Family Living Agent
UW-Extension Pierce County
Pierce County Office Building
412 West Kinne Street, P.O. Box 69
Ellsworth, WI 54011-0069
715-273-3531, ext. 6663
University of Wisconsin-Extension, U.S. Dept. of Agriculture and Wisconsin
counties cooperating. UW-Extension provides equal opportunities in
employment and programming, including Title IX and ADA.
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