BULLYING 101:
A PRESENTATION FOR PARENTS
Given by Robert Constantino & Kerry DiSimone
Definition of HIB
According to the NJ 2011 Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights
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"Harassment, intimidation or bullying" means any
gesture, any written, verbal or physical act, or any
electronic communication,
whether it be a single incident or a series of incidents,
that is reasonably perceived as being motivated either
by any actual or perceived characteristic, such as race,
color, religion, ancestry, national origin, gender, sexual
orientation, gender identity and expression, or a
mental, physical or sensory disability, or by any other
distinguishing characteristic…
HIB Definition (cont’d)
According to the NJ 2011 Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights
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that takes place on school property, at any school-sponsored
function, on a school bus, or off school grounds
that substantially disrupts or interferes with the orderly operation of
the school or the rights of other students and that:
a. a reasonable person should know, under the circumstances, will
have the effect of physically or emotionally harming a student or
damaging the student's property, or placing a student in reasonable
fear of physical or emotional harm to his person or damage to his
property;
b. has the effect of insulting or demeaning any student or group of
students; or
c. creates a hostile educational environment for the student by
interfering with a student’s education or by severely or pervasively
causing physical or emotional harm to the student.
Bullying Happens in Four Ways
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Verbal
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Physical
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Blocking someone’s path, physical restraint, pushing/kicking,
hazing
Sexual
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Teasing, jokes, ignoring/isolation, gossip, threats
Teasing, touching, slapping, pictures, emails, graffiti, sexual
assault
Property
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Hiding belongings, theft, arson, extortion, vandalism,
destruction
The Dynamics of Bullying
BULLY
VICTIM
BYSTANDER
Bullies
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Aggressive Bullies
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Passive Bullies (Anxious Bullies)
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Most common type – Physically strong, impulsive, hot-tempered, confident, lacks
empathy
Motivated by power and the desire to dominate others
Tend to be insecure, are far-less popular than aggressive bullies, have low selfesteem, unhappy home lives
Won’t typically initiate a bullying situation but readily joins in once one is under way
Bully-victims
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Small percentage who have been seriously bullied themselves
More likely to be both anxious and depressed
Typically provoke others who are weaker than they are
Victims
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Passive Victims
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Do not directly provoke bullies
Socially withdrawn, often seem anxious, depressed, and fearful
Few, if any, friends – lonely and sad
Provocative Victims
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Often behave in ways that arouse negative responses from those around
them, such as anger, irritation, and exasperation
Possess a cluster of characteristics that are likely to disrupt a classroom
and lead to social rejection by peers, including irritability, restlessness,
off-task behavior, and hostility
Bystanders
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Most students fall into this category
Are afraid to associate with the victim
Fear reporting bullying incidents
Experience feelings of guilt and helplessness
Are drawn into bullying behavior
Feel unsafe
HAVE THE MOST POWER TO CHANGE THE
BULLYING SITUATION!
Is My Child a Target?
The Warning Signs…
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Reluctant to go to school – complains of illness/headaches before school
Does not want to ride school bus
Experiencing a sudden drop in grades
Coming home hungry (missing lunch)
Experiencing nightmares, wetting the bed, having difficulty sleeping or
excessively sleeping
Refusing to leave home
Waiting to get home to use the bathroom
Acting nervous when an unfamiliar child approaches
Showing increased anger or resentment with no obvious cause
Talking about feeling lonely or about difficulty making friends
Reluctant to defend himself/herself when teased or criticized
Bruised, cut, or bearing scrapes that are not easily explained
What Can You Do to Help?
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Do not over- or under- react
Do not dismiss the experience
Do not place blame on the child
Encourage child to talk about the incident
Provide extra support and encouragement
Encourage child to talk to another adult
If possible, encourage child to stay away from the
bully as school deals with the situation.
Discussion Prompts
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Trying to have your child say more than “Greg was
mean to me” can be a feat. Try these questions to
get more specific information:
 What
would an instant replay of what happened look
like?
 Describe what other people saw and heard during the
incident.
 Why today? Why do you think he/she bullied you?
 What was the most frustrating part of the experience?
 If this happened again, what would you do differently?
Tattling vs. Telling
Tattling
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If it will only get
another person in
trouble, then don’t tell
me.
Telling
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If it will get you or
another child out of
trouble, tell me.
If it is both, I need to
know.
Is My Child a Bully?
The Warning Signs… [Adapted from Why Doesn’t Anybody Like Me? (Marano, 1998)
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Positive views towards violence/ aggression
Marked need to control and dominate others and
situations
Manipulates the relationships of others (to be mean)
Hot tempered, impulsive, easily frustrated
Often test limits or break rules
Good at talking their way out of difficult situations
Show little sympathy toward others
Quick to interpret accidents or other neutral events as
deliberate acts of hostility
Have two or three friends who are also aggressive
What Can You Do to Help?
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Take problem seriously
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Question and listen attentively
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Seek reasons behind bullying behavior
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Make it clear that conduct must stop immediately
What if My Child is a Bully?
Ways to get your child back on track…
Teach your child how to handle frustration
 Make sure aggressive behaviors are
recognized as such
 Teach your child better ways to handle anger
 Model non-aggressive behaviors for your child
 Teach your child conflict resolution skills
 Shake up your interaction with your child
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The Importance of Empathy
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Model an awareness of how others may be feeling
and your reaction to their emotions
 Repeatedly
ask these questions:
 How
is that person feeling?
 How can you tell he/she is feeling that way?
 How would you feel if it happened to you?
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Help your child become more effective at reading
the body language, tone of voice, and non-verbal
communication of others
Empathy is the cornerstone of building
and maintaining successful
relationships.
Bullying vs. Peer Conflict
Normal Peer Conflict
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Equal power or are friends
Happens occasionally
Accidental
Not serious
Equal emotional reaction
Not seeking power
Remorse-will take
responsibility
Effort to solve the problem
Bullying
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Imbalance of power
Repeated negative actions
Intentional
Physical or emotional harm
Unequal emotional reaction
Seeking control/material
things
No remorse-blames target
No effort to solve the problem
Answers to the Bully Quiz
Q&A Time