Say ‘NO’ to Bullying
What every parent
should know
about
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They say that bullying is epidemic.
Every parent of a school age child should have
some understanding about what bullying is.
 Children and communities do not have to remain
powerless in the face of bully tactics.
 It is a cycle and therefor can be broken.
 We can help put an end to bullying and give the
participants other ways to handle their roles,
without being cruel to others or feeling fearful.
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
Let’s be quite clear!
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There is not just a victim and a bully, but there are
also witnesses.
Bullying is also at the foundation of the cruelty
metered out in domestic abuse.
Bullying, victim and witness roles are learned
behaviours:
– from other family members,
– from the TV,
– from the playground,
– from what has worked, or not worked, in the past.
Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
Is one or more individuals inflicting any
of these
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
Also involves teasing and taunting
Don’t let teasing escalate to bullying and
then escalate to outright violence.
Studies suggest that one in four childhood
bullies have a criminal record by age 30.
(otherwise figures 1/20)
Psychologists and others working in the community
believe early patterns of behaviour remain constant
and/or escalate as a child gets older.
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
Bullying / teasing does not have to
be extreme
Think about this:
If a child or person is hurting – physically or
emotionally – to continue to add to it is absolute
cruelty!
Bullying happens in all sorts of places and to all
sorts of people at all sorts of ages.
But it still HURTS and it is still CRUEL!
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
There are three players with bullying
VICTIMS
BULLIES
WITNESSES
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
The simple / immediate response
Victims must be acknowledged,
supported and empowered.
Bullies can be monitored, punished (especially
using restorative justice) and converted (their energy
and drive harnessed for greater good).
Witnessess can play the most pivotal role of
all by not standing aside and in manoeuvring
power issues. They can stand up for what is fair
and just.
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
A bit of food for thought!
Bullying will never be eliminated unless adults
and children become partners in this crusade
against cruelty .
And, it seems that scars on the soul take a lot
longer to heal than scars of the flesh.
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying….
Most parents who physically
abuse their children do so
sporadically, while parents
who verbally abuse their
children do so chronically.
S & P Fried
The difference between a bit of friendly
banter and harmful teasing or bullying
1. INTENT TO HARM – The bully finds pleasure in
taunting and continues even when the victim’s
distress is obvious.
2. INTENSITY AND DURATION – The behaviour
(teasing / bullying) continues over a long period of
time and the degree of taunting is damaging to the self
esteem of the victim.
3. THE POWER OF THE ABUSER – The bully /
abuser maintains power because of age,
strength, size, gender and / or know how.
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
More on the difference
4. VULNERBILITY OF THE VICTIM – The victim is more
sensitive to teasing, cannot adequately defend her /
himself and has physical / psychological qualities that
make him / her more prone to vulnerability.
5. LACK OF SUPPORT – The victim feels isolated and
exposed. Often the victim is afraid to report the abuse
for fear of retaliation.
6. CONSEQUENCES – The damage to self concept
is long lasting, and the impact on the victim leads
to behaviour marked by either withdrawal or
aggression.
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
LET’S LOOK AT VERBAL ABUSE
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
Try these to say ‘NO’ to Bullying
• Relinquish the myth that physical bullying is not a concern
and make it clear – by actions as well as words – to children that
such behaviour is unacceptable.
• All children’s reports of physical bullying must be taken
seriously.
• Fathers and other male role models (uncles, older cousins,
neighbours, etc.) need to talk to their sons about alternatives to
fighting. Young men should see that they can obtain approval
without resorting to violence.
• Firearms and weapons in the hands of children who lack
responsibility to handle dangerous weapons should be banned.
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
More on sayng ‘NO’
• Media violence needs to be challenged and parents should
exert authority over both quality and quantity of exposure to
violent programming for their children.
• Rituals and rights of passage involving harrassment and
bullying of others should be exposed for the cruelty it is and
the harm it causes, and be banned.
• Adults need to impress on young people that name-calling,
teasing and gossip can be damaging.
• Children must be informed that verbal abuse can escalate
into more violent forms.
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
And more on saying ‘No’
• Victims need to know they do not deserve to be teased or
bullied.
• Children and people with disabilities or differences of any
kind are ripe targets for verbal abuse and deserve special
protection from adults.
• Young people need to have a repertoire of strategies to deal
with abuse, including reporting, ignoring, asserting and
confronting.
• Sometimes verbal abuse can be camouflaged to appear as
concern (check the put-down content and outcome).
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
ADULTS CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE
THEY CAN INTERACT TO INTEVENE
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR OWN CHILDREN
STOP BULLYING - Prevention
Teach core values to your children
COMPASSION
RESPONSIBILITY
EMPATHY
RESPECT
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR OWN
CHILDREN STOP BULLYING
• Initiate conversations that stress the importance of
making wise choices and doing the right thing in the face of
peer.
• Give your child love and praise.
• ‘Cherish every quality of your child’s being and let them
know it day after day after day.’
(Uri Branfenbrenner)
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR OWN
CHILDREN STOP BULLYING
If you – the parent – did not receive the
unconditional love that children thrive on, be aware
of the imprint that those early experiences may
have left on you.
Resolve any anger, hurts,
bitterness or less than
helpful behaviour patterns.
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
DON’T
HAND
THEM ON
TO YOUR
KIDS!
Give your children the gift of self esteem
Building self esteem in a child is a primary factor
in the prevention of bullying behaviours – for
bullies as well as victims and witnessess
A key component of love is
time and understanding
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR OWN
CHILDREN STOP BULLYING
Affirm your child at every opportunity. If they are being
bullied let them know they have not caused their distress
(do not let them blame themselves).
Remind them the
problem lies with
the bully.
Problem solve
together.
Let them know you are
there for them.
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Help your child learn to
cope.
Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR OWN CHILDREN
BRING AN END TO BULLYING
Talk to your child about the
immorality of silence when cruelty
has taken over
(evil flourishes when good people
stand aside - old proverb).
By the age of five years children will know if
cruelty is unacceptable in their family or not.
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
What you can do
If your child, or a child you know, has tried to talk to the bully,
but to no avail, you could try yourself.
Organise a meeting with both your child and the bully.
If you feel you can, involve the parents of the bully.
Qualities to role model
Fair
Calm
Respectful
Watch your body language
Look for win / win outcomes
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
What you can do
Violence in the
media has been
highlighted by both
students and
teachers as a root
cause of student
violence
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Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
The End
Say ‘NO’ to Bullying…
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