Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.
ODAPCA
Norman, OK
October 9, 2014
“Before I feel anything I
want to feel like a ???”
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Limited expression
Short fuse
Keep it inside
One dimension man
The imposter syndrome
Target practice
The silent treatment
The strong silent type
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Image, expectations and denial
Men without mentors
Social expectations
Too much pain
Dysfunctional family and survival traits
Role reversal
Progressive loss of self-esteem
Chronic tension
The hurried child syndrome
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The wounded spirit
Growing up angry
Becoming a second class citizen
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Implications of dysfunctional fathers
Role model
Not good enough
Under-fathered
Lack of emotions
Just like him
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Implications of a dysfunctional mother
Image conscious
Relationships with women
Protect and defend role
Trust
Emotional incest
Common Problems
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Inability or unwillingness to express emotions
Intimacy
Trust
Fear
control
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Rigid boundaries and not letting us in
Too much caretaking behavior
Lack of commitment
Projection
Not taking care of ourselves
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Most common concerns
Repeating mistakes from their childhoods
Lack of parenting techniques
Discipline and setting limits
Meeting their children's’ needs
Giving too much
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A Motto for Men: Let Go & Grow
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making peace with pain and reality
making peace with yourself
making peace with your internal family
achieving your potential
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More solution oriented
Wants a plan or action to use
Image enhancing self-concept
More likely to blame others for problems
Believes that only positive emotions can be
shared
Wants to be left alone to figure it out
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Uncomfortable with the situation as opposed
to feelings
More literal about the meaning of words
Less likely to ask questions, if so, more for
direction or justification of behaviors
Needs to accept responsibility for actions
Needs to learn appropriate ways to express
feelings, especially negative ones
Become internally validated
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Establish same-sex relationships
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Accept for help
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Overcome the inability to receive