Daniel Ellenberg, PhD
Linda Graham, MFT
Community Institute for Psychotherapy
October 19, 2013
All the world is full of suffering;
It is also full of overcoming.
- Helen Keller
Resilience
Capacities innate in the brain
Hard-wired in by evolution
Learned in responses to experiences and
interactions encoded in neural circuitry
Kindles maturation of brain, especially prefrontal cortex – CEO of resilience
It is not the strongest of the species that
survives,
nor the most intelligent that survives.
It is the one that is the most adaptive to change.
- Charles Darwin
The field of neuroscience is so new,
We must be comfortable not only
Venturing into the unknown,
But into error.
- Richard Mendius, M.D.
Conditioning
 Experience causes neurons to fire
 Repeated experiences, repeated neural firings
 Neurons that fire together wire together
 Strengthen synaptic connections
 Connections stabilize into neural pathways
 Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negative
Neuroplasticity
 Growing new neurons
 Strengthening synaptic connections
 Myelinating pathways – faster processing
 Rebuilding brain structure
 Re-organizing functions of structures
 ….lifelong
 Evolutionary legacy
 Genetic loading
 Family of origin conditioning
 Norms-expectations of culture-society
 Who we are and how we cope…
 …is not out fault
Given neuroplasticity
and choices of self-directed neuroplasticity
Who we are and how we cope…
…is our responsibility
Self-directed neuroplasticity
Choosing new experiences to rewire for
Resilience and well-being
The brain is shaped by experience. And because we
have a choice about what experiences we want to
use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to
choose the experiences that will shape the brain
toward the wise and the wholesome.
- Richard J. Davidson, PhD
Center for Investigating Healthy Minds
University of Wisconsin - Madison
Pre-Frontal Cortex
 Executive center of higher brain
 Evolved most recently – makes us human
 Development kindled in relationships
 Matures the latest – 25 years of age
 CEO of resilience
Functions of Pre-Frontal Cortex
 Regulate body and nervous system
 Quell fear response of the amygdala
 Manage emotions
 Attunement – tuning into feelings
 Empathy – making sense of experience
 Insight and self-knowing
 Response flexibility
Effective Agents of Brain Change
 Mindfulness (Attention Circuit)
 Empathy ( Resonance Circuit)
 Strengthen Pre-Frontal Cortex
 CEO of Resilience
Mindfulness
Focused attention on
present moment experience
without judgment or resistance
Mindfulness
 Pause, become present
 Notice and name
 Step back, dis-entangle, reflect
 Shift perspectives
 Discern options
 Choose wisely
Mindfulness and Psychotherapy
 Even-hovering attention
 Unconditional positive regard
 Observing ego
 “What are you noticing now?”
 Strengthens structure to see clearly
 Insula, anterior cingulate cortex, corpus
callosum, pre-frontal cortex
Resonance Circuit
 Resonance – brain stem
 Attunement – limbic system, insula, right
hemisphere, mirror neurons
 Empathy – frontal lobes
 Compassion – left hemisphere, motor cortex
 Self-Acceptance – whole brain
The roots of resilience are to be found in the
felt sense of existing in the heart and mind of
an empathic, attuned, self-possessed other.
- Diana Fosha, PhD
Mechanisms of Brain Change
 New conditioning
 Reconditioning
 Deconditioning
New Conditioning
 Choose new experiences
 Create new learning, new memory
 Encode new wiring
 Install new patterns of response
Reconditioning
 “Light up” neural networks
 Juxtapose old negative with new positive
 De-consolidation – Re-consolidation
 New rewires old
Deconditioning
 De-focusing
 Loosens grip
 Create mental play space
 Plane of open possibilities
 New insight, new behaviors
Modes of Processing
Focused
Self-referential
Tasks and details
Constellate a representation
New conditioning and
Reconditioning
Modes of Processing
 Defocused
 Default network
 Fertile neural background noise
 Plane of open possibilities
 Mental play space
 Deconditioning
Five Practices to Accelerate
Brain Change
 Presence
 Intention
 Perseverance
 Refuges
 Resources
Six C’s of Coping
Calm
Compassion
Clarity
Connections to resources
Competence
Courage
Serenity is not freedom from the storm
but peace amidst the storm.
- author unknown
SNS – fight-flight-freeze
Relational and resilient
Calm and relaxed, engaged and alert
WINDOW OF TOLERANCE
Baseline physiological equilibrium
Equanimity
PNS – appease, numb, collapse
CALM – Hand on the Heart
 Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust
 Deep breathing – parasympathetic
 Breathing ease into heart center
 Brakes on survival responses
 Coherent heart rate
 Being loved and cherished
 Oxytocin – direct and immediate antidote to cortisol
Reconditioning through
Soothing, Comforting, Caring
Hand on the Heart
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Friendly Body Scan
Movement
Compassion
 Respond to pain or suffering with an open heart, an
interested mind, and a natural willingness to help.
 Open to experience, activate care-giving, prime
ourselves to act.
 “Left shift” in brain – more neural activity in left
hemisphere – approach stance toward experience.
 Overcome negativity bias; become more optimistic,
more flexible, better resources, better able to find
solutions.
Resonance Circuit
 Resonance – vibe, emotional contagion
 Outside of awareness
 Attunement – felt sense, explicit, non-verbal
 Empathy – verbal, cognition, coherent narrative
 Compassion – caring, concern, help
 Acceptance – pre-requisite for resilience
Self-Compassion
 Threat-protection system
 Cortisol driven
 Pleasure-reward system
 Dopamine driven
 Caregiving-soothing-comfort system
 Oxytocin system
 Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind
Self-Compassion
 Notice this moment of suffering:
 “Ouch! This hurts.”
 What would be comforting here?
 What would be helpful
 Open to larger perspective:
 I’m not the only one; I’m not alone
Self-Compassion Break
 How am I doing?
 Is there any suffering here?
 How can I be mindful and compassionate in this
moment?
 May I be safe from inner and outer harm.
 May I be free of suffering, all causes of suffering, and
from causing any suffering.
Kindness is more important that wisdom,
and the recognition of that
is the beginning of wisdom.
- Theodore Rubin
I have learned that people
will forget what you said
and people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
Resonance Circuit
 Relationships kindle maturation of pre-frontal cortex
 Re-parenting of therapy strengthens the PFC
 True Other to True Self
 Self-directed neuroplasticity
 Client strengthens their own pre-frontal cortex
Love makes your soul
Crawl out of its hiding place.
- Zora Neale Hurston
Shame
 Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of
believing we are flawed and therefor unworthy of
acceptance and belonging.
 Shame creates feelings of fear, blame, and disconnection
 We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and
we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others.
 Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are
capable of change.
Shame
 Shame: I am bad, flawed, unworthy, unfixable
 Guilt: I did something bad, regrettable; leads to healthy
remorse and amends
 Embarrassment: triggered by event that is normal,
fleeting, eventually even amusing
 Humiliation: recognition that event is unfair, undeserved
Shame Reslience
 1. Recognize shame triggers, shame identities, shame
defenses
 2. Contextualize – shame is not personal; it’s universal
and a psycho-social construct
 3. Reach out – share the story with someone who has
earned the right to hear it
 4. Speak the shame – ask for what is needed rather than
acting out or shutting down
Reconditioning
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Anchor in present moment awareness
Resource with acceptance and goodness
Start with small negative memory
“Light up the networks”
Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms
Juxtapose - simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)
Refresh and strengthen positive
Let go of negative
Rest in, savor positive
Reflect on shifts in perspective
Wished For Outcome
 Evoke memory of what did happen
 Imagine new behaviors, new players, new resolution.
 Savor and strengthen
 Inner resources for reconditioning:
 Wiser Self
 Compassionate figure
 Inner resources
Resources for Clients
 Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
 Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
 The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
Connections to Resources
 People
 Love guards the heart from the abyss. - Mozart
 Place
 …I rest in the grace of the world….-Wendell Berry
 Practices
 As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims
an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their
lives.

- Buddha
People as Resources
 Presence – dyadic regulation
 Circle of support
 Imagination powerful, portable
 Includes Wiser Self
 Deep listening
 Appreciation
 Positivity Portfolio
Positivity Portfolio
 Ask 10 friends to send cards
 Positive appreciations
 Assemble phrases on piece of paper
 Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor
 Carry in wallet or purse
 Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days
 Savor and appreciate
 Friendship and goodness
Places as Resources
 Safe place, refuge
 Nature – reset contraction
 Nature - expansiveness
Practices as Resources
 Paradigms – yoga, meditation, chi gong, prayer
 Movement – exercise
 Nutrition
 Sleep
 Laughter
 Learning
 Hang out with healthy brains
Positive Emotions
 Help us feel and function better
 Put the brakes on negativity
 Antidote survival responses
 Foster the left shift – open to experience
 Broaden possibilities in the moment
 Build resources long-term
 Build resilience
Positive Emotions Create:
 Better health and longevity
 Deeper social bonds
 Better coping with stress and trauma
 Creativity and productivity
 Confidence and cooperation
 Flexibility and resilience
Cultivate Gratitude
 2-minute free-write
 Gratitude journal
 Gratitude buddy
 Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
Taking in the Good
 Notice: in the moment or in memory
 Drop into felt sense in the body
 Savor 10-20-30 seconds
 Anchor in cue
Clarity - Mindfulness
 Pause, Become Present
 Notice and Name
 Step Back, Dis-Entangle, Reflect
 Shift Perspectives
 Discern Options
 Choose Wisely
Notice and Name
 Thoughts as thoughts; feelings as feelings
 Patterns of thoughts as patterns of thoughts
 States of mind as states of mind
 Identify belief systems and identities as:
 Mental contents; patterns of neural firing
 Strengthens pre-frontal cortex, anterior cingulate,
and insula
Shift Perspectives
 Switch the channel
 Monitor and modify
 Shift from victim “me” to empowered “I”
 Shift the entire neural network
Courage
Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.
Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing taking.
Tim McMahon
Do One Scary Thing a Day
 Venture into new or unknown
 Somatic marker of “Uh, oh.”
 Dopamine disrupted
 Cross threshold into new
 Satisfaction,mastery
 Dopamine restored
I am no longer afraid of storms,
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
Daniel Ellenberg, PhD
www.rewireleadership.com
daniel@relationshipsthatwork.com
Linda Graham, MFT
www.lindagraham-mft.net
lindagraham2@earthlink.net