Raising Children In a New Culture
Challenges for parents
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Weather
Language – learn English
Find a place to live
Find a job
Go to school
Challenges for parents
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Parents want to keep their culture - food
and customs. Children want to eat pizza
and Macdonalds like their friends.
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Children adapt faster than their parents.
Challenges for parents
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The culture in Canada is not familiar. It is sometimes
difficult to understand.
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Family members are not here to help you.
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Parents must do many things - take care of children, cook,
clean, grocery shopping AND work at a job.
Challenges for parents
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Disciplining children in Canada is different than in the
home country.
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Children have rights. Parents do not understand the
laws in Canada.
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Children have too much freedom. Parents feel they do
not have control.
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Parents worry about their children’s safety.
Challenges for Parents
Do parents have rights in Canada?
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Parents have the right to set limits for their
children.
Parents have the right to make rules for the
family.
Parents have the right to teach their culture to
their children as long as their beliefs do not
break the law in Canada.
Challenges for Parents
What are parents’ responsibilities in Canada?
Parents are responsible to:
 look after their children until they are 18 years
old
 provide food and clothing
 provide a safe home for their children
 make sure children go to school
Challenges for children
• Language – learn English
• School is different
• Children are lonely – no friends
• Bullying at school
Challenges for children
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Children are growing up in 2 cultures.
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Children want to please their parents.
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They also want to be like their
Canadian friends.
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Children may think they do not belong
to either culture.
Values
 Values
are beliefs that are very important
to us.

We want to teach these values to our
children.
 People
can have different ways of seeing
the same thing. It doesn’t always mean
that one person is wrong.
What do you see?
Values
Our values can change when
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we get new information,
our belief or value does not help us in the
new country, or
we learn a new way to do something.
Changing Values / Adaptation
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Adapting to a new culture = change.
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Change happens slowly – little by little.
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Keep some beliefs from your culture.
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Choose some beliefs from Canadian culture.
Find a balance between 2 cultures.
your culture
new culture
Take the good things from your culture and
Canadian culture.
Discipline and Punishment
Discipline is NOT the same as punishment.
Discipline
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Setting rules and limits for children
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Listening to children
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Solving problems with children
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Setting a good example for children
Discipline
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Discipline teaches children how to behave
well.
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Discipline teaches children how to change
behaviour.
Examples of Punishment
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Hitting or spanking
Using physical force
Calling the child names
Making the child feel bad about himself or
herself (put downs)
Threatening the child
Yelling or screaming at the child
Punishment
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Punishment makes children afraid.
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Punishment does not teach children to
change behaviour.
What kind of family are you?
(Barbara Coloroso)
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Brick wall family
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Jellyfish family
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Backbone family
Brick Wall
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Parents demand
absolute obedience.
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Parents control their
children – no
discussion.
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Children are afraid of
being punished.
Authoritarian Parent
(Brick Wall)
Brick Wall (Authoritarian)
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There can be an emotional distance between
parents and children.
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Children may rebel (drugs, alcohol, sex). This
is a way of getting back at parents.
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Children do not learn how to make good
choices.
Jelly Fish
Permissive Parent
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Parents do not set any
rules for their children.
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Children do whatever
they want.
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Children are confused,
because they think no
one cares.
(Jelly Fish)
Jelly Fish (Permissive)
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Children do not feel connected to their family.
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Teenagers may use drugs or alcohol or join a
gang to be with friends.
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Teenagers may have a boyfriend or girlfriend
to feel loved.
Backbone
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Parents care about
their children’s
behaviour.
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Parents set rules for
their children.
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Parents teach children
how to think - not what
to think.
Authoritative Parent
(back bone)
Backbone (Authoritative)
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Children help make the rules. Parents are the
final authority (the boss of the family).
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Children understand the rules, so they are more
willing to accept them.
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Children can help decide what happens if they
do not follow the rules.
Remember
No one can be a backbone parent 100% of the
time.
You can be a backbone parent most of the
time.
Communication
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Communication is how we talk to each other.
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Every culture has their own way of
communicating.
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Some ways of communicating help us have
better family relationships.
Communication
Roadblocks
Roadblocks to communication
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Lecture or judge
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Talk and not listen
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Criticize – think we are always “right”
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Point a finger at the other person
Serc 2009
Effective Communication
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Two-way communication
Listening is important
Serc 2009
The Chinese characters for “listen”
聽
The Chinese characters for “listen”
ear
聽
eyes
undivided attention
heart
To Listen:
Eye contact
Eye contact means looking at a person’s eyes
when you are talking to him or her.
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Do people in your culture make eye contact
when they talk to each other?
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What does eye contact mean in your culture?
Eye contact
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In Canada eye contact is a good thing.
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Eye contact means “I am listening to what
you say.”
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Eye contact means “I care about you.”
Effective Communication
●
Two-way communication
●
Listening is important
聽
ear
eyes
Undivided attention
heart
The Chinese characters that make up the verb “to listen” tell us
something significant about this skill.
Serc 2009
Being a parent is an important job.
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Children and parents learn together.
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Try to understand your child’s adaptation.
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Ask your child:
“How does it feel to grow up in Canada?
Being a parent is an important job.
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As a parent, you constantly learn more and
more about your children.
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Talk about your values and beliefs.
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Set family rules together.
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Talk about behaviour that is acceptable.
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Praise your children when they behave well.
Parent – child relationship
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The relationship between parents and their
children is important.
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Do not reject your child. If you do, your child
may find connection with groups that put your
child at risk of harm.
Parent – child relationship
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Parents and children can work
together to solve the challenges of
adapting to a new culture.
Parent-child relationship
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Ask yourself:
“What is more important? Keeping
everything from my culture or making
some changes to keep my family
together?”