Community Based
Conflict
Defusing/Resolution
Presented by:
Bill Tibbo & Associates
Key Working Sessions
 CSIM Level I & Level II
 Community Based Conflict
Resolution/Defusing
 Talk So Your Teens Will Listen and
Listen So you Teens Will Talk
 Catch Them Being Good As They Can Be
 Death Notification
 Truth & Reconciliation Commission
Mental Health Service Management
Experiences - Our Work
Earthquake Turkey
911
Holocaust Survivors
Ritual Abuse Victims
SARS Epidemic 2003
Air France Crash
Truth & Reconciliation Event
Winnipeg
United Nations 2011
Looking Back
26 Years
Holocaust
Survivors
Residential
School
Survivors
Ritual Abuse
Victims
Earthquake
Turkey
1999
Terrorist
Attacks
9/11
SARS Epidemic
2003
Hurricane Ivan
Cayman Islands
2005
Air France
Crash
Transportation
Crashes
Families of
Abducted and
Murdered Children
United Nations
“The reality today is that we all
are interdependent and
have to co-exist on this
small planet. Therefore, the
only sensible and intelligent
way to resolve
Differences, clashes of
interest, whether between
individuals or nations is
through dialogue.”
The Dali Lama
Introductions – Objectives - Conflicts
Examples of Conflict in Your
Community
From the conflict examples
provided in the introduction select
2 workplace conflict examples
2 community conflict examples
2 individual conflict examples
The Roots to Community Conflict
 Group arborist
exercise.
 Complete the
roots chart
reflecting your
collective view of
community
conflict.
Conflict in Your Community
Review roots of conflict.
Discussion on why these conflict
continue to exist.
Communication
Communication - Listening
The way we deliver a message will
be reflected in the way it is received
The better you listen, the better that
they will
When you are listening, truly listen
Use their name often, but in a non
confrontational manner
Ask for their willingness to talk
Listening Exercise
Active Listening Skills
 Emotional Labeling
 Paraphrasing/Refreshing
 Reflecting/Mirroring
 Effective Pauses
 Minimal Encouragers
 I Messages
 Open Ended Questions
 Body Language
Active Listening
You are to sit with your partner and explain
in as much detail as possible one of the
best experiences you have ever had in
your entire life.
Listener see what you can learn!
Exercise
Then Change Positions
Active Listening Skills
 Emotional Labeling
 Paraphrasing/Refreshing
 Reflecting/Mirroring
 Effective Pauses
 Minimal Encouragers
 I Messages
 Open Ended Questions
 Body Language
Communication Questions
 If you ask questions, listen to the
answers
 Be clear in why you are having the
conversation
 Be clear on what your concerns are
about
 Be clear on what behaviors are expected
and those that are not acceptable
 Ask them if they are in agreement
Speed Greeting Exercise
Active Listening – Asking Questions
Why Conflict?
 Group Exercise
 What is at the root of conflict?
- Describe the root of each of your
workplace, community and individual
conflict
 Why does it exist? Does it serve a
purpose?
- Do any of these examples provide a
purpose?
 Imagine a world without conflict! What
would be different? What would we
gain? What would we lose?
Ask the Right Questions?
The question may not be how to we
eliminate conflict, but rather “how
do we create an environment where
the conflict we face is productive
and mutually beneficial?”
Normalization – Acceptable
Think
Behave
Feel
Examples of Community Conflict
Group Activity
Given the 6 examples of conflict,
How do these examples impact
your community, your workplaces
and/or individual relationships?
Conflict vs. Conflict vs. Conflict
In 3 columns outline elements of:
o Individual (non work) conflict
o Work place-work group conflict
o Community Conflict
• What do they all have in common?
• What makes them unique from one
another?
• What are people attempting to
accomplish in each situation?
What About Me?
In the middle of conflict, we all ask
at some level, “What About Me?”
Time for some me questions
How am I in any way contributing to
this conflicts?
Why do I feel unsupported through
this?
Tension and Productivity
P
R
O
D
U
C
T
I
V
I
T
Y
Focus
Resolution
TENSION
Focus
Tension
Who Owns The Resolution?
 Are we attempting to stop the conflict,
postpone the conflict, or solve the
conflict?
 The resolution is owned by those who
are there at the time…not deferred.
 A solution may not always be possible,
but a resolution is. What is the
difference?
 Is it possible to resolve or solve each of
the conflicts? How ? Why?
Group Exercise
Given your example identify
- who owns the conflict?
- is a solution/resolution possible?
- how can the conflict be resolved
or solved and how?
Just Some Thoughts
The Familiarity Rule
“Kick Your Shoes Off”
What is at Risk?
What is socially acceptable?
Timing Is Everything
Take the Time to
Know Your Thoughts
What Is Good Timing?
 Is Responding immediately always the
best philosophy? How will it work in
your situations?
 Am I or are we prepared to respond/act?
 Can we be proactive in this situations,
and if so what does that look like?
 What is considered too late?
 How does the 24 hour rule apply to
conflict resolution?
 How does it apply to the identified
conflicts?
Know Your Reasons
Group Exercise
 Given each conflict respond to each of
the following points.
 When conflict occurs, before responding
know why am I/we doing so.
 What is your motivation and your
“Perfect Outcome”?
 Retaliation, or evening the score is never
a good reason.
 Is it possible that retaliation is or could
become a factor in your conflict?
 Delay it &
We Defuse IT
Knowing When
EXERCISE
 Which of the identified conflicts
would require you to delay your
response to conflict?
 What are your reason for the
delay?
 Are there any circumstances in
which you would consider not
respond at all? Reasons.
Escalation
 The conflict then
reaches a new
level
 Sometimes driven
by both parties
 Positive and
Negative
Escalation
Standards of Behaviour
Why do we even have them?
What would our circumstances be
like without them?
How important are they to
maintain?
How might they impact the conflicts
that we have identified?
Policy & Procedure
 Policy and procedure are essential in the
home (not normally policy, maybe unwritten or non-verbalized house
rules), the workplace, and in the
community.
 In what way does policy and procedure
benefit from conflict?
 In what way does policy and procedure
create possible roadblocks to resolution
or solution.
 How will policy and procedure have an
affect on our identified conflicts?
Looking Ahead
Forecasting Areas of
Potential Conflict
Staff on Staff
Client on
Staff
Community
Now Add Conditions
Consider These Conditions
Exercise – Impact of Conditions on Your
Conflict
Recent Separation
Troubled Teen At Home
Alcohol or Drugs a Factor
Child Just Went Off to University
Brand New Mom
Steps To Dealing With Potential
Conflict
 Develop a plan
 Decide who will
speak with the
individual
 Speak with them on
their own
 “Is this a Good Time
to talk?”
 “I need to speak with
you about something
quite important”
Steps To Dealing With Potential
Conflict
 “I want to speak with
you before…because
I am concerned
about how you will
react when …”
 “As you know, that
cannot happen for
these reasons…”
 I want to be able to
work with you to
problem solve so it
does not occur.”
Pre-emptive Communication
Scenario:
Most Common in the Community
Mindset for Success
 Communication Gap
 Know the Expectations
 Listen more Speak Less
 Personal points of view and feeling.
 Sparks
 Remain Calm
Speak when you are angry and you will give the best speech
that you will ever regret.
Lawrence J. Peters
Skills in the Eye of the Storm
1.
Positive Attitude
2.
Quiet Place
3.
Take Control
4.
Listen Watch & Learn- Active Listening
5.
Analyze and Acknowledge
6.
Speak Softly & In Control
7.
Reach Agreement
8.
Thanks
Peggy Lee
Dispute Resolution Assessment
Review Process
0
Greeted person/people in friendly manner
Asked questions to clarified their concerns
Took control of the situation. Ensured they understood
why you are having the conversation
Remained calm throughout the situations – did not get
personal
Listened Actively & acknowledged their feelings.
Demonstrated they understand the other person
feelings
Did not escalate unless situation may result in harm
Reached a level of agreement
Recorded information for sharing and follow up
1
2
3
4
5
REAL PLAY
Exercises
Your Conflicts
Dispute Resolution Assessment
Review Process
0
Greeted person/people in friendly manner
Asked questions to clarified their concerns
Took control of the situation. Ensured they understood
why you are having the conversation
Remained calm throughout the situations – did not get
personal
Listened Actively & acknowledged their feelings
Did not escalate unless situation may result in harm
Reached a level of agreement
Recorded information for sharing and follow up
1
2
3
4
5
Blood Video – Father not listening