Presented by
The Carden Group
Managing Your Impact With
Communication
Versatility and Leadership
Managers who consistently accomplish a lot are notably
inconsistent in their manner of attacking problems and
approaching situations. They continually change their
focus, priorities, behavior patterns and their own
leadership styles based on with whom they interact.
— Harvard Business Review, 2008
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Learning Objectives
• Develop strategies of communication for maximizing impact to make
interactions more productive.
• Learn the characteristics of behavioral styles and determine how style
differences impact interactions and relationships.
• Learn the role that tension plays in interactions and determine how to leverage
an understanding of style to best manage it.
• Understand behavioral styles as viewed by others.
• Recognize the value of handling communication issues as they occur
• Choose the most effective level of assertiveness based on circumstance and
message that maintains relationship and produces the desired result.
• Use a reliable formula to prepare and conduct a difficult conversation.
• Reduce the effect of difficult reactions that arise from mixed messages and lack
of confidence in the communicator.
• Understand the other person’s perspective during a conversation, regardless of
the issue or situation.
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Program Agenda
• Welcome
• Program Introduction
• Communication Styles
AM
• Self Assessment
• Social Styles Model
• Four Quadrant Summit
• Flexing to Other Styles
• Difficult Conversations
• Prep & Conducting
PM
• Communication Skills
• Demonstration & Practice
• Reflection/Evening Assignment
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CONFIDENTIAL
How We Like to Work
 Make a commitment to your learning
 Be fully present
 Share your experiences and learning
 Vegas rules
 Partner with your boss, post-program
 Return from all breaks on-time
 Have fun, learn, change
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CONFIDENTIAL
Three Quarters of the People
With Whom you Work
• Work differently from you when in groups
• Plan differently when with others
• Are motivated for different reasons
• Differ in willingness to take risks
• Make use of time differently
• Make decisions differently
• Manage tasks differently
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Social Style® Concept
• Social Styles® are predictable patterns of actions that others can
observe and agree upon for describing one’s behavior
• All styles are successful and get results
• We all have style range and the ability to situationally flex
or adapt
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Observable Behaviors
• Actions - what we say or do
• That can be seen or heard
• Not the reasons or rationale behind those actions
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Social Styles®: Some Patterns of Behavior
…that make us more like some than others
• Quieter
• Slower paced
• Facially controlled
• Monotone voice
• Indirect eye contact
• Casual posture
• Leans back
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• Louder
• Faster paced
• Facially animated
• Inflected voice
• Direct eye contact
• Rigid posture
• Leans forward
Social Styles…identifying my behaviors:
Controlled
Analytical
Ask/Listen
Softer
Moderate Paced
Lean back
Less Opinions
Slower decisions
Less eye contact
Amiable
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Fact
Less Expression
Monotone
Moderate Pace
Task
Emotive
Feeling/Emotion
More Expression
Inflected
Varied Pace
People
Driver
Tell/Talk
Louder
Fast Paced
Leans Toward
More Opinions
Faster decisions
More eye contact
Expressive
Communication Style Strengths
Controlled
Analytical
Objective
Precise
Thorough
Detailed
Rational
Controlled
Decisive
Driver
Tough
Candid
Efficient
Results-Oriented
Controlled
Ask
Tell
Supportive
Empathic
Loyal
Group-Oriented
Team focus
Sharing
Amiable
Creative
Enthusiastic
Humorous
Energetic
Focus on Vision
Promoter
Emotive
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Expressive
Communication Style Gaps
Controlled
Analytical
Ask
Slow
Overcautious
Indecisive
Inflexible
Unfriendly
Nit-picky
Rigid
Complying
Pushover
Follower
Self-sacrificing
Passive
Hesitating
Tell
Excitable
High strung
Emotional
Loose cannon
Lacks detail
Over-committed
Not focused
Amiable
Expressive
Emotive
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Driver
Autocratic
Overbearing
Insensitive
Impatient
Pressuring
Ruthless
Dominating
Activity: Four Quadrant Summit
Purpose: Gain insight into how each style prefers to be worked with or
influenced
Timing: 60 minutes. Move to corner of the room for your style.
Step 1: Small Group Activity (10 minutes)
Brainstorm your responses to each question and place the responses on
the flip chart.
• What approach makes you more receptive?
• What does your style find annoying or frustrating about an
approach?
• How does your style create tension?
• What’s a great question to ask the other three styles to learn more
about them?
Step 2: Full Group Debrief (40 minutes)
• Share your responses and rationale.
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A Little Styles Humor
Getting on an elevator…
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Driver
Walk up, press the button repeatedly thinking
that it will get the elevator to arrive sooner
Expressive
let others in…saying “always room for one
more, we’ll wait for you”
Amiable
watch the whole elevator bank – never just
that one elevator – so that you can get an
“express” elevator just for your team
Analytical
get on the elevator, count the number of
people and guess their weight to determine if
car is overloaded
Styles Under Stress
Analytical
Driver
Avoids
Withdraws
Commands
Takes Over
Amiable
Acquiesces
Goes Along
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Expressive
Attacks
Confronts
Style Attributes
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Need
Orientation
Growth Edge
Expressive
Recognition
Spontaneity
Restrain
Analytical
Accuracy
Thinking
Decide Sooner
Amiable
Harmony
Relationship
Speak Up
Driver
Results
Action
Listen
Social Style® Quadrants
Controlled/Task
Analytical
Driver
Ask
Tell
Amiable
Expressive
Emotive/Relationship
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What is Style Flexing?
Temporarily adjusting your behavior to manage
tension and to encourage others to behave more
productively with you.
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Four Steps to Style Flexing
• Recognize the other person’s style
• Plan your flex: content and delivery
• Do the flex, hold the meeting
• Evaluate how you did the flexing
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Flexing to Style Preferences
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Don’t rush, don’t waste time
Answer all questions
Give solid, tangible evidence
Do not push/hard sell
Do not over-promise
Be fast-paced, get to the point quickly
Start with business, give the bottom line
Use facts, not feelings
Be clear, concise, and brief
Don’t waste time
Offer options with brief supporting data
Be relaxed, moderately paced
Actively listen
Get to know them
Show personal interest
Ask for their input/reaction
Be upbeat, fast-paced, fun
Let them talk
Allow time for socializing
Tolerate digressions
Give them choices
Focus on the big picture
Improving Your Versatility
DECIDE
Be more flexible, more open-minded
Openly show more concern for other people
Be decisive with data
Listen for people’s feelings
DECLARE
Be less sensitive
Be more willing to take risks
Say “no” more often
Let people know what you think
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LISTEN
Acknowledge different points of view
Show more patience
Tone down intensity
Pay attention to feelings
RESTRAIN & CHECK
Talk less
Spend more time looking at facts
Control time and emotion
Think before you speak
The Spirit of the Conversation
Interrogation
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Interview
Conversation
The Difficult Conversations
• Delivering tough news
• Enforcing policy
• Developmental feedback
• Conflicts and disagreements
• Challenging others on their decisions
• Discussing compensation
• Handling complaints
• Requesting help
• Negotiating
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A Conversation Is...
A process which allows two or more people to achieve mutual
understanding in order to exchange information, move toward
a specific goal, resolve a situation and/or build relationships.
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Difficult Conversation Content – How to Plan for It
• Purpose
– Why do you want to have the discussion/conversation “WIFM”
• Goals
– What you both hope to achieve
• Rationale and/or Issue(s)
– What the critical issues are for you or the company (or both)
– What’s the benefit of addressing this?
– Why it might be a problem
• Ideas
– What ideas or solutions you have
• Actions
– What you need to get agreement regarding
– Follow-up actions to be taken
• Reactions
– How do you have to self manage?
– What reactions do you think you’ll receive from the other person?
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Activity:
Purpose
Familiarize yourself with a process for preparing for crucial
conversations
Timing
10 minutes
Step 1
Think of the crucial conversation you prepared as prework.
Make notes on the worksheet provided about major points
that will help you in preparing for this conversation.
Step 2
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Discuss your thoughts with a partner and receive feedback
from their perspective.
The Communication Process
The engine at the heart of every conversation. Speaker and
Listener play active roles.
• My thought is…
• I'd like to see…
• My experience is…
• Your point is…
• Your concern is…
• You're asking…
•
•
•
•
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How does this sound?
What are your thoughts?
How are you seeing this?
What do you think about…
The Difficult Conversation
• Open Discussion
– Purpose for discussion (WIFM)
– Goals for discussion
• Present Critical Issue and Rationale
– Issue to be addressed
– Rationale and reason behind issue
• Ask for Reaction and Their Ideas
• Present Potential Solutions
• Close
– Actions to be taken and by whom
– Follow-up to be done and by whom
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De-Escalation Process
Clarify
&
Listen
Next
Steps
Restate
&
Cushion
Respond
Draw Out
Hidden
Issues
Isolate
Primary
Issue
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De-Escalation Process
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Reflective Listening
Reflecting Thoughts
Reflecting Feelings
Reflecting Thoughts and
Feelings
• You think…
• You’re feeling…
• You sound…because…
• You believe…
• You sound…
• You’re feeling…about
• Your point is…
• You look…
• You’d like to know…
• You’re asking…
• You’re wondering…
• Your concern is…
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Nature of Stress & Defensiveness
• Automatic
• “Fight or flight”
• A predictable response
• Driven by our need to protect ourselves
• All about emotions
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Styles Under Stress
Analytical
Controlled
Avoids / Withdraws
Driver
Commands / Takes Over
• Logically discuss the issue
• Acknowledge a need for time
• Set a deadline
• Restate their concerns
• Offer options for moving forward
• Recommit to results and time frame
Ask
Tell
• Ask open questions about concerns
• Acknowledge feelings and points
• Allow them to express disagreement
of view
• Separate emotions from facts
Expressive
Amiable
Attacks / Confronts
Acquiesces / Goes Along
Emotive
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Handling Stress Reactions
• Speak: send your message
• Ask: for reactions
• Listen: REFLECT, REFLECT, REFLECT reactions
• Response –
Options:
–
–
–
–
–
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Clarify/elaborate
Ask questions
Restate points of view
Get agreement going forward
Think about it/stop discussion
Typical Stress Reactions
• Surprise
– Confusion
– Disappointment
– Questioning
• Anger/Hurt
– Strong disagreement
– Denial
• Rationalization
– Justification
– Excuses
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• Apathy
– Resignation
– Silence
– Lack of caring
• Acceptance
– Acknowledging
– Showing a willingness to
improve
Opening – Starting Phrases
• “I’d like to talk to you about ____. I think we may have different
ideas on how to _____.”
• “I have something to discuss with you that I think will help us
work together (even) more effectively.”
• “I need your help with something. Can we talk about it?”
• “I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about
____. I really want to hear your thoughts/feelings about this and
share my perspectives as well.”
• “I think we have different perspectives about ____. I’d like to
hear your thinking on this and move closer on our points of
view.”
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Watch For…
• Your tone of voice
• Loaded words
• Falling on one end of the assertiveness spectrum or the other
• Passive
• Aggressive (direct or indirect)
• Defensive reaction by the other person
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Close
• Action planning
• Share your reactions
• Written feedback
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One Key Action I Will Take Following
This Workshop Is…
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