Assertiveness –Techniques
for the not so confident
Bramwell
solutions
Mark Bramwell
www.bramwellsolutions.com.au
Objectives
Concept of Assertiveness
Components of Assertiveness
Impact of not being Assertive
Role of Assertiveness in your career
Obstacles to remove
Realizing change!
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What is Assertiveness?
 A method of communication
 Seeks to increase the probability of successful outcomes
 Is relevant to all aspects of our life:

Work

Social situations

Relationships

Critical encounters

Everyday interactions
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Assertive Behaviour
 Defined by behaviour that is:

Direct

Honest
RESPECT

Polite

Persistent
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Assertiveness Involves
 Direct and honest expression of one’s feelings, needs
and wants, beliefs and opinions…
….about what is relevant and appropriate!
 In a way that neither threatens or punishes another
person
 In a manner that does not involve undue anxiety or fear
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The ‘Intelligent’ Response
 Fight or flight are the easy options
 Assertiveness is the intelligent learnt response
 Are we born assertive?
 Are some predisposed to being Assertive?
 Can you teach an old dog new tricks?
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Assertiveness Truths
Assertiveness is:
 Based on respect – for self and others
 Focused on win/win outcomes
 Focused on long-term relationships
 Can be appropriately strong and persistent
 Solutions focused
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Assertiveness Myths
Therefore it is not:
 About getting your own way
 Dominating others with your opinion
 A tool of manipulation
 Something to only use when you feel in the mood…
…Comfortable? Threatened? Inferior? Superior?
Tired? Wide awake? Grumpy? Up for a fight?! Etc etc
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adopting an ASSERTIVE
communication style often
requires a re-examination of our
communication beliefs
Assertiveness Myths
The internet is a wonderful source of information, but beware
of the ‘tips’ you may find!
 Humour – “Oh dear, I goofed again”
 Not Engaging - “Never apologize, never explain”
 Status Manipulation - “I am so stupid I can’t do this:
you’re so clever can you help me?”
 Agreement - “You are right, I’m bad at this. You’d
probably better off using someone who is good at this”
Consider why the above are not ASSERTIVE
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Are you Hurting Your Career?
Not speaking out and expressing our ideas and opinions in a
constructive manner has the potential for numerous negative
impacts:
 Lack of recognition
 Do not realize full potential
 Lack of self respect
 Lack of respect from others
 Self esteem issues
 Self fulfilling prophecy!
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difficult people
difficult situations
What Stops Us?
 Why don’t we speak out?
 Fear of failure
 Fear of getting it wrong or misreading a situation
 Don’t know how
 Defeatist self talk
 Prior experience
 Lack of self-insight
 Can’t be bothered?
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Negotiation & Conflict
Resolution
 Assertiveness underpins several key components of conflict
resolution and negotiation:
 Constructing a win/win dynamic
 Understanding deeper drivers
 Empathy
 Tabling ideas and opinions in a non-accusatory manner
 Being clear and direct
 Outcome/solution focused
 Cooperative power – power with… not power over!
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Making the Assertive Shift
 Understand the difference between Assertive, Nonassertive and Aggressive behaviours
 Honestly and critically review your own behaviour
 Recognise what your behaviours are – when, where and
with whom
 Develop skills and techniques to increase assertive
behaviours and reduce the others
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Developing Empathy
There are some simple but critical steps:
ASK a question
LISTEN to the reply
PROVE YOU HEARD the reply
As appropriate – GIVE FREE INFORMATION
and
REPEAT
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A Consistent Message
Assertion requires you to make sure your…
WORDS match your…
…TONE of voice, which in turn matches your…
…BODY LANGUAGE
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Removing Obstacles
To be truly assertive, we must deal with a number of
potential obstacles:
 Our SELF IMAGE
 Our STRESS and our ability to cope with
stress
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To Sum Up
 Be honest with yourself
 Critically review your behaviours
 What will achieve long term gains and respect?
 Avoiding and not expressing your opinion is a short term gain
 Aggression is a short term gain
 Assertiveness achieves long term gains
 Assertiveness achieves valuable change and improved
relationships
 Constantly review and reflect
 Do not slip into bad behaviours!
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Mark Bramwell
mark@bramwellsolutions.com.au
Ph: (03) 9395 5259
Mob: 0437 681 564